Just a little something (AM)

Yesterday was hot and last night I had a terrible headache, thought it would become a migraine but I just went to bed and it turned out fine. Anyway, luckily someone posted this video on Facebook, it's probably a little longer than it needs to be but it's funny so we all get a laugh without me having to work hard! Win!

Something's blowing in the wind (PM)

Your Mum calls it cabin fever, I call it asking some legitimate questions about what you want to be wearing in the future. But having said that, of course setting some goals is a good idea. And God knows time to one's self is a good idea. And exercise is a great idea! Especially if you want an excuse to get those white leggings!

I've done a couple of Les Mills TM classes in my day, and if my experience is anything to go by, you will find them equal parts annoying, hilarious, difficult and effective. Annoying because a key part of the Les Mill TM experience is the soundtrack. The classes are set to music which is especially prepared for you by Les Mills (' son) and because they are a company that is highly mindful of propriety rights, it's all re-recorded versions of contemporary 'hits'. Imagine a Katie Perry song re-recorded by someone who probably goes by Tatie Ferry and you're somewhere close to the music in  Les Mills class. No payment of royalites for those guys. No sirree. The music is very very annoying. But, it's also the reason that they're so hilarious. And as far as exercise goes, they really do the trick. They are difficult. Which makes them effective. Which closes the circle!

Even though I kind of hate group exercise classes, I'm going to set myself a goal of going to one class next week too. Maybe BodyPump, "the original barbel class that strengthens your entire body". From memory, the soundtrack to that one has a re-recorded version of Sweet Child O Mine.

I'm annoyed already

Hello Bobby Dobby (PM)

On Saturday night I went to J, LB and Baby's place to play with Bobby Dobby and hear J talk in a Russian accent and I have to say it was a very enjoyable Saturday night.

And while Bobby Dobby is extremely cute, the accent was the highlight for me. J does one of the best Russian accents I've ever heard. And believe me, I've heard them all. When I worked at the library, every second punter was Russian and therefore I got maximum exposure to both the Russian accent and chumps trying to imitate it. J's version is Rolls Royce class.

Check out this email exchange we had yesterday, in which I compliment J on her Russian accent.

J: How was the rest of your weekend? Mine was fine thanks. Bobby Dobby is so cute.

Should I buy these pants? 

K: The rest of my weekend was very nice thank you...(blah blah blah..I talk about what I did on Sunday, you're not missing anything...)

I should have vacuumed but I couldn't be bothered. Maybe tonight I will vacuum. (I didn't)

 

Those pants have got J written all over them mate. Totally buy them. They look like stylish Bella Swan Maternity Pants.

 

I saw those pictures of Bobby Dobby you posted. Cute! It also made me think about you saying "Hello Bobby Dobby" in a Russian accent and that made me laugh a lot. I'm laughing as I write this.

And I'm laughing as I write this.

Thankful Thursday (PM)

HAHAHAHA! Pretty fly for a wifi! HAHHAHAHAHA! Oh, boy am I thankful you shared that, matey! That totally made my day!

While I think that the person who stole your hot water system is a total deebag (seriously, why would you eff up a person's Terrific Tuesday?!), you are so right, mate. We've got it pretty good. I am thankful that sometimes Disprin can fix a headache (yes, I had a headache earlier, now I just have that niggling heavy head thing one gets when they have a headache and have taken drugs that only just mask the pain - still better than the muthaucking headache).

And I'm thankful I did all my dishes last night. But I guess that's more about me being a really good friend to myself. Thanks, me.

Didn't take long to find out.... (AM)

Just like the Guardian's film editors, I think the fewer words spoken about this, the better. But be sure to watch it with the sound on.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/video/2013/mar/04/walrus-spotted-north-scotland-video

A few phone calls, a bit of research...and the fact that it looks exactly like a mother flipping walrus, but never mind that.

Gifts from the internet (AM)

Today I am meant to be talking about food, because Wednesday is going to be the day Miss Soft Crab talks about food from now on. But instead I am just going to show you this because I must, I really must.

I'm so sure that the people behind this clip of shetland ponies wearing fair isle jumpers are a couple of dames just like J and I, who thought it would be funny to put on their blog.
I'm so glad they did!

WTF? Wednesday (AM)

From time to time, I have to go on the road for work. 

It usually involves driving around to a bunch of places in regional Victoria, having a bunch of meetings and eating a bunch of foccacias.

I kind of love it. Talking to people about their stuff is pretty much one of my favourite things, and the countryside is so pretty at the moment:

I didn't take that photo, but it looks just like this. 

The highlight is also the amusing things one sees when in country Victoria. 

Hotel toilets that look like this:

No one's buying that. 

Pub menus that look like this:

I hope you all stayed with that to the end. 

But this time, the 'art' on the wall in the hotel room really takes the cake.

Check it out:

WTF guy? Why do you hate whales so much? 

Return to found (*(k

Well guys, usually I wouldn't just jump into post like this without a little introduction, but I think that found cocks really need no introduction. So let's get the ball(s) rolling!


J:  You know yet another reason why I can't wait for winter to be over? So I can get out of the damn house and find some damn cock art! If it weren't for the kindness of friends (and strangers) I could barely even contribute to this FC experience. But, thanks to friends, strangers, and the kid that drew this, I can.

K: Mate, you're so right. Genuinely creative indoor cock art is really hard to find. If it weren't for public transport, it would have been a long winter indeed.

Happily, Jewel station provided me with this:

Touch on, readers!

J: Thank god for PT, ay? Not that I ever see any cock on the train.

You know FC seemed to really strike a chord with people. For example, all the way over in LA Mondonna really embraced FC and posted several pictures of her and her friends with their FCs on FB. And Phibber posted a constructed food cock from gay Paris on my FB page. But since, weirdly, both those guys left FB I can't show them to you. 

We apologise, but due to technical difficulties we can not show you global FC.

K: FC speaks to all of us.

Just quickly, before we move on from public transport cock, I just want to highlight something I spotted on the tram the other night, and made Legsley photograph for me.  

It's hard to make out, but it's basically a biro drawing of cock and balls on someones hand. And not just anyone, some totally respectable looking guy who looked like he was on his way home from work or something. Right there on his hand: cock and balls. 

J: HAHAHA! Such a good one. Like he was just doodling a doodle at work! HAHA!

Speaking of inappropriate FC remember how at Blizzie's wedding we couldn't stop making everything into FC? Like this random clip and the vodka figs Miguel had the foresight to bring!
 

K: We really could not stop turning things in to FC at that wedding. Which is strange, given how perfectly tasteful everything was. But I guess we were all so happy we couldn't help but do one of our favourite things.

Ok, so I have another FC that I want to talk about, but sadly do not have a picture of. It was basically a giant FC drawn on the side of a white house on my street. This house is on a corner, so it has an entire pure white wall just begging to be drawn on. Happily, someone stepped up to the plate and drew this extremely large FC in  black texta and by extremely large I mean mother-flipping huge.

I saw it from my car as I was driving down the street and chuckled all the way home. I went back yesterday to get a photo of it but disaster! Someone had already painted over it. 

Censorship blows!

Thank god there is no censorship on the internet where I found this:

I will never stop finding this funny.

J: I can't believe that cock got painted over so quickly. It sounds like a real good one and I think we probably would all have been better off having seen it. Luckily, though, I have a real doozie to finish on.

You see a couple of months ago I was innocently sitting at work when a picture was texted to me from a number I didn't recognise and it was...amazing! I could barely believe my eyes! When I texted back asking who it was, and thinking it was a friend whose number I'd lost, it turned out to be a stranger! A colleague of Russeth's.

I think this really shows what a great sense of humour Mother Nature must have. And the fact that it got to the supermarket and into the hands of a friend of Russeth's shows how generous Fate is!  Take a look guys.

K: Mother Nature, you've done it again. 

Psychic TV (PM)

If I knew what watching Psychic TV was like, say because my friend had emailed me at 11pm or so and said:
"Ps. I hope your night is as good as mine. Watching psychic tv" with a picture something like this:

and then I had tuned in to see what the future was going to be like, I would completely support J's reflections that psychics seem to be frustrated decorators. One of the middle-aged ladies kept telling everyone to de-clutter their homes so that their dreams could come true. And she said that people should choose key colours to decorate their homes, for example purple and white, like she has chosen for her home. HAHAHAHAHAHHA. Purple and white. 

Hump day (AM)

Sometimes, when I tell people that I co-author a five day a week blog, they say to me "Wow, do you guys ever run out of things to say?" to which I always reply  "of course we do, we constantly run out of things to say, it's actually kind of a miracle we ever have anything to say."

People never want to hear that though. 

They prefer to  think that blog writing is effortlesss and fun, and where there is always something to blog about because life is so full of amazing people doing inspiring things, and laneways. I know I don't need to tell you, loyal readers of MIss Soft Crab, that ours is not the kind of blog that rides on the back of amazing people doing inspiring things and laneways. No. Ours is the kind of blog where we cough up whatever comes to mind that day, and somedays (i.e. the middle of the week), 'whatever comes to mind' aint much. But shit you guys, we make the rules, and one of our (unofficial) rules is that you will never read words like 'bespoke' and 'colourways' on Miss Soft Crab unless we have written a post about words that make us want to puke. 

But today, readers, no one is going to puke. No one is going to puke because the other day, I decided to clean out my inbox, leading me to find a bunch of hilarious emails J and I exchanged in the days before Miss Soft Crab was born, the days before Baby was born and the days before J and I had the number 3 at the front of our ages. Come with me now, on a journey through space and time and discover an email J sent me shortly after she dropped down to working 4 days a week. Returning back to work after a day off,  J had the following to say in an email with the subject of simply 'Thursday":

Mate, I don’t wanna rub it in or anything but not working hump day really takes the hump out of that day. It's so good never having to wait too long for a day off. Yesterday I met David’s puppy, Ivy. She is very beautiful and incredibly sweet and I think I love her. Also it was nice to eat lunch in the sun with David (bagel with cream cheese, avo and lemon mmmmmmm). 
Then LB and I went to see David O’Doherty. It was very funny. Then we ate dumpys. Mmmmmmmm. Then when we got home there was some Russell Brand Show on teev so I just had a wonderful laugh-filled night. Laughter rules.

Anyway, how are you?

So back to me. I am heading towards the decision of dinner at the folks for my b’day. People are generally enthusiastic about it when I tell them and my Mum loved the idea. I thought she may, but she was all “Yeah, that’s a great excuse to make Dad do something fun with me!” And “Yeah, I’ll clean up! I’ll put clean sheets on our bed so you can stay! Maybe you should open up my office into the next room and dine in there!”

I hope if I have kids that I don’t start calling LB Dad all the time.

Please note I am not in the office on Wednesdays

Note: That last bit came from J's automatic signature at the time. It was the first line, before her name even. I thought i'd leave it in to show her state of mind. 

What's wrong with this picture? (AM)

You know what you don't see around much anymore? Pinboards. The Torquay supermarket has one though. People sell cars, furniture, surfboards, wetsuits, boats, yep, they sell all kinds of things on that pinboard. They try to, anyway. I guess I just see the signs, I don't know the outcomes. Though I'd like to think I know the outcome of this here ad I saw recently.

There is so much wrong with this picture.

1. The person who put it there must have bought all three 50 Shades of Grey books. I know that they have sold about 50 zillion copies, so people other than this one have bought them, still, having been subjected to a brief, yet painful, reading from the first book I still have trouble believing it.

2. "Will not separate" HAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, oh God. I effing love that so much. Will not separate!!! Like it is some antique table setting. Or a set of crystal ware. No this person can not, WILL NOT, see these books be separated. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

3. "Exc. cond." Ewwww. No one wants to know the condition of your faux porn.

4. Eeeewwwwww. Why are you selling your faux porn?!?!

5. "$20" Is advertising to the whole of Torquay the fact that you own, and are now done with, your 50 Shades of Grey trilogy worth it? Selling your dignity for twenty bucks. Get some self respect!

Stop to smell the roses (AM)

For the last couple of months I've been house sitting. In bigger, nicer houses than mine, and in preferable locations. And not in the kind of proximity to my parents that makes everyday a struggle against regression. And in many ways it has been really nice. All the space, light, effective and thorough heating, kitchen bench space, dish washers, accessible bins. Yep, it has been quite luxurious. But on the weekend we moved home. Home to a freezing kitchen and bathroom, limited space and a daily struggle against regression. But what coming home to all this has shown me, is that despite all these shortcomings, home is pretty good. 

First of all, I was reunited with my beautiful grater, SharpAz.

I stumbled across this grater one day at a time in my life when I was dissatisfied with my grater and this baby was on sale; $10 reduced from $29.95. Well it didn't seem like much of a gamble, and I am telling you that until you have grated with this, well, you haven't grated. It makes grating a pleasure! A pleasure, people! I used to hate grating, but not since SharpAz came into my life. And when I grated my first vegetable in two months on SharpAz last Saturday night, well it was then that I knew I was home. 

You know what else was nice, just being able to wear anything I owned. Just choose any piece of clothing from my wardrobe. Anything at all. It was all at my finger tips.That was pretty luxurious.

Also, my house has a nice view. Out the bathroom window I see cargo ships on the water. They really make my day. I don't know what it is but I effing love the sight of cargo ships. 

Plus, you know that proximity to my parents? Well it also makes me proximal to their 3D TV. Sure, this is usually no big deal, but did you know that the Olympics are being shown in 3D? Do you know how effing good that looks? Apparently my mum saw confetti in 3D during the opening ceremony and thought rain was coming in the roof. 

 HAHAHAHA.

 

I watched some of the men's gymnastics in 3D. Do you know how good at gymnastics those guys are? Really good! But they are so much better in 3D. And when you are watching, say, a guy performing on the rings and then someone else does some handsprings in front of him, you just see that second guy, 3D handspringing away in front of you. Look, this is a really visual experience, it is hard to describe it in words, so let me just say that when I was watching it I just had this big stupid grin on my face the entire time.

I guess that being away from home just made me realise that home is pretty nice, even if you think its not that great.

Return to GOOP (PM)

Mate, thank god you wrote this post! Because after having The Royal Tenenbaums play silently in the background of band practice last weekend, I almost started liking the GOOP! Thank god things are back to normal now. (I still want to dress in tennis dresses but what else is new?) I like the bit about the tray that says this: Alexandra von Furstenberg has made this special laser etched acrylic tray especially for goop.

HAHAHAHA. Oh, oh god GOOP. Get a real name!

For those of you with any doubt about how gross the GOOP is, here she is in her jeans:

And here are the actual jeans:

Eeeew. Gross me the fuck out.

It's almost like she wants her disciples to look fugly so that she can be the fairest of them all. What the hell is wrong with you GOOP. Being pretty and rich and famous and popular isn't enough for you?

But K is right, we don't want to end the week on a sour note. So I give you Flo Rider! As horrible and stupid as GOOP but heaps more funny!

What we talk about when we talk about Miss Soft Crab(AM)

The other day I was having lunch with Russeth and I asked him if he had read Miss Soft Crab that day.

"No" he said, "I haven't been reading it lately".

'Why not?" I asked him. "Do you hate us?".

"Yes" he said, and then we both laughed and got on with eating our lunch. He doesn't really hate us. He was just making a joke. 

Later, we were walking back to our respective offices and we walked under a gantry, which is the name they give to that scaffolding they construct around buildings under renovation. It reminded me of that time I was walking under a gantry in NYC and a pigeon took a dump on me.

I decided to tell Russeth about the time I was walking under a gantry in NYC and a pigeon took a dump on me. In telling the story, I focused, as I always do, on how unexpectedly warm the pigeon poo was.

He said "Well, yeah, I guess it would be warm. Pigeons are warm blooded creatures."

We walked on a little, and he said "I wonder how warm pigeons actually are".

As soon as he said this, I immediately thought of a joke. It was the kind of joke I find extremely funny.  I felt a little flutter in my chest, such as I get when I know the opportunity to make my joke is fleeting, and if I don't move quickly then it will disappear completely. I opened my mouth and said:

"Yeah, like, what is their core birdy temperature?". 

Straight away, I started laughing at my joke, I guess you could say hysterically.  I am chuckling even now as a write this. 

Russeth looked at me and said

"That's why I don't read Miss Soft Crab", and he was only half joking. 


I don't care you guys. I loved my joke and I hope you love it too.

HAHAHA (PM)

Google is funny!

But it's also a bit of a weirdo.

I just asked it what's good and it said:

good/go͝od/

Adjective:	To be desired or approved of.
Noun:	That which is morally right; righteousness.
Adverb:	Well: "my mother could never cook this good".
Synonyms:	adjective.  nice - kind - fine noun.  benefit - profit - advantage - avail - welfare - use adverb.  well - nicely - fine - right - okay

More info »Dictionary.com - Answers.com - Merriam-Webster - The Free Dictionary

I don't think that sentence is grammatically correct. It's not good. 

HAHAHA (AM)

I just asked Google 'what's funny?' and it told me this.

fun·ny/ˈfənē/

Adjective:	Causing laughter or amusement; humorous.
Noun:	The comic strips in newspapers: "I read the sports page, funnies, and editorial".
Synonyms:	comical - comic - amusing - droll - humorous - odd

More info »Wikipedia - Dictionary.com - Answers.com - Merriam-Webster 

 I've got to give it to Google, it did make me laugh.

The amazing things I heard this weekend (PM)

These women are laughing because one of them made a joke like "Thermomix? More like ThermoBULLSHIX!!! HAHAHA" (What?)  

I'm coming to that Thermomix demonstration! Please. Even though I am weary of kitchen devices that can do everything, because I associate them with products that get advertised on morning television with the claim they can do everything, like the Aahh Bra.  Maryanne: do you really expect me to believe that one flimsy little bra that doesn't even have underwire can do the work of an entire wardrobe of bras? Forget it Maryanne, you're out of your mind.  But the Thermomix intrigues me. Not that I am going to spend $2000 on one. But still, can't hurt to do a little research. Just ask scientists - they are always researching things and they don't seem to get hurt by it. (I don't know any scientists, I have no idea if that's true).

I didn't really hear anything amazing on the weekend, I don't think. Hilarious, sure, like everything that came out of Legsly's mouth while I was at her place with Tickle and Miguel watching the Eurovision final last night. That girl is S.E.R.I.O.U.S. about Eurovision. It's like the Grand Final for her. She was nervous with anticipation. At times she couldn't stop talking about what she was seeing, and how it represented or departed from what Eurovision is all about. Sometimes she would go quiet, out of respect for the performance and in those moments, you could cut the air with a knife. Safe to say that Sweden's performance, totally blew her mind and she felt they were worthy victors.  She was NOT impressed by Jedward. She implied they were cheapening the whole thing.
Great times! Also, before she knew who the winner was, she made us promise that next year, we would go. So, next year in Stockholm everybody!

Hairdressers say the darndest things! (PM)

When I'm in the mood for it, the dumb shit people say to their hairdressers is one of my favourite things about going to the hairdresser. Head massages, getting to look at magazines and the fact that I have nice hair once I'm finished being the others. But mistaking Gonzo for gonzo? That takes the mother flipping cake. Sounds like you hit the jackpot, Mate.

Speaking of dumb shit people say whilst getting their groom on, someone said an amusing thing to me at the beauty parlour the other day. Now there's a sentence I never thought I would write. Can you believe I have a beauty parlour now? I know, it shocks me too. But it turns out that as my youth fades, my ability to look halfway decent without doing anything is also fading. I'm not talking about looking "good", mind you, just halfway decent. But even though this need has emerged, I still find the whole beauty parlour environment very disconcerting. The fact that everyone is there for beauty therapies of some kind. The heavily made up faces and fake enthusiasm of the staff which is, speaking as someone who is quite partial to a little enthusiasm, far too much to bear. The fumes in the air. Why are there fumes in the air? Where do they come from? It's worrying.

Anyway, the place I go to is in the city, and much like the Windsor hairdresser J referred to, it's really quite fancy. It has high ceilings and black lacquered furniture and pale pink cushions and things that I think are meant to make it look like Grace Kelly's dressing room or something. The women who work there are perfectly groomed, kind of like air hostesses on an airline where everyone is young and pretty (i.e. not United - have you seen those people? Yikes). Happily, most of the women who work there are lovely and perfectly normal so I don't feel too weird about it when I go.

But there is this one girl.
She is kind of a caricature of a girl who works at a beauty parlour. She looks like a brunette version of this:

Botox and collagen included. She works behind the front desk, so when people arrive for their appointments and then pay at the end, she is the lady we all interact with.  Frankly, it's hard not to stare, but in her defence, she has always seemed nice and friendly enough. Just a little misguided maybe. But perfectly nice.
Anyway, the other day as I went to pay, she seemed kind of distracted and a little frazzled. She was staring at her computer screen and it seemed like she was trying to do something that from the look on her face, was not working.  I waited for a sec and then sheepishly said "I just want to pay for my things", to which she replied "Of course, OMG you look so pretty!" all the while continuing to look at her computer screen, thereby having no idea whether I looked goddamn pretty at all! I guess she just figured that that's what every girl wants to hear on the way out of the beauty parlour.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Poor girl.

Found (0(K

When I was going to Golden Plains this year I picked Legsly up from Geelong train station so we could go together. I was down that way and I was the one with the car so she caught the train down to meet me for a ride. She told me a story about the train ride during which, while stopped at a train station, three rowdy youths ran up to the train and drew cocks on the window of the stationary train. Just stationary for the drop off and pick up. All three of the guys. Now that is dedication to drawing cocks. God, how I wish I'd been there!

If you've spent any time around these parts you may remember cock on a tenner and cock in a guac or cock on a 'nana. But since then what?! Good question!

Chickpea wrote to me a little while ago with the message "Are you still collecting them" with this picture attached:

Cute isn't it?! And then I realised that I hadn't found a picture like that worth photographing in a long time. I told Chickers I hadn't found any good ones lately and the very next day she sent me this one. I like it because of its crudity. The simplicity of it. Someone just thought yep, I'm gonna draw a cock and then they knocked one out.

Anyway, I guess I'm not the only one interested in finding cock. Let's see what K has to say about it!

K: Thanks mate, I do have some things to say about found cock. As you say, at its simplest FC is about somewhere someone saying  yep, I'm gonna draw a cock. And that's OK by me. So natural and spontaneous. I mean, who among us can say they have never been swept by that mood?

Of course, this is harder to do if you're a perfectionist, like I assume the person who made the following FC is:

This seems to me to be the creation of someone who doesn't like to draw outside the lines. Great that he/she is having a go but geez guy/girl, have a little fun with it!

J: Yeah, losen up.

Still, I appreciate that there is room for the spontaneous and the more premeditated. Like this cock o' rice that Chikpea and I saw a picture of shortly after I realised it was time to start collecting again.

 

K: Nyuck nyuck nyuck. Cock o' rice. Way to have fun at work, whoever did that!

You know who else is having fun? These little punks, who used found materials to create something quite special:

Strictly speaking, it's more found poon than found cock, but it's totally in the spirit of what we're talking about here today. When I stumbled across these guys at work,  I felt like I had just discovered Basquait. This, from folks so young? Unbelievable. I can not wait to see how their work develops. 

J: Well, while we are off cockic topic and talking about men at work, check out this babycino Baby received when we were in Sydney a while ago!

Naturally Baby could not wait to get stuck into it.

K: HAHAHAHA. People can be so great.

Such as your Mum, mate. As evidenced at passover dinner, when she turned a blind eye while we laughed and laughed because the horseradish on the seder plate looked so much like a cock.

Due to technical difficulties we can not show you the horseradish from our seder plate. Luckily horseradish cock and balls are not rare, thank you Internet for providing this replacement.

We didn't make it so, the earth made it so! We just bore witness.

J: HAHAHA! Yeah, that horseradish cock was such a good one. Cocks of nature! An accidental cock is almost better than one put there by design. I mean they are the true found cock, right?! Take this piece of cock rock that I found at the same place as the cock o' rice. These pink phalluses were on every table! What?

But I think my favourite accidental was this one:

 

The projection of a microphone onto the shirt of a groom giving a speech.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

K: I don't think we can top that, Mate.

But that won't stop us searching, always searching, for the next FC. And readers, please take up the search yourselves, if you haven't already. Perhaps some of you have some FCs of your own you'd like to share? If so, please post them on the Miss Soft Crab Facebook page - I'm sure I speak for the whole Crab community when I say we would love to see them.

J: It's true. That last one is gold. But I would love to finish up with something a little classic. In fact it is something that Russeth did and I saw it in a Facebook album of G-Force's from a recent fishing trip they went on with some other cats. I really love the simpleness of the drawings, and that the whole thing is so complete. You know?  I just think it is the purest example of cock vandalism.

What's going on? (PM)

I  actually have a note about this very ad in the place where I take notes to remind me of things I want to talk about on Miss Soft Crab (my notebook). What I intended to say was that ad is ridiculous and that product is ridiculouser. A former supermodel saying a bunch of words in a terrible dress while her eyelashes look all caked on and clumpy? That makes me want to turn the television off, not buy a mascara.

But it does remind me of something hilarious I saw/heard on the weekend, which relates to this falsie phenomenon you have observed.

On Saturday night I went to the footy with Rumpy and a friend of his who's name starts with a P. Collectively, lets call them Pumpy. Anyway, there was a group of teens sitting in front of us. A bunch of boys having a nice night at the footy. Halfway through the first quarter, two girls joined them. They were probably 16 or so, and there were four distinguishing things about them.
1. Though looked exactly the same as one another, and I mean exactly. Not like twins or anything. More like teen girls who are wearing a look they got out of a magazine and don't yet know how to develop that. They were both  wearing tight blue jeans, white t-shirts and black leather jackets. They both had long dyed blonde hair.
2. They were both wearing false eyelashes that looked really really ridiculous. You could see these falsies from miles away and they kind of looked like mascara brushes. They were outrageous! Like Claudia said.
3. They were both faking their interest in football, I assume to impress these boys. At one point, St Kilda got a goal and one of them said "wow, it's such a rush when one of them gets a goal!". Um, at a St Kilda/Melbourne game? No, girls, no it's not.
4. At one point, one of the boys mentioned that he had eaten Mexican for dinner the night before. In response, one of the girls said "OMG! Nachos are my favourite food!"

HAHAHAHA.
Poor teenagers.