Life leassons (AM)

This weekend Pickle and I had a joint birthday party. It was a little early for me, but whaddya gonna do when you wanna share a party with someone? It was really fun. Thanks everyone!

The first time we shared a birthday party we used something like this image:

It was a great party, a great invite, and I felt like we cast ourselves perfectly as Laverne and Shirley. It was hard to think of who should represent us this year, but after some consideration I think we chose the perfect couple:

Then, not now that they hate each other. (What happened Gwyno?!) When we came up with the invite I was really happy with it and that day I had lunch with LB and his youngest sister. She is 15. I was telling them about the invite, giving Lil'Sis some background on the invites, mentioned we'd used a pic of Laverne and Shirley in the past. "Am I supposed to know who that is?" She asked. Fair 'nuff. I mean, reruns aren't what they used to be. Schemeel, schlemazel!

So, I moved on, started talking about Gwyno, about how they were BFFs until they busted up, about how Ben Affleck was dating Gwyneth and Matt Damon had been dating Wino. And I could see Lil'Sis's eyes glaze over and it started to occur to me she mightn't even know who Winona Rider was. And then she said something that, more than anything that has been said in the 10 years I have known her, highlighted the age difference. And you realise I have known her since she was 5. She said to me, "I always get Ben Affleck and Matt Damon and that other guy... who is that other guy?...Leonardo Dicaprio... I always get those guys confused."


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LEONARDO DICAPRIO! MATT DAMON! BEN AFFLECK! How could she? I mean, hello, has she seen Romeo and Juliet?!? To me it is almost unfathomable that, these men, hunks of my youth could be confused. And then, it occurred to me that to her these guys aren't hunks. Never have been. They are just some middle aged actors. She is just confusing a bunch of middle aged actors and I guess that makes perfect sense. I mean, she is a teenager. Oh lordy. And these aren't even hunks you would see me thinking twice about usually (though I do have a soft spot for Matt Damon. And I guess Leonardo has a certain je ne sais quoi. Also Ben Affleck looked handsome with that beard recently. But I digress) but they are just hunks I grew up with I guess and I have a very clear idea of them all. And now...well now I've just realised how finite things are. You know?! How we live in the past. We think we're teaching the kids, but really it's them that teach us.

I would post a picture of Taylor Lautner here in case any kids dropped by, but he is probably passe anyway.

I am....(PM)

Me, I have terrible moves, which is why I left the room when Kanye came on.
Normally I would dance anyway. Normally I don't care about my bad moves, I just care about kicking it. But the only reason we were at that party was because I have a mad crush on the host, and though drunk and being lured by that siren Kanye, I was lucid enough to know that dancing my truth on this occasion would be unwise.

But J looked great being SBF.

More like this, if you ask me, but super great.

I am... (AM)

On Saturday night I went to a party with K. K was literally the only person I knew there. Literally! (Well, virtually. A couple of faces were familiar from the past, but let the past be the past, right?) Some people approach life and, therefore, parties with the ol' 'a stranger is just a friend you haven't met' attitude. Me, I'm more of the ol' "a stranger is just a person I don't have to give a shit what they think about me" school, which is a liberating way to go to a party.

I had a good time on Saturday night, not least because I got to do some stupid dancing to Kanye. It wasn't really a dancing party. It was more a stand around and talk party. But then Kanye came on and I happened to be in the right room at the right time. I ate a piece of cheese and that seemed to give me the special power I needed. When 'Golddigger' came on you could not stop me from busting some of my sweetest moves. Now to say I need to be drunk, or among strangers, or high on cheese to dance my ass of would be to tell a lie. I need none of those things. Mainly I need a floor under my feet and ideally, though not necessarily, some music. But when everything aligns right, I become my alter ego.

I am Sacha Baron Fierce.

I know that you must be shocked to learn what I look like in my alter ego form. After all, K and I have been very careful not to show you our faces, but I think it is only fair that you know what I look like when I am possessed by Sacha Baron Fierce. Yes, I am very, very beautiful with brooding Jewish eyes and the sensual lips and jawline of a Nubian princess. Also, when I am Sacha Baron Fierce, I am awesome.

Oh, and I have amaaaaaazing dance moves.

Yes, yes, y'all. You'll be seeing a lot more of Sacha Baron Fierce this summer and I bet you can not wait!

HAPPY MOTHER FLIPPING BIRTHDAY MISS SOFT CRAB! (AM)

Yes, yes, y'all, you heard right! Today is Miss Soft Crab's first birthday! We began exactly one year ago today! Can you even believe it?!

In some other world we would be throwing a hot party with guests like Vincent Chase and Serena van der Woodsen. But this is the real world guys and those people don't exist here. So instead K and I decided to bake cakes. By ourselves and for ourselves. WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! It's a celebration bitches!

My cake was to be loosely based on another first birthday cake that I made last year.

That cake was delicious light sponge iced with whipped cream mixed with icing sugar and passion fruit. And if you ask me it was delicious. Miss Soft Crab's first birthday cake was to be a delicious light sponge.

That sponge would be smothered it with lemon curd. 

And that was to be smothered with whipped cream. Then I would decorate it. Kind of like this.

You guys it would be delicious. 

But this is the stupid real world. And I have been so sick all week yesterday I could barely stand for more than 10 minutes. So no cake guys. 

Might as well imagine Miss Soft Crab's birthday party looked like this rather than imagine a non-existent cake.

 

And let's hope that K has had more success celebrating than me.