Late week update

Hey guys! I know that you are gagging to know how turning my life around is going. So I'm going to tell you! It's going pretty shit guys, pretty shit indeed! On the plus side I've realised that I was just a fool to believe I could get out of bed before 6am to go to the gym on a regular day. The kids' sleeping is rubbish right now and, therefore, my sleeping is rubbish and I'm so exhausted in the middle of the day I think adding an early am workout could break me. I think I may be getting sick and I ran out of iron tablets a couple of weeks ago and I'm probably pinning way to many hopes on the idea that buying more iron tablets will improve things. 

You have to believe I'm not making excuses. I'm not. I've given up on that pipe dream of early gym for now and decided to turn my life around by working at night and then enjoying my days and working out at a reasonable hour when I can.  Oh sure this new plan for turning my life around has so far been as successful as the initial early workout plan but it definitely feels more feasible. How about I go get some more iron tablets and we'll check in with my great new life once they've kicked in. 

Hot buns (AM)

I think about hot buns a lot. Cinnamon buns, chocolate buns, straight out of the oven, all warm and sticky and delicious. But I don't think about the other kind of hot buns that much. Not my own or other people's.

Re: hot buns of the human variety I usually think of two things from my youth when they come up. First, a test that I will, correctly or otherwise, attribute to Jane Fonda, that if you put a pencil under a buttock and it stays in place you do not have hot buns. I don't know where I read this or when exactly, but I was a child of an age where I did not really have to worry about hot buns but knew that in the near future I may, and as I have aged I have thought of this test often and whether or not it really defines hot buns. The other thing I think of, of course, is from Clueless, when Tai tells Cher, "And my buns, they don't feel nothing like steel." I think of this in relation to any workout and any mention of buns ever.

 

Luckily for me, I have a pretty "out of sight, out of mind" attitude to my body, so I don't spend time agonising over the state of my buttocks. Sure, I have a general feeling that I could be fitter, slimmer, more toned but the benefit of having so much hate for my hair is that it leaves me little time to focus on any other negative attributes I have, thus relieving me from the self-scrutiny and loathing some people suffer.

But I know people fixate on their perceived physical shortcomings and do all kinds of things to overcome them, like work out, get surgery, wear assless chaps. Wait what?

I don't really understand 'shape wear', so I guess you could say I am at a complete fucking loss as to why you have to have nude buttocks to give you a great ass. I understand that the work of this particular garment is to lift and emphasise your butt, but I don't really understand why some less intensely tight fabric couldn't be used in the place of those gaping butt holes. And sure, there's not anything exactly wrong with buttocks being nude, and yet it just seems like including some more fabric on these underwear may have been a way of making them more comfortable and also more like underwear. Is it meant to make this shape wear sexy? Because shape wear is definitely not sexy, and perhaps I am alone in thinking this, but lumps of flesh pouring through holes in ultra tight stretch fabrics isn't really sexy either. It's like Blur said, modern life is rubbish.


I'd like to thank my aunt for bringing these pants and their stupidity to my attention, and yet I'd also like to curse her for bringing these pants and their stupidity to my attention.

The Wayne Carey Workout (AM)

I like to work out regularly these days. Mainly because I have come to accept that I have the metabolism of a hibernating bear and the appetite of one of those bears standing in the river waiting for fish to jump out when they are going for a little fishy swim. It's a challenging combination, but one that I must live with, hence the need to regularly work out. Plus, all the health and wellbeing benefits of exercise, blah blah blah.
I try to go for a run every second day, and on the days I don't run, I try to walk to and from work. Look, it's no olympiad training regime, but it's more than I usually do.
Yesterday was meant to be one of my running days, so in the early afternoon I started getting ready...I put my hair up, I donned my sports underwear, I put on a t-shirt. But when it came to putting my leggings on, I was stopped short. After washing them on Saturday the little suckers were still wet. Or  damp, rather. Unwearable, basically.
Part of me was thrilled that I had an excuse to give the run a miss. But knowing that there was probably going to be hot chips in my Sunday night, I felt like I really should do some sort of exercise. And I was half dressed for exercise.
Then it hit me. I was half dressed for exercise! I was basically wearing the outfit Wayne Carey wore one of the times he got in to some trouble with the law...pants free with socks and a white t-shirt. The funniest outfit of them all! And perfect for staying home, drawing the blinds and getting high like Wayne Carey OR doing this 7 minute workout that I read about on the internet.
Also, perfect for writing about on Miss Soft Crab, because for a while there, few things amused J more than the story about pants free Wayne Carey.
So I did. I pulled on my runners and I chuckled my way through that 7 minute workout knowing that I would have looked like a massive, massive tool but that J would be amused. And after doing it a few times I got quite puffed and sweaty so I think I might do it again.