Eeny meeny miny mo (PM)

Gosh. I feel a bit awkward about Trading Places, and my childhood. We said and did some bad things. I know our babe-mouths were innocent and therefore what came out of them can't be seen in the same light as what came out of Don Ameche's in Trading Places, but still.  I assume it was Don Ameche... though I guess it could have been the other old white guy. Or a totally different old white guy. Like J says, I've never seen it. 

God, how do I know Don Ameche's name? What a complete waste of space in my brain. I haven't even seen Cocoon, the other film he's known for playing an old white guy. 

Eeny meeny miny mo (AM)

Last night I watched some of Trading Places, a film I have seen many many times but probably not for about 15 or 20 years. I also learned on the weekend, to my great surprise, that K has never seen that movie. I didn't even know that was possible given the frequency with which it used to be on TV, but it turns out the world really is an amazing place and anything is possible!

Because K has never seen it I wouldn't want to reveal any spoilers but let me just say that movies made in the 80s are not like movies made today. For example, they have a person dressed up in a gorilla suit that is meant to be a gorilla and then later a man gets put into the gorilla suit and the "real" gorilla makes love to it and the two gorillas get shipped off to Africa without anyone questioning whether the man in the suit is actually a gorilla.

I suppose this terrible costume is a joke but I can't imagine anyone trying such a thing nowadays.

Another thing you wouldn't hear in a doofusy comedy these days is an old white guy calling Eddie Murphy a word that starts with 'n' and rhymes with igger. I was quite shocked to hear it actually, but if you think about the 80s that word was considered bad I suppose, but it was still in use. It must have been, what were the words to Eeny meeny miny mo when you were growing up? Pretty mind bending that the more polite way to nominate who was 'it' was by saying "Ip dip dog shit you are not it."

Every time Baby starts 'Eeny meeny miny mo' I hold my breath for a second, waiting for what comes next even though he always says "catch a tiger by the toe." Of course he has never heard the version we used as kids. Back then, I may have known what that igger word meant when heard in isolation but "Eeny meeny" was just a bunch of nonsense words as far as I was concerned. Still, pretty fucked up, and even though I was just an innocent little kid trying to identify someone to be 'it' in chasey, just repeating some little song I heard from someone else, I feel like a total perpetrator. I think I have to go and have a shower now, wash the shame away.

Wow, Trading Places really took me on a trip down memory lane in a way I did not foresee at all!

It's a wonderful night for Oscar (PM)

Well, you've heard K's thoughts on a bunch of movies she hasn't seen, I'm pretty sure you don't need to hear mine. I will say I would really like to see Birdman and Boyhood. But I haven't seen either. I'm not much interested in most of the other nominated films because I expect they would largely bore me. I don't know if it is that movies have gotten shit or that the reality of life after 35.5 years has numbed me to their effect but I can barely remember the last time a film really blew my mind, let alone made me blow my wad. I have actually seen The Grand Budapest Hotel. It was pretty good, but nothing was blown as a result. It was no Royal Tenenbaums. Me, I guess I'd like Boyhood to win too, just last night I was thinking about how I can't wait for Baby to be old enough to enjoy School of Rock and thinking about how Richard Linklater has made some really good films. And I spent so many minutes in my youth thinking about how cool it would be for a movie to be made the way Boyhood was, the same people over a long time. But, obviously I haven't seen it so who am I to say what should win.

Sure, I'll watch the Oscars. You know I love NPH. And I love a hunk. And a pretty dress.

I guess Oscar night is about hopes and dreams. (Or so I can imagine some idiot saying.) I have hopes and dreams. Hope that the presenter list will be full of hunks. Dreams that some day a movie will make me feel something again. And that one day someone will  look as beautiful as Michelle Williams did that year in the yellow dress. You know, like K said.

It's a wonderful night for Oscar (AM)

Apparently the Oscars are on tonight. Who knew? There was a time when I used to heavily anticipate Oscar night. Not any more. I guess I'm just to old for that shit, as Danny Glover would say, though I've never actually seen Lethal Weapon. Back then,  I would most likely have seen all the movies and know who was likely to win based on previous awards ceremony results. Now, I barely even know what's nominated, and I'm sure I've seen very few of the films that are nominated. But heck, that shouldn't stop me from adding my $0.02, right?

Ok, let's go over the best picture nominees.
The Imitation Game. That's the one about the enigma code, right? I wanted to see that, mainly because I have never seen a film about the enigma code, nor read a book about it, nor have The Simpsons ever done an episode on it so I don't know the details of the story. Appleheart would roll his eyes whenever I mentioned it which kind of made me want to see it more, as a joke. But I didn't. So I don't know if it's good. So I guess it won't win?

Next, The Theory of Everything. That's the one about Stephen Hawking. I am sure it's an incredible story of triumph over adversity, and love,  but it looked kind of boring to me so I don't really want to see it and I don't really want it to win. Sorry.

Apparently Selma is the third film nominated. That's the one about Martin Luther King. Look, Americans know how to make you feel a lot of feelings in the cinema, so I'm pretty sure I would feel a lot of feelings if I saw it. But I haven't seen it. And I probably won't. But I do want to know why it's called Selma.

Oh, American Sniper is nominated. That's the one with Bradley Cooper and the fake baby, that Clint Eastwood directed. Haven't seen it. Mainly because of Bradley Cooper, Clint Eastwood and a very low level of interest. It might win something I guess. People love Clint, and he's no spring chicken anymore.  But I don't think it will.

The Grand Budapest Hotel. Look, I've enjoyed many a Wes Anderson film in my day. But lately, I've grown tired of them. And so I never saw this one. Which I kind of regret now, because people said it was really good. I guess I'll get around to seeing it. But I'm not in a massive rush. It might win I guess. People were pretty impressed with it. I'm shrugging my shoulders and moving on.

Boyhood. Now that's a film I really did want to see, fully intended to see, and felt really bummed out when I missed out on seeing it. I like Patricia Arquette. I like the concept. I like watching Ethan Hawke on screen these days, and feeling a little grossed out by him and feeling slightly bemused by that reaction. This movie sounds like it could be a really good movie and even though I haven't seen it, I think I want it to win.

Whiplash. What the heck is Whiplash? Wait, I have to google it. Oh, actually, I have heard of it. It's that movie about the jazz drummer. But that's all I know about it. Has anyone seen it? Is it meant to be good?  Well, maybe it's good. Hopefully it is. But I don't want it to win because of Boyhood.







Finally, Birdman. I've actually seen this. And I really liked it! Edward Norton really should work more. And even though my feelings for Christian Bale are well documented, and I am of the very firm view that he is the best Batman, a part of me still thinks that only Michael Keaton is the only real Batman. But, I have to say, I still want Boyhood, a film I have never seen, to win.




I don't really know what that says about things, but there you have it.

In all honesty, I mostly want someone to wear a dress as beautiful and memorable as the yellow Michelle Williams dress. And I want to be excited about the movies and the oscars again. But mostly, it's about the dress.