There is absolutely nothing funny about this post (AM)

I had a super restless night's sleep last night thinking about what to talk about today.

I intended to talk about my Sunday afternoon in the kitchen, trying out a new cake recipe and some different decorating concepts in preparation for Crimpy's birthday next weekend. But after sampling a considerable amount of each concept last night after a meal of cassoulet that Appleheart cooked with all the spirit of a French farm housewife, I pretty much don't want to think or talk about cake for a little while (read: just today). 

I certainly don't want to talk about the election. Though they do make one quite reflective, and this one in particular has given me off the charts reflective impulses. I keep thinking about the Kevin 07 election and how exciting it was to wake up the next morning and get out bed knowing there was a new PM and things would be different. And how obviously absent that feeling was yesterday. I also kept thinking about the last election night, which I spent at Miguel and Legsley's place I think. Is that right? I think it's right. It must have been just after their wedding which means I would have just met Crimpy, the person for whom I spent so much of yesterday baking.  

J and K dancing at the Miglegsley wedding. Such a swell time.

At that time, Baby would have been a fairly newborn baby.  Iszzle, the Miglegley's son, wasn't even a twinkle in their eyes. But now baby is a proper little boy and Izzle is a proper little baby, just one of a slew of babies who've arrived in the last year and a bit. See what I mean about this reflective malarkey? It's ridiculous. 

So nah, I don't want to talk about any of that. I don't want to bore you guys with it. The mood I'm in, I could go on and on. Instead, I'm just going to head off to work and see what happens today. But before I go, I just want to draw your attention to the photo at the top of this post. See that little green pot up there? Well in 2011, when I got that little green pot (a gift from Crimpy, coincidentally), it had three tiny little plants in there, much like it does now. I took care of them and they thrived and now the are the plants living in the terrarium behind the little green pot, and new tiny plants have taken their place. 

Amazing, non?

 

I think I have something in my eye (PM)

Mate, your mother truly is the most adorable lady in the world. Not to disrespect my own mother who, along with my dad,  truly did me a solid this weekend by driving all the way to Bacchus Marsh and even staying in the freezing cold, blue carpeted Bacchus Marsh Budget Motel just so they could look after Baby allowing me to fully enjoy Blizzie’s beautiful wedding unfettered and not having to look for Baby in the bush all day.

Still, the only thing I’ve got in my eye today is sleep. I’m so tired. Do you know what it is like to have to party on with a bunch of wonderful people, eat delicious food and dance to some great tunes for 12 hours? Well it is great. And so tiring. And that was Saturday. Yesterday all I did was eat and watch TV and still I feel tired. Perhaps it is because I had to do all that in the messy house I left on Friday.

Plus I had this awesome idea to eat a hot, hot burrito for lunch with the idea that the chilli hit would be a wonderful pick-me-up. But check out the size of this thing:

Turns out that eating a giant burrito has just made me even tirederzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

TGIM (PM)

Well Mate, not only is this week full of ace things, but it got off to a pretty rad start for me because I washed all my linen yesterday and then had a shower and washed my hair before bed last night.  I guess it would be fair to say that I feel like the cleanest and most mature person in the world.

So May has really delivered for us. First Hobart, now Prince, Pickle, Minderbinder, a birthday and the eternal love of two of the nicest and cutest people you could ever hope to meet. Talk about playing to win, May.

But, as you said Mate, balance is important to ensure we don't go crazy from all the awesomeness.

As always, balance for me will come via some serious anxiety over the following things:

• work*
• whether I will finish making the dress I am wearing to the wedding in time for the wedding^
• whether that dress will look as awesome in real life as it does in my imagination^
• whether I should get a dog*
• whether the spider that came in to my house on Friday night but then went missing on Saturday afternoon will pop up again^
• whether I will injure myself trying to escape the spider, should it catch me by surprise and cause me to be terrified. ^

So I guess things are pretty balanced.


*Ongoing cause of anxiety
^Acute anxiety

Found (0(K

When I was going to Golden Plains this year I picked Legsly up from Geelong train station so we could go together. I was down that way and I was the one with the car so she caught the train down to meet me for a ride. She told me a story about the train ride during which, while stopped at a train station, three rowdy youths ran up to the train and drew cocks on the window of the stationary train. Just stationary for the drop off and pick up. All three of the guys. Now that is dedication to drawing cocks. God, how I wish I'd been there!

If you've spent any time around these parts you may remember cock on a tenner and cock in a guac or cock on a 'nana. But since then what?! Good question!

Chickpea wrote to me a little while ago with the message "Are you still collecting them" with this picture attached:

Cute isn't it?! And then I realised that I hadn't found a picture like that worth photographing in a long time. I told Chickers I hadn't found any good ones lately and the very next day she sent me this one. I like it because of its crudity. The simplicity of it. Someone just thought yep, I'm gonna draw a cock and then they knocked one out.

Anyway, I guess I'm not the only one interested in finding cock. Let's see what K has to say about it!

K: Thanks mate, I do have some things to say about found cock. As you say, at its simplest FC is about somewhere someone saying  yep, I'm gonna draw a cock. And that's OK by me. So natural and spontaneous. I mean, who among us can say they have never been swept by that mood?

Of course, this is harder to do if you're a perfectionist, like I assume the person who made the following FC is:

This seems to me to be the creation of someone who doesn't like to draw outside the lines. Great that he/she is having a go but geez guy/girl, have a little fun with it!

J: Yeah, losen up.

Still, I appreciate that there is room for the spontaneous and the more premeditated. Like this cock o' rice that Chikpea and I saw a picture of shortly after I realised it was time to start collecting again.

 

K: Nyuck nyuck nyuck. Cock o' rice. Way to have fun at work, whoever did that!

You know who else is having fun? These little punks, who used found materials to create something quite special:

Strictly speaking, it's more found poon than found cock, but it's totally in the spirit of what we're talking about here today. When I stumbled across these guys at work,  I felt like I had just discovered Basquait. This, from folks so young? Unbelievable. I can not wait to see how their work develops. 

J: Well, while we are off cockic topic and talking about men at work, check out this babycino Baby received when we were in Sydney a while ago!

Naturally Baby could not wait to get stuck into it.

K: HAHAHAHA. People can be so great.

Such as your Mum, mate. As evidenced at passover dinner, when she turned a blind eye while we laughed and laughed because the horseradish on the seder plate looked so much like a cock.

Due to technical difficulties we can not show you the horseradish from our seder plate. Luckily horseradish cock and balls are not rare, thank you Internet for providing this replacement.

We didn't make it so, the earth made it so! We just bore witness.

J: HAHAHA! Yeah, that horseradish cock was such a good one. Cocks of nature! An accidental cock is almost better than one put there by design. I mean they are the true found cock, right?! Take this piece of cock rock that I found at the same place as the cock o' rice. These pink phalluses were on every table! What?

But I think my favourite accidental was this one:

 

The projection of a microphone onto the shirt of a groom giving a speech.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

K: I don't think we can top that, Mate.

But that won't stop us searching, always searching, for the next FC. And readers, please take up the search yourselves, if you haven't already. Perhaps some of you have some FCs of your own you'd like to share? If so, please post them on the Miss Soft Crab Facebook page - I'm sure I speak for the whole Crab community when I say we would love to see them.

J: It's true. That last one is gold. But I would love to finish up with something a little classic. In fact it is something that Russeth did and I saw it in a Facebook album of G-Force's from a recent fishing trip they went on with some other cats. I really love the simpleness of the drawings, and that the whole thing is so complete. You know?  I just think it is the purest example of cock vandalism.

In response and some other stuff

The only thing better than ending a day in NYC with a Marky Mark movie is ending it with The Office. If only you had been watching that show. I love that show. Not least because of this guy:


But just generally I think that show is really funny. Steve Carell is great and so is everyone in it really. Even though the first few times I saw it I was all, “Stupid American Office they don’t get English humour.” But it was me that didn’t get them. Don’t worry. I get it now. You see it's just that when I was in the US of A a few months ago we drank beer and watched that show all the time at the end of the day, so I imagine you doing that too. But you can watch whatever you like. That's cool.

But what's with the non sequitur when I could be talking about those Alexander McQueen dresses. Holy mother effing moly. They are so beautiful and awesome. I just really love the look of them a lot. I know that I really like clothes, but it sure is rare that something actually makes me feel things in the way those dresses did. They practically made me have a physical reaction. They made me think, if I ever got married maybe I'd ditch sequins and embrace lace. And antlers. And it made me think even less of Middleton's dress than I already did. Your post also got me thinking, sheesh, I know her parents aren't royalty but what a jib they have to stand behind a bollard. I mean, they are the parents of the bride! You think they'd get a better position that.