The answer is simple

My mum recently suggested that LB and I should get married. For the kids she said. Ha! I said. Not bloody likely. Oh sure there was a time when LB and used to talk about it as a possibility. Mainly because I like to party and dress up but I have to say that was basically where the desire began and where it ended. Later I asked Baby if he cared that LB and I weren't married, he told me he used to think it would be good if we were but now he doesn't care. Even a seven year old can figure it out. 

The conversation really gave clarity to an idea I've had for a while, that everyone is looking at this marriage equality situation all wrong. Same-sex marriage should not be made legal, heterosexual marriage should just be abolished. People could still have parties, they could declare their love for each other in front of there friends and family, they could get married in the eyes of  'God'. They could get married in the eyes of whoever they wanted. But legally it wouldn't matter. Just abolish legal marriage and make everyone equal. De facto status gives you all the legal rights and obligations that marriage does and anything if there is anything lacking just amend that law. It's 2017 people. Let's embrace the future.

What's happening?

I would never rarely give someone a hard time for thinking someone was a hunk. Especially a pretty boy. I LOVE them pretty. I mean I thought Paul Walker was a hunk after seeing Skulls. RIP PW. 

Sure I have a couple of issues with K's crush. Like, I don't really think he's that pretty. His eyes are too small for his big lips and all his features are squashed into the centre of his big face. Or maybe it's something about the nose. But having said that I've never seen him in anything and we all know a hunk animated is completely different to a 2D image of some guy. I mean I've barely even seen this guys face in any other guise than his Star Trek character and who the fuck knows why or when I've even seen that. Secondly I don't know if I'm imagining it but I feel like there is some kind of visual similarity between him and his Australian politician namesake. I know there isn't really but maybe something about the eyes. Or maybe it's my imagination. 

Either way that guy is not for me. So says I now. It would probably be a completely different story if I'd seen Hell or High Water. 

But who can think about hunks when what happened in America yesterday happened. You know that thing about how people say Americans are idiots and then you say well come on you can't make generalisations like that about entire nations and look at all the great things that came out of America. I mean, there really are heaps of great things. Like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Shake Shack.

And yet...

K and I had a pretty insightful discussion about the Trump issue via text message yesterday. So instead of me rehashing it here I'll just let you read our text conversation. 

 

Who knows what to believe (AM)

Last night on the news I saw an American woman say, "I'm sick of America looking like a laughing stock to the rest of the world." I bet you are are sweetheart.

She was just some vox pop on a story about how Trump had won the Nevada caucus so convincingly and the implication, given she was standing near a bunch of people in TRUMP t-shirts, was that she was saying that is why she is voting for Trump. She wants Trump to be the candidate so finally America doesn't have to be a laughing stock anymore.

Now we're all pretty savvy, just because a piece of footage shows a person saying something doesn't mean they are saying what the television wants us to think. Just because this woman looked a little like a well manicured version of this:

And was standing around a bunch of Trump supporters doesn't mean she was actually supporting Trump and saying what most would consider possibly the most ironic statement of all time. She could have been saying the exact opposite but the point is someone is supporting Trump, right?

I remember when Obama was first running to be candidate thinking, well this guy sounds good, but would America really vote a black man as president. But the ground swell grew and it looked more and more likely and then... well I guess they weren't as fucked as I thought.

And I remember when Trump started running and then became an actual contender and I was thinking, well this guy sounds like a fucking idiot, surely even the Republicans couldn't nominate this guy as the candidate. But could it possibly be that they are even more fucked than I thought. I mean I know this whole process will continue for months and anything can happen, but still it really makes you wonder, right? That this repulsive man could even get this far.

I know there's this whole backlash against the heady libertarian America Obama has created (HA!) but sheesh.

And yet...maybe it's not even worth thinking about. All the Republican candidates seem to be gun-loving, abortion-damning climate change sceptics that I find pretty offensive. Marco Rubio sounds like a pretty open-minded guy though: "I'm theologically in line with the Roman Catholic Church. I believe in the authority of the church, but I also have tremendous respect for my brothers and sisters in other Christian faiths." That's so great that he can respect other Christians. The world will be fine with him at the helm of USA, a man that has such respect for diversity.

So I guess Trump schmump. At least I don't have to live in America.

The c-word (AM)

I should warn sensitive readers that when I say 'the c word' I'm not being cute about it, like it means cabbage or something. As in "don't say the c-word or Baby won't touch his dinner, he hates cabbage". I don't mean cancer or colonoscopy or cask wine. No I mean the word that Biz can't say and instead says "see you next Tuesday", the word cunt. So if you have delicate sensibility stop reading, cause I may use the word again. Not a lot but it may come up. 

You know sometimes you'll read about how many times a politician says a certain word in a speech? Or, for example, how Tony Abbott used to say so many words a minute in opposition and now he says only so many words per minute as prime minister? Well I would be interested if someone did a similar assessment on my speech but instead of assessing my words per minute or how often I say "budget emergency" (never) or some other bullshit phrase, they would assess how often I say cunt now as opposed to when Abbott was in opposition. I'm pretty sure it's a lot more. 

There was a time when I used to say it frequently, very frequently. I've always been a swearer,  big time. Big time. But I never really said cunt until I was 18 or 19 or so and then you couldn't stop me! It was a really effective word for me at the time and I embraced it like a puppy with a bone, but time went on, I matured, my life changed. I'm a mother for fuck's sake I have to watch my language. And that was the status quo for a long time. I was just a mild user of the word. And then something changed. Government, I guess. Now I use the word all the time again. 

Here's my current estimate: Let's say I hear radio news three times a day and watch it on TV once a day. Abbot is probably on all those bulletins every second day at least saying something like "well fuck the high court I'm going to pay for the chaplaincy program anyway" (not a direct quote). And if it's not him it's Hockey or Scott Morrison. So I'd estimate 4 news items a day 3-4 days a week, I'm probably declaring "cunt"  at least 15 times a week. But I gotta tell ya, it feels like a lot more than that. So I'd like a professional assessment. Maybe a graph.

I'd also like to know how the fuck I am meant to bring up clean mouthed little boys in this political climate?! Seriously. How the fuck? 

There is absolutely nothing funny about this post (PM)

Reflections? Sure I got some.

Man, I remember the night of the 2007 elections. I had dinner with some peeps at spicy fish, as was our wont back then. In those pre-iPhone days we had to get updates from people via phone calls! By the time that dinner was over Kevin 07 was victorious and we were so goddamn happy we were actually rejoicing in the streets.

And it was good for a while, wasn't it guys?! We had it pretty good. And then Labor *#%^ed it. They *#%^ed it right in the ^*€#.

And the it just £^*¥ *%#$ @$&* &$%^. &?%$ *$%%^#^&& destabilising ¥+*^ %£#* @&$* ^*¥ *%#$ @$&* &$%^. So &@$* @$&* %*#* @$&*. Just &*% *&%# #&%^ Kevin Rudd &@)# @$#* ¥+*^ %£#* @&$* ^*¥ *%#$ @$&* &$%^. So &@$* *&%^ ?$%* #$@& *&^%.

Yeah, I got reflections.

There is absolutely nothing funny about this post (AM)

I had a super restless night's sleep last night thinking about what to talk about today.

I intended to talk about my Sunday afternoon in the kitchen, trying out a new cake recipe and some different decorating concepts in preparation for Crimpy's birthday next weekend. But after sampling a considerable amount of each concept last night after a meal of cassoulet that Appleheart cooked with all the spirit of a French farm housewife, I pretty much don't want to think or talk about cake for a little while (read: just today). 

I certainly don't want to talk about the election. Though they do make one quite reflective, and this one in particular has given me off the charts reflective impulses. I keep thinking about the Kevin 07 election and how exciting it was to wake up the next morning and get out bed knowing there was a new PM and things would be different. And how obviously absent that feeling was yesterday. I also kept thinking about the last election night, which I spent at Miguel and Legsley's place I think. Is that right? I think it's right. It must have been just after their wedding which means I would have just met Crimpy, the person for whom I spent so much of yesterday baking.  

J and K dancing at the Miglegsley wedding. Such a swell time.

At that time, Baby would have been a fairly newborn baby.  Iszzle, the Miglegley's son, wasn't even a twinkle in their eyes. But now baby is a proper little boy and Izzle is a proper little baby, just one of a slew of babies who've arrived in the last year and a bit. See what I mean about this reflective malarkey? It's ridiculous. 

So nah, I don't want to talk about any of that. I don't want to bore you guys with it. The mood I'm in, I could go on and on. Instead, I'm just going to head off to work and see what happens today. But before I go, I just want to draw your attention to the photo at the top of this post. See that little green pot up there? Well in 2011, when I got that little green pot (a gift from Crimpy, coincidentally), it had three tiny little plants in there, much like it does now. I took care of them and they thrived and now the are the plants living in the terrarium behind the little green pot, and new tiny plants have taken their place. 

Amazing, non?

 

Haiku Thursday revisited (PM)

Bitterness belongs

In winter and some cocktails.

Not ex PMs. Dick. 

Haiku Thursday revisted (AM)

Some feelings can only be expressed through haiku.

Ah, nuts 

Hey, Kevin, go back 

To oh seven, when you were

Good for something. Dick.

Just a Tuesday post (PM)

Hey! That is so weird.Yesterday was the day that it really dawned on me that Tony Abbott will be the next Prime Minister. But because Miss Soft Crab is not a political blog all I will say on that point is: gross me the fuck out.

TV sucks. That is for sure. But last night in my brief TV watching period all I saw was Mad Men.Although I have watched a little Mad Men last night it really dawned on me how fucking great it is and how I should really watch it in earnest.

Don't mind if I do.

The Hate (AM)

I don't want to bring a lot of hate to this blog. I try hard not too. Not that I have to try hard all the time, but sometimes I feel it creeping in and I try no push it away. But right now I am weak and I can't do it. I don't want to bring down anyone's day. I really don't. It's Friday, everyone should be feeling great. So if you don't want the hate perhaps you should go and watch some YouTubes instead.

Sometimes shit just gets so effed up you just gotta embrace the hate. I'm just going to do it today and then we can all move on.

Firstly, Labor I blame you for this post. Why you gotta fuck shit up for everybody?! If this leadership bullshit means we are going to get another coalition government next year I am going to be totally effing POed. Why are you doing this? WHY?! Remember the heady days of Kevin07? God, that was the best. But now? Now I don't even want to vote for you. I don't even want my preferences to go to you. You have fucked it.

And while we are on that goddamn party, J.Gill, that time you said it was OK for people to be worried about refugees coming to Australia, you are wrong! You are breeding the hate.

Why can't I buy konbu in this country??? Why can I buy all sorts of seaweed but not effing konbu? WTF? Now I can't make all this stuff I was going to make for dinner on the weekend.

How come my meringues keep failing? I followed two different recipes and neither worked. WHY?

Washing glove companies, you should sell gloves in packets of 3 or 4, with extra right hand gloves. Do you know how often I have to buy washing gloves? All the time. My right glove is always getting holes in it and so I have about a million extra lefties.

What is going on in supermarkets? Occasionally when I don't have a bag with me I have to get a plastic bag and the checkout peeps only put about 2 items in each bag. WHY?

I think that is everything. Let's look at these calming clouds now.

Aaaahhhh, that's better.