Keep it to yourself

I've always found Todd Sampson highly annoying. Oh sure on Gruen he may say some interesting things but I'm always too overwhelmed by his self-satisfaction and smug-fuckery to notice. So when I heard he was getting his show I just did a massive eye roll and loud groan and changed the channel. (Just jokes I only watch ABC.) And when I heard that his show was about trying to succeed at amazing human feats well I rolled my eyes so hard they practically fell out of my head.

Needless to say I've never watched any of his shows. And it is disappointing given the content. I love tribes living their ancient ways in today's modern world. And I love human feats. I'd love to watch an episode about the Sama-Bajau. But as if I could sit through a whole show hosted by Todd Sampson, especially if he gets his shirt off. Keep it to yourself Sampson.

My new fake boyfriend is not as nice as my old fake boyfriend (AM)

Back when J and I were young single crabs, going out drinking several nights of the week,  we used to always run in to this one guy who came to be known as my boyfriend. He wasn't my actual boyfriend of course. That's just what we called him, because pretty much every time we went out, he would be there.   Whenever he saw us, he would smile at me but totally ignore J, which is why we dubbed him my boyfriend and not J's. While I would like the say that he looked like this:

...in fact he looked more like this:

I'm not passing judgement on that, I'm just letting you guys know so you can form a picture in your lovely minds as I continue.

We never ever spoke to this guy. I guess we thought it was way funnier to speculate about where he might turn up next and then snigger a lot when we saw him. If we talked to him, we probably would have become friends and there's no fun in speculating about where your actual friend might pop up. No, we preferred to maintain the fake boyfriend scenario, and we maintained it very well if I do say so myself. It has brought us hours and hours of amusement over the years and  continues to do so, because we still see him around from time to time.

Lately, however, a new dude has landed on the scene, a dude who I see practically everywhere I go in my neighbourhood. My new boyfriend,  I call him, naturellement.  When I first realised I was running in to this guy all over the place, I thought  awesome, a new boyfriend  and pictured a lot of sniggering and general amusement, a la the other guy.  But the reality has been a lot less hilarious than the first time round.  The problem is I keep seeing this dude in all these really mundane settings. There is very little alcohol involved. It's usually daylight. J is not with me to share in the sniggering. And instead of smiling at me and looking all eager and  excited like the first fake boyfriend, this one always looks kind of irritated and like seeing me is really ruining his buzz.

Par example, during a recent weekend, when I did the following things:

• have a drink with Scampy at Mr Wilkinson
• get some pizza from Mankoushe
• go for a walk because I feel so full from eating the mankoushe 
• get a coffee from the East Brunswick Project
• some other stuff that I can't remember now 

I saw my new fake boyfriend at ALL OF THE THINGS except for the last one. Every time I saw him I would smile and give him an it's you again!  kind of look. Dude just looks away in a hurry! It's proving to be a very dissatisfying fake relationship.

Obviously if this was a romantic comedy, dude's negative attitude would be hiding something deep and awesome, and after a series of miscommunications we would fall in love and probably get married. But this is real life guys and things do not go down that way. I think his negative attitude might be something to do with being a douchebee, and maybe he has never had a fake relationship before so doesn't realise how enjoyable they can be. That, and the fact that he looks like Ricky Ponting, which is fine if you like that sort of thing (I don't), is making me really wistful for the original guy.

WTF? Wednesday (PM)

Man, what is with the douche-bs in your neighbourhood ?! Maybe that person who keeps vandalising your car has a crush on you but doesn't know how to express it so they are acting out on your car?! Douche-b! As if you would date the SOB making your car sad and your bank account depleted.

Having said that, perhaps you should consider parking your car in your car spot rather than the street?

God I wish we were still in Hobart.