Hi again

Despite assurances from K a couple of weeks ago that she was still here, the truth of this seems in doubt. I know she is still somewhere, but I'm not so sure about here. But that's cool. As Baby keeps reminding me, we're living in dark times, give a co-blogger a break!

In some ways it has felt like dark times. First there was the fear that someone I knew and loved would get sick with the dreaded CV. Then there were the more general fears about a society full of people out of work and suffering. Then there was the anxiety of working from home with children bothering me. And while the first of those fears has greatly lessened, the second adequately pushed under a rug, and third somewhat made peace with, technically I guess you could say I've been feeling better about things.

Due to a number of very first world problems like too much work, a bathroom renovation and three healthy children that are essentially in my care constantly now, I feel busier now more than ever and what with having to be in the same physical space all the time with the same people my brain feels jammed packed. At first when I'd hear people on the radio talking about all the Netflix they could catch up on and projects they could undertake my blood would boil. Fuck you and your Netflix. But I have realised, despite having no extra time for Netflix or personal projects, I do have time for small moments and they are pretty nice.

Without the commute to work I get home from work at 5PM. That is, I walk from my bedroom, where I work, to the family room where everyone else is and I'm done for the day. And then I have time to hang out with my darlings AND cook a nice dinner. Yesterday morning I went for an early walk with Little Bean before I had to start work. Usually there's no time for stuff like that. I can't tell you what a drain on my normal mornings making school lunches is. I love not making them in the morning. I love it. And Baby talks to me all the time about funny stuff. That kid is going to be ten in a month - if you can believe that - and he basically has a teenager's lack of desire to talk too his parents already. But now that he has no one to talk to anymore I'm really reaping the benefits. So I'm not going to hate people for watching lots of Netflix anymore.

Haiku Thursday

Thanks for asking

School holidays, ay?

How are they? A nightmare of

Vomit, stress and mess

And yet

Somewhat less stressful

Than term time, with its lunches, 

Wake ups and lunches

Aaaaaarghhhh (AM)

It was LB's birthday yesterday. And what better way to celebrate than take the day off work and just relax. So that is exactly what I did. LB didn't. He went to work as usual. He has an exam today so he wasn't really in the mood or position to celebrate. Me, I just felt like I needed a day to take care of some shit.

Last Wednesday I had a really annoying day at work, compounded by the fact that I had all these extra things to do: call a lawyer, call a bank, post some letters, clean the house, do a bunch of freelance work I've committed to doing, go to the city to buy some shu uemura face wash, get some blood tests, repot some plants, massively clean and overhaul the backyard, do all the serious house cleaning things like clean windows and pantry and a million more things, think of a birthday present for LB, be a loving and present mother to my children.

Frankly it was too much. And on top of that I've developed a twitch in my eye which periodically reminds me that I'm quite stressed. Just in case my brain decides to forget about the stress momentarily my body will remind me. Thanks body.  So I decided I'd take yesterday off work to get a jump on things. I felt really effing good about my decision. But then the list of things I wanted to do with my day off became unmanageable. The vital things included: getting my shu uemura face wash (yes, I could buy it online but why would I want to pay shipping for a product I could buy so close to my house?!?), cleaning the house, make dinner while everyone was out, freelance work, enjoy a coffee by myself. Then the list started growing: do serious house cleaning of all the second tier jobs, get a manicure or maybe a facial something real nice like that, a spot of shopping would be nice, get the blood test, get my legs waxed, my eyebrows done.

The list got so out of hand it became as stressful as my everyday life, it became practically paralysing. I started trying to plan my day but I found it impossible to prioritise the boring stuff like cleaning and work over the nice stuff like shopping and grooming, but because I knew that the boring stuff would help make my life overall better I couldn't really commit to just doing the nice stuff so basically I just ended up doing a half arsed version of everything. I looked in a few shops, I finally bought my face wash and I got my legs waxed too. And my eyebrows done. I cleaned the house in a regular way, but didn't even get around to doing the bedrooms. I still didn't get all the freelance work done and the garden is a mess, but all of my boring phone calls have been made. I don't know when I will ever get a blood test.

Apparently I am fucking rubbish at being an adult and actually need to dedicate my working week just to doing the things that constitute functioning as a human in this modern world. So just when I thought I was alright at it, turns out I'm not.

Oh well. At least I got to include a picture of Leonardo in this post. Why? Because it's (half) my blog I'll do whatever the hell I want!!! Just jokes, because it was his birthday yesterday too (or today, given timezone differences) and I thought we should celebrate by remembering a simpler time when all I had to worry about was movies and unrequited crushes. Sigh.

What's coming my way this week (PM)

The 3:30am brain is not the best brain. But I think K is really lucky that at 3:30am her brain was saying things like, "Great idea!" and "A great week lies ahead!" Rather than "I want an Apple Watch. I want an Apple Watch so bad! How can I justify buying an Apple Watch! Apple Watch would make my life so much better!" Or "Shit I have so much stuff on this week. It is stressing me the fuck out. And I have nothing to blog about tomorrow!" Which is pretty much how my brain works at 3:30am if it is not going "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." Although I don't really understand the lure of Apple Watch. Yet. I'm pretty sure I'll be coveting the shit out of one once someone gets one and shoves its shiny face into my less shiny face.

It's lucky that my brain and K's brain weren't in discussion at 3:30 this morning because I would have tried pretty hard to dissuade her from this topic. Only because I have even less on my agenda for this week than K. And if you recall, she did not have a lot on. Outside my normal commitments (which are few) I pretty much have nothing on. But after several commitments last week, which was kind of stressing me out, I'm pretty happy about it.

Which leads me to the question what does several mean. LB and I were talking about this last night, talking about how context and personal opinion can alter how you interpret it, it might mean three, it might mean seven, and those numbers can mean very different things. According to Google it means "more than two but not many," so perhaps I should clarify my use of it in the paragraph above by saying that last week I had two commitments. Now we are all on the same page.

Have a great week!

Three cheers for beers (AM)

I've been single-mumming it for the last week. "How's it going?" Friends asked after one day. "Fine!" I said and it was, but four days later, on Monday, I was pretty impressed with myself that I managed to get out more than a sentence here. Today, friends, I'm just impressed that I even turned up here at all. Today we're hitting the road via the air to meet LB and last night I had to get ready. Pack, clean house, also feed and look after children. My folks came to assist in the latter and still when Baby and Newbie got to asleep all I wanted was alcohol and to cry. Luckily the first negated the need for the latter but still it didn't give me much inspiration. So let's just hear it for beer. Oh I've heard there are healthier ways to deal with stress but to be honest I can't really think about anything other beer. You know, in moderation. And seeing my sweetheart this afternoon. That will rule!

Stress Factors (PM)

This morning's post was about stress, which is really stressful, but I can't help but notice that it was also very pretty. This tells me something about J's creative output under stressful conditions and between hope and the wind, that makes me excited about the dinner party she is hosting this weekend.

It's a Nordic themed dinner party, you know. Not a Jarlsberg party. But both are exciting to me.

Stress factors (AM)

You know how when you have one thing in your life that is making you feel a bit stressed it is ok, but as soon as you add one measly little thing to that suddenly everything feels super stressful? Ugh. Why is that? If you add one stressful thing to another your stress level should grow accordingly.

But it doesn't. It grows stupidly disproportionately.

Also, when minorly stressful things happen to you out of context they seem much more stressful. Say, for example, when you check your work email when you are not at work (like an idiot) and you see an email from someone and perhaps they are accusing you of something and even though you know they are the idiot and you have done nothing wrong it seems really stressful; but if you just saw that email at work you'd barely bat an eyelid? You know? No me neither.

Anyway every time I feel a bit stressed I think, "From now on I am taking all possible steps to avoid future stress!" And I always fail. So here is a (non-definitive) list of things I am never going to do:

Check work emails on non-work days.
Try and force Baby to eat vegetables.
Put my foot in it.
Job applications.
Plan dinner parties when anything else is going on in my life.
Make an excessive number of social engagements.
Cook multi-faceted dinners.
Drink insufficient water.
Do any of the above when LB has an assignment due.
Do any of the above when I need to go to the toilet.
Do any of the above when I am hungry.
Do any of the above when it is cold.