The Oscars 2012 (or Thank You Christian Bale or Innocence Lost)

I feel like perhaps we should apologise in advance for the warped focus of our Oscars coverage. But I also feel like it was not our fault. If you are interested in reading about outfits, you have come to the wrong place. If you want to know about movies, you are also in the wrong place. And if you want to know who won, you won't get a lot of that here either. If you want hunks... then I sure as hell hope you didn't watch the Oscars last night.

Our Oscars coverage is going to be brought you you  by text message. Shall we begin. (FYI, K is grey and I, J, am green. And sorry for the typos. It's hard to maintain the level of professionalism you are no doubt accustomed on MSC while text messaging.)

I don't know if you guys remember that last year, when The Fighter won a bunch of awards, everyone kept thanking Marky Mark, I'm still thanking him.

Any negative comments you see throughout this discussion are either related to nauseating montages (as referenced above) or nauseating hosts (Like J.Lo and Cameron Diaz, referenced below). We didn't plan to start off on such a negative note, but the Oscars made us, and Miss Soft Crab is nothing if not honest.

 

Finally, something good happened.

Christian Bale was presenting best supporting actress. Which of course a woman from The Help, Octavia Spencer, won.

 

 

Bradley Cooper went and ruined everything. As usual.

As we moved further away from the time that  Christian Bale had been on our screens, our despair over the lameness of the show grew.  Things went from bad to worse when  Cirque du Soleil performed a dance/acrobatic/bullshit tribute to movies.

Chris Rock presented the award for best animation. I believe Rango won.

Have you seen an ad for this TV show called The Voice? Keith Urban and Delta Goodrem and Seal and a guy from Good Charlotte are on it? What?

Luckily K has been watching a lot of GO! lately and could tell us all about it. Until she got distracted...

This is Taylor Kitsch as John Carter. In the absence of Oscar hunks we are offering you hunks from the ads that screened during the broadcast

Thank Christ, it was then time for the best supporting actor award. And though there were no actual hunks nominated Christopher Plummer was nominated for Beginners. You know,  with Ewan?

 

 

At least Man or Muppet won the best song award. Even though it only had to beat one other song. Then I had to put Baby to bed and I didn't tell K. Whoopsee.

Here is what Kristen Wiig looked like:

Pretty, I think. And a little bit like her Bridesmaids nemesis Rose Byrne 3 years ago, style-wise.

At this stage there was a montage of awards that are presented before the real Oscar night. God, let the past be the past I say. It including some kind of lifetime acheivement things for people like Oprah (WHAT? Her contribution to what now?)

Luckily no hunks died last year, but sadly this meant we had to sit through another hunk-free segment. The in memoriam was accompanied by a woman singing 'What a Wonderful World'. Personally I felt the song choice was all wrong.

 

Usually I would never say LB looks like Brad Pitt. But I feel a bit bad for ranting about hunks this way, so I will say with a resounding YES, LB and Brad Pitt share a certain something. Also, you have to admit Pitt has a handsome face.

Then, of course, Meryl Streep won the best actor award. She got  emotional. Groan.

 

How to describe our feelings? #robbed #cold #alone 

Thank you Christian Bale for helping us get through the night. 

And thanks for nothing Oscars!

Another penguin post

I know what you mean about penguins. They are both adorable and a little sad. This one time I went to an aquarium in Osaka and there were plenty of penguins there. They just stared up at the fake snow falling on them. Or maybe that happened in Happy Feet, seeing as my photographic evidence only kind of supports my memory.


Either way, it was a little sad.

Mind you, not nearly as sad as the polar bears I saw at the zoo in Tokyo a week later when it was about 30 degrees.


Anyways, I wouldn't worry too much about Werner's penguin facing certain death because:

i) Seriously I love the 'Zog, but how can you take anything he says seriously after that wonderful Where's Waldo reading;

ii) Werner is German, it's probably practically impossible for him not to imbue everything he sees with some sort of existential angst;

and iia) technically we all are heading towards certain death;

iii) Haven't you seen Happy Feet? Pingu's going to be ok.

The Penguin Post

I love penguins.
I think it is because they waddle. And then drop to their tummies when they are sick of waddling and slide along the ice for a little while. Also, they look so neat, like they are wearing suits.
But they can also be so heartbreaking.
Sometimes, penguins get lost and end up separated from their penguin crews. Doesn't the thought of a penguin that is alone and far far far away from home break your heart a little bit?
Take this guy, who turned up in New Zealand yesterday. What are you doing in New Zealand little guy? You live in Antarctica! The article says he appears really well fed, and that reassures me. But he looks so out of place, all alone on that beach staring at some guy in a backpack. A guy with a backpack is not going to provide the kind of companionship that a young penguin needs! I just feel like this is going to work out really badly. I guess my reservations are informed by this, the saddest thing I have ever seen. Watch it all the way to the end people, the bit where Werner says that the Penguin is headed for "certain death".
This is why I am worried that things won't work out for the New Zealand penguin.
But I guess I am less worried and the NZ penguin than I am about the one who is headed for certain death in the mountains. He is well fed and has his friend with the backpack after all.

Plus, I find this so amusing that I guess I can listen to Werner's commentary about the penguin with a touch of amusement, rather than despair like I did the first time.
Still, I hope everything works out for the NZ penguin, because I like the cut of his jib. And the cut of all penguin jibs. I really like penguins.