Oscars round up 2017 (the hunk report)

Well yesterday was finally Hot Oscars day! Oh sure it was also the day that the wrong movie was named as best picture, but we all know that, we don't need to go on about it, right. The real question was did the producers manage to fuck up the golden platter of hunks and make it hunkless and boring? Well the answer is... yes and no. Sadly for me and you and K, K had to work yesterday so we had very one sided text conversation.

Viggo Mortensen and Casey Affleck were both in the front couple of rows so there was a lot of action there. And Jimmy Kimmel hosted so there was a lot of referencing of Matt Damon who was sitting right behind Casey. Oh, and Casey won. So you know there were a lot of special moments. And I really liked when they showed Casey reading a mean tweet in this brown sweater.

Ryan Gosling was up front too and that was nice. And when this unknowing tour bus full of people were ushered into the room and down past the front row The Gos was the first to jump up and say hello. Hot. I also liked his mean tweet.

Gael Garcia Bernal presented an award. So did Dev Patel. And I liked how Viggo brought his son. So yeah, there were some hot moments. But holy shit, those fucking awards are so self-indulgent and I think they're getting worse.

Lucky for me I had Pickle as a text buddy during the ceremony. I missed Viola Davis's speech but Pickle drew my attention to the fact she said  "Acting is the only profession that celebrates what it is to live a life." Yes, acting is sooooooo special. Every time a best actor award was given they played clips from moments of past acceptance speeches. As if watching them the first time isn't painful enough. And there was some fucking thing where a famous actor would talk about some older famous actor they loved when they were a kid and then those two actors would come out and present something together, but only after getting a standing ovation. FUCK. Get your fucking hand off it Academy. I know I say this every year, but I just don't know if I can watch next year. And yet I know I won't be able to look away 😔

The 20/20 Experience (AM)

Here's what happened: all last week I was looking forward to seeing Justin Timberlake. It's not like I was super pumped or thinking about it constantly, it was just something I was looking forward to when I'd think about it. I mean, It's not a secret I kind of love Justin Timberlake. I know it, you know it, we all know it. And I was thinking it'd  also be great because it would give me some great content for today's post.

It was a weird scenario, I thought no one would want to go with me so I didn't bother asking around. But because I wanted to go and decided to go alone I bought the most expensive tickets. Which was great, because I was just metres from the stage, which is a pretty great way to see things, especially superstars. But although I clearly know how to see a superstar, Etihad Stadium do not. The house lights were up until a minute before JT came out which did not build anticipation at all and when he emerged from beneath the stage I felt pleased but not awed. He played 2 songs from The 20/20 Experience which was pretty good but slightly underwhelming and I wondered if it is was all worth it. But then... 

I expect some of you are not as intimate with JT's back catalogue as others so I will say the song Rock Your Body is a totally cheesy track from early in his solo career and when he played that and danced in unison with his back up dancers THAT is when magic happened. It was a total boy band moment and I effig loved it.  The whole show was like that first ten minute, mildly entertaining bits with some great bits thrown in. 

But that boy can dance and if there is one thing I love it is watching people dance. Preferably with back up dancers. Ideally while I can dance too. And it was three for three on that count. And I do love JT. 

The drag of it was there was absolutely no sense of spontaneity. My guess was that not a single word spoken on stage had not been spoken the night before. Some of the ballads were a drag too. Although I loved that a white grand piano emerged for him to sit at. I loved that he played Heartbreak Hotel but when he played Human Nature by Michael Jackson and sounded like the GooGoo Dolls I wondered why the eff he didn't play any single other MJ song. Like, one of the awesome ones?

Also there was an intermission, and although I appreciate that a guy needs a little rest or pick me up or whatever happens out there in those ten minutes I also think there's a way to accommodate that without bringing up those effing house lights again and totally killing the vibe. 

Having said that though it was pretty spectacular when the entire front of the stage came off, rose above the audience and travelled out to the back of the stadium with JT and singers and dancers so they could perform right in front of the seats at the back.

So you see what I'm saying guys? Awesome, meh, awesome, meh, that was the JT show. I like his old stuff better than his new stuff and it worked better in his show too. Everybody thinks so. 

What I think about when I think about pop (PM)

Who is Pharell?

What is Blurred Lines?

How come I don't know anything about anything anymore? 

I guess it's because I don't read Smash Hits or TV Hits all the time like I used to. I guess we can thank 'real life' for that, forcing me to grow up and engage with 'real issues' and the 'real literature' that explores them (WHO weekly). 

If J is questioning what's right and wrong about a song and whether repeatedly listening to it is OK, then there is no, absolutely no hope for me. That girl is my pop shepherd, guiding me through the valley of 'no idea' in which I naturally dwell.

I can tell you that I saw a clip for a Jay-Z song called Picasso Baby on Rage the other night and wondered what it was all about.   

What I think about when I think about pop (AM)

If pop music is for the unquestioning masses why has Robin Thicke got me asking so many questions? 

Questions like:

Is it possible that a person can be bread to look like an eighties TV star because that's what his parents were?

A while ago before I had any idea who he was I'd see these little posters advertising a Robin Thicke tour or album or something and I'd think, "Who the fuck is Robin Thicke? By the looks of him I guess he's Alan Thicke's son." It's not that they look so similar it's just that he looks like a sitcom son. Turns out his mother was an actress on Days of Our Lives, so those are some serious TV genes. And doesn't Thicke* look like he just stepped off the set of Growing Pains? Or more likely Saved By the Bell. Like some kind of Screech turned "hunk" type in a dream sequence? Screech's "cool" cousin?

And does anyone else think its weird that a face can look so totally 80s/90s. I don't feel like it is just his styling. I think it's his face. WTF?!

And:

Is it ok to want to listen to a song a lot even if you are repulsed by the singer as long as Pharell is involved?

I asked myself this question a lot one night after I listened to Blurred Lines about 5 times on a train from Melbourne to Geelong and then danced to it about 3 times after I got home that night. It's got a good beat and you can dance to it but I couldn't help wonder if what I was doing was wrong.

First, Robin Thicke is, as mentioned, slightly repulsive and that made me wonder how I could enjoy that song so much. Also, despite listening to it a bunch of times in a row, every time I tried to think of Blurred Lines all I could think of was SexyBack. Justin Timberlake, there is a slightly (barely) repulsive pop star I can get behind. But really is that what you want? A danceable song that is so reminiscent of a better song a person can't even remember your song properly? Turns out Blurred Lines has been accused of being too similar to Marvin Gaye's Got to Give it Up. ! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. Dream the fuck on Robin Thicke! That is only one of the all time best songs. And dude, yours ain't nothing like it. Not in any meaningful way.

Also, Blurred Lines has been accused of being about date rape and suggesting that it is cool. When I first heard the song I just thought it was about trying to pick up the hottest bitch in the place. You know, like every other song out there. And I'm not convinced that is not what it's about. But I'm not really convinced it is, either. Not being a date rapist perhaps I just didn't tap into that aspect. I mean, I can see where that interpretation comes from, but gee, Robin Thicke and Pharell and T.I., if that is what you are talking about it is not sexy, it's not cool.

Still despite all this I listened to the song over and over, wondering if I was going to be hooked on it for weeks, wondering why the eff I was listening to this Thicke. Using Pharell's involvement to justify it all. And then after one night, I was done. I mean, it's not as if I am immune to it now, but a real booty shaker, Gold Digger or MyLove, I could listen to those for months. So, thanks Robin Thicke, Pharell and T.I. for getting me to dance a bit, but not compromising myself too much. Thanks for getting me thinking about stuff. Who says pop music is good for nothing.

*Did you know that until recently Robin Thicke just went by the name Thicke professionally. Eeeeeewwwwwww.

I have a dream

When are they going to invent a machine that you can hook up to your brain and it will record your dreams so you can watch them like a YouTube? Look, I have basically been waiting for this to happen my entire life (seriously. No seriously!) and we are well past the year 2000 and still it hasn't happened!

What I was thinking about writing about was how much I like Justin Timberlake. Because dude really has some killer tracks, a certain je ne sais quoi, AND I had a (totally PG) dream about him the other night which I can't quite remember but I'm sure if I could include a link to it here would totally illustrate JT's awesomeness. Even if my head did make it up.

But of course that technology doesn't exist. Catch up science!

(That picture of JT up there is from when he appeared on a Spanish SCIENCE SHOW!!!!!!!! Make the dream machine happen JT!)

It all ends

There is a poster for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 on Punt Rd and every time I drive past it I get so freaking excited about seeing that movie. Every time I see HP staring intensely at Voldemort over that wand I get a little flutter in my tummy!


I love Harry Potter. I love the books, I love the movie, and I love this thing from the Oscars this year. (I also like the JT bit and the T.Laut bit but we all know that 'Tiny ball of light' is the hero of the piece. Because it is funny. And maybe because I love Ron more than I should. He is great though, isn't he? But it's not as if I want to do it with him. I think. I mean, if I had the opportunity I don't think I would. He is barely an adult. Yeah, I'm almost positive I would not do it with him. Yep. Pretty sure. But I would like to unequivocally say I would definitely not do it with T.Laut even though I am 100% Team Wolf.)

But of course my excitement about the film is tempered by regret. I am sure this film is going to be awesome. But then there will be no more Harry Potter movies. IT ALL ENDS 7.15! At least when I read the last book I still had the movies to look forward to. But soon it will all be over. Like all the best things I guess.

When I was in NYC at FAO Schwarz they had quite a Harry Potter section. LB pulled me through it quickly as I protested, "God, I'm not so in love with HP that I want to buy this shiz" (even though I was kind of tempted to buy a Gryffindor tie, but being a grown up with a house full of shit I thought better of it).

Remember when you used to work at the library and bump me up the reservation lists? I remember how you did that for me when Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire first came out. You just bumped me ahead of all those little kids waiting so desperately to read that book. I really appreciate that. I will never forget the day that Cedric Diggory died (in many ways he died the day Robert Pattinson became Sparkleface). I was really sick with the flu. So sick I had to miss that Avalanches gig people still talk about. I was sick in bed and read HP4 all weekend. And when Voldemort returned... and Cedric died... and Harry's parents come out of the wand! Shit, I'm tearing up just thinking about it. Before that book Harry Potter was good, but after that! Well after that it was something else all together.

MAN! I CAN'T WAIT FOR HP7 Part II!!!!!!