The COVID conflict

Mate, I'm glad your subconscious thinks I'll be happy as a blonde. I'll definitely take that into consideration.

Like K, I have received a lot of emails from business about snap sales and great new work from home outfits I could be buying. Though none so ridiculous as that Scanlon and Theodore one. I need a sequin halter top to swan around my house like I need a hole in the head.

I have really conflicting feelings about shopping. I do want to support the businesses I like, it'd suck if an SOB like COVID 19 took them down. But also, I do not need new clothes right now. I have basically been wearing the same clothes for three days straight. And the beauty of this home confinement is that all the clothes I'm not wearing while stuck inside will feel like a new wardrobe when the doors are finally open. But on the flipside, I do love stuff! I imagined that being confined to the house I'd be rolling in money. I'm not spending money on petrol or parking at work. Not spending on swimming lessons. About to get a partial refund on poor Baby's school camp that got cancelled. And yet I somehow I'm just as broke as ever.

I do very much want a new pair of pyjamas though. And I feel like that is a legit purchase. Not that I'm a person who hangs out in pyjamas. Ewww. No I get up in the morning and get dressed thank you very much. But if the only thing to mark the transition from day to night is changing from home clothes to pyjamas, then I want that transition to be pretty bloody enjoyable. Winter is coming. And I need some new flannel. And like that I'm convinced. Excuse me. I gotta do some online shopping. I mean, get back to work.

A mugs game

Buying mugs is easy, but having a great mug for a cup of tea is hard.

It seems I have no trouble buying mugs. I have plenty. Nice ones I was attracted to in op shops mainly, ones I like having in my house, and they are fine for a cup of coffee. But a good mug for a cup of tea - that is something else all together. And that is a much more important cup to have because I usually only have one cup of coffee at home but a cup of tea, well I may have two or three of those a day in winter.


And in fact, despite this lovely, and inexplicably brown cup collection my favourite cup to drink coffee from is this Peter Rabbit cup.

Which I think - though I could be wrong - was gifted to Baby by K's mother when he was born. And which, therefore, seems an inappropriate coffee cup. But I don't care, it's perfect.

But tea, for tea, I am still looking for a cup. The look is important, the feel even more so, and in this case size really does matter, perhaps more than anything. Though shape is crucial too. For tea you need a much bigger cup than for coffee but not something so big that the tea in the bottom will go cold before you have a chance to finish it. You just need it to hold the perfect amount of tea. And it needs to feel nice in your hands of course. And it is amazing how hard it is to find a mug that fits the bill. I know because I've been looking and though I've seen cups lately that seem almost great but when I held them they just didn't seem right.

And the more I write about it, the more I think, what a fucking idiot I am. Why the fuck do I think I need a perfect tea cup. Just make a pot of tea and refill one of those smaller cups! Perfect tea cup! What has this world come to?!

A better yesterday

K was so right yesterday,  a sunny day really makes life seem great. I love the way thinking about Margaret and David made her feel happy rather than miserable that they we're no longer with us. You know on TV. The way thinking about all the great Hong Kong cinema made her happy rather than sad that we never watch it any more. Or eat as much Cantonese food as we did that year we studied HK cinema. Good weather is really the world's best upper. Not, as some people may suggest, cocaine.

Yesterday afternoon we went to Fitzroy pool and then our neighbours joined us and Housemaid had the most excellent idea to bring a bottle of wine and have UberEats deliver us some pizza and after dinner we basically had the whole (kids) pool to ourselves and there I was back in that idyllic Australia. 

And although today is warm the overcast sky and wind is really bringing it down. But not as much as the fact that I have to start my Christmas shopping today. As soon as I've written this post I'm going to head to the city to buy some KK presents and some kids presents or at least that's the plan. I kind of love Christmas shopping when I know what I'm buying but today I don't and I'm pretty sure that the day will result in me wandering around the city from shop to shop thinking I have a plan and direction only to find at the end of the day that I haven't bought any presents but somehow managed to spend $200 on beauty products for myself. You'd think that given I can predict the disastrous outcome of today I should have come up with a plan to prevent this, like maybe had some ideas for presents and developing the self discipline not to buy beauty products, but sheesh, I'm only human!

First thing's first (AM)

Baby is at kinder Monday-Wednesday and I work Monday and Wednesday which means that the only day I'm at home with just Newbie is Tuesday, but for the last 4 months I've been volunteering at the office of an... ahem... politician. It's better than it sounds. Because I think that this office is full of people trying to do really great things like get people into public housing and help refugee families reunite and replace a coal fire station with some renewable power source and, of course, keep the politician in power.

The volunteer program I was part of was kind of an internship, which I felt reluctant to call it because it made me feel like an old person playing a young person's game, and even though everyone else in the program was younger that me I could mostly ignore that fact. Oh sure, there was than time in a workshop when the chief of staff asked us who had voted in the Kevin 07 election. I didn't get what he meant at first until I looked around at all the shaking heads of people who had still been in high school in 2007.

Other than making me feel old and also really busy, doing the volunteering has been pretty good and I feel like I've learned quite a lot and done some interesting things. The most noteworthy of which was writing a speech that was delivered in "Parliament" (so called, but must have been a room down the hall, away from where the action seems to happen) to as many as nine or maybe even 10 people. In that speech I managed to combine my two great loves, shopping and green politics, so I guess, if nothing else, I've learned that dreams can come true.

But it means that tomorrow is the first Tuesday in months that I kind of have to myself, you know and Newbie. I used to drop Baby at kinder on Tuesday mornings and go straight to do my grocery shopping but after all this time I feel like I need to do something a bit more pressing. At the risk of reliving my recent day off and overwhelming myself with things to do I've decided to commit to one thing and one thing only. And that most important thing, the first thing I'm going to do is restock my jeans supply. (Which, in case you are wondering is not the kind of thing that speech was about.)

I have lost my black jeans and it means that I have pretty much one pair of jeans on high rotation. And by high rotation I mean I basically wear them everyday. I buy all my jeans from Dejour and tomorrow I'm planning on stocking up for reals, I'm going to buy three, THREE pairs of jeans. If they have all the colours I want. The thing about Dejour is that their shades of blue are not consistent, of course that's great, you know, real! And all that, and I guess at worst it means that I might only two pairs of jeans. But when all your dreams are hanging on your first free Tuesday in months, well the colour of them jeans seems pretty important. Maybe I shouldn't even go jeans shopping tomorrow. Maybe I need to do it on another Tuesday, one that doesn't seem so precious. God, can I do nothing with a spare day that doesn't leaving me doubting myself!?!

Aaaaaarghhhh (AM)

It was LB's birthday yesterday. And what better way to celebrate than take the day off work and just relax. So that is exactly what I did. LB didn't. He went to work as usual. He has an exam today so he wasn't really in the mood or position to celebrate. Me, I just felt like I needed a day to take care of some shit.

Last Wednesday I had a really annoying day at work, compounded by the fact that I had all these extra things to do: call a lawyer, call a bank, post some letters, clean the house, do a bunch of freelance work I've committed to doing, go to the city to buy some shu uemura face wash, get some blood tests, repot some plants, massively clean and overhaul the backyard, do all the serious house cleaning things like clean windows and pantry and a million more things, think of a birthday present for LB, be a loving and present mother to my children.

Frankly it was too much. And on top of that I've developed a twitch in my eye which periodically reminds me that I'm quite stressed. Just in case my brain decides to forget about the stress momentarily my body will remind me. Thanks body.  So I decided I'd take yesterday off work to get a jump on things. I felt really effing good about my decision. But then the list of things I wanted to do with my day off became unmanageable. The vital things included: getting my shu uemura face wash (yes, I could buy it online but why would I want to pay shipping for a product I could buy so close to my house?!?), cleaning the house, make dinner while everyone was out, freelance work, enjoy a coffee by myself. Then the list started growing: do serious house cleaning of all the second tier jobs, get a manicure or maybe a facial something real nice like that, a spot of shopping would be nice, get the blood test, get my legs waxed, my eyebrows done.

The list got so out of hand it became as stressful as my everyday life, it became practically paralysing. I started trying to plan my day but I found it impossible to prioritise the boring stuff like cleaning and work over the nice stuff like shopping and grooming, but because I knew that the boring stuff would help make my life overall better I couldn't really commit to just doing the nice stuff so basically I just ended up doing a half arsed version of everything. I looked in a few shops, I finally bought my face wash and I got my legs waxed too. And my eyebrows done. I cleaned the house in a regular way, but didn't even get around to doing the bedrooms. I still didn't get all the freelance work done and the garden is a mess, but all of my boring phone calls have been made. I don't know when I will ever get a blood test.

Apparently I am fucking rubbish at being an adult and actually need to dedicate my working week just to doing the things that constitute functioning as a human in this modern world. So just when I thought I was alright at it, turns out I'm not.

Oh well. At least I got to include a picture of Leonardo in this post. Why? Because it's (half) my blog I'll do whatever the hell I want!!! Just jokes, because it was his birthday yesterday too (or today, given timezone differences) and I thought we should celebrate by remembering a simpler time when all I had to worry about was movies and unrequited crushes. Sigh.

Recent purchase (PM)

So I kind of love that boys t-shirt from target and when I saw it I thought “I want it.” And then I thought. “Maybe I should just buy it Baby.” HE loves sharks. And hammerheads?! Forget about it. But it is daylight savings day 2. And Newbie is teething which means much of my sleep is disrupted. And I was on a train to Clayton when I read K’s morning post. So what I’m trying to say is that I have no idea what is real and what is caused by the strange circumstances of life. Also, I love a white t-shirt. Even with stuff on it. You know, if it is cool stuff. Like sharks.

Also I kind of want to buy stuff all the time and last night I nearly bought a bunch of stuff from UniQlo via the internet but then stopped myself at the last minute but now can’t stop thinking about the stuff and how I should just buy it. God! I wish I had a recent purchase to share, but all I’ve got is the $10 Myki top up I did this morning.

Miss Soft Crab assorted (PM)

Maxi pads in all the toilets! Wow! That's private healthcare for you!

You know what I'm thinking about nearly non-stop?! This blush-coloured Cheap Monday coat I picked up for $50 on the weekend.

It's true that I was already pretty well sorted for coats. And it's true that I don't believe you should buy something just because it is on mega sale. But it is also true that I am so attracted to this colour at the moment I could not resist. It's also true that just because I believe that thing about not buying things just because they are on mega sale doesn't mean I can always live by it. Finally, and perhaps truest of all is that I love to be warm and my passion for wearing doonas in public is second only to my passion for hot chips. And hunks. And sweet clothes. So now I am the delighted owner of a long pink puffer. 

New year, new pants (PM)

If there were ever two ladies you'd think would be open to the message "new year, new pants" it'd be the Misses Soft Crab. Such is our love of clothes we'd probably respond to calls of "new day, new pants" with a huzzah and trip to the shops with a spring in our step. But seriously, Country Road, a call to arms (or pants) needs more than a catchy slogan, it needs some depth you can get behind, and a few pairs of black slacks are not gonna get me in your pants.

Country Road are very aggressive email marketers and frankly I think this has led them to not only lose there way in clothes but also in marketing. Barely a day goes by when I'm not being told to "get comfy for autumn in sports luxe" or "add a twist to your summer wardrobe." But none of this matters because they lost me years ago with the email subject line "Must-have jeggings!" At which point I knew the emails I was receiving must be little more than the demented ramblings of a mad man. If the subject line of a County Road email does not include the words "spend" and "save" I am sure it has nothing to offer me. 

They should in fact take a leaf out of Obus's book. Obus brought us those starry denim pants K was contemplating and to be honest I've wondered about them myself. Obus don't market so aggressively. Leave a little mystery, Country Road, don't be so desperate. It's not just that the marketing at Obus leaves you wondering, the clothes do to. Are those pants great or fug, who knows but you probably want them so you can figure it out. New year, new pants. Put stars on them, that's how it's done!

Recent purchases (PM)

Congratulations on buying a house, Mate. So adult! Also that Aesop moisturiser really is the bomb, I'm all out and really need to get me some of that. And I love those bathers! I've been coveting them too, but given I just bought bathers for literally a tenth of the cost (OK, literally a ninth of the cost) I have been forcing myself to turn a blind a eye to their awesomeness. But kudos for acquiring that awesomeness, Mate.

Anyway, I'm glad you brought this up, Mate, because I myself made a life-affirming purchase this week. Two in fact. I replaced my two pairs of ripped-knee Dejour jeans with two new pairs of unripped Dejour jeans. 

Of course most readers know Dejour. On Tuesday after I'd been there I went to visit my friend L-Bomb, she's recently returned home from six years in London with her English husband. When I asked her how he liked living in Melbourne she told me he'd recently initiated an outing saying, "There is a place called Brunswick and there is a jeans shop there. I'd like to go there to buy jeans." Dejour! The jeans are made in-store all cost around 50 bucks, are super flattering and are altered to fit perfectly. It is always crowded as all git out and pretty small so is kind of annoying but I knew I wanted a black pair and a blue pair so I went at 9:30, straight after dropping Baby at kinder and right when they opened, I marched in tried on jeans got them marked up paid my $100 left to do a quick supermarket shop and returned 30 mins later to pick up my perfectly fitting jeans. Oh my God you guys, you know how I've been all "I don't know what to do about my clothes!"? It was just a jeans situation, I wore those blue jeans on Tuesday and felt like myself again. It's like everything old was new! VIVE LE JEANS!!!

Clothes: where to from here (AM)

I've been going through something of a crisis of confidence clotheswise. That is to say that any time I wear anything other than my jeans and sweater uniform I basically come out a hot mess. This is worsened by the fact that most of my jeans have ripped knees so even in my jeans I'm pretty much a disaster. My poor fat knees looking for freedom. I turned one pair of torn jeans into shorts, like I'm living in some past millennium. Basically, wardrobe-wise, I'm fucked. 

I've been wondering if the way to remedy this is to throw my current conceptions of my own personal style out the window. In fact I seem to have unwittingly already done this as I seem to have lost all semblance of personal style.  I told K recently I was considering a more femme look for summer, inspired by this lady (from garancedore.com). 

But I don't even know if that's true. 

I want to start wearing skirts but I hate all mine which I've owned for ever and worn to death and bought in a different fashion climate. 

The other day I tried on a pair of leggings. White leggings with blue and purple splatters. I hate the colour purple. But  I loved the leggings. Of course I selfied myself in the mirror and pretty promptly sent the picture to Pickle. And spent the rest of the day looking longingly at the picture. Loving those leggings and wondering what the fuck was happening to me. 

Eventually, as I was staring at the picture, I got a message from Pickle: Do it! They're awesome!

What followed was a pretty exciting text exchange with me saying things like: 

I can't stop looking at them/thinking about them. I think I'm going to get them but I don't know what I'll do with them. 

And:

I'm thinking about turning my whole wardrobe on it's head starting with those leggings. I don't know how to wear my clothes any more I may as well start over. 

And Pickle saying things like:

Fashion has changed more in the last year than it has in about 10 years... Things are really sporty again. Like Aths, not skater. It's like all the things we have considered outrageous are actually what we want to wear right now: socks and sandals, leggings, crop tops... It's Opposite Fashion/Fashion Opposite.

And:

I am very drawn to leopard print. I've tried to embrace it.

My god! I felt so alive, so sure of my fashion future. I knew what had to be done and I knew it would begin with those leggings. I didn't know what would happen next but I felt ready to jump into the abyss. 

And then I went to bed. I guess this is what they mean by 'sleep on it'. Because boy did everything look different the next day. Buy those crazy white leggings? Who do I think I am?! Yeah I want them, but really would I wear them out in the world?

I have been really confused. And I still am. 

On Saturday I went shopping with K and Legsly and while I kept being drawn to sweaters I told them how I felt like I should resist the sweater. How I thought it was time to start anew, but when they asked why I couldn't really say. I hate my clothes but should I really move away from the clothes I'm attracted to. Maybe I love sweaters and jeans because they are awesome. And because they suit me. Maybe I just need to add some skirts to the mix. Maybe I should replace my falling-apart jeans. Maybe these simple steps will make me feel well dressed again. Maybe I can throw those wack leggings somewhere in there too. 

Oh I don't have all the answers but I'm pretty sure this is going to be one crazy summer.  

Dreams can come true (AM)

While recently revisiting some of Miss Soft Crab's archive I saw this post about when K found her dream coat a couple winters ago. Remember? She and I had imagined the perfect coat for her and she basically found it the very next day, as if our very conversation had brought it into being. Of course I was happy for her and when I happened upon the post recently I wondered at the miracle that was finding that coat and, honestly, I felt a little jealous. Just at the thought of finding the item of your dreams. That happens once, maybe twice in a lifetime. Or maybe more, but not often. 

The winter after K bought that coat I rushed into a coat purchase of my own. It's a fine coat but certainly not one dreams are made of. So the question arises, how much thinking do you need to do before buying a thing?

Two summers ago I tried on a pair of bathers I was really hot for. I wanted a one piece because I only had a tatty one  and a bikini (I know, I can't believe me) but I wasn't sure if I could justify the purchase. This one piece was a great cut, nice colour, modest! Everything I was looking for, but they were $150 which is what nice bathers cost and well I thought on it too long and they passed me by. I went back and they were gone never to even see a sale rack. I thought about them often and as another summer approaches I've been wondering if I'd ever again meet a one piece I'd feel the same way about. I hoped búl, the brand of those lost bathers may provide something for me this year, but enquiries lead me to learn they were no longer doing swimwear. Woe was me. 

But then... I barely dare to speak these words...guess what opened on the weekend! A búl outlet store! Boy was I nervous when I went in and asked if they had swimwear. The answer was yes and I was more nervous still when I asked about one pieces and styles only to learn that the only ones they had were the very ones I searched for and the very price they cost was a measley $30!

K may have imagined a coat into being but I imagined some bathers back from the dead! Miracles can happen and fashion dreams really can come true!

 

The clean dream (AM)

Me* in my jeans and jumper

As if having one's wardrobe dictated by weather conditions isn't difficult enough, breastfeeding adds another confounding factor. Add to that a nonexistent social life and it's a wonder I'm ever in anything but a button-front muumuu. (I wish! I'd flipping love a button-front muumuu.) But despite needing to wear warm clothes with easy access to my boobs and nowhere to go, I'm thinking about clothes a lot. All I wear is jeans and jumpers. Jeans and jumpers. Both of which I probably have enough of to cater for my home-bound lifestyle and yet. And yet...

Recently though something hit me. It was Baby. That kid is always running into me or whacking me for some reason or another.  But something else hit me too, this desire for new clothes it's not just a desire for new clothes. And it's not just a desire for the hot new life you imagine those clothes will bring you. I mean obviously I know my desire for new clothes is about filling some deep void within me. But that's not what I'm talking about. It's also about a desire for sharp grooming. Cleanliness. 

The other day I tried on a pair of jeans and a jumper at a shop. It was a cute kit, I liked it a lot, the cut and colour of the jeans and jumper but I knew it was not dissimilar to all I had at home when suddenly I realised the difference. They were so fresh, so clean. The jeans not faded or worn at the knees or other bulgy bits that stress the fabric. The sweater was totally pill-free. I looked so goddamn fresh. That's what happens when you try on new clothes. They are clean, fresh, better than all your other clothes. No wonder I want them all the time. No wonder we all do. 

But that change room revelation was great! It's given me power to say no. Oh sure I'm going to buy clothes again that I don't need but it's just one more tool in my arsenal of resistance and that is OK by me!

*Here I am played by GOOP

Why I buy fashion magazines (AM)

 Oh, I mean why do I buy fashion magazines?

I don't do it often, and I do think I can see a pattern. Every few months I buy one. Either Vogue or Harper's Bazaar. Not that it's a rule, just looking at my magazines I see that is what I buy. I guess because they are big and glossy and full of fashion and not as trashy as the other shit out there. I think I buy them when a) a change in season makes me want to buy new clothes and rather than do that I buy a magazine for some inspiration or so that I can pretend I bought stuff without having to actually buy anything; or b) I want to do something with my hair and need inspiration. (This is in fact a constant state.)

HA. Great reasons, J. Yeah Vogue is going to give you some excellent hair inspiration. A bunch of models who have had their hair done for hours.  It's the Georg Jensen girls that always appeal to me.

First:

Now:

Sure, a couple of models with a bunch of product and people putting in time and energy and effort into their hair. I can't help feel that I'm never gonna look like that. And that no hair cut is going to look like that on me. Although, according to Carre Otis in the current issue of vogue, although her hair looked "shiny and full" as a young anorexic fucked up model her hair "was very dry and brittle from being teased and blown out...since I wasn't eating enough I'd lose lots of my hair in the brush and in the shower." Hey! Maybe there is hope for me after all!

But it's not just useless hair inspiration you can find in Vogue, of course there are fashion tips too, like this page giving great tips on how to get more leopard print in your life. 

Or this great coat. Only cost six grand. 

So why, why oh why do I buy them? What I tell you is not a surprise to me or you. The fact magazines are full of unattainable hair and faces and bodies and clothes is not new. I know before I hand over my eight bucks that I'm just buying a bunch of BS, and yet I still buy them and enjoy them. What the eff does Condé Nast know about my brain that I don't. Eeeeeeeew Condé Nast, get out of my brain. 

How to buy a winter coat (AM)

After an early summer disappointment involving the selling out of a Scanlon and Theodore dress that I had pinned all my summer hopes on, I basically gave up on summer fashions, wearing things already in my cupboard from seasons past. While this is excellent on a personal economic and global environmental level it was a little boring, though not regrettable. After the dress became unavailable I decided there was no point wasting my time with summer clothes and looked forward to my favourite fashion seasons, autumn, followed by winter. Lucky for me, The Sartorialist is a northern hemisphere blog so I spent a lot of summer checking out what people there were wearing northside. Sure, I could have been practising drawing or writing or something else productive. But instead I spent summer looking at winter fashions. I got me some good ideas but the thing I became truly fixated on was a winter coat.

Though I may think the internet is ruining some things, I definitely appreciate that I can look at the wrong season fashions on international websites. I have decided that my dream coat is navy, of the pea style, wool, just past my hips, high collared. Basically it’s this guy’s coat.

But where can I find that guy’s coat?!

Yesterday I tried on this coat at Trenery. I liked it quite a lot, but wished the buttons went higher and the coat went lower.

Then last night I got an email from Trenery telling me I had could get 25% off.  But should I buy a coat based only on its price?

I  like this coat a lot:

But its expensive and on the internet. Can I drop heaps of dollars on a coat I haven’t tried on?


There is another one I like. But it’s from Gorman and expensive and has no collar. But I like it a lot.

I told LB about my woes and he asked me if I wanted him to buy me a coat for my birthday. No! I protested. But maybe that is the answer.

How to buy a winter coat. It's a question, not an instruction.

An(other) open letter to Gorman - one year on (AM)

Oh, hi Gorman.

Look, remember last year when I wrote you that letter? You remember the one, where I told you all about the way you stepped on my barely beating heart, denying me the clothes I wanted to buy even though it was before closing time and even though I was just a shadow of myself having sat through the last Harry Potter movie. Even though as I stood on the sidewalk wanting to be let in, I closely resembled the lump of Voldemort after the destruction of all the horcruxes.

You know, that letter? Well it is (almost) exactly one year since I wrote that letter, and I thought you may be interested to know how I've been since then. Oh, hang on, no you wouldn't. I know you wouldn't because I actually wrote you a real letter, an email, to YOU Gorman, not just on Miss Soft Crab, but an actual email sent straight to your people. Yeah I toned it down a bit, just told you of the disappointing experience and you know what I got in reply? Nothing. Fucking nothing. Almost as if you don't care about your long-term, cash-dropping customers.

You know what is really interesting about that though? I haven't dropped a cent on your wares in the last year. And you know what else, based on previous years spending that is a pretty unprecedented. Yeah Gorman, I used to drop bucket loads of cents on your clothes. And now, since that incident I cannot bring myself to spend money on you. And it is not just because the overall quality and style of your clothes have dropped so significantly (though they have). And it is not just because I find the overabundance of wares and looks off-putting (though I do). It is because I don't like you. Because you treated me badly and now I can't see past that. It's not me. It's you.

There was a jumper I tried on at the start of this winter. Warm, handsome, I wanted it. And when that jumper was on sale recently for a reasonable price I seriously thought about buying it. But when it came down to it I just couldn't. It's because I don't like you. And I don't need you.

Sorry.
J

Eff you, sale season, eff you (PM)

Look, Russeth is right about the flood coming when you open the floodgates, but I think you should just buy that pink shirt dress because:
- it's really cute
- it's relatively affordable
- you can't take it with you when you go
- dusty pink is like my favourite colour
- if you came in to the city to buy it I could meet you on my lunchbreak and see whether that dress I tried on around the time of the Blizzie wedding but couldn't afford (and is from the same shop as that dusty pink dress) is on sale!

This is me right now

Eff you, sale season, eff you (AM)

You know how at the start of a season, if you are a shopper, like I am, you may see some things you like and you may buy a thing or two and you may covet a thing or two and maybe some you think you will revisit come sale season? Well it’s sale season guys and I am drowning!

In fact I don't think I have even bought anything in the sales. But I’ve been thinking about it so much I can’t even remember anymore, guys! I’m losing it, guys! I'm losing it. Because it has become a mad jumble of stuff and desire. 

Yeah, we bought a new doona (that baby is so warm I wish I was under it right now). And some new linen too. Because our old doona cover actually disintegrated, but those don't count. They were pretty much necessities and if you need those things, of course you buy them during the sales. No they don't count at all.  I'm talking about clothes, shoes and accessories, people. The things that came out this season and if you don't snap them up this season they could well be gone forever.

 

I told Russeth about this very cute shirt dress I wanted and he (he, who is a total stuff-lover and stuff-buyer) told me that I should resist, because much like sweet treats, when you open the flood gates, well then the flood comes.

But even though I haven’t opened the flood gates, I’m still drowning! I’m still thinking about that shirt dress. I’m thinking about a two-tone Alpha60 jumper I don’t think they have in my size any more. I’m thinking about a Gorman jumper that is now half price and I want real bad. But I am held back by some invisible internal, mental flood gate. I can’t buy anything and yet I can't stop thinking about stuff.

Just get away from me stuff. Leave me alone. And while you are at it why don't you jack your prices up like the petrol stations so I don't have to think how attainable you are.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to think of something to do today that isn't near shops. Again.

Lay-by: You're OK by me! (PM)

Lay-by rules, OK!

Until yesterday I had something on lay-by too! In fact, I could have picked that baby up earlier, but I strung it out a bit just to keep the anticipation alive. You know why? Because that makes me feel alive. Much more so than the empty feeling I get from dropping a few hundred bucks on a piece of clothing that I think is somehow going to bring me happiness and fill a void. More so than chasing the full and satisfying wardrobe that I imagine will substitute for a full and satisfying life.

Shit. Did I say that out loud?

I do love a lay-by and there was a time in my life when I was lay-bying laying-by putting things on lay-by all the time. Not just for financial reasons but because it made me feel better about the whole experience of buying things. It makes a purchase seem more considered and, therefore, more justifiable. And of course, the anticipation. In fact, I may just follow K's lead and put something else on lay-by too! What? I don't know! I don't care! Just so long as I can feel something. Anything!

Lay-by: You're OK by me! (AM)

Recently, due to  financial necessity, I bought something on Lay-by.  
This is not something I normally do. Usually, if I can afford the thing I want, I buy it. If I can't, I don't. I'm a simple woman and I don't like to mess around. (Just kidding, I love messing around).

But seriously. I lay-by so infrequently that I can pretty much remember every time I've done it.


The first ever thing I acquired via Lay-buy was this: 

He was a birthday present from my Mum and Dad when I was a wee crablet. He's a Care Bear Cousin, in case you don't know. The internet thinks he was called Swift-Heart Rabbit, but that kind of grandstanding didn't go down in my family, so I  just called him Robbie Rabbit. 

I'm pretty sure I had been begging my parents to let me have him for ages, but ours was the kind of household where you only got presents if it was your birthday or Christmas. They must have got sick of my begging, because long before my birthday, they took me to the toyshop, let me select Robbie, and then put him on lay-by. 


I had no idea what this lay-by thing was and when I look back on it now, I realise that taking a kid to a toyshop, letting them choose a toy they longed for,  taking the toy out of their mitts and telling them that while it was now theirs, they couldn't collect it for several weeks was one HELL of a gamble. You should have seen how ape-shit Baby went the other day when I took a heavy glass jar full of tea-bags out of his hands because I was worried he would drop it on his cute little baby feet and hurt himself and then J would be disappointed in my because I can't look after her son while she is making me a cup of tea (thanks for the tea, mate). And heavy jars of tea bags aren't even any fun! 

But I digress. The point I am slowly making is that instead of being traumatised when Robbie was taken away from me,  I was super, super excited. While I didn't get to take Robbie with me that day, I took home something else that was maybe even more awesome:  of course I'm talking about anticipation, readers. Anticipation! That delightful gift-with-purchase with every lay-by that makes not getting the thing even better than getting the thing.


Given this extremely positive start to lay-by, I really can't tell you why I haven't done more of it over the years. I guess I have been gorging myself on the instant gratification side of things, like a damned fool.  But those days are over, readers. When I collect my green coat in a week or so, I'm going straight to David Jones to lay-by the boots I have been eyeing off. And after that, who knows, this shit could go on forever. I guess it depends how our thermomix demonstration goes down.


But in summary, let me proclaim: Lay-by is the new way to K-buy!

An open letter to Country Road (PM)

Postscript to J's letter to country road


PS: Yeah, Country Road. J'accuse!

Your inability to make a nice cosy 100% wool knit for women makes me think you hate women. Like you think we are just a bunch of chumps who are so motivated by fashion that we don't care about value or natural fibres. That we just love shopping so damn much that we will gladly fork over hundreds of dollars for a wool blend while our brothers only have to fork over hundred of dollar, singular, for 100% wool. Thick, cosy, 100% wool.
You think that women don't like thick, cosy, 100% wool? You're out of your minds, Country Road.
We'll fork over the money, Country Road, but we won't be happy about it.

Women haters!

Here's what I think of you, Country Road! And this is what it looks like when one buys a wool-blend Country Road slanket  just so one can get a piece of that thick, warm and cosy for oneself.