I think my brother is cool (PM)

I really like that backpack and now I want one for myself. But backpacks make me look weird and I don't like having to take them off  when I need to get something out of my bag. I guess I'm not going to buy the backpack. But I love how all you guys have them!

And even though I love my brothers, I can not tell a lie - those dudes are so uncool.

By way of illustration, here is a transcript of a phone conversation I had with Elderbro the other day.

K: So whatchu been up to?
E: I'm making a pond in our back yard.
K: Oh yeah? How come?
E: Ever since I was little, I have wanted a pond.
K: !!!
E: This one is going to be awesome. It is basically like a little river and has different levels and water flowing over stones and will have fish and some frogs in it when I am done.
K: (with enthusiasm I do not feel) Wow guy, that sounds kind of nice
E: Yeah it does.
K: So what else have you been up to? What do you do when your not working?
E: Oh, you know. Muck around with the pond. That's all really.
K: : (

That guy really breaks my heart.

Midbro isn't much better. He's a teacher, after all, and those dudes are never cool.
The other day, I was telling him a story and I was getting pretty excited about the story because that's what sometimes happens when I tell a story. He stopped me half way through and told me he was loving the story and I should keep going, but try to use my inside voice. Whatever Midbro!

You're not cool brothers, but I love you guys! Hugs!

I think my brother is cool (AM)

The other day Russeth and I were sitting in my Mum's living room and when Russeth got up to leave he put some things in his backpack and Mum and I both said, "oooh, that's a nice backpack." He told us he bought it for about $20 online and then we all went to the computer to see if we could find it. It turned out he actually bought it for about $50 and when we found the bag we couldn't find the nice navy one that he had and felt sad. Well, Mum and I felt a bit sad, Russeth probably didn't give  a shit. Come to think of it Mum probably didn't care much either.There was a black version and a khaki version, and quite a nice mustard one, but Russeth's navy one was really the winner.

A few days later I got an email about a sale from the very same e-store from which that bag had come and decided I should have a proper look for the navy bag. So I did. And I found it. Half price! About $20! Just like Russeth had fantacised and lied!

So I bought it. Bought one for Mum too. A few days later when Russeth was visiting I told him I had found the bag in navy and bought it for myself. And for Mum. I told him what a great price I got it for too. He was jealous.

Then about three days later I got a text from him that said exactly this:

Hang on. So are you telling me that you bought the exact same bag as I have?

Umm, the guy told me exactly where to get it. Saw my disappointment at not finding it. Heard my delight at finding it. Had a discussion about me buying it. Thought about it for three days and then that question occurred to him. I guess I think he is cool, cause you know I copied his bag, but maybe he is not as smart as I thought he was.

The strange adorable men of UK 'talent'-based reality TV

Everything I know about Pop Idol and X-Factor UK I learned from Graham Norton. Except for what I know about Susan Boyle which I learned from pop culture and also an old boss who once busted me watching YouTube and then asked me if I had seen Susan Boyle. I had no idea what she was talking about at the time and just kind of smiled, awkwardly bobbing my head until she went away. Worked every time.

The first time I saw Jedward was on The Graham Norton Show. They are some pretty weird talkative, finish-each-others-sentences, super cheerful pop star twins. They won UK X-Factor a few years ago.


Oh, you don't know Jedward? They were Ireland's entry into Eurovision this year. But before that they were on Graham Norton. And they were pretty creepy. I think Sarah Jessica Parker and Joan Rivers were pretty creeped out. They kind of reminded me of Brothers of the Head.

No, I don't think all twins look the same. And some of my best friends are twins.* Jedward are creepy in the opposite way to these guys in Brothers of the Head but there is definitely something similar. Anyway, I think Jedward are kind of adorable in their creepiness.

And what about Will Young? I have seen him on the GN show a couple of times. He won the first Pop Idol, apparently. And his music is definitely as shit as Jedward's. I guess we are lucky this stuff doesn't get exported here (maybe it does, I have no idea what the kids are listening too, but I am pretty sure it is awful). But Will Young is also kind of adorable. He is quite camp, almost handsome but with this huge under bite. Oh, here he is now.

See what I mean. And dude obviously loves a good time. I saw him on GN last night you see. He was so well groomed. I kept thinking about how if I was a gay male pop star I would have no grooming problems at all. But I guess that is never going to happen.

*It's not true. None of my best friends are twins. But I have had good twin friends in the past. I actually can't think of any twins I know anymore. I guess they don't hang out in pairs as much when they aren't at school anymore. Wow, I have to go and find me some twin friends.

What the eff is a daisy bike?

So the other night was LB's bro's birthday so we went round to his place for dinner.

Let me start by saying that his wife, PK, had made a lovely dinner and a delicious orange cake which she had slathered with a kind of toffee which made the cake virtually impossible to cut but awesome to eat.


PK's bestie Phran was also there and together they reminisced away like besties do. Like in the presence of LB, Birthday Bro and other brother Paz, they recalled how early in PK and Birthday Bro's relationship, PK and Phran had hit the family dog, Tony, with their car and watched him stagger off to, what they assumed was, die. Tony didn't die that night but I'm pretty sure that LB and Paz, who did not know this story were not that happy about it.

Then PK and Phran recalled how they had rented a daisy bike in Queenscliff one time and basically ripped the side of a car off. Turns out daisy bikes are really dangerous because when they got home that night after swearing to secrecy PK's dad accosted them with "What happened on the daisy bike and who was the boy?" They confessed to damaging the car but had no idea who the boy was. Turns out PK's Dad had heard about some entirely different daisy bike accident that happened in Queenscliff that day.

Oh what laffs! But, seriously, what the fuck is a daisy bike?

"You know" PK and Phran said, "A daisy bike! Like a porch swing on wheels"

Really?!

A google search just provides images and details of bikes with daisies on them. There were three people in this daisy bike story. Two pedaling and one steering. WTF kind of a bike is this?!?

What was I thinking?

I was looking at The Sartorlialist yesterday and happened upon this photo of some of his notes and sketches. Check out how similar our writing styles are! Here I am writing some of the same text he wrote in his picture.

I swear I didn't try to make them look similar, that's really what my handwriting looks like. It's really similar, right? Of course I would prefer if my general style was more like his, but handwriting style is a good start.
Anyway, this made me think about a good idea for a blog post. I know for a fact that some members of my family have very similar handwriting, and I thought it would be interesting to get everyone to write a sample sentence and then compare them. What an interesting experiment this will be! I thought to myself.
I texted Elderbro and Midbro straight away so they could get working on their samples. I gave them clear instructions. I said:

"Hi dude, could you please write the following text on a piece of paper and photograph it then text/email it to me? This is my handwriting when I am making an effort to be neat. This is my handwriting when I am making no effort to be neat. (obviously I would like you to either make an effort/not make an effort depending on the text you are writing). Thanks!"

I asked for the two samples because I thought it would be interesting to see whether our writing was more similar when we were making an effort, or when we were just freestyling. After all, it was going to be an interesting experiment.

Knowing that my parents would struggle to absorb all of this in a text message, I emailed them the same request, explicitly asking each of them to write the nominated sentences. I also asked them to scan it and email it to me because they don't have smart phones from which to send photographs, but they do have a scanner. So by the end of the day, I had notified everyone in my immediate family of what they had to do, and all that was left was to wait for the results to roll in.

Of course, this did not happen. First, Midbro replied saying that it was the school musical that night and he couldn't possible do it until morning. For those of you who don't know, Midbro teaches Year 6 at a school we will call Grighton Brammar. Each year, Grighton Brammar puts on a musical with the girls at a neighbouring school we will call Birfank. This year they are doing the hit Disney musical Alladin. Anyway, the performance was last night and because Midbro fancies himself as being a but like the teacher in Glee (he once told me that he really relates to him) he couldn't do what I asked. I guess this is fair enough.

But as for the rest of the family, their inability to follow instructions and/or inability to use technology has totally compromised the exciting potential of my handwriting exercise.

This, from elder bro after several text messages providing further clarification:

What about the sample when you are making no effort to be neat, Elderbro? What about that? My instructions were so clear! I could tell that further text messaging would just make things worse so I let it go.

Mum called me when she read the email, saying that they didn't know how to use the scanner. Knowing that my uncle Gary and aunt Glenda are staying with them, I suggested they consult with those guys to figure it out. She said they had already consulted, and no one knew. I told her that four adults with an operating manual should be able to operate a scanner. Right? Right? Apparently not.
This came through a short while later:

Not only can they not operate the scanner properly, but they also misunderstood the instructions, so only Dad wrote the first sentence and only Mum wrote the second. What kind of comparison is that?! These people would make terrible scientists!

Happily, Midbro got on board this morning and sent the following samples through:

Um, I can't really tell the difference, can you?

And finally, here is my sample:

I can't tell the difference here either.

But here's what I can tell:

-Elderbro has nice neat writing that looks like a masculine version of Mum's

-Dad has terrible writing because he is vision impaired and has arthritis but he is excellent at lawn bowls and cooking steak (the last bits I know from experience, not his handwriting)

-Mum has nice neat writing that looks like a lady version of Elderbro's

-Midbro's writing looks like a no-nonsense version of mine

-My writing looks like The Sartorialist's!

-This was a terrible idea.