More reality check

Hey, did you all see Miss Dizzy's delightful comment on J's Monday post? People say that internet commenters are nasty trolls but not our readers, no sirree.

Hey, did you all see the Super Moon last night? I did. It looked like a big moon. That's all. Just a big moon in the sky.

Hey, did you all notice that I didn't post yesterday? I'm still sorting out the teething problems related to my baby teething Ha! Not really. It's the teething problems related to not being able to use any of my devices to blog, thats what I'm sorting out. I've had to borrow Appleheart's computer, and then in turn have had to deal with the inevitable questions like "Why are there all these pictures of Chris Pine open on my computer" when I forget to cover my tracks.  I'll get it sorted out though. Promise.

Hey, has anyone seen the weather forecast for the next few days. It's going to be super nice!
Let's focus on the positives, shall we?

I really hope this works (AM)

So some of you might be wondering why J was the only crab to post anything last week. J, who on Monday last week, gave birth. Then on Wednesday last week had just made it home from hospital with a two day old baby. First, let me say I'm very sorry. And let me tell you the reason, which is actually two reasons. The first reason is that the new IOS does not seem to like the blogger site and whenever you try to write a blog post the whole thing crashes, which is very annoying when you're 99% of the way through a blog post, and iphone is an essential piece of equipment for your blogging life. Seriously Apple, seriously Google, I expect the two of you to get together and sort out your differences. The other part is that as I've regularly told you all, J is the sensible one in this outfit. If you've ever wondered whether there is one crab to rule them all then the answer is yes, those giant crabs that live on the ocean floor and you see on David Attenborough documentaries, but after that it's J. And don't you think she deserves a break to get to know her new baby who is off the charts cute? Yes, I think so too. So, Miss Soft Crab is going to have a new-life hiatus for a few weeks. We'll be back in November, the day before the public holiday for that big horse race. See you then, crab fans!

Losing the battle (AM)

I'm sorry guys but I'm just being honest when I say you may as well avoid MSC's AM posts this week. Not only am I riddled with cramps and the attendant terror that any time I could be in labour I've also got some terrible sinus pain that makes my face ache so much it even hurts to smile. And I'm so tired that I need a post lunch nap every day just so I can function even remotely like a human.

On top of that it's so cold. I mean sure Saturday was beautiful but my memory is short and life right now feels like hell.

I should revisit last week's Thursday post and celebrate the good things. OR turn this Monday into a Terrific Tuesday or something. But I can't.

Look, I'll try and improve things by Thursday. The weather does not look like it will cooperate. But if my sinuses improve I feel optimistic. But I guess we'll see how it goes.

And let's remember Saturday really was nice. Except for my stupid sinuses.

Evil internet (AM)

First, let me apologise for the lateness of this post. I posted this morning from my phone, my phone even showed me in safari that it had worked and then when I came back to see if K had posted I saw that this wasn't here. Just another example of some fucked up shit going on online. 

All the blogs, the instagram they've just taken coveting to a new level. Fuck 'em. 

As if advertising and marketing and magazines weren't doing enough of that already the Internet came along and just took that shit on some kind of exponential journey where I basically can not see anything on the Internet without feeling like its just there to incite envy and then, often shopping. And that's because it is. On Instagram I follow a bunch of businesses and of course all there posts are ads, they're whole purpose in life is to make you covet something. Fine. And I follow a bunch of bloggers. And of course all there posts are ads in a sense too. For them or for their blogs which in turn are ads for them so they can get lucrative contracts, better advertising on their blogs, sell their books. Or their blogs are about stuff. Stuff you should buy. It's all fucking handcrafted and great quality so you can feel great about yourself when you spend fifty bucks on one mug but the truth is you just want that mug so you can look like the people on the Internet with the beautiful lives and beautiful things. But their lives are just lives, you know with all the shit you put up with, they just have more beautiful things. Or not. Anyone can take a photo that looks like a beautiful Internet life. It looks like they're doing cooler shit too, hell maybe they are but we're alright. 

And yes of course I'm getting so het up about it cause I'm a victim of it and now not only do I have to deal with all the regular shit of life and a surplus of coveting, I also have to deal with this self loathing borne of hating consumption but loving beautiful things. 

Ugh, I'm moving to the country where the surroundings are beautiful and I won't need all the stuff. (Looks like a good idea on the Internet.)

Anticipating Christmas (AM)

Last night I listened to this She and Him Christmas album that Scampy gave me last year. Zooey Deschanel sticks in my craw a little, but for some reason, I don't hate this album. It's full of those secular christmas carols that reference snow and santa and family, not the baby Jesus (hello, if you're reading baby Jesus). You know the ones. They say things like chestnuts roasting on an open fire and silver bells, silver bells.  That sort of thing.

Of course, my idiot heart started filling my evening with pangs of longing, though the Christmas those guys are singing about bears no resemblance to the K Christmas experience. There are no chestnuts in Melbourne in December. There is no snow, thank Christ (hello, if you're reading Christ).  And because the K family has no Christmas traditions meaning we do something different every year, there is no idealised Christmas day for me to get sentimental about.  And if you guys promise me that you will interpret no disrespect to my fellow K family members when you read this I might as well tell you: K family Christmases are kind of lame. So why am I such a goddamned sentimental fool?

I pondered this as I lay in the bath listening to these songs and feeling all these feelings and decided that it's the anticipation of Christmas that I was feeling sentimental about.
When you're little, December is full of dreams of Christmas. All that Christmas-themed busy work at school,  then school holidays, then day after day of staring at the Christmas presents under the tree even though you know you're not allowed to and you try not to  but you are only human and very little, so you do. December for little people is pure anticipation and it's the best thing. December for an adult is pretty much day after day of feeling frazzled and disorganised, culminating in a disappointing Christmas day.

Anyway, I don't want to be a scrooge or anything, but I think I need to inject a little sweet anticipation in to these pre-Christmas weeks.  I'm thinking of getting an advent calendar and maybe trying to convince J and Pickle that we should do some pre-Christmas karaoke some time. I'm open to other ideas.

Fitness Friday - Progress update (J or PM)

Oh, shit. Man, I really thought that K being stuck in a bunch of depressing motel rooms would be a great situation for her to do exercises. What the hell else are you going to do when stuck in a motel room on the side of a highway. Probably watch Embarrassing Bodies or something.

Well, I would like to tell you that I had a really successful week of exercise, but I did not. I went for one run and I did Jane’s workout one time. My only excuse is that I do not like exercising in miserable weather. I know, so lame, it’s the truth though. Seriously as soon as the sun comes out I can’t wait to run and pump iron. Also my intensity is for shit. BUT I can say that after my run and my Jane workout I felt pretty darn great. So let’s keep these goals realistic. This week I did one run and one Jane, next week I will do two of each. That sounds realistic right? I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

Fitness Friday - Progress update (K)

Oh, hello there readers.

Remember how last week we were all lets get physical, physical, I want to get physical, lets get in to physical et cetera et cetera?

Remember how I was going to do the special Jane Fonda in a book workout that J outlined for us last week and then report back today? 

Well being away for work all week has kind of broken me and robbed me of the will to hear my own body talk. 

Somewhere between the depressing motels and the endless meetings and being advised that the meals at the bistro at the I-talian club are very reasonably priced, I lost touch with this whole J and K do Jane thing.  

I thought about just pretending that I did it but I don't want to lie to you, my little Crab friends. I don't want to lie to you at all. Plus, admitting failure is the first step towards...not being a failure? I don't even know. Anyway, I'm sure that this afternoon J will be able to tell us about what it's like when you apply yourself and actually follow through on the Fitness Friday challenge. Take it away, Matey.