Oh life

Sounds like K is really nailing her trip to Tokyo. All that ramen and biru and appeasing her small child by going to parks. That's about as good as a family holiday gets. And that's pretty good I reckon. Me? I know how to have a good time too! Last year when the Warhol and Wei Wei exhibition was on I did all my work at night for a few days so that when Newbie was at childcare I could go and enjoy it on my own. And boy was it worth it. I really enjoyed that day and the exhibition. I've been working nights this week too so I could free up today. You know why? So I could clean the shit out of the house before school holidays so that all the mess that happens in the school holidays doesn't give me a nervous breakdown. When I finish writing this I'm going to go and clean out the linen closet so that it looks like a bunch of folded linen when I open it rather than a pile of fabrics shoved in where it can not fit. Then I hope to clean the rest of the house. Hopefully Little Bean will have a really big sleep so I can accomplish a lot. Oh sure I probably won't ever get the Van Gogh exhibition no matter how many nights I spend doing my work but at least I may keep my sanity (unlike Van Gogh - badoomcha!)

Oh life

Do you struggle between the idea that you need to know what's going on in the world but the fact of engaging with the news is so depressing you just want to look away? Sames. 

Do you sometimes think about the things you need to do or want to buy when you have a little more money even though there is no cash flow increase in the foreseeable future? Ugh. I do. 

You know when you plug your phone in to charge in a different room and then you go back a couple of hours later to get it all excited it'll have full charge and then you discover the charger was just sitting next to the power point not actually plugged in? Just did that. So annoying. 

Looks like it's going to have to be a two coffee day today. 

Diversification (AM)

I didn't realise how much food is on my Instagram feed until I got gastro this week.
Remember how  on Monday I told you guys about how great my Mum is for helping me through KB's first bout of gastro? Well it turns out gastro is contagious and does not wait for a lady to get home from work before making her barf. No, this gastro had me leaping off the 86 tram and running into the Northcote Social Club to spew in their toilets at 4:30pm on a Monday afternoon. Then my mum came and got me a drove me home. Then I spent many many hours shivering in the bathroom waiting to spew again or with a bucket by my bed. And it was at these times that I would scroll through Instagram and see picture after picture of food which was the very last thing I wanted to see.
It made me realise I need to motherflipping diversify. Apart from Chris Hemsworth and The Onion, I don't really follow many non-food people.
So what's good on Instagram, people?

Also, then my mum got gastro so I had to look after her. Life! 

Haiku Thursday (PM)

All the dumb things - Afternoon edition

When you went away 

For quiet time, come back to 

Heaps of work - so dumb

When you have to work

Clean, a bunch of boring stuff

That's so dumb. That's life

Remember the time (AM)

Did you guys watch Michael Jackson's Journey from Motown to Off the Wall last night? Catchy title, right? (Seriously Spike Lee, you can do better.) I know we've all said this before and we'll say it again, but shiiiiit, MJ was so cool.

Like, I know we all know he could dance. But shit, you guys that guy could really dance! And watching people dance well is one of my favourite things in the world! And I know we all know he wrote these awesome songs, but seriously, you guys, 70s and 80s MJ is so good. Why he gotta go all crazy and shit. Life is can be so cruel. So let's remember the happier times.

In other news, I'm writing this at Prahran Library and there is a wifi network somewhere around me called Blur. Cool.

Adult Themes (PM)

Casey Affleck identifies an adult

A couple of years ago I was driving down Punt Road worrying about whatever was worrying me at the time, probably some combination of something due at work, some bill I couldn't afford, and a need to make some appointments, when I thought "Gee it will be good when these things are resolved and I'm stress-free." And then I realised that it didn't really matter that these things would be resolved because being an adult basically meant there was almost always some minor stress and any reprieve would be fleeting. That's not to say that being an adult sucks, there are definite advantages, like being of a legal drinking age and being able to decide what take-away to have for dinner, it just also means there is always shit to do and not all of it is fun. And some of it is shit.

That said buying a house with your sweetheart, there's a problem worth having, am I right?

Buying a house does seem hard though, I mean there are all these different houses in all these different places with a bunch of different things to recommend them AND (usually) all only available to purchase in about a 20-minute window on a given day and not necessarily in order of your preference. So you have to decide how much you want to pay for each one, what price you will be happy with if it means you don't get your favourite place, and what value do you place on amenities, space, all that jazz. Ugh.

Personally I think in this day and age people place way to much importance on space. But I live in a house with reasonable sized rooms and a back yard, so who am I to talk. Having spent 3 years living across town from my friends, work and preferred hang-out places I can say that now being near all those things is way, way better. But you can get used to anything so I'm sure however a person decides to chose their house will be fine. We're here for a long time, not a good time, after all.

An open letter to K (PM)

Dear K,

Oh sure, I've thought about teaching. I was talking to LB about it just the other day. I mean the holidays! Shaping the minds of the youth! Who wouldn't want that!? Learning more about maths and practicing it. Yeah it sounds pretty good. And those Australia's terrible numeracy levels, ugh, so depressing. 

But what about all those jerk kids? Not to mention jerk principals you'd have to deal with. Jerk governmental policies on education. God, so many jerks. And I would have to learn so much maths! I mean I really don't know anything anymore. Not that I ever knew that much.

But I do really like pi/e.

I guess I've got some thinking to do.

J

An open letter to J (AM)

Dear Mate, 

Everyone knows you are pretty great at being a responsible adult, and don't need anyone to tell you how to live your life. But sometimes you talk about pursing a different career, and because you are my #1 girl, I think about that too. I just want you to be happy, girl, and I've had some thoughts on the topic lately, so I thought I'd put it in a letter.

Ok mate, here's what I think.

I think you should seriously consider becoming a maths teacher.

Here's why.

You are really good at maths and you quite like it.

You've said as much many times. That's very rare, Mate.

It's the family business.

Your Dad is a maths teacher, don't you know. He has carved a nice life for himself. He has a loving family, a beautiful home and drives a Skoda. Maths teaching got him there!

You are an inspirational leader and very good at teaching people things.

I know of at least one person who never thought they would be interested in having babies until they saw you do it with Baby and realised that it was achievable. Leading by example!

You have taught me 1,000,000 things. You are the person that taught me how to pronounce quinoa!

The kids need you.

Ok, this is one of the main reasons I think you should become a maths teacher. Every time I read some report about education, they say things like: there is a shortage of maths teachers, numeracy rates are not improving amongst the little ones, Australians score lower than the OECD average for numeracy levels. Sure, we score higher than the French and the Canadians (and definitely the French Canadians), but those people have better cheese, they have better and more affordable maple syrup and the rest are French Canadian.None of them need maths skills. WE DO! 

Also, they say that a lot of people teaching maths in schools don't have any maths training or special knowledge. They're basically a bunch of shysters. Shysters shaping the malleable minds of our children!

The kids need you Mate!

It's a very family friendly profession.

You'd have holidays coming out the wazoo!

 So that's my $0.02. I hope you will seriously consider it. \

Ok, Bye.

Love from K

Internet, you've ruined hunks (AM)

Recently, I asked the Internet what’s hot and Google showed me this:




Haha. Good one google.

Anyway, eventually I got to this thing on Buzzfeed about why Joseph Gordon Levitt may be hot.

 

And, as I well and truly already knew, there are several reasons. In simpler, pre-internet days there would actually be no question in my mind about the legitimacy of JGL's hotness. I like JGL, he's good in stuff and hot, therefore JGL = Hunk. But now I actually have to decide based on all this information whether or not a person is actually hot. With the Internet there is so much more to know. In the old days you just watched a few movies, read a few magazines, if you were lucky saw the odd interview on Letterman. A hunk was a hunk.

But now, there is so much exposure to people, sheesh, it's a wonder anyone is still a hunk. Let's, for example, examine Joey Gordon Levitt. First I just thought I loved him. Then, thanks to the Internet, I heard an interview with him on Fresh Air. I liked him well enough but I was primed to love him. Why didn't I love him? There, chink 1 in his hunk armour. Also, I read his twitter feed. It’s ok, sometimes amusing, sometimes annoying. Like everyone’s I guess. But still, I don't love him. Bam, another chink.

It's just that I know too much. In the old days a hunk was a hunk 'cause you just saw them in movies you could make them whoever you wanted. But now that’s harder. Look at our HotMC hunks: Casey Affleck, Gael Garcia Bernal, Jake Gylenhaal, even Jimmy Bartel, no Twitter feeds and pretty low level media exposure. Paul Newman, definitely no Twitter feed.

Internet, I guess you must be good for something other than providing pictures of cats that look like Hitler. I mean, Wikipedia seems ok, but sometimes I just wish we lived in simpler times. Times when you'd find a picture like this in Smash Hits and would have known without a doubt you were looking at a hunk.

Nothing gold can stay, I guess. 

Ways I am no good at being an adult (PM)

Do you look like this? If the answer is yes, you may well be an adult. According to a Google image search, an adult is a smiling person in a group of people wearing monotone clothes

Botulism!

I hear you sister. And I am in exactly the same boat. Sure I can do some of the things an adult is meant to. Drive a car. Raise a well-adjusted child. He's not even 3 mind you, so there is plenty of time for maladjusting him yet. I don't have a mortgage though and I can barely hold down a job so already I'm failing.

But I think this morning's post demonstrated some very adult achievements. For example, that tomato paste that is going to give K botulism was Coles Smart Buy tomato paste. A smart buy! Adult!

Getting a cleaner! Man I fantasise about getting a cleaner all the time. For me that will be the true moment when I know I am a successful adult. A time where I can stop doing the boringest, Sisypheanist task of them all and pay someone else to do it. Like when I stopped waxing my legs at home and started paying a professional to do it! Adult! Except I am so broke at the moment I plan to wax my own legs today! Regression!

And that weevil situation... Forget about it. The source of the problem is probably your food. You know how food has an allowable contamination level? Well basically those weevils come as eggs in your flour and what not and then hatch and make your kitchen home. What are you going to do? Stop buying food? No, because you are an adult!

 But that toothpaste thing is just gross.

Ways I am no good at being an adult (AM)

In many ways I am a responsible adult. I hold down a job. I have a mortgage. When J and LB used to go away, sometimes I would look after Doggy and I always returned him to them with a shiny coat and a waggy tail. I always make the bed before I leave the house. Every single time.

But there are some pretty fundamental ways in which I am quite bad at being an adult.
And let's get straight to it...I'm talking about cleanliness here. I am really not a clean person. Even though I think having a clean environment to live in and clean clothes to wear is very very important, I don't want to spend any time seeing to those things.  I had four days off over Easter, and I spent no minutes and no hours of any of those days cleaning. And boy oh boy did I have some cleaning to do. But I did all the other things instead.

It's not right. Not for an adult. And I'm starting to realise that maybe I'm someone who should get a cleaner. But that's a big step.  It's basically an admission of failure at being an adult. But so is this I guess. And, on the bright side, getting a cleaner is an admission of success at being a lazy son of a bitch. And it's nice to be honest with oneself.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. There are lots of other ways I'm pretty shit at being an adult too, ways that I can admit to without having to then do something that's pretty...weird. Here are some just from this morning!

Add caption

My toothpaste tubes always get toothpaste residue around the edge. It means you can't close the lid properly and the toothpaste dries out a little. It's gross. I seem to be the only person this happens to and I don't know why.

 There are lots of these little moths in my house. You know, the ones that live in open packets of stuff in your pantry. I found this one dead on my kitchen bench this morning. But he has so many friends that are not dead. An adult would find their life source and cut it off. I just ignore them.

I left this can of tomato paste out overnight after I made meatballs for dinner. I'll probably use it again anyway. And I'll probably get botulism, even though I don't know if that's something you can get. But it's fun to say.

Botulism!

Haiku Thursday (PM)

Reassessing everything

Tight jeans are so tight

But what's the alternative

Loosey goosey jeans?

Baggy's no option

Nor is bootleg or straightleg

Could I give up jeans?

The circle of life OR, as Des'ree would say, Life, oh life (PM)

I read old Miss Soft Crab posts all the time. I love it. Though it always makes me wish I edited them more carefully. Knowing I probably won't change though, please accept my apologies for all the times I screw up from now on. Especially the times I use the same word in two consecutive sentences, like an idiot.

I guess I know that my mind, like J's,  has about five tracks.  The same five tracks that it's been riding since it was teenaged. Sometimes I worry about it and think I should lay down some new tracks for this baby (points at brain zone of head) to ride. Of course, these thoughts are built in to the system under track 5. But then I get distracted by 1 to 4 and, well, you read Miss Soft Crab so you know what happens. I must say I feel  better about the whole thing now I have J's soothing graphic representation to work with. Did anyone else find those diagrams soothing and reassuring?





I've always thought that it looked more like this inside this (points at brain zone of head):
While not unpleasant, it's far from soothing, I think you'll agree.





Anyway: food, hunks, warmth, looking cute, appearing less shallow. This is how it is and this is how it always will be. Tim and Elton say it's the circle of life. It may also be the hippocampus. At any rate, I'm kind of reassured by the predictability of it all.

Just quickly before I go, I think the email subject "Karen sure knew what she was talking about" was in fact a reference to Karen Carpenter and her famous statement "rainy days and Mondays always get me down". I assume that email was written on a Monday. Does that ring a bell, Mate? Also, guess what outfit I'm wearing today, totally coincidentally. Yep, nondescript office girl. But without the scarf. Though it is a tad cold in my office, so I kind of wish I had the scarf.


NB: K brain drawing reproduced with kind permission of the artists, Chickpea and Baby, who I didn't actually ask but am pretty sure they'll be cool with it.

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Life and death

Zoo animals live

Museum animals died

There's something in that

The wrong bite

Teeth and cheeks, listen,

Keep out of each other's way,

No one need get hurt

How times change

March: want all the knits 

Up to July: enjoy knits

August: No more knits!