You're still not doing it right, brain. Or are you?!

I know the word epiphany has divine connotations but of course when we have one it's just things in our brains clicking. I had one the other night watching Graham Norton. Ryan Gosling was on and before he'd started talking I realised something that I hadn't even known had been bothering me. When he talks his mouth doesn't move enough. Especially his top lip. Before I saw him open his mouth it's like the thought came to me, "Here we go, Mister Still Lips." And then he started talking and my thought was confirmed. The epiphany was actually weird and I guess Gosling's mouth situation is one reason I can't commit to the idea of him being a 100% hunk. Definitely hot but not Hunk of the Month material.

But I digress. The experience was also pretty upsetting. Like, why am I having epiphanies about the reasons for a dude's attractiveness, or otherwise, and not about something useful like what I should be doing professionally with my life that would be both satisfying and lucrative? Or what app I could invent that would help the world and make me rich. Or how can I manage my frustration and irritability in the face of some of my children's actions when those actions are generally due to their completely age-appropriate immaturity. Seriously brain, you absolutely are not doing it right.

I'd like to point out here that despite the implications of this blog, I actually think about my professional future and parenting and app inventions a lot more than I think about Ryan Gosling. So you'd think my brain would know what it should be revealing to me. And if there is some kind of divine intervention with epiphanies then the spiritual world is definitely not doing it right. Unless it's trying to tell me I should invent some hunk-assment app, which I guess is probably all I'm qualified for and really now that you think about it is probably exactly how Miss Soft Crab should diversify. BOOM! I misjudged this epiphany thing all together. Where's the App Store's number? We pitch tomorrow!

I got nothin' (AM)

Well I've got heartburn. And backache. And a freezing bedroom. And if I'm being honest I also have a great roof over my head, great family and friends. My health. But for you I've got bupkis. I don't know if it's the book I'm reading leaving me depressed or the grey skies of the weekend or the fact I'm hungry or that I tried to write four lame blog posts, two of which I couldn't take anywhere and two of which I wrote on my phone but would not upload. But I'm human. If you prick me do I not bleed. And ask you why you would do such a thing.

Let's all just look at this picture of a sunset from last weekend and think about how great nature is. And how it's the little things. And be soothed by the beauty.

Chose your own hunkventure (AM)

I don't know if it was all that Monday morning musing about Leonardo or if there's something in the air or if I'm just embracing a long forgotten favourite subject, but I've been thinking about hunks a lot this week. When I thought about today's post I thought maybe I should pick a different subject and then I thought, hunks are one of the great foundations of Miss Soft Crab, one part of the holy trinity that govern us, completed by food and clothes. I decided that to deny us all another hunks post was to deny the birthright of this blog, deny my true self. And it's like Hamlet says, to thine own self be true.* Am I right?!

I'm reading a book at the moment with a character that, as soon as he emerged, the instant I read his description, I imagined Chris Hemsworth. And the description is about as undescriptive as a description could be. Just a couple of lines to give you an idea of a guy and that was all I needed to get to Hemsworth (destination = reached). 

Reading this book is totally enjoyable because it is by a great writer and because imaging Chris Hemsworth all the time is great! I never imagine hunks when I'm reading a book. Books aren't usually about hunks, at best there may be a guy with some hunk like qualities. And to be honest when I imagine book characters they're often slightly blurred. But not this Hemsworth-type, he is crystal clear. 

I've so enjoyed this experience I texted K yesterday to ask if she'd read the book and when she answered yes I asked her if she'd imagined this character as Hemsworth. She told me no, she's old fashioned, she'd pictured Viggo, but she liked where I'd gone with it. 

K's brain made a great choice casting Viggo but it really got me thinking about all this dismay about hunks I've been feeling. 

I mean isn't it heartening that instead of going with a classic hunk, one very close to my heart, I went with a more contemporary hunk, a new classic if you will. Oh sure, maybe it was my lazy brain just using the zeitgeist to do all the work for it, but I like to think it's something more than that. I'd like to think that perhaps the future is not as bleak as we supposed on the hunk front. Yes, I may be more discerning now (what's the good of aging if you don't become discerning?) but that's only a good thing. Maybe the steady stream of hunks of yesteryear was more about my youthful exuberance than real supply, but I'm heartened to discover that a hunk of today can be at the forefront of my mind and it really gives me hope!  

*Just jokes, I know Polonius says that. Go watch Clueless. 

A very little something (AM)

Yesterday while driving to the Queen Vic market I wrote all of today's post in my head. I felt pretty productive but the problem with writing posts in one's head is that until we have computer chips implanted in our heads all that writing is going to stay up there. It's such a conundrum because on the one hand I don't want AI in my brain and on the other hand, well shiiiiiit, it would make so many things so much easier. Like paying bills and writing emails and definitely writing blog posts. Because by the time I sat down to write my post last night at 11:30 I'd been looking after my children all day and editing some woefully written articles all night all while recovering from a cold. I don't want to make excuses, but you know where I wrote the words "computer chips" 6 lines above here? I had to type that three times because it kept coming out "computer ships". Which doesn't even make any sense because I love chips heaps more than ships.

So rather than rewrite the post from my brain I did what I always do when I want to share something cool with the Soft Crab community without putting in too much effort. I went to Facebook to see if anyone had shared anything good. I hardly ever look at Facebook. Sometimes I log on and then after looking at nothing I log straight off. I hate it. But the internet gods were smiling on me last night because someone had posted a link to this.

It's not so amazing or anything, and maybe I was just really tired last night, but I love the movie Princess Bride and it was just real nice thinking about it and thinking about the whole gang back together again. And just when I was feeling all tired and happy I read the first comment under the photo, which said "The pic of Andre in the bottom corner... Feels :("

Hahaha "Feels"!

I hope Andre and Peter Falk are totally RIPing.

29 June 2015 (PM)

Ironically, in that Alanis Morrisette way and not in any actual way, it is my last month before returning to work from maternity leave. I guess  my feelings are mixed too. Exhaustion is moderate. But I'm going to the snow this week so I'm trying not to think about all that other stuff.

... time lapse...

Turns out I'm not thinking about anything at all, because after starting that post this morning I just zoned out into some world of non... just non. I guess my brain is already in the snowy wasteland. Sorry.

Eeny meeny miny mo (PM)

Gosh. I feel a bit awkward about Trading Places, and my childhood. We said and did some bad things. I know our babe-mouths were innocent and therefore what came out of them can't be seen in the same light as what came out of Don Ameche's in Trading Places, but still.  I assume it was Don Ameche... though I guess it could have been the other old white guy. Or a totally different old white guy. Like J says, I've never seen it. 

God, how do I know Don Ameche's name? What a complete waste of space in my brain. I haven't even seen Cocoon, the other film he's known for playing an old white guy. 

What's coming my way this week (PM)

The 3:30am brain is not the best brain. But I think K is really lucky that at 3:30am her brain was saying things like, "Great idea!" and "A great week lies ahead!" Rather than "I want an Apple Watch. I want an Apple Watch so bad! How can I justify buying an Apple Watch! Apple Watch would make my life so much better!" Or "Shit I have so much stuff on this week. It is stressing me the fuck out. And I have nothing to blog about tomorrow!" Which is pretty much how my brain works at 3:30am if it is not going "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." Although I don't really understand the lure of Apple Watch. Yet. I'm pretty sure I'll be coveting the shit out of one once someone gets one and shoves its shiny face into my less shiny face.

It's lucky that my brain and K's brain weren't in discussion at 3:30 this morning because I would have tried pretty hard to dissuade her from this topic. Only because I have even less on my agenda for this week than K. And if you recall, she did not have a lot on. Outside my normal commitments (which are few) I pretty much have nothing on. But after several commitments last week, which was kind of stressing me out, I'm pretty happy about it.

Which leads me to the question what does several mean. LB and I were talking about this last night, talking about how context and personal opinion can alter how you interpret it, it might mean three, it might mean seven, and those numbers can mean very different things. According to Google it means "more than two but not many," so perhaps I should clarify my use of it in the paragraph above by saying that last week I had two commitments. Now we are all on the same page.

Have a great week!

Haiku Thursday (PM)

When good brains go bad

My poor haiku brain

Slept so long, Keira Knightley

Not enough to rouse 

Once weekly produced

Five seven five but now

Struggles to haiku

Tricks I play (PM)

Great brain tricking, Mate. Treadmills are the perfect place to trick your brain into running more. With laps outside you always know how many laps you've done and how far the end of the next one is. And with an outdoor free-for-all there ain't no tricking, cause you always know kinda how far from home you are. When I used to run treadmills I would just always move my end goal, like, "I'll just run until I'm at Xkm" and when I would get to Xkm I'd think, "Well, might as well run till X minutes." And on it goes till you really are effed. Treadmills were made for brain tricking.

What I would like to be able to trick better is my tummy. Girlfriend is really rumbly right now, 'cause, you know, I'm hungry. But there is no food in the house and I feel too lazy to go outside. I love to eat but I wish I could just trick my hunger sometimes when eating seems to boring. In fact now that I think about it I wish I could trick my brain about heaps of things. Like trick it into thinking doing boring things was fun, or trick it into going back to sleep when it wants to stay awake.

If you believe that ridiculous yet enjoyable movie, Trance tricking your brain into anything is possible with a little hypnotherapy. Unfortunately I am pretty sure that is largely bullshit.

Oh, hi, James McAvoy.

= Destination reached!