What happened last week

Mate! You’re here! It’s great to see you on the webs. Especially because I can’t see you in real life. And my front-facing camera doesn’t work on my phone so FaceTime is out of the question. So here we are! Though I confess K’s reappearance totally made me drop the ball last week. Apologies Crab fans.

So let’s do a little recap of the week that was. Hahahhahahahaha. Just kidding. Who the eff knows what happened last week? I mean who the eff knows what happened yesterday!?

Ok. A quick scroll through my phone photos reminds me that three things of note happened last week.

1) I was reintroduced to the magic of kite flying. On one of the windy days LB suggested we go kite flying, which we hadn't done in ages. Probably a year or two at least so I took the kids to the park with out kites and up they went. Yes, there was a small issue of constant fighting cause I have three kids and two kites, but at times it was just magical. Kites really are cool. And passers by would stop to watch them, even though they are the most simple kites imaginable. A little kid named Billy (probably about 3 years old) joined us and chased the kites for ages. It was delightful. And so goddamn wholesome.

2) I made eggplant subs for dinner. Actually I made everyone else in the house meatball subs, but for me, I made double-crumbed eggplant subs, with two kinds of cheese. And yes, it was delicious.

3) I found this Leonardo GIF.

You're welcome!

Hi again

Despite assurances from K a couple of weeks ago that she was still here, the truth of this seems in doubt. I know she is still somewhere, but I'm not so sure about here. But that's cool. As Baby keeps reminding me, we're living in dark times, give a co-blogger a break!

In some ways it has felt like dark times. First there was the fear that someone I knew and loved would get sick with the dreaded CV. Then there were the more general fears about a society full of people out of work and suffering. Then there was the anxiety of working from home with children bothering me. And while the first of those fears has greatly lessened, the second adequately pushed under a rug, and third somewhat made peace with, technically I guess you could say I've been feeling better about things.

Due to a number of very first world problems like too much work, a bathroom renovation and three healthy children that are essentially in my care constantly now, I feel busier now more than ever and what with having to be in the same physical space all the time with the same people my brain feels jammed packed. At first when I'd hear people on the radio talking about all the Netflix they could catch up on and projects they could undertake my blood would boil. Fuck you and your Netflix. But I have realised, despite having no extra time for Netflix or personal projects, I do have time for small moments and they are pretty nice.

Without the commute to work I get home from work at 5PM. That is, I walk from my bedroom, where I work, to the family room where everyone else is and I'm done for the day. And then I have time to hang out with my darlings AND cook a nice dinner. Yesterday morning I went for an early walk with Little Bean before I had to start work. Usually there's no time for stuff like that. I can't tell you what a drain on my normal mornings making school lunches is. I love not making them in the morning. I love it. And Baby talks to me all the time about funny stuff. That kid is going to be ten in a month - if you can believe that - and he basically has a teenager's lack of desire to talk too his parents already. But now that he has no one to talk to anymore I'm really reaping the benefits. So I'm not going to hate people for watching lots of Netflix anymore.

Thanks, COVID-19

Back in the mid 00s K and I used to very much enjoy a blog called Go Fug Yourself. I dare say it was one of the inspirations for this very blog here. It was just a couple of gals talking about the clothes that celebrities wore. It was a magnificent time, Lady Gaga was reaching her height and so were her outfits. The internet wasn't saturated by, well, everything and Instagram didn't even exist!  It was a really funny blog and a great opportunity to look at all kinds of outfits, good and bad. It still exists in a much fancier form now and I haven't looked at it in years (except earlier today to verify this claim about its existence). When it started getting big and the original authors weren't the only writers anymore (and I'm not just talking about delegating to Intern George)* I think I can safely say that K and I both stopped reading it. It just lost that certain je ne sais quoi. But in its hey day it really was very good. There were a couple of particular things that the writers really did not like, fashionwise, and mostly I was in tune with them. If someone wore shorts or a skirt that was too short, the post would carry the tag 'look into pants', a person wearing leggings would get 'leggings aren't pants' (or something similar - sheesh it was more than a decade ago, I can't remember all the details) and these were all sentiments I could get behind. But as one working from home day rolls into the next I think it's safe to say my position on leggings has changed. Drastically.

I do have several pairs of leggings because I like to run in them (I mean I used to run in them, but for years now I have only fanticised about running in them) and I like to do yoga in them but other than that I rarely wear them. Oh occasionally I'll wear them around the house but they're not really a default. I am just pretty comfortable in jeans most of the time but working from home calls for something else. I do not like to work in too-comfortable clothes, I need something more constricting than pyjamas or tracksuit pants to get my mind in the right framework, but jeans can be uncomfortable for hours of sitting. Moreover, I may be stuck at home but I still want to mix it up a bit. Sheesh, girlfriend still likes to think about and wear sweet outfits. And I gotta tell ya, leggings really are the perfect pal for this scenario. The slight constriction of a good pair of leggings is just the right level of discomfort for WFH, while the flexibility gives just the right amount of comfort. And when you bother to put the outfit together, I feel like you can come up with something pretty sweet. This is what I'm wearing today - a red jumper with a nice shape, red socks to pull it all together - I'm enjoying it on a comfort and aesthetic level.

**

From where I sit now I could actually imagine wearing this in the real world. So I'd like to thank COVID-19 and the forced isolation for opening my eyes to this new possibility of leggings as pants. Although when the doors to the outside world open I may well find this is just like when you're holidaying in a country where the fashion sense is just slightly different and your removal from your life makes you think that you love and could wear the clothes people wear in that country. And then you buy clothes, bring them home to your natural habitat and realise there is no fucking way you'd wear those things. Oh well, only time will tell I guess.   

*You feel me GFY fans.
**Looking at this I realise I'm just wearing a really normal selection of items people would wear in their own house and maybe this doesn't warrant a photo, let alone a blog post. Oh well - too late now! 

Reading the mood

Hey Mate, I had a dream you went blonde and you were really happy with it. Maybe it’s something to look forward to for the other side.

Meanwhile, I woke up to the news that EFFING PRINCE CHARLES has covid-19. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised because the brother has to interact with a lot of people and the footage I saw on ABC news breakfast this morning suggests he’s had a hard time shifting from handshakes to elbow-taps. I’m assuming he has no shortage of locations in which to self-isolate, and he’ll no doubt be fine. But maybe he won’t be.  He’s no spring chicken. He could die. He could give it to his mother and she could die. 

Let’s move on. 

I’m assuming your inboxes are all stuffed full of messages about temporary closures, changes to opening hours, snap sales and what not. Poor retail business-owning folk. Poor folk who work in retail and cafes and schools and, like, everywhere that things are super messed up. So, like, everywhere. 

Most of these emails express confusion and uncertainty,  and some of them have a touch of optimism which I’m finding extremely lovely. 

Not sure Scanlan and Theodore are really capturing the mood with the email they sent me this week, subject “Luxe Statements”.  

Is the current mood really “understated luxury”? 

That sequin halter top better made out of tiny stock cubes because if not, NO THANKS. 

Hair we go

I expect to look something like this post-lock down 

So it's Wednesday today and I guess K is going to the hairdresser. Lucky Scotty's new random restrictions aren't shutting down hairdressers but only a bunch of other non-essential services, like nail parlours and beauticians, that we were told two days ago would stay open. It didn't make sense then and it doesn't make sense now. Nothing does - am I right?!

But I'm so glad K brought us to this inevitable point so quickly. Hair. It was always just going to be a matter of days before we got to hair. As it turns out it was really just a matter of day.

As I started reflecting on staying inside for months on end, I tried to focus on the positives. I'm not really happy with my hair right now, but maybe if I treat it right I'll emerge in a few months with long flowing locks! I won't have to put sunscreen on everyday, I'll never wear make up, have time to apply lovely skin care. Maybe I'll emerge with beautiful skin too. These are my dreams of course, but it's possible I'll emerge sallow, after months inside and little exercise. After the amount of toast I ate yesterday it's likely I'll also emerge fatter than I am now - will online yoga really be able to compete with all the toast. Perhaps bread will become increasingly unavailable releasing me from this particular problem. But heck you guys, let's focus on the positives.

It also occurred to me that now would be the perfect time to go blonde. I could do it, stay inside, no one would know, if it looks good I can keep it, if it looks bad it would have just been a failed experiment and I'd go back to brown, just my little secret. But going blonde would require a trip to the hairdresser and I don't know if I should do that. I mean K already had an appointment, it's one thing to keep an appointment in these trying times, it's another thing to make one! Plus, do I want to increase the trauma to my children? Things are unsettled enough, going blonde may just push them over the edge. Of course, it's only day two of serious restrictions and all the kids at home, in a couple of months I'll probably be platinum blonde from a box and crying into my morning gin.

Some of what I’d like to discuss

(Some enjoyable MSC fan art I discovered the other day)

It’s pretty good to be back, you guys, and I’ll tell you why. 

My Mum had a stroke a few weeks ago*. My Dad fell over on his way to Woolworths last Friday and broke a rib**. I’m going back to work on Monday and my little baby, Tugboat, is starting childcare three days a week***. Also, global pandemic. 

Fair is foul and foul is fair!

But what I really want to focus on today is whether my hair appointment will go ahead on Wednesday and I’m not sure I’d have the space to do that if it weren’t for MSC.

As J advised, I kind of went blonde for a while there between June 2018 and June 2019, but then returned to my beloved brunette before Tugboat was born because it felt wrong to birth a child while harboring blonde highlights. 

But that was nine months ago and girl, you look at my hair and you can tell. 

I walked past a salon in the new neighbourhood the other day and thought ‘that’s it, I’m making an appointment before it’s too late’. I made an appointment for Wednesday.

And though Scott, our Prime Minister who has the nerve to be named SCOTT during a national crisis, has not closed hairdressers, I kind of think it will be irresponsible of me to go. BUT I do love supporting a small business. And they only have one client at a time in the salon, and have committed through social media to maintaining the highest standards of hygiene. But social distancing! Infection control!

What am I going to do?****

*She’s doing really well, thanks for asking

**He’ll be fine in a little while, thanks for asking

***He’s been to multiple orientations and is settling in nicely, thanks for asking.

****LOL, we all know I’m going, this is just a therapeutic exercise.

A new beginning

GET OUT OF TOWN!* We're back!!

Oh my god you guys! Can you believe we're back here?!?

You know, when Miss Soft Crab went on indefinite hiatus a couple of years ago we thought we may see you back here one day. As K said at the time, "I'm sure there will be things that happen to us, with us, to all of us, that we'll need to come here to discuss.  Maybe when we go to Jamface.  Maybe when you/we dye your/our hair blonde.  Definitely when QEII, well, you know." Thank god QEII has not, well, you know. And we never got to Jamface. And I haven't gone blonde. Although K kinda did. I think it's safe to say that we did not imagine that a global pandemic that was changing the way we all live was going to be the thing that ended this hiatus. But it is. 

I mean, these are crazy times. Today AWOL emailed to say he had pneumonia and not coronavirus as he at first suspected, and I responded "Great news!" I mean the guy has pneumonia FFS!

A lot of other unforeseeable things happened too. Casey Affleck, a much loved MSC hunk, seen below in our last post, was revealed as a sex pest :( Ewan McGregor left his wife for another woman, so did Jimmy Bartel. Let's just say the Miss Soft Crab hunks have disappointed us. But let's just hope that in these crazy times, we don't forget to appreciate hunks. I mean, I don't think any of us could have imagined the winning combo of Brad and Leo gracig our screens and basically all media non-stop for about three months last year. And I for one couldn't be happier about that development. 

Another MSC favourite, QEII, has had a lot going on too.  Prince Harry married Meghan Markle and essentially left the royal fold, and there's the whole Prince Andrew thing. Ugh. But I feel like she's really embracing these difficult time. I mean look at this amazing outfit. 

So, here we are. Yes, we're going to talk about this weird fucking thing that is going on in the world. But we're also going to talk about all the things you've come to love us for. Hunks! Clothes! Food! Our hair. And a bunch of other stuff we thought about. 

We're back. And it feels pretty bloody good!

*Obviously you can't actually get out of town