It's another one of those beautiful weather days that make it hard to feel anything other than really really great.
And it's also KJ's birthday, a beloved faraway sister of Miss Soft Crab, so it's a day to get extra excited about. Happy birthday KJ. 🍻🎉🍰🍦
But rather than dwell on the positive, I thought I'd balance things out with a list of things that cheese me off. It's a very petty list but you should all know that I am not perfect, I am quite petty sometimes! Let's celebrate our pettiness on this beautiful Friday, shall we? So here we go, a list of minor things that cheese me off in no particular order.
1. When people arrive at the tram stop after me, but get better seats on the tram than I do.
2. When strangers say uncool things and then look to you for agreement. For example, a stranger at the gym the other morning was complaining to kid at reception about how he kept letting people from the northcote high swim squad ahead of the other people in the queue so they could go ahead to their swim squad practice. The stranger said "the rest of us get out of bed at the right time, so they should too". I was behind him in the queue and he looked around at me and nodded like he was representing my views. But I was just wishing he would stop bullying the kid at reception.
3. The phrase Friyay. Oh god this cheeses me off.
4. Off cheese. Ha! As if cheese would ever last long enough at my house to go off.
I guess that's about it. I was going to add when Appleheart sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to KB, but gets the tune wrong, but when I think about it, it's actually quite lovely. While I'm not listening to it.
Ugh. Yesterday I was jus feeling flat. You know those days. I have a bit of a cold and I have all this annoying work to do, not just normal work but annoying. And all this stuff in my near future I need to sort out. And a dirty house. So I thought I'd ask the Internet how to make this day better. And do you know what it showed me? A bunch of stupid memes. It just made my day worse. There was a bunch of cute puppies and dumb jokes and although I love puppies the way they were memes just annoyed me. Them and all the stupid unfunny annoying stuff turned into just made my day feel worse. Except for this.
Which made me go "Ha," and then move on. It wasn't really that beneficial to my day. I guess I was hoping for some advice from the Internet not a bunch of memes. Fucking memes. It's like the Internet gave the go ahead for everyone to make their own "Just hang in there" posters.
But I guess if I want my day to get better IRL I need to do something about it IRL, not just look to the Internet to solve my problems.
And I have to say that the IRL solutions were much better than what the Internet had to offer. I got a bunch of work done and cleaned the house to a reasonable extent and Baby came home from a two-day sleepover at my Mum and Dad's house and by the end of the day I was feeling ok. And to top it off the Internet came good in the evening when I saw this on Instagram:
"theroyalfamilyA flotilla of traditional Thames rowing skiffs, manned by Swan Uppers in scarlet rowing shirts and headed by The Queen’s Swan Marker, wearing a hat with a white swan’s feather, row their way steadily up the Thames. ‘All up!’ they cry as a family of swans and cygnets is spotted, and the Swan Uppers carefully position their boats around the swans, lift them from the water and check their health. The Queen's Swan Marker’s iconic five-day journey upriver has been an annual ceremony for hundreds of years, and today it has two clear goals: conservation and education."
Isn't that adorable?! I know I'm meant to be down on the monarchy but there is a lot of charm there. I wonder how the Queen voted in the Brexit referendum...oh, I just read that she isn't even allowed to vote because she has to remain politically neutral.
So I guess I learned an important lesson today, cygnets are adorable! Just jokes, I learned that the Internet can't fix everything, which is important to remember.
Oh, um, this is awkward. Because the phrase colourways doesn't really bug me that much. I mean, certainly if I heard a person use it in coversation like commenter Jo mentioned after K's morning post I would want to punch them in the face. But luckily I am pretty discerning with who I have conversations with. Though, sure, sometimes you can't avoid talking to deebs. BUT my understanding is that colourways doesn't just mean the same thing in different colours, though that's part of it. I think that if you are an actual designer doing a range that colourways really is more about differnt sets of colours that may be used in a full range of products. You know? Ok, I am not describing this well at all. But I am not a designer or anything like it. I just know that it is used professionally and it makes sense. Still if you are in a shop and someone is showing you a thing in a different colour then they may as well just say different colours. I mean, in we all know what different colours means, right?.
But just because I don't hate the word colourways doesn't mean I am taking the moral highroad. I mean, there are heaps of things I hate, kind of unnecessarily. Like, I hate it when people say 'whilst' and 'amongst' instead of 'while' and 'among'. And when people say 'myself' instead of 'me' it drives me bonkers to the point of distraction. Seriously. I hate it. I hate it.
Thank god the sun is shining outside, cause otherwise I may have to carry this rage inside me all day long. Ugh.
In this post, I am going to tell you guys about a thing that people say that I don't care for. I don't want to be a hater or anything, but sometimes people say words or use phrases that really get my goat. And now I am going to tell you about one of them which I guess is kind of mean, because maybe you dislike it too, so...sorry?
Also, I know what you're thinking. Whoa K, let she who is without sin cast the first stone. And you'd be right (and kudos on your use of biblical references, I LOVE biblical references). Of course I say a lot of things that people don't care for. I'll admit that. I'm pretty sure no one else finds the term 'tommozletov' as funny as I do. But heck guys, I'm just telling you how I feel. Maybe you're thinking the same thing and reading this will make you feel better. Maybe we can make a series out of it!
Ok, maybe I'm getting carried away. Why don't I just tell you the word and we can take it from there.
Ok, here I go. The thing that people say that I don't care for that I want to talk about is the word...
colourways.
People in design circles use it, from what I can gather, to describe the same pattern in different colours. So, for example these rugs that people with a spare $1200 odd can put in their hallways (assuming they have them - I have neither a spare $1200 nor a hallway).
Same pattern different colours. Only, these days people don't say colours, they say colourways.
I really don't care for it. It seems a little like dudes with stuff to sell are trying to elevate the status of their stuff from regular things to designy things, so we go crazy for them and drop a bunch of cash on them. It makes me think groan and eyeroll and depending how lazy I'm feeling, I may even roll my eyes when I read it/hear it.
So that's the thing I don't care for.
Unless it has some technical definition that I don't understand. Does it?
zOMG I love Terrific Tuesday so much already! When I turned on The Internet this morning and immediately logged on to Miss Soft Crab (as I'm sure you do too, readers) I saw the title Terrific Tuesday and I thought YES! This is a great idea! At first I thought this because I really do love an alliteration, but then I thought it because I want to make Tuesday terrific. Who wouldn't?
So, it's the middle of the day, and here is what I've done to make Tuesday terrific so far.
I drank a coffee
I tried really hard not to laugh at anyone at our all-staff meeting this morning, which was really hard, but I succeeded and got to feel good about myself and that was terrific
I decided to have a salad sandwich instead of a pork roll for lunch, again so I can feel good about myself and potentially allow myself to have a shortbread with the coffee I am going to have this afternoon
I also did a bunch of work I've been putting off, so that was pretty terrific.
And here's what I'm going to do next:
email my tax guy and make an appointment to do my mother-flipping tax
have another coffee and maybe a shortbread
go to the pub tonight with my Mike Gatting sisters and pull together the performance of our lives for the 2012 Trivia Premiership.
Actually, I'm definitely going to have a shortbread. It's Terrific Tuesday after all. I can not eat shortbread when I'm dead, right?
Check it out you guys! I just invented a new thing. You know how K really loves alliteration? (Well she does.) So I thought, hey what goes with Tuesday? And then I thought 'TERRIFIC'. And now I just feel terrific. Seriously! Yesterday afternoon I was feeling kind of POed. After work I ran for the tram. Made it too. Except it closed it's goddamned doors on my umbrella and left without me. Also my jeans were so tight. And I was wearing too many clothes cause it was so cold yesterday morning. Also my This American Life app is so effing buggy so I couldn't listen to it. And iOs6 requires you to have a fucking podcast app to stream podcasts from iTunes. UGH. So you can see that I was pretty glad when Muthafucking Monday was over. Oh, sure, I know that Muthafucking Monday wasn't so bad, just a series of minor annoyances made worse by my uncomfortable outfit. But it was, you know, annoying.
And when I say I invented a new thing I really mean I think we should
all implement this in our real lives every week. If you have a good
Monday well word up to you. But lets get serious. At best they are
usually fine. But if we just try and make Tuesday terrific think how
good every week would be!!!
And he we are! Terrific Tuesday! Here is what I am going to do to make this Tuesday rule!
All my washing. Plus I'll hang it in the sunshine!
Spend time in the sunshine.
Drink 2 coffees.
Eat some delicious bircher muesli in about 2 minutes.
Paint my nails.
Try really hard to stop thinking about how much I love Jesse Pinkman,
about how I hope he is going to be ok, and get over my Breaking Bad
withdrawals. In truth I think this is key to making my Terrific Tuesday.
Here goes you guys, let's go and have the best damn Tuesday ever!
It's Friday! The last Friday of the month! And that means one thing around here. Hunk of the Month Club!!!! But check it out you guys, we know you don’t all have the enthusiasm for hunks we do, the enthusiasm most often seen in 13-year-girls. Some of you may have that enthusiasm for babes! And if you generally don’t have enthusiasm for hotties, maybe you should just come back next week.
Anyway, as if we don’t alienate many of you enough, what with our constant chatter of hunks, grooming, clothes, food and emotions, we introduce Hunk of the Month Club. Sorry. So we thought it was time to introduce BABE OF THE MONTH CLUB. Actually, Midbro suggested it to K months back, long enough ago that I think we can now claim it as our own idea. Of course it won’t be monthly, it’s more like, Triannual Babe Day. Anyway welcome to our first ever.
J: So, Mate, our first BotMC and we have chosen K-Stew, perhaps
controversial, among ourselves as much as among the wider community,
but there is just something about her I kind of love. Sure, when I
first saw her, in Panic Room, all I thought was "Is that a girl or a
boy?" When I saw her in Into the Wild I thought "Who is that really
pretty girl hanging out with Emile Hirsch? Bitch" And when I saw her in the first two Twilight movies I
thought "Has there ever been a more annoying, nauseating character in
film before?" But when I saw The Runaways, everything kind of changed
for me.
HOT!
K: Is K-Stew in Into the Wild? I didn't even know that. You're not thinking of that girl who was in Donnie Darko and who's name is a lot like Jenna Moroney, but is something else?
Nope, I just checked IMDB - you're right, K-Stew is in Into the Wild. (As is Jena Malone). Evidently I don't remember that film terribly well. I just remember it being really sad and Emile Hircsh being a real babe.
But enough about me and my memories. Lets talk about me and K-Stew. My introduction to K-Stew came with the first Twilight movie. I have never read the books, so knew nothing about this Bella Swan bird or Sparkleface or that there was a Team Wolf and one day, I would be a card carrying member of that team (it's not a real team).
I was so naive back then, I had no idea what a pile of hilarious BS Twilight was, and how K-Stew's Bella was at the centre of all that steaming BS. It didn't take long though. A few minutes in and I really started to hate on Bella and by default, K-Stew.
And I have to say, I only saw The Runaways because I thought it would be good to hate on K-Stew a little more. But just as you say Mate, the hate stopped pretty quick smart.
J: Yeah,
Emile Hirsch is a total babe in Into the Wild. That guy should work more!
But, back to The Runaways. In the words of Joan Jett I love rock n'
roll. And I love hating on annoying people so I guess that is why saw
the film too, I totally thought I would hate on K-Stew, but I didn't. I
loved her! Firstly, she is really pretty. Secondly, I loved how in every
second scene she was standing up and zipping up her pants cause she was just doing it with someone or pissing on something! I LOVED
THAT! I loved it!
So HOT!
K: She was kind of great, wasn't she? So great that I'm pretty sure I
didn't think of Bella Swan once while watching it. And at some point
after it, I realised that I didn't want to say "UGHHGGHHHHHHH" every
time I saw a picture of her. Things had changed.
J: Yeah, I mean I'm sure Joan Jett has a lot to do with my feelings for
K-stew but that's ok. I also think there may be some Team Wolf
transference. You know affection by association
HOT!!!
K: For me, liking K-Stew requires me to overcome my incredulity that
someone like Jacob could actually like someone like Bella. He is a WOLF
and she is basically a Pomeranian. It's sick and gross and mother nature
would be spewing if she knew about it.
But nevertheless. Seeing The Runaways led to the silence of the
hate, which meant that a few months ago, when you said something to me,
Mate, I was open to hearing it. Do you remember what that this was?
J: Oh, look, I am as opposed to Jacob's obsession with Bella as much as the
next person. Nothing seems more unnatural. I'm just saying I think
there may be some subconscious connection my brain is making and a
transference of affection/attraction.
Anyway, no, I don't remember what I said. Was it something along the lines of "Have you watched the Snowhite and the Huntsman preview yet? It looks freaking awesome and I think I love K-Stew!"?
K: HAHA. No, it wasn't that. But you were right about the preview for Snow White and the Huntsman.
No, it was when you were reading Twilight and you couldn't
comprehend how annoying Bella was. I think I nodded and made some kind
of sound that indicated I agree with you but, knowing I hadn't read the
books, you went further.
"No, Mate," you said, "You don't understand. You know how annoying Bella is in the
movies? Well that's nothing compared to how annoying she is in the
books. The book version of Bella makes the movie version of Bella
seem tolerable. For K-Stew to be able to pull that off makes me think
she must be some kind of wizard."
It was a real lightbulb moment for me.
J: Oh, yeah. I was getting to that. People, Bella Swan in the Twilight
books is truly the most repulsive character I have ever come across
ever. The most repulsive. And I have read all of Bret Easton Ellis's
books. She is the most passive, uncharmingly self-effacing, worst dressed character I
have ever had the displeasure of reading and the fact that K-Stew makes
her even vaguely watchable speaks volumes of the magic of K-Stew.
K: Gosh, I really don't want to read Twilight.
Ok, so lets recap.
watching Twilight makes one hate K-Stew
watching The Runaways silences the hate
reading Twilight makes one respect K-Stew
But there is a missing link here. I don't think we would have
gone from hating on K-Stew so hard to making her our very first Miss
Soft Crab Babe of the Month if it hadn't been for a certain someone who
blew that K-Stew trumpet loudly and consistently from day one: Chickpea.
J : It's true, Chickpea has long been a champion for K-Stew and her
enthusiasm is infectious! No doubt. But you know sometimes you just need
the seed to be sown and true love can bloom!
You know what else I've kind of come to love about her, even though I
hate it on Bella Swan, that little half smile. When she does it as
Bella I think, shit Bella, grow some balls, just smile or don't! But
when I see K-stew do it I think it is kind of adorable! Is there
something wrong with me?!
K: The problem is Bella. She basically ruins
everything for everyone. At least, that's the hypothesis we should test
against when we go see Snow White and the Huntsman next
week. Because the truth is: everyone can see that K-Stew is a
serious babe, but one who's babe-integrity is seriously compromised by
that goddamn whiner Bella Swan.
Choose Jacob you stupid, stupid girl!
J: Imagine if K-Stew didn't play Bella Swan! We'd probs all be
totally in love with her for real. I think that the truth will all be
revealed when we see SWATH next week, you're right. And I can't effing
wait to see it!
So I guess that basically K-Stew is our very first Babe of the Month
because, despite playing the most annoying character in history, she has
captured our imagination. Moreover, that gives her the
repulsive/attractive thing so crucial to so many hunks! It's a classic combo and I guess she's nailed it!
You know on the whole, I kind of hate my hair. Every now and again I like it, and then I hate it again. Then I wash and dry it and I kind of like it again. On the bad days I fixate on getting a cut and colour, and while I do get cuts and that often helps a lot, it kind of is amazing how far a wash and blow dry will take it. And I am beginning to think that in a way this is like a metaphor for so many of my First World problems.
Recently I actually booked myself in to colour my hair, which I haven't done in many years, nowadays I go au naturel, but I just got obsessed. Anyways I was broke and nervous about starting the dye cycle so I just got my eyebrows tinted instead. I cannot recommend this highly enough. If you are anything like me you will look really pretty after it and it's about a fifth of the price of having your hair coloured.
Need new clothes? Do some washing! You wouldn't believe how often that alleviates my wardrobe woes! If that is not enough see if your mum has any clothes from the eighties that are cool again!
Check out this jumper I scored on the weekend:
SCORE!
This is pretty much my fall back plan whenever I want new stuff but don't want to buy anything. And I was pretty sure that my Mum's old shoe collection would yield some shoes for me to wear to Blizzie's wedding on the weekend. And it did.
This would be the perfect shoe to wear to the with my dress:
And this, although it looks boring, is actually a very comfortable and surprisingly fitting alternative:
Sweet.
Except for some reason only these shoes can be found. That is only that single purple shoe and that single brown shoe seem to exist. Their buddies are missing. On the up side that purple shoe is a lefty and the brown one is a righty so they do make a pair. On the down side I'm not going to wear odd shoes to a wedding.* I don't want to look like a fucken' idiot.
*In fact it is highly unlikely I would wear odd shoes anywhere ever. This is not a weddings-only rule.
