Eat cheese

HAHA. Perv! Yesterday's post made me wonder if K really ate a lot of cheese on Tuesday night to have those weird dreams. And what kind of cheese it was. It also made me think about how Baby recently asked me what I wrote about on Miss Soft Crab. Or rather I asked him what he thought I wrote about. He said, "Your kids, your life...?" Yeah, I told him. And other stuff too. Things I ate or did. "Or thought about?" He asked. Like he somehow knew. Or jumped to the obvious conclusion. Yeah, I told him. All sorts of things. "Eating cheese?" He asked. He thinks it's funny to interject "Eat cheese!" all the time, so when he asked it was a joke. But I told him, yep! Quite a bit.  "Really?!" he asked. "Really!?" He thought he was being silly. And I guess he thought no one would write about eating cheese. Eat cheese. It's more than a hilarious joke to a 6-year-old. It's a way of life really.

Lessons learned (AM)

Ugh. Yesterday I was jus feeling flat. You know those days. I have a bit of  a cold and I have all this annoying work to do, not just normal work but annoying. And all this stuff in my near future I need to sort out. And a dirty house. So I thought I'd ask the Internet how to make this day better. And do you know what it showed me? A bunch of stupid memes. It just made my day worse. There was a bunch of cute puppies and dumb jokes and although I love puppies the way they were memes just annoyed me. Them and all the stupid unfunny annoying stuff turned into just made my day feel worse. Except for this.

Which made me go "Ha," and then move on. It wasn't really that beneficial to my day. I guess I was hoping for some advice from the Internet not a bunch of memes. Fucking memes. It's like the Internet gave the go ahead for everyone to make their own "Just hang in there" posters.

But I guess if I want my day to get better IRL I need to do something about it IRL, not just look to the Internet to solve my problems.

And I have to say that the IRL solutions were much better than what the Internet had to offer. I got a bunch of work done and cleaned the house to a reasonable extent and Baby came home from a two-day sleepover at my Mum and Dad's house and by the end of the day I was feeling ok. And to top it off the Internet came good in the evening when I saw this on Instagram:

• "theroyalfamilyA flotilla of traditional Thames rowing skiffs, manned by Swan Uppers in scarlet rowing shirts and headed by The Queen’s Swan Marker, wearing a hat with a white swan’s feather, row their way steadily up the Thames. ‘All up!’ they cry as a family of swans and cygnets is spotted, and the Swan Uppers carefully position their boats around the swans, lift them from the water and check their health. The Queen's Swan Marker’s iconic five-day journey upriver has been an annual ceremony for hundreds of years, and today it has two clear goals: conservation and education."

  
  
  Isn't that adorable?! I know I'm meant to be down on the monarchy but there is a lot of charm there. I wonder how the Queen voted in the Brexit referendum...oh, I just read that she isn't even allowed to vote because she has to remain politically neutral. 
  
  
  So I guess I learned an important lesson today, cygnets are adorable! Just jokes, I learned that the Internet can't fix everything, which is important to remember. 
  
  

Hot in 2013 (AM)

Fairly recently, I went through a period where I was overwhelmed by the desire to get a dog. You guys remember, I talked about it a fair bit. I very seriously considered getting one, but eventually decided that it wasn't the right time. My house is too small and my hours too variable to give a pooch a good life. I decided to put the dream aside for a while.

During this period I spent a lot of time gazing longingly at the dogs I saw on the street, wondering what it would be like if they were mine.  Was it a bit creepy? Sure. You probably wouldn't have wanted to be a dog in Melbourne for a while there, not if you don't like being stared at.  But it made me realise a few things. 

It made me realise that if you are a resident of the inner north walking a dog in 2012 and that dog is not a staffy, it is probably an Italian Greyhound or a Boston Terrier. They were the must-have pooch of 2012. Every second person had one! I figured that dogs can be on-trend, like single origin coffee and ancient grains. And unlike single origin coffee and ancient grains which I want no part of, it kind of made me realise that when it comes to dog trends, I am totally susceptible.  I mean, I've never really known an italian greyhound or a boston terrier personally and yet, I wanted both in 2012.

Anyway, now it's 2013 and I can't help but notice that there's a new on-trend breed on the streets of the inner-north.

These guys:

The Afghan Hound. 

I keep seeing them around, and I'm pretty sure I didn't see any during the dog-lust days of 2012. So it must be a new thing. Not for J, I might add. She has always loved the Afghan and if LB wasn't such a big red fan, I'm pretty sure they would have had one to call their own by now.

They're a very impressive looking dog. They move around very gracefully. But sometimes they look very goofy, as this guy so beautifully illustrates...

Hai guyz!

It's an appealing combination. And they also make very cute puppies.

I kind of want one. Or at least, I want to get to know one.
Mate? Are you interested?

PS: We talk about dogs quite a lot on MSC. Why not reacquaint yourselves with all our doggy talk right here. Note that the only dog referred to in some of the posts tagged 'dogs' is Snoop. 

Hello Bobby Dobby (PM)

On Saturday night I went to J, LB and Baby's place to play with Bobby Dobby and hear J talk in a Russian accent and I have to say it was a very enjoyable Saturday night.

And while Bobby Dobby is extremely cute, the accent was the highlight for me. J does one of the best Russian accents I've ever heard. And believe me, I've heard them all. When I worked at the library, every second punter was Russian and therefore I got maximum exposure to both the Russian accent and chumps trying to imitate it. J's version is Rolls Royce class.

Check out this email exchange we had yesterday, in which I compliment J on her Russian accent.

J: How was the rest of your weekend? Mine was fine thanks. Bobby Dobby is so cute.

Should I buy these pants? 

K: The rest of my weekend was very nice thank you...(blah blah blah..I talk about what I did on Sunday, you're not missing anything...)

I should have vacuumed but I couldn't be bothered. Maybe tonight I will vacuum. (I didn't)

 

Those pants have got J written all over them mate. Totally buy them. They look like stylish Bella Swan Maternity Pants.

 

I saw those pictures of Bobby Dobby you posted. Cute! It also made me think about you saying "Hello Bobby Dobby" in a Russian accent and that made me laugh a lot. I'm laughing as I write this.

And I'm laughing as I write this.

About last night (PM)

Gosh.
Baby's first Led Zeppelin turns in to Mother's first disappointment. That's rough.
Give it another shot in a couple of years maybe. The kid has been listening to a lot of rave music at Chickpea's lately, right? It's hard for a 2 year old to shift genres like that. He'll come good though.

A year of the new guy (AM)

Children. Some people believe they are our future. I'm an agnostic myself, but if there's one thing I can say for sure, it's that there are a LOT of them around these days. So that indicates to me that the future is probably full of them too. And that's OK by me. Have you seen how cute some of them are? Off the charts. 

 

A year ago yesterday I wrote this, because my nephew was born. Little Nut. The son of my Midbro. The brother of my Niecey. Yesterday was his birthday and to celebrate, we had a picnic on the sidelines of Midbro's Minkey football game. 

If I was a different kind of person, I might say something like "I can't believe it's been a year since Little Nut was born" or "They grow up so fast" or "Time goes by so quickly....if you don't stop to look around once in a while, you might miss it."

But readers, I'm not and I won't. Because the thing I can't believe is not they grow up so fast, but that this person for whom I feel so much love has only 365 days under his tiny tiny belt. I mean, I love him a LOT, and it feels like I've been cultivating that love for longer than a year. 

HB Little Nut. 

Gifts from the Internet (AM)

I have to write a report for work this week. It's a slow and painful process and sometimes it makes me want to smack my head against the keyboard, sometimes cry, sometimes throw up. Mostly, it just makes me want to look at stuff on the internet, and then feel guilty for looking up stuff on the internet.
To make me feel less guilty for all the things I've been looking at on the internet, I am going to show you guys some of the things I have been looking at on the internet. Don't worry, this will only take a minute.

I like this thing.  I find the way the dog looks at the camera at 15 seconds extremely hilarious, and then the kiwi guy towards the end. But it's the suave canine that really speaks to me.

I also found this kind of interesting. Efficient. Takes the awkwardness out of it.

This I find hilarious because I spook easily and can totally relate, but also find people falling over extremely funny, even when they are not people but raccoons.

But this Tasmanian Devil is currently my favourite thing on the internet.

Honestly, have you ever seen anything so lovely? Certainly nothing that is both as whiskery and as lovely as this guy. I hope he doesn't get the facial tumours.
Anyway. that's all I'm doing today. Hope you guys have it better than me.

TGIF (AM)

This morning I was lying in bed, listening to the radio while half asleep, and heard what sounded like someone saying that scientists have made a breakthrough in their use of stem cell therapies, allowing them to restore hearing to deaf gerbils. 

At first, I thought cute!

Then I started to think gee, I didn't realise that deafness was an issue in the gerbil community, and if it is, how did the scientists know about it? Could all those things people say about sex and gerbils be true, and could the use of gerbils in sex acts have caused the scientists to become aware of an hearing affliction within the species? Were those early sex gerbils in fact little fuzzy pioneers who's sacrifice will be remembered by generations of gerbils with crystal clear hearing? Then I started to think shit scientists, I know gerbils deserve quality of life too, but shouldn't you really be trying to make things better for humans, not gerbils, you sick fu(ks? 

Then I realised that it was 6:15am, I was half asleep and there was a fair chance that I had misheard the radio presenter and in fact it wasn't deaf gerbils in whom scientists had restored hearing using stems cells, it was probably something like deaf Germans. There would be no massive public health intervention directed at gerbils and I needn't worry about the misuse of public money (which is something I worry about all the time) or that scientists are creepy. 

I chuckled at myself for being a dufus, then I chuckled at myself for real over all those gerbil thoughts I had then I tried to squeeze in a few more minutes of shut-eye. 

Now I am properly awake and there is this.  I guess the world makes both a little more and a little less sense to me now. 

Anyway, TGIF you guys. 

 

TGIF (AM)

Hi readers.

TGIF!

Did I tell you guys that I took a week off last week? I totally did.  I took a week off and had a sweet holiday in Melbourne. Boy oh boy those were the days.

This week was a normal one though and so yada yada yada  I'm really tired now.
So instead of banging on about stuff, I'm just going to show you guys this super cute thing and let you get on with your days. 

Bye!

So, do you like stuff? (AM)

People, I'm just going to get straight in to it today.
This post is about how I want my house to look really super cute and be full of super nice stuff, but  because I struggle to commit to making any major home decoration decisions, I just focus my wanting stuff energies on a bunch of small things I really don't need.

The only home improvement thing I have done since moving in to Chez K last July is put a wallpaper sample on my bedroom wall, as evidenced by the above picture of Niecey capering about on my bed. (Before we go on,  does anybody else find those little socked feet and those indentations her tiny feet have made in the bedclothes MEGA ADORABLE? I do too!)

But back on topic. The reason there is only a wallpaper sample on my wall, and not any wallpaper, is because I seriously struggle to make big decorating decisions. What if I spend heaps of money on something that doesn't even look that good, but I am forced to live with because I spent all that money on it? It could totally happen, and its something I worry to the point that it prevents me from following through. I know what the Spanish grandmother of Tara Morice's character in Strictly Ballroom would say about this. She would say "A life lived in fear is a life half lived" and she would be totally right!

But the small stuff, guys. The small stuff. Just as the world says, I really don't sweat the small stuff, I openly covet it and feel totally fine about doing so. Today, I'm going to show you a bunch of these smaller things that I want to buy for my house right now!

Lets begin with this throw.

You can buy it from Safari living for a tidy $470 if you like

Isn't it nice? I think it is nice and pretty and I want it.

I also want this cushion.

You can buy this one for 70 pounds from the Donna Wilson webbie.  

What's that, internet? You say 70 pounds is equivalent to  $110 AUDs? Gee, Thats better than I thought it would be, but it's still a lot for a cushion. Right? Right guys? No one should spend that much on a cushion, should they?

I want one of these planters too.

Aren't they nice? You can get them from Mr Kitly. 

Actually, this is something I may actually buy, because I love an indoor plant and I think that one hanging down over my staircase would look super cute.

Here's a trivet I want. Hey, do you think the sentence "Here's a trivet I want" is the dumbest one ever uttered on Miss Soft Crab?  It's definitely up there.

That pot looks really comfortable. The trivet is from RK Design. 

But it must be said, trivets are actually very handy.

Another thing I want is this really nice basket from Husk to put my dirty clothes in, replacing the blue bucket I currently use. But the Husk website wouldn't load for me, so I can't show you guys the picture. Just imagine a very expensive, but very tasteful basket.

That's all for now. I wonder what J wants for her house?! Lets meet back here at about 12:30pm and find out. Until then, crab friends!

Haiku Thursday (PM)

What?!

 Without weeks there's no
Weekends! I have to assume
K's really lost it

Winter in Melbourne

Some years winter

Passes us by. Not this one.

This is a cold bitch.

Haiku Thursday (AM)

This puppy looks like Batman!

Hi guys. Please don't look for a pattern in these haiku. You'll never find one. 


Thursday 28 June, 2012

Guess what today is?

The day my heater gets fixed!

Effing better be. 

Where is everyone?

Punctuality. 

You've made a lonely woman

Of me. Many times. 

Continuous improvement idea

The world needs days. Sure. 

Also months. (For periods). 

But weeks seem useless. 

Dogs of my dreams (AM)

I spend a lot of time thinking about getting a dog. I would love a dog so damned much.
The problem is, I live in the tiniest flat in the world, and am away from it for the majority of each day.These are not good conditions for a little doggy.
Still, I long for one.

Sometimes, I go looking around the internet for dogs that need a new home. Other times, I do google searches such as "dog breeds that are OK with living in a small flat, and being alone for most of the day".If I see a cute dog being taken for a walk around my neighbourhood, I rush home to research that breed's attributes and aptitude for small flat living. I actually spend a lot of time researching dogs on the internet. This is how I know that there is a lot of extremely charming writing about dogs and their little doggy personalities on the internet, and to this I have lost hours of my life. I can't help it! When you don't have a dog, you read about dogs a lot and then imagine what your life would be like if you had one.

Check out something I read recently, about the Italian Greyhound:

 

"The young dog is often particularly active, and this high level of activity may lead them to attempt ill-advised feats of athleticism that can result in injury."

Ill-advised feats of athleticism! That sounds so cute! And of course it made me wonder what such feats could be. Perhaps playing rough with a St Bernard? Running a little doggy marathon? Whatever it is, it sounds pretty adorable, though I imagine the person who wrote that probably had to spend a lot of money at the vet some time after such an occasion and that is uncool. No vet bills when you just read about dogs on the internet though!

 

Wanna know something about the Hungarian Vizsla? Ok, know this:

"They quickly form close bonds with their owners, including children. Often they are referred to as 'velcro' dogs because of their loyalty and affection. They are quiet dogs, only barking if necessary or provoked. Sometimes when these dogs feel neglected or want something, they will cry."

 

Close bonds? Loyalty and affection? Crying when they feel neglected? Get out of town with those super super cute attributes, Hungarian Vizslas! This breed actually gets researched a lot in this household, mostly because there is an HV that gets taken for walks in my neighbourhood and despite the goofy gait of the one pictured above, it is the most beautiful elegant little doggy. 

You can bet I got pretty excited when I read this about the Boston Terrier:

"Their usually sensible attitude towards barking makes them excellent choices for apartment dwellers."

 

Nothing about that little guy on the right makes me think that s/he has a sensible approach to anything but nevertheless you guys, the BT is an excellent choice for apartment dwellers which is exactly what I am!

Poodles are my first doggy love, because I grew up with them. First we had Biff, then Wilbur, and now my parents have Alby and Ned. Just because I  have lived with several, doesn't mean I don't want to read about them on the internet sometimes, which is how I discovered this: 

"All of the Poodle's ancestors were acknowledged to be good swimmers, although one member of the family, the truffle dog (which may have been of Toy or Miniature size), it is said, never went near the water."

Cute!

I wish I could close this post by telling you guys that after all this research I have decided to get a dog but goddamn it, I just can't. Home alone all day guys. In a tiny apartment. 

That would make anyone cry. 

Maybe I should move!

In praise of siblings (AM)

Hello Monday!
Normally I wouldn't be so happy to see you, but given that there are only two work days to get through until this week throws us another day off, I feel fine that you're here. Plus, I had a super nice weekend, so I can't complain.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon at Midbro's house. We ate pies and sausage rolls and watched the footy on foxtel while Niecey played with a jar of buttons. Niecey's ability to entertain herself while we are watching the footy is really astounding. She's such a top kid. As is Little Nut, her super adorable baby brother. 

Can you believe Little Nut is two months old already? Unbelievable. 

Such a cutehead. 

Midbro and Mrs Midbro live next door my my parents, which comes in handy when they run out of things. Like tomato sauce, essential when one is eating pies and sausage rolls. When we discovered that the Midbro household had indeed run out of T-sauce, I went next door to get some. Mum and Dad are in Qld at the moment, visiting Elderbro, so I took my time, mainly looking in the fridge and pantry to see if they had anything good.  I quickly discovered they had a bunch of easter eggs - Top deck easter eggs - sitting in a bowl in the pantry for anyone to stumble upon.  I figured that if they really wanted them, they would have eaten them by now, or at least taken them along to Qld to enjoy them gradually day by day. I also figured they wouldn't miss a few teeny weeny little eggs, so I swiped some (four). I also ate one while I was standing at the pantry figuring out whether it would be OK to swipe some. I felt a little bad about it, but I figured that it was a victimless crime. 

Once I finished my egg and hid the wrapper, I grabbed the sauce and returned to the Midbro residence.  

The reason I am telling you all of this, dear readers, will become apparent in a moment, but first we must briefly return to Niecey and Little Nut for a moment. As I've said before, I can't wait to see what happens as the two of them grow up. I effing love my brothers and I'm so happy that Niecey has one now. Having someone to hang out with all through childhood, someone who probably has the same sense of humour as you and certainly has to cop the same parental weirdness as you? Forget about it -  it is basically the best thing ever. Siblings rule! Right now, Niecey loves Little Nut fully sick, so I think she would agree that siblings rule. Of course this won't last. Soon, they will get on each others nerves and then by the time they are both at school, this mild irritation will progress to full-blown hating one another's guts, which will probably last until they are adults. So it goes. It will all come good in the end though. 

As it has with my brothers and I, which was evidenced by Midbro's reaction to my stealing easter eggs from our parents. As we were having coffee later, I offered everyone one of the stolen eggs, and because I was raised catholic, I also had to confess that they were indeed stolen from Mum and Dad. Midbro gratefully accepted, one and said "yeah, these are great, I stole some earlier today. They've got Tim Tams too, you know."

Siblings rule OK!

TGIF. That's all. (PM)

Geez, mate, no wonder you are TGIFing so hard. What a lame week you have had. What kind of a d-bag snaps off someone's windscreen wiper? Geez, a-hole, get a life. At least you don't live far from a Kmart, those guys will totally sell you a new windscreen wiper.

I am actually just the opposite of TGIFing. I am OMIFing. (That means oh, man, it's Friday.) Cause I only work on Mondays and Fridays and what with Easter it feels like I haven't worked in about a million years. So I had about a million emails to deal with today and blah blah, you know how it is.

Still I can't complain at all really. Yesterday I went to the zoo and I saw a motherflipping baby orangutan! Have you ever seen one of these guys up close. It is the cutest freaking thing. THE CUTEST!

Anyway, let's get back to Friday. I have this playlist on my iPod of songs I used to listen to on my way to work on Friday mornings when Friday used to mean something to me, to get in the mood for the weekend. It starts with R Kelly and ends with Snoop Dogg. Yeah, it's really good. Here is a golden track from that playlist. Let's let our Friday on!

Haiku Thursday (AM)

 

YELLOW!
So effing yellow,

Turmeric, making yellow

All over. YELLOW!

Mouse

I

The mouse in my house 

Doesn't seem to eat my food

Doesn't crap around

II

The mouse in my house

Is kind of cute, but come on

I can see you, guy

III

The mouse in my house

Tiny, with large, sweet ears

Still...wish he'd fuck off

The New Guy (PM)

Congratulations to Midbro and Mrs. Midbro! I've seen the pictures and the kid is cute. Going by Niecey though, it ain't no surprise.

Mate, you are so lucky that you have people so close to you that have babies. I can only imagine how delightful it is when someone you love makes someone new you can love. I don't really know what that is like. So friends, why don't you go make some babies already! They are the cutest!

Check it out*:

*not a human baby

The New Guy (AM)

This post goes straight out to Midbro and Mrs. Midbro.
Yesterday, those dudes added a whole new person to the Miss Soft Crab family and people, the new guy is so cute I just want to quit my job and cuddle the shit out of him professionally.

I effing love it when my favourite people multiply.

And I can't wait for Niecey to start terrorising him the way Midbro used to terrorise me.

Friday Favourites: Flamingos (PM)

I don't know much about flamingos, but I know what I like, and I like the shit out of what I am hearing.
And J, in the same way you feel kindred with flamingos because of their lactation type deal, I can relate to them because I like to call my preferred sleeping position the flamingo. It involves lying on my side with one leg straight and the other one bent up like a flamingo.
It is very comfortable.
Speaking of comfort and little birdies,  check this out.
I like the part where they put the penguin chick in the bowl with the chux in it, and you can get a look at it's beak tooth.

Poor Rats, Poor J (PM)

Rattus Rattus! hahahaha.
I love it when the names match up like that too. My favourite is Vulpes Vulpes.

Imagine if you were a Vulpes Vulpes strolling around the night that 23 Rattus Rattus were being wasted around a fire. What a party!

But back to workplace loneliness. We all feel it, mate.
I'm lucky, my workplace is full of amigas amigas (just jokes) with whom I can share the things that you sometimes want to share. I've got Neville, RoRo and the French Guy to name just a few. But having said that, if something was really really really funny or super super super absurd, I would probably just email you about it anyway. Or post about it on MSC.

We're all here for you, Mate.