Next blog 2015 (AM)

Remember next blog? Way back in the early days of Miss Soft Crab I was curious about where the Internet would take me if I hit that button on the top bar of MSC that says Next Blog. What I found was a bunch of boring people talking about their families and a bunch of other people talking about food.

I started thinking about it again during the week when someone said to me "You know how we talk about all this mundane stuff, do you know some people talk about it on the Internet?!" Oh the naïveté of a person new to Instagram and that does clearly not read blogs. Or write them. Ahem. "Do they?" I asked. And although I'd like to think I don't write about the same boring shit I talk to people about, like cleaning the house and putting children to bed and what I'm going to do with my life, I know that's not really true. Half the time I wish I wasn't even talking about that boring stuff.

So it got me wondering whether hitting Next Blog would bring me the same annoying content Instagram is always trying to shove in me face: uncluttered houses and mothers baking and drinking wine and struggling and loving it and  all that rubbish. That's basically what she was talking about. People complain-bragging about their life on the Internet. I wondered if blogs had followed Instagram so far that this lifestyle thing would be overwhelming in the same way food blogs were when I first went exploring in 2011. So it was that last night for the first time in a long time I hit Next Blog. 

Things seemed to have changed in blogs, but not as you'd expect. At first the blogs I came across seemed more interesting, weirder and funnier. The first one I came across was by a guy who draws little cartons and takes photos, including some darling ones of his snow covered backyard and a pig with a snowy chin. 

The second was by a guy who, among other things, recounted 8 hours he'd spent in a Florida airport over night because, as far as I could tell, he did not want to pay the exorbitant late night shuttle bus fees to get to town. Suck it up bro. Seriously. This guy was quite funny, but then you really have to wonder about his life choices. I mean he just walked around na airport for eight hours. Because he didn't want to pay for a shuttle.

Although that might sound boring it wasn't really and it kind of got my hopes up for what would come next. But sadly things became completely monotone after that. It was just beer blog after beer blog. Mainly by guys with beards I guess. So I guess blogs have followed Instagram fashions, but not quite how I'd expected. And the weird funny blogs are still few and far between. Lucky you guys have already found Miss Soft Crab. My verdict is, you may as well stay here, 'cause Next Blog got not much for ya.

And the winner is... (AM)

Well, guys, this is it. Our last daily post. I mean the other posts will be on days. Just not everyday. We had an overwhelming response to the question of what days we should keep posting.Yes, overwhelming. Four actual comments and one email to our Miss Soft Crab email address. The first ever email that was not sent automatically by Twitter or by a misguided publicity person. HA!

So thanks "Miss Dizzy", "Sarah", "MC", "Nicole","TJ" and "KA", if those are your real names (they are, mostly). Your opinion is appreciated. Monday was undoubtedly the most popular day, although "Nicole" thought quality may be better if we gave up Monday for Tuesday. But don't worry, we promise we won't compromise on quality.  No sirree. So, thanks to or faithful readers we have decided that from next week we will have a new post every Monday and every Thursday. And I'm pretty sure they are gonna be good.

But what does it all mean? Does this mean no more Terrific Tuesday, WTF Wednesday or Friday Favourites? Who knows, the future is unwritten, yo. Maybe they'll be back in the future. But for now, let the past be the past.

But they were some great days. Last night while reminiscing I started reading over some of those good ol' days, and I don't want this post to be like an episode of Friends where they all sit around talking about something just so they can show a bunch of clips and not make a real new episode, but...well...it's going to be. Like, do you remember that time K may have accidentally eaten dog shit for dinner? Yeah, what a great WTF Wednesday that was!!! Read here, then here to relive those treasured memories.

As for Terrific Tuesday, how can you pick a favourite? I mean, it's terrific. But, ok, seeing as you asked (what?) I gotta say I loved the first the best, because: a)It was the invention of a thing where all you have to do is decide your day is going to be terrific and then it is (seriously guys, have you tried it? It effing works!); and b) Jesse Pinkman was mentioned in it. And I really miss Pinkman.

So I guess that brings me to Friday Favourites. They're all good, natch, I mean they talk about our favourite things. I loved Friday Favourite: Flamingos. Because God, I love Flamingos. I loved Friday Favourites:Barbra Streisand, because I will never get over K's love of Babs. But I guess, when it comes down to it I love Friday Favourites: Prince. Because Prince is one of my favourite people/things in the whole world.

Man, these days gave us some great ways to explore the world. Maybe they'll be back. But for now, see you on Monday and Thursday.

We have to talk (AM)

So... um...I don't want to alienate you or anything but it is unlikely that you know the pressure of writing a daily blog. A blog that every day gets hundred of page views and at least three people actually arriving here on purpose. You guys, you know the expression with great power comes great responsibility...? Yeah, you know what I'm saying. And while the Misses Soft Crab may not have actual power or responsibility we do have aspirations to greatness. Or at least goodness. Well, we want a shit hot blog. And so, it's time we told you something. After this week Miss Soft Crab will be appearing new and fresh on your internet twice a week. Quality not quantity.

"What?!" I hear you ask, "But you have already been supplying such high quality in great quantity." I know guys, I know. But we are just two ladies. Two hombres. But chicks. And we don't want to live fast and die young, you know.

So in discussing how this would work K and I talked about which days would be the best two for Miss Soft Crab to run. First we thought maybe Wednesday and Friday, because everybody needs some fresh online content on Friday right. But then we thought but what about when you get to work on Monday and you just need a little something something to start off your morning before you really get your work started.  So how about Monday and Friday? Is that too far apart? We don't want you to forget about us. "Never!" I hear you cry. Oh, sure, you say that now, but time passes, memories fade. Things change, people change.

What days would y'all like? C'mon, hit me back just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan this is Stan. leave a comment. Let us know. Please.

Next blog revisited (AM)

Hahahahahahah. Oh, man, I wish you could be in my head right now. It's really funny up there. Actually it was funny earlier, now it's just weirded out. Because I started writing this post before my journey finished. And now I'm amending it now that the journey is finished. Whoa. I was just looking at Miss Soft Crab and thinking about food and I thought to myself, "I wonder what will happen if I press Next Blog. I wonder if it will be a food blog."

Now I see, having written the thought down it is not full of gravitas, but as I pressed the Next Blog icon it seemed to be. It seemed like a really important game of Russian Roulette. Not the real version but a lesser, yet somehow important version.

So, as I hit the icon I held my breath and then, this:

AHA! I thought. I'm on to something. What though? I hit the icon again and came across a blog about the Rains family's trip to Amsterdam. Then there was something I have to assume was an antiabortion website because I saw a picture of a foetus all glowing and shit. Although that could have just been a link to a Massive Attack film clip. Then, I swear to god, this:

Now I don't know how Next Blog works. Obviously Google are stalking every move I make so maybe they thought I wanted to see all those food blogs. Maybe that's why they kept coming at me. Or maybe Blogger just gets in a rut. I mean, Austin seemed to be disproportionately represented in the blogs I came across. But what do I know. Maybe Austin is the blog capital of the world. Maybe 8 out of every 10 blogs really does come out of Austin.

So what did I learn from all this? I learned that you sure as hell don't need me to write about food today.

How things work - blog writing (PM)

F*(k that Jenga was a funny cat.
And f*(k yeah  it's hard living the bloglife.
My idiot brain is always trying to find ways of making boring things I encounter in my day to day life in to enjoyable blog posts when it knows damn well that most things we encounter are not worth the grey matter they are stored in. (What?)
Brain has to learn that though I appreciate it's efforts, not everything is funny or interesting.
Now lets listen to Kanye!

Art/Fashion (PM)

It's true. Lady Design Files went to my school, but she was in Russeth's year. And word up to her for having such a successful blog she can work full time on. Yes, congratulations. But um... is design more interesting than the stuff that K and I ate and saw and thought about? Is it? Is that why she has a successful blog and I just have... this? *sweeps hand across Miss Soft Crab* And only half of this at that!

Just jokes. I love Miss Soft Crab even if I still have to work my day job. And word up to the Design Files!

But that Gorman art as clothes thing, I'm not so sure. Of course I have made no secrets about my feelings for Gorman this past year, so some may say I am biased, THAT SHIT IS FUGLY! Not really. Or at least not totally. That first dress may be ok, or maybe it is just the nice photo? And doesn't Gorman always have something like in that harlequin pattern? Lord give me strength to never find harlequin print jeans attractive. As for that jumpsuit, just no. And I am a person that is not afraid to embrace the fug now and again. Fashionwise.

Give me Ken Done any day.

Did I ever tell you about this time LB and I went to the Gold Coast and had coffee at the Done Art and Design Cafe. It was probably the first time we went to the the Goldy. I'd never been to Queensland before and I was kind of shocked at how totally Queensland the state seemed to be. And the Gold Coast - MINDBLOWER! So you can see why I thought the Done experience was a must. Holiday highlight, people, HOLIDAY HIGHLIGHT!

LB and me at DONE*

*Did you ever notice that Done is spelt the same as done?!

Way to go, Brad (PM)

I love it when people comment on Miss Soft Crab, so maybe the Sartorialist gets a kick out of all his commenters too. But it just seems, how should I say? Effing ridiculous that people feel the need to write shit like, 'I love that outfit!', 'What a beautiful photo!', and 'She looks incredible!' on a blog full of great photos of beautiful, well-dressed people.  You dig?

Oh! Or the comments people leave on food blogs. 'Yum!' 'That looks delicious!' 'I can't  wait to make that!' Yeah, no shit people.

So word up to Brad and his haiku. And you guys. I've loved every comment y'all have ever left so keep that good stuff coming!

101 Cookbooks

Do you read 101 Cookbooks?

I had a look at it years ago and it didn't really hook me. The recipes looked nice but not mind-bending. And it was just so fucking wholesome. Not just the food but the site, the writer. Heidi, who writes the blog is the sort of person who takes little gifts or baskets of cookies everywhere she goes. She takes photos of flowers and her partner runs marathons. And the food is wholesome. Though I don't have a problem with that at all.

Anyway that first time I just had a look and left never to return... for a while. But then it just got to a point where every other goddamn food blog was going on about it. "Oooooh 101 cookbooks is amaaaaaaazing." "Heidi is such a daaaaaaarling." Blah blah blah. So I went and had another look. Truth is I felt the same way. The recipes still looked nice but not the kind of things I had to rush out and make. And Heidi was still as fucking wholesome. But I just decided I would give it some more time.

I made a few biscuits from the site. And I do kind of love them. Truth is after a bunch of reading of 101CB I was inspired to buy a bunch of cookie cutters. Yeah, I kind of hate myself for it.

Anyway this was all well and good and then a couple of weeks ago I went on and saw this Magic Sauce recipe. This is what the head picture was:


YUM! FRIGGIN YUM! Red oil! God I love red food. It promises tang and sweet, salty, hot deliciousness. Red is my favourite colour of food. Fo shiz!

It was the first time I felt I just had to make something from this site immediately. And I made it and it was yum. SO FRIGGIN YUM! It's basically garlic, sweet paprika, chilli, fresh oregano, rosemary and thyme in olive oil. YUM! Do yourselves a favour people. Make this magic sauce! (FYI I ate it on udon with some spinach and corn. Such a good one!)

Next blog

Do you ever hit 'Next Blog' on the navigation bar at the top of Miss Soft Crab? Or any other blog? I had never done it before Miss Soft Crab was born. Then one day I did it. And it took me to a blog where a woman (I think, it had that vibe) seemed to whinge a lot. Something about cleaning a house. And there were pictures of cat shit. It was really depressing. I jumped away quite quickly, but I wish I stayed longer to check it out. You know, out of curiosity. But it's kind of like I was scared, as if that woman would see me. Like I was playing chat roulette and did not want to engage. But I am more confident now.

People must do 'Next Blog' a lot. I'm sure that is how we get the bulk of our international audience. Not everyone is finding Miss Soft Crab by googling shit twins. (Fact: Our blog stats tell us that twice a search for 'shit twins' has brought readers to our page. WTF?! What does that even mean?! I am kind of upset I did not invent this term.) I mean, I know that when I thought random Jordanians were reading this it turned out to be a regular and accounted for reader. And I know that our Germany stats may be skewed. But from what I can tell people in the US, Croatia and Malaysia are pressing 'Next Blog' plenty. (Hello to you if that's how you got here.)

Anyway, sadly I have never come across Cat Shit Lady again (and hello if you are reading this after doing a search on that phrase) and most blogs are pretty boring (sorry). There are so many family blogs. But then I read this on someone's family blog:

John and I finally had a Date Night on Thursday and it was so nice to get away for a few hours just the two of us. We didn't have to worry about chasing our two year old around or keeping our 2 month old baby happy thanks to our awesome mom Julie who babysat for us.


Um, is that woman dating her brother? Why is she going on a date with John when they seem to share a mother!!?? Unless Marky Mark turns up on your date night I am pretty sure no-one is interested.

After that there was another family blog. Then a blog by some pregnant woman who has named her IN UTERO baby Sloan!

What I have learned is that there are a lot of family blogs out there. And each is more boring than the last. After all the family blogs I came upon this: A frank and sometimes bitter blog about what it's like to deal with female infertility.

Sheesh! I mean, I know this is an important issue or whatever. But is that all that's out there? Mother's gushing about their in and ex utero babies or non-mothers crying about it.

PLEASE COME BACK CAT SHIT LADY!