Haiku Thursday

Thanks for asking

School holidays, ay?

How are they? A nightmare of

Vomit, stress and mess

And yet

Somewhat less stressful

Than term time, with its lunches, 

Wake ups and lunches

Well...shit (KI day 5)

Kangaroo Island is bloody beautiful. The beaches are like a dream. And then there's Flinders Chase National Park which is home to Admiral's Arch and Remarkable Rocks, which are, to say the least, remarkable. They are these huge sculptural geological beauties which really make you marvel at nature. And life. And everything. 

Admiral's Arch is also incredible.  Although visiting on a day so windy you could basically lie on the wind at a 45 degree angle made the walk somewhat unpleasant, seeing the coast in those conditions was pretty spectacular. The wild wind and sea, a bunch of seals just chillaxing amidst it all.

And the fish and chips down here, though terribly expensive, are among the best I've ever had.  Oh sure, when you try to make a phone order the phone just goes to the owners mobile who isn't at the shop and just tells you to walk down there and order. And she's right, it is quick. And it's effing worth it. 

When we arrived on Sunday after the 9-hour drive, the brown hotel room, the $200, 45-minute ferry ride LB and I were saying, "Well this is nice, I can't imagine we'll ever be back here." By Wednesday it was "Next time we come let's camp for two nights here, book a house there..." 

So I get it. Kangaroo Island? Oh its beautiful. 

Sunshine and isolation (KI day 3)

Well on Monday the sun came out and the skies were blue and I can assure you this really helped show Kangaroo Island to its full advantage. We saw some beautiful beaches. I mean the coast is really beautiful. Check it out:

But if I'm honest on Monday I didn't think it was any more beautiful than the beaches of northern NSW. But on Tuesday we travelled further afoot, down the beaches of the south coast. And shit you guys, these beaches are something else. Fine white sand. The sea a colour that looks photoshopped. Blue-green and crystal clear. They're bloody beautiful.  And on top of this there's the lack of people. You don't see empty beaches like this everyday and that is pretty goddamn special. And the kind of beauty I couldn't really capture on my iPhone.

And on top of this there's the Ligurian bees. As K mentioned KI has a population of them but not just that, it's a pure population with no other honey bees on the island and you're not even allowed to bring honey here lest you pollute the population. We went to a honey farm where we tasted some fine honey and even finer honey ice cream. It was fan-bloody-tastic. It had this beautiful creamy flavour and texture and it wasn't too sweet. It was so delicious I wanted to go back for more yesterday.

But everything is quite far here and you can't just go out of your way for honey ice cream every day. According to the designated driver. So I just had a mini Magnum for desert. It was as good as the Clifford's Honey Farm honey ice cream. I'll be thinking about that for a long time. 

Pretty pretty (KI day 1)

Everyone I told that I was going to Kangaroo Island would either say "Oh, it's beautiful!" Or "It's meant to be beautiful!"

On Saturday we left Melbourne. Me with a motherfucker of a headache, LB with a cold and the mood of a person that's been running around since 7am plus some the night before and Baby, Newbie and Whoopsie with the respective constitutions and temperaments of 6-year-, 3-year- and 4-month-olds, none of which were made for day-long drives.

So we drove for 9 hours with many tears and not as many laughs and stayed the night in a very small, brown motel room in Victor Harbour which the children thought was fantastic and I kind of loved because it was stationary and had comfortable beds and gave me that sense of being anywhere and nowhere which is one of the joys of a shitty motel.

Yesterday we caught a ferry over to Kangaroo Island under grey skies and periodic rain and somewhat underdressed and to be honest Penneshaw, where we docked just seemed like any small Australian town. We've driven around a little and it seems nice. Cute old stone buildings all over the place, some nice vistas and beaches. It's totally pretty. I've seen heaps of pretty places before though.  But behind where I write this is a whole island yet to been seen, so I guess today will prove just how deserved this reputation is. 

Happy Labour Day!

Happy public holiday, friends. We hope you're relaxing with loved ones. See you on Thurs. 

Big scream (PM)

On Wednesday I finished up work for the year and I guess I pretty much just went into holiday zone in a pretty major way because I spent all of Thursday as if I was on holidays. Went out for breakfast, wagged Baby's swimming lesson, cleaned the house, visited my neighbour, went out for dinner. So extreme was my holiday mode that it took until Friday AM to remember it had just been Thursday and I should have written a blog post. It's not that I forgot MSC, it's just that I have no idea what day it is. All Wednesday I kept thinking I had to write a blog post which I think is the main reason I forgot on Thursday. Anyway, I guess I'm trying to say sorry I'm so tardy. 

I love the movies too but being cash and time poor I hardly ever go. I mean it's really rare. I've never been to a crybaby session, mainly because they're always on at 11am or something and that's a little keen for me and a baby. I took Baby to some regular daytime screenings when I knew the audience would be meagre and that was pretty fucking great. 

And while it's not often true that you can say "only a hunk could improve this" it's pretty often that you could say "a hunk could improve this". What a difference a word makes! 

Into the fog (PM)

Sheesh, according to BOM it’s only 14.7 degrees outside right now. That is not cool. Although, literally it is very cool. I wouldn’t know, I’m at work but it looks pretty miserable outside.

I always find myself a little anxious before any kind of travel, even the minor kind, and an overseas trip is attended by a lot more pretravel anxiety. Throw in a baby and some really cold weather – total fog wandering. When Baby was 8 months we went to USA. I’ve probably told you this before, but as we waited in the dark cold night of a February NYC, very underdressed for the weather an apparently homeless man saw my bundle of baby (the warmest dressed of the three of us) strapped to me in a BabyBjorn and said, “You got a baby in there? Get that baby inside!” Believe me, I wanted to! But the guy who was meant to meet us and let us in to the Air B’n’B apartment we’d booked wasn’t answering his phone. Eventually we ended up in the same place as that homeless guy, a McDonalds around the corner, and not long after that we were let into the apartment. Oh, God, I remember how happy I felt, being in a warm apartment, with a couch and TV and bed and kitchenette. It  made me the happiest girl in the world.

I guess what I’m saying is that there’ll be times when a stranger yells at you on the street as you stand cold and homeless and there’ll be times when you are ensconced in a warm happy home. You know, like life. But better. And sometimes maybe worse.

Into the fog (AM)

Our trip to Hobart is sadly over. Gee it was a nice time. Hobart is as lovely as the first time J, Chickpea, Baby and I went there in 2012. That time we saw art, drank stout and  ate bienenstich. This time was much the same but we didn't drink stout our eat bienenstich. We did, however, drink regular beer and wine and ate oysters and donuts (one of which was a sourdough donut with chocolate and pistachio filling) and a wallaby burrito. There's very good eating in Tas. 

I have no photos to share of course, because these days all my photos involve KB, and that won't do. But take my word for it: Hobart is beautiful and warm and lovely and we had a great time. 

Coming home was pretty lovely too. Like J said a couple of posts ago. You can have pretty great time away but still really really really want to go home. 

Now it's only three weeks until we go to Europe. That's no time at all. 

Obviously it's very awesome to be going to Europe for two and a half months, but I'm nervous about it too. Being far far away with a new baby. The cold. Moving around a bit. Not knowing what to expect at a stage of life where I don't know what I'm doing. There's this saying in Sweden, 'in i dimman' which people say in place of our 'cheers'. It means 'into the fog'. I really feel like that's what we are doing. Literally and figuratively. So I am really hoping that the unseasonal warmth continues in Melbourne. Today is clearly a write-off but the other days. Let them be super warm. Because though the weather in London doesn't seem too diabolical, the clouds have very thick black lines on the outside and I could use the boost.

Holiday day 12 Final Day (PM)

Coincidentally I am starting a holiday today, and this post is coming to you from the baggage claim area at Hobart International Airport. It's a bit unpleasant, and perhaps its things like this that make us dead keen to get home at the end of a holiday. But the lack of regular chores and the fact that we are staying at a pal's place which is really really nice, plus the high likelihood of eating oysters and cheese most days...these things make me pretty happy. 

Holiday Day 12 - final day (AM)

Holidays are great aren't they?! All kinds, but I'm at the end of enjoying the kind of holiday where you basically do nothing. Oh we went to Wet 'n' Wild one day and we've driven about 900km, but most days were characterised by a morning at the beach and an afternoon in the pool. Or sometimes vice versa. There has been a lot of ice cream eaten, lots of fruit and some chips. It's been really great and super relaxing. On holidays I think you probably enjoy being away from work but the highlight is being away from the rest of the drudgery. Cleaning the house, grocery shopping, tending to whatever boring shit you have to do in real life which I can't identify here because I don't know exactly what it is, but I know there is heaps of it. 

Although you still have to tidy and eat on holiday the impermanence of it makes all chores far less overwhelming. If you eff it up or skip it one day you can sort it out the next. And even if you don't sort it out you'll be leaving soon enough. That has really been the joy of this holiday. Just enjoying the things I'm doing and the adorable people in with without those boring-ass distractions. 

The weather has been great too, sunny, warm but not too hot. We've seen heaps of greenery, you know in nature, plus a couple of whales, a pod of dolphins,a wallaby, both black and white cockatoos, kookaburras, lizards galore and one morning we had a buffet breakfast.

Holidays really are great. Funny then that I cannot wait to get home tonight. I really can't wait. 

 

Ugh (PM)

When Baby was little K and I did this thing called The Australia on Collins Challenge. Basically it was just doing laps of Australia on Collins until Baby went to sleep. But with him the payoff was worth it, because once asleep he'd stay that way for hours. In fact that day of the Australia on Collins Challenge I'm pretty sure K and I went on to have a very long lunch at The Press Club while Baby slept in a pusher beside our food-and-wine-laden table. That would never happen with Newbie though and I really understand how lucky I was back then. 

Let's hope K can resist the lure of Katie's!

I wouldn't say my holiday is more exciting exactly, but it's probably considerably better looking and pleasanter. 

Some things I need to catch you up on (AM)

Being overseas and away from all my people makes communication hard. I know it's 2014 and we have skype and email and all that great stuff which in many ways makes communicating very easy, and makes the world feel small. All that stuff is great. We can share all the important milestones no matter where in the world we are. But what about the unimportant milestones? The stuff that only warrants a very very small amount of attention, and would normally be conveyed during such mundane moments as when you're walking from the car to the place that you're going to hang out with your buddies? It's that stuff that's harder to share when you're not in the same space. 

Normally I would see J once a week or so and tell her about all the super important AND the super mundane things in my life. But somehow they don't seem appropriate to write in an email. A blog post on the other hand. That's a different story. 

So, here's some things I've been meaning to tell J. 

1. I saw Draco Malfoy's mother. 

Since I've been away I've had some exciting celebrity spotting moments, including Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams, fashion designer and friend of GOOP Stelly McCartney and everyone's favourite tenn bad-boy Spike from Press Gang. But then the other night I went to see a play (Medea) and who should be in it but none other than Draco Malfoy's mother. It was rad.

2. Last weekend I hung out with a Sami.

Remember how you really dig on Lapland and the Sami people? Well last weekend I hung out with a lady who is half Sami! She is one of Appleheart's buddies and she comes from a place in far north Sweden. Last week, she came for a visit. She is very cool. Her uncle is a proper Sami reindeer herdsman, but only part time because for heaps of the year the reindeer are just off hanging out in the wilderness and there's not much for a Sami to do. So I think he does web design or something when he's not live la vida Sami. It's so cool. And she is one of those people who's not fazed by anything. She is calm and composed like a Swedish Paul Roos. 

3. No scrubs update. I love my no scrubs lifestyle. It's so much easier than scrub life. But much like scrub life, there are good hair days and bad ones. I'm pretty happy with the good ones but the bad ones really make me question what I'm doing. 

Here's where we're I'm at today. I quite like it. I'm sure to hate it tomorrow but today we are quite happy together. 

Ski trip 2014 (PM)

Snow is beautiful and wonderful and one of the greatest things about winter. Providing you've got the right gear. There's a saying in Norway, apparently, which goes "There's no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing". By which they mean clothing of insufficient warmth, not, like, jeggings or something. So snow, with the right gear, is a delight.

It sounds like a fun time was had by all (on the whole) and though Baby's tears are heartbreaking, they are also very very cute.


I went away this weekend too! To York. It's a very pretty town.

Buildings that look like this.

Middle class graffiti that looks like this:
















And nearby, some cliffs where hundreds of seabirds come to nest at this time of year, including Puffins. 

That's a rock covered in nesting gannets. But we saw heaps of puffins too. It was great.
And I also ate the best pork pie I've ever had.  We had it on the run as we were walking around town, only I told everyone to go ahead without me while I stopped and ate mine. After one bite, I knew it was pretty special and because I can't multitask, I didn't want to risk being anything other than 100% focused on it. God it was good.

Ski trip 2014 (AM)

Last night I got back from a few days at Thredbo. It's funny going to the snow from Melbourne. I guess because the climate is so completely different it feels like going on a big holiday. It kind of rules. I felt after four days like it was a pretty nice break. l met a woman who'd been there three weeks. It made me think "Whoa she must be loaded" and "That must feel like a million years." And also "Nice life!"

The snow is a weird place. Firstly, it's so beautiful.  

There's funny things about it though. Like at the snow a house automatically becomes a chalet which makes it seems so much more glamourous. (Although  Wikipedia has some interesting things to say on this).

Even if the bookshelf is full of Danielle Steele novels the fact it is in a chalet makes it classy. And somehow a shelf full of Danielle Steele novels seems appropriate in a chalet. 

And faux fur throws which would otherwise seem gross seem awesome.

Baby did skiing lessons which reminded me of my first skiing lessons and made me realise that a lifetime of experiences makes going through mildly traumatic or difficult experiences so much easier. If your lifetime is 35 years and not 4 years. 

Apparently if you only have a 4-year lifetime of experiences, falling over repeatedly on snow while wearing planks on your feet feels even shitter than if you have 35 years of experience. But learning to ski still rules! 

But not as much as going on a waterslide. 

Welsh Delights (PM)

I spent one day in Wales 20 years ago. I went with my folks and checked out a castle then Russeth and I made Dad drive through Pontypridd, Tom Jones' home town, because... well I'm sure no explanation is needed. So I guess I'm not so intimate with Wales and its delight but I know a thing or two (literally a thing, maybe two) about Wales' delights.

For example, there is a place in Wales called Snowdonia! Snowdonia! It's like something from a children's fantasy novel. I was so happy when I learned about Snowdonia. I thought, "How delightful!"

Also, as previously mentioned I have (essentially) a Welsh brother-in-law and he is pretty delightful. He is funny and a good cook and is covered in old sailor-style tattoos. Sure, a borderline (?) alcoholic but I understand that is pretty much par for the course in his home town.

And, as previously mentioned, Tom Jones!

Oh and let's not forget this guy!

Pimento cheese - a new best thing (AM)

As you know I just had a baby. He was not a girl and he is not called L'Wren of course, not even here in pseudonym. As as you may also know K is about to skip town for a 6-month work stint around the UK, so we are going to take a little break, just a week or two. But before we do, I wanted to tell you about something very, very special.  Pimento cheese. Blizzie made it for chutney club and, um, I effing love it. It included all my favourite elements: cheese; deliciousness; the look and taste of the eighties, in all its chunky, salmon pink glory! Writing about it now I can barely believe I'd never had it before and once it entered my life I barely ate anything but.

Until, 3 days later when the jar was empty. 

Pimento cheese is from the Southern USA and according to Wikipedia it is known as the caviar of the South. And so it should be, it is super special, delicious and eighties. 

In the mix Blizzie made I think there was grated cheddar cheese, creme fraiche, mayonnaise, pimento, cornichons and maybe some other things. And I love all those things. Although theoretically a mixture of them does sound a little gross I cannot tell you how freaking good it is. Please friends, if you find yourself at a lose end while the lady Crabs take a little break keep yourself busy and happy by whipping up a batch of the good stuff. 

Holiday Monday!

It's holiday Monday!

Woot!

Thanks for colonising, Britain! This day off is much appreciated!

Love
Crabs

Nearly there (PM)

Wow, your boss sounds like a stand-up guy, Mate! My office closes between Christmas and New Year too. But the only day of free leave we get is the 27th, though to be fair to my work there are only 2 other days that aren't public holidays in that period and you are allowed to take 'miscellaneous leave' on those days. A leave kind that can also be used for having your dog put down or the other miscellanies of life. So I guess that's something. Plus, if you work in an organisation that has been in the news due to workplace bullying and suspected espionage I guess you gotta take what you can get right?

This, I've decided, this will be my last week before a whole 2 weeks off too, so I am likewise excited. But I wish Oprah had put a goodies bag under my chair.

Still, I guess holidays are as good as an Oprah goodies bag right. I intend to spend mine pretty much looking like this.*

*In my dreams of course. In reality they will more look like this:

Postcards from Brisbane (PM)

I gotta tell ya when I first learned about Gravity by driving past a billboard my first thought was, "Ugh, Sandra Bullock, no way I'm seeing that!" When I learned more about it my next thought was, "Two astronauts floating around in space for two hours, no way I'm seeing that!" But then with people loving it all over the place, I'm kinda curious. But it's pretty unlikely I'll see it given that I hardly ever go to the movies and as if I would opt for Gravity while Rush is on.

You know, 'cause Mondonna worked on the music!

I've never been to Brisbane. I'm kind of curious though. LB spent some of his formative years there so I should try it some time I guess. I have been to the Gold Coast a bunch of times though which is right near Wet'N'Wild and LB and I always talk about going, but we never do. Pussies. Now Baby is around it will be years before he is tall enough for that scary shit. I made LB read this morning's post to me as I drove us to work, apart from his colourful addition of sexual innuendo throughout, his reading was also full of the sadness of us never going to Wet'N'Wild but he had a rough weekend so I'm hoping he'll get over it soon.

So how effing creepy is Dr Drew? If I had a sex addiction he is the last person I would want to talk to about it. On the other hand, maybe he would cure me of it instantly. Creep.

Postcard from Brisbane (AM)

Oh hi guys. How were your weekends?

Good? That's good.

So I'm writing this from a cinema in Brisbane. It's Sunday night, and I'm waiting for the 6:45pm session of Gravity to start. I thought I might get a head start on writing my Monday post, given that I'm going to write about my weekend in Brisbane and it seems that Sandra Bullock and George Clooney are going to be part of it. I'm not entirely sure why on watching this film. People like it. The alternative is sitting on the bed in my hotel room eating Doritos and watching TV. I thought I should make an effort to put that off until Monday night, so here I am. 

Anyway, the show's about to start, so I'll see you on the flip side.

TIME LAPSE.

Oh, hello again guys. I bet you're all dying to know what I thought of Gravity. Well, it was pretty good! A pretty good movie and a pretty good way to spend a Sunday night. That's as enthusiastic as I can get I'm afraid, because it didn't blow my mind. But it's a pretty good version of one of those kinds of films.

Anyway, now it's Monday morning. I'm sitting up at the 'business centre' part of my hotel room (view illustrated above) getting ready to go to this work conference thing which is the reason I'm in Brisbane in the first place.
It starts this morning but I've been in Brisbane since Friday night, because Appleheart and I came up early in order to get a little sun (and boy am I glad we did because I hear the weather in Melbourne has been shit this weekend) and get a head start on Appleheart's birthday week celebrations. While I've never identified myself as a waterslide fancier, Appleheart loves them with his whole apple flavored heart, so naturally we went to Wet N Wild, Australia's premium waterslide based fun park. 
It's pretty great you guys. Knowing that Russeth and G Force came up here a while ago specifically to go to WnW, I asked him for some advice. He said
"My advice is to not be a pussy and do everything twice. Other than that....I dunno. It's a theme park so you don't really need to think about it. JUST DO IT."

It was the best advice. I was not pussy at all and as a result I did some scary shit. Like go on a waterslide that where you stand in a tube and the floor drops out from beneath you and you do a vertical drop which feeds in to an upside down loop that some people don't make it all the way around and have to be rescued from. No joke. But I did it and it ruled. 

The rest of the weekend has involved walking around Brisbane, having a few beers in the sun and thinking about the benefits of not being a pussy. It's been pretty fun really. Appleheart left last night, hence going to see Gravity then eating a packet of Doritos for dinner while sitting on my bed watching Sex Addiction Clinic with Dr Drew. What? 

Now it's off to work. Bye you guys.