An end

J: So mate. The end of an era and the beginning of an indefinite hiatus. How do you feel?

K: I feel happysad! Like I often feel at the end of a wonderful book. I'm so happy that I've arrived at a point of resolution, but sad that I don't get to spend time with these characters anymore.

What about you?

J: Yeah, I pretty much feel the same way. Like I think it will be a liberating new time, but also I will really miss reading and writing Miss Soft Crab!

K: I'll miss it too. Heaps.

J: I feel sad that I won't be able to explore things in the same way anymore in this forum and maybe I won't think about things the same way. And I feel like I missed all these opportunities! Like why didn't I ever write about how much I love Jonny Lee Miller's dorky Instagram account where he basically just posts pictures of his cat and stories of himself putting the last piece into puzzles!? 

K: He does? That's pretty charming. Appleheart has an amusing instagram account that involves him posting photos of abandoned trolleys, which you see a lot of in the 3072. Yesterday he posted a photo of a trolley full, and I mean FULL of protea flowers.  Maybe it's because MSC is winding up, but I found it very moving.

J: Yeah, that was amazing!

K: It was. But that's a side note. The point is that with MSC winding up, we'll be doing less pausing and reflecting.

J: YES! I really worry about that.  But I do also wonder if it will give us some space to think about things in other ways. Maybe a new way to approach MSC down the track?

K: I think we both want that to happen, right? If you love something, set it free? If it comes back to you etc etc blah blah blah?

J: You said it mate. You and all those other people said it!

So are there any old posts you've thought about this week you would have like to showcase or just have remembered fondly in this reflective time?

K: Whoa, great question. Let's see. All the HotMC posts. Every time we spoke about Ewan. You?

J: Oh god! Every time we spoke about Ewan! I'll really miss that! 

K: Oh! The times we went out for fancy meals! When we went to see Prince!

J: I recently remembered that post I wrote when I realised all my clothes lookedjust like Olivia the pig.

Yeah! When we realised Prince was creepy/sexy!

I love how MSC documents phases. Like the weird Twilight phase.  Or the current totally distracted by life phase.

K: Yeah, Miss Soft Crab has seen it all. When we started, Baby was a tiny baby. I was living in North Carlton and about to go to NYC with KJ.

We spent half that holiday talking about the dude that ran the local bar who she thought was a pretty fun guy to hang out with.  Now she's married to him and little Pip is here. 

Now KB is here, Appleheart is here. 

Newbie and Little Bean are here.

J: You didn't even know Appleheart existed!

K: I thought MONA was the best thing to come out of Hobart! And Thor Friendship.

J: Wehadn't even been to Hobart when Miss Soft Crab began!

Oh, I'm sad that when we go to Adelaide to try Jamface we won't be able to document it here. 

K:  MATE when are we going to do that?!

J: I'm sad that when I finally dye my hair blonde I won't be able to document it here!

K:  MATE when are we going to do that?!

J: I'm sad that when I discover whether or not Tom Hardy is hot I won't be able to document it here! Mate. When are we going to do all this?!

K:  Look. We're not dying, we're just putting MSC on indefinite hiatus.  And Tom Hardy is hot, it's a true fact.  And I'm sure there will be things that happen to us, with us, to all of us, that we'll need to come here to discuss.  Maybe when we go to Jamface.  Maybe when you/we dye your/our hair blonde.  Definitely when QEII, well, you know.

J: Oh geez.

K: And what happens if another true hunk comes along? We're going to have to meet here to talk about it.

J: Yeah! You're right! We're not dying. And neither is QEII!! We're just taking an indefinite hiatus! I just really love MSC!

K: Me too. Heaps.

J: May another true hunk come along, mate! I mean things looked bleak for a while there and then Hemsworth arrived! 

K: Yeah he did. Things are changing, sure. But we love MSC. And we love to eat, see and think about stuff. We're just going to do it a little differently from now on.

So Crab fans, you magnificent people, I guess we'll see you on the flip side?

J: I guess you're right mate. You're right. But can I just add Leonardo DiCaprio to this conversation? Not ‘cause I have anything to say about him, it just feels right to mention him.

And now I guess I'll say see ya!

K:  I do not take Leonardo DiCaprio for granted and I do not take Miss Soft Crab for granted.

J: Fin?

K: See you Matey. 😢

J: Bye 😭

           

High holy days (PM)

Congratulations on your support of the women's league mate! Even if you are only foundation member #86 and not 8 or 6.

Imagine a time when a women's sport generates enough excitement to demand a public holiday. If horses and men can do it, surely women can. (You know one day long after Eddie Maguire and anyone associated with The Footy Show and commentators that call women 'girls' die.)

#daretodream

The promised land (AM)

Right now it's the middle of winter, as I'm sure most of you are well aware. This means, presumably for everyone, at best dressing as well as you can when you just want to be as warm as you can. Which can mean dressing pretty badly sometimes. Desperately. For me it also means I'm in a 3/4-length puffer most of the time, so who even cares. Except I do care. A further confounding factor is that I'm 6.5 months pregnant which means I'm very uncomfortable and can't fit into most of my clothes. So looking good and feeling good is not really an option for me.

Furthermore I had a haircut about a month or so ago and though I was and am perfectly happy with it, I feel like I need to shake things up and make a substantial change. Don't worry, if you've been enjoying the sweet relief of this blog sans hair complaints I'm not going to ruin if for you. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying I'm contemplating some future options for my hair. Including:

And:*

And I plan to make this change just before I have the baby, which will be in spring.

We all know how much I make of the colder seasons, my love of autumn fashions and doonas, but there is nothing like a winter pregnancy wardrobe and blah hair to make the arrival of spring seem so full of promise.

My projected late-October self is dressed so well with such great hair. I'm reasonably slim and look younger. Even though the real late-October me will not just be 3 months older but a whole other child older too. And no doubt tireder. I will probably be at home as much as I am now, without the incentive to dress nice and with the added disincentives of being frequently covered in baby vomit and excess milk spilling from my bosom. But though I know all this in my head my heart still envisages a beautiful me, dressed however I want, but always really well. Probably laughing and looking casually, comfortably glamorous. God, I can't wait to be late-October me. 

*These images are both lifted from The Sartorialist, to whom I am very grateful for taking such great pics of great hair.

Choose your own hunkventure (PM)

When I got J's text asking me whether I was picturing Hemsworth while reading this particular book, I was really very impressed. It seemed very progressive to me. Like she was an old person using the Internet circa 2000. Sure, she could still have all her hunk needs met through established resources, but why not see what's possible through the new technology. It might feel a little uncomfortable at first, a little risky, but Christ, we're not in this hunk game to stay safe, am I right? So hats off to you Mate. You're out there exploring the new wave hunks and you're reaping the rewards. 

And can I just quickly say that it feels so right to be talking about hunks again.

Chose your own hunkventure (AM)

I don't know if it was all that Monday morning musing about Leonardo or if there's something in the air or if I'm just embracing a long forgotten favourite subject, but I've been thinking about hunks a lot this week. When I thought about today's post I thought maybe I should pick a different subject and then I thought, hunks are one of the great foundations of Miss Soft Crab, one part of the holy trinity that govern us, completed by food and clothes. I decided that to deny us all another hunks post was to deny the birthright of this blog, deny my true self. And it's like Hamlet says, to thine own self be true.* Am I right?!

I'm reading a book at the moment with a character that, as soon as he emerged, the instant I read his description, I imagined Chris Hemsworth. And the description is about as undescriptive as a description could be. Just a couple of lines to give you an idea of a guy and that was all I needed to get to Hemsworth (destination = reached). 

Reading this book is totally enjoyable because it is by a great writer and because imaging Chris Hemsworth all the time is great! I never imagine hunks when I'm reading a book. Books aren't usually about hunks, at best there may be a guy with some hunk like qualities. And to be honest when I imagine book characters they're often slightly blurred. But not this Hemsworth-type, he is crystal clear. 

I've so enjoyed this experience I texted K yesterday to ask if she'd read the book and when she answered yes I asked her if she'd imagined this character as Hemsworth. She told me no, she's old fashioned, she'd pictured Viggo, but she liked where I'd gone with it. 

K's brain made a great choice casting Viggo but it really got me thinking about all this dismay about hunks I've been feeling. 

I mean isn't it heartening that instead of going with a classic hunk, one very close to my heart, I went with a more contemporary hunk, a new classic if you will. Oh sure, maybe it was my lazy brain just using the zeitgeist to do all the work for it, but I like to think it's something more than that. I'd like to think that perhaps the future is not as bleak as we supposed on the hunk front. Yes, I may be more discerning now (what's the good of aging if you don't become discerning?) but that's only a good thing. Maybe the steady stream of hunks of yesteryear was more about my youthful exuberance than real supply, but I'm heartened to discover that a hunk of today can be at the forefront of my mind and it really gives me hope!  

*Just jokes, I know Polonius says that. Go watch Clueless. 

A very little something (AM)

Yesterday while driving to the Queen Vic market I wrote all of today's post in my head. I felt pretty productive but the problem with writing posts in one's head is that until we have computer chips implanted in our heads all that writing is going to stay up there. It's such a conundrum because on the one hand I don't want AI in my brain and on the other hand, well shiiiiiit, it would make so many things so much easier. Like paying bills and writing emails and definitely writing blog posts. Because by the time I sat down to write my post last night at 11:30 I'd been looking after my children all day and editing some woefully written articles all night all while recovering from a cold. I don't want to make excuses, but you know where I wrote the words "computer chips" 6 lines above here? I had to type that three times because it kept coming out "computer ships". Which doesn't even make any sense because I love chips heaps more than ships.

So rather than rewrite the post from my brain I did what I always do when I want to share something cool with the Soft Crab community without putting in too much effort. I went to Facebook to see if anyone had shared anything good. I hardly ever look at Facebook. Sometimes I log on and then after looking at nothing I log straight off. I hate it. But the internet gods were smiling on me last night because someone had posted a link to this.

It's not so amazing or anything, and maybe I was just really tired last night, but I love the movie Princess Bride and it was just real nice thinking about it and thinking about the whole gang back together again. And just when I was feeling all tired and happy I read the first comment under the photo, which said "The pic of Andre in the bottom corner... Feels :("

Hahaha "Feels"!

I hope Andre and Peter Falk are totally RIPing.

2016: projections (AM)

Friends! Happy New Year! Apologies for the extended hiatus but us crabs really gotta refuel, ya know!? I hope everyone had a great summer (or winter if you spent it north side. I mean waaaaaay north side). I had a nice summer pretty relaxo, but I gotta tell ya, I'm pretty excited to get this year happening in full effect! 

I love a new year, especially the kind where you don't really what's going to happen. The best thing about starting this year was knowing I was going to quit the job that made me so unhappy. I did that my first week back after the Christmas break. I can not recommend this highly enough if you are miserable in your job. What a great way to start the year! Now I'm freelancing, which is, on the one hand terrifying, but on the other hand totally exciting because part of my plan is to try to find some satisfying and challenging work. And if I fail at that at least I'll be doing boring work at home without travelling miles and feeling resentful. Woot 2016!

Also 2016 is the year Baby starts school. Yet more terrifying and super exciting business. He stared last week and so far it seems a super tiring emotional roller coaster. And that's just for me. Badoom cha! But seriously folks remember school. How it was so much fun and also so horrible. Ugh, I actually can't think about it too much or I might have to take him out for home schooling. It seems equally terrifying and exciting as my new career. But possibly a 5.5-year-old mind interprets it differently. But hey I'm here to talk about me, right?!

Because of my new lifestyle of working from home and having a child at shook five days a week I've also decided to start just doing stuff again, you know, like how Nike tells you to. In 2014 I took up ballet on a whim and because I thought I should just do stuff. But then I ran out of time and money. But now I'm in denial about not having those things so I've totally taken up ballet again. I'm probably at a class right now as you read this! Just do it! I'm just gonna do it all.  Yeah,

2016! Here's to ya!

2015 ends (AM)

It is Christmas week! God, can you believe it?! Where does the time go, am I right?! Well, who the fuck knows. What I do know is that it's Christmas on Friday and today is the last day of Miss Soft Crab for the year. Sisters need a rest, yo! So to mark the passing of another year K and I asked each other a few questions. I answer some now and K will be back this afternoon to answer more. Merry everything friends!

What was the highlight of your year? 
Geez, what a question. On the whole I've had a pretty good time in 2015. Not all years are gooduns but this one was. I just did a super quick scroll through all my photos from the year and can confirm this. We had a great trip to the snow, another great one up the coast and generally some good times. But the true highlights really come down to this:

• The ever changing and continuing awesomeness of my children! A 5-year-old is great. Mine says wonderful things and learns new stuff all the time and shares them with me and is a goddamn joy. The other day I asked him what was the best thing that happened at kinder and he said "Smiling with Felix."!!! And a 21-month-old is probably at one of the cutest ages a kid can be at. Mine has a new found love for summer fruits, all of which he identifies as apricots, though he can not say such a complicated word and is only able to call them "cock" and he demands them all through the day.

• Meeting KB! It's rad when your friends have babies and another baby in the Soft Crab family! It's the best. Plus that kid is so goddamn cute.

• Blur. But I'll get to that.

What was the best/most memorable thing you ate or saw or thought about?
Look, K had a baby a week before Blur played in Melbourne. She has a baby now and that is the best. But she also had to miss Blur, so I feel a little bad going on about it, but seeing Blur is the best, most memorable thing I saw and thought about in 2015. And one of the best and most memorable things I've done in my lifetime. For the last two years the MSC end of year roundup was marked by a Most Five and Blur made it into both of mine. Natch they are here now when I finally got to see them. They were so great live, seeing them like that really was awesome. So hot. And their music, I mean shit you guys, their songs are so fucking good.  After seeing Prince I didn't think any live music experience could touch me so deeply but Blur were really, really special.

But I ate a really memorable thing too, it was the plum and green tea soft serve at Supernormal pictured above. It looked festive and that plum ice-cream was effing delicious. I had it when K and I celebrated Mate's Christmas before she went overseas. We got to spend whole hours together eating and drinking and shopping before rushing home to our progeny. It was a lovely day. But that plum ice cream...

What are you looking forward to in 2016?
More Blur. Just jokes. The only Blur I'll be getting will be on my  iPod. Ha! Do people still have iPods? I'm actually quite excited about 2016, basically because I'm planning on working entirely freelance. It's kind of exciting. I have some work lined up but need to pursue some too. Who knows exactly what I'll be doing but I feel like I'll be doing some new stuff. This is the best kind of year I'm my mind, the kind where you don't know what it holds because you know you are going to change something big. I can't wait.

I'm also looking pretty forward to wearing the white jeans I bought recently. Who knows if I can pull them off? But I look forward to the challenge and to looking fucking crisp this summer!

If you won $1000 on a scratchie, what would you spend it on?
Easy. Some art. Probably a photo. Very possibly this one by Tom Blachford.

I love photos and large ones and I have so many white walls and I think about buying art all the time. In particular I like this photo because it kind of looks like a hot night but the pool looks cooling and I guess after the weather of the weekend I want some kind of cooling image in my house. A thousand dollars, you may as well just spend it straight away, right?


Would you rather...the other Hemsworth or the other Affleck (Ben, of course)?

Ben Affleck in a Hemsworth sandwich. Let's just say it's lucky the Would You Rather didn't include sandwiches.

In 2008 I went on a European road trip with my mum and dad and Chickpea and Russeth. Because we spent a fair amount of time in  the car we played quite a lot of Would You Rather. And because we were driving through Germany and Poland and Tom Cruise had just made the film Valkyrie a lot of the scenarios were centred around Hitler and concentration camps in competition with Tom Cruise. Like, "Would you rather have sex with Hitler or live with Tom Cruise for a year?" These were pretty complex questions, but the upshot of the experience is that I really learned to know myself when it comes to Would You Rather. So I can tell you with absolute certainty I would definitely rather Ben Affleck. I do not find the other Hemsworth attractive at all, I have nothing for him and no emotional attachment. Ben Affleck, on the other hand, may go through some pretty repulsive phases, like that entire relationship with J.Lo, but I guess he has a certain something. Especially when he has a beard. Plus I guess I liked him in my youth, so Affleck, all the way.

Oh! Damon what are you doing here? 

PS. After posting this I started thinking of other great things. I just want to add that Tony Abbott being deposed was pretty great and if I'd been more prepared I would have included a video for the Blur song Ong Ong. Feel good track of the year and one of many highlights of the show. Go listen to it!

Here it comes (PM)

The cold weather sure is here. Even though it's sunny and beautiful outside right now there's a chill in the air. It's truly autumn at its finest right now, but it's only gonna get colder. Well first it's gonna get hotter with the BOM forecasting 29 degrees for next Wednesday, but in the grand scheme of things it's only gonna get colder. Yesterday I changed from the summer doona on my bed to my winter doona. Fancy! I'm like a goddamn Kennedy with my seasonal doonas. Getting into bed last night was a real joy, especially after eating lasagna and red wine for dinner and watching Netflix on my TV using my new Google Chromecast. Hells yeah, I know how to do cold weather right!

I am missing out on that Accuweather app but I plan on downloading that ASAP. I check the BOM website about five times a day. I think I'm overly dependent on it and probably expect too much of it. If I have some things to do at non-specified time during the week I look at BOM to see what's coming weather-wise to plan my week out. If I have actual plans I check BOM so I can start thinking about what I might wear to said plans. All normal enough I guess but sometimes I think about checking BOM for plans way too far into the future, like weeks or months ahead though I know they can't forecast that far accurately. Sometimes I have a split second thought that BOM may be able to forecast other things too, like who is going to be somewhere or what someone may be thinking about doing for there birthday, as if BOM is not a bureau of meteorology but rather a bureau of fortune telling . I would probably become similarly dependent on Accuweather, probably more so given its time- and location-specific predictions but whatever the future is now so I better have all the apps possible to help negotiate it. 

I can see the future (PM)

I look exactly like my Mum too, so people say. Except she has had a Mum haircut and I have a regular haircut.

And now that you are shining a light on it, I guess I can't really deny the resemblance to my Dad. Stature-wise, more than anything. While Mum is little and spritely, Big K is what you might refer to as hulking and awkward and I'm certainly closer to that camp than I am the little and spritely camp. 

So I guess I have the face of my mother on the female version of the body of my father.  A true cross-breed. I hope my particular cross-breed will take off like the Labradoodle, who managed to make quite a go of it instead of one of those weird cross-breeds like a Pugalier, who just seem unhappy with what's been done to them. 

Why are people so unkind?

But when it comes to uniforms,  I am happy to say that I march to the beat of my own drum. Big K spends all his time in bowling whites and Mum wears sensible slacks and a freshly pressed colourful shirt every day. As if I could keep an all white outfit clean. And as if I would ever iron a shirt!

I can see the future (AM)

They say that if a man wants to know what a woman will look like in her old age they should look at her mother. They do not say you should look at a man's father to find out what he will look like, I don't know if that is because it is not true or because they think women don't care about such things. If they do say that it would definitely not be true of LB, dude looks exactly like his mother. And by exactly I mean EXACTLY. In 30 years he will probably look exactly how she looks now except only for the haircut and dresses. So perhaps the original sentence is true for everyone. If you want to know what any person will look like in the future look at their mother. I vividly remember the day I ran into The Notebook, I guess I hadn't seen him in a while and he said to me, "You look so much like your mother." I was in my early 20s so it was a little upsetting, no offence to my mother, I mean what 20-year-old wants to look 50?

And while there may be an increasing resemblance to my mother there is another increasing resemblance I am trying to deny but is overwhelmingly apparent to me.

If a person has ever come to my parental home, recently, in my childhood, ever, it is likely they have seen my dad in running shorts. That is because my dad basically always wears running shorts. And now I know why. Do you know how effing comfortable they are? They are basically the most comfortable thing in the world. Recently I went climbing with Russeth, it was one of those super hot days and I had left the house early in the day to do some things and I was not appropriately dressed for climbing. Believe me. So I bought some new running shorts. The 4-inch kind, which means they are far more modest than the regular kind. They were also the silky (polyester) moisture-wicking kind which my first pair weren't. On my way home after climbing I was sitting on the tram in the 35-degree heat and I was so comfortable, you could have turned the heat up a few notches. I was more comfortable than I had ever been in my life and I found myself wondering, "Is there anyway I could wear these on a day-to-day basis?" The answer came back to me, regretfully but overwhelmingly, "No!" And yet, I have found myself wondering this still. At home I find myself dressing for a run hours before I know I will go on one. On the hot days, especially those I don't intend to go far from home, I struggle against myself, wanting to wear what is essentially the uniform of my father. Running shorts, running shoes, a t-shirt. For now the better-dressed me is winning the fight, but who knows what will happen as I grow older and the inevitable parental resemblance strengthens. Poor LB wouldn't have considered that when he first met my parents.

Dogs of my dreams (AM)

I spend a lot of time thinking about getting a dog. I would love a dog so damned much.
The problem is, I live in the tiniest flat in the world, and am away from it for the majority of each day.These are not good conditions for a little doggy.
Still, I long for one.

Sometimes, I go looking around the internet for dogs that need a new home. Other times, I do google searches such as "dog breeds that are OK with living in a small flat, and being alone for most of the day".If I see a cute dog being taken for a walk around my neighbourhood, I rush home to research that breed's attributes and aptitude for small flat living. I actually spend a lot of time researching dogs on the internet. This is how I know that there is a lot of extremely charming writing about dogs and their little doggy personalities on the internet, and to this I have lost hours of my life. I can't help it! When you don't have a dog, you read about dogs a lot and then imagine what your life would be like if you had one.

Check out something I read recently, about the Italian Greyhound:

 

"The young dog is often particularly active, and this high level of activity may lead them to attempt ill-advised feats of athleticism that can result in injury."

Ill-advised feats of athleticism! That sounds so cute! And of course it made me wonder what such feats could be. Perhaps playing rough with a St Bernard? Running a little doggy marathon? Whatever it is, it sounds pretty adorable, though I imagine the person who wrote that probably had to spend a lot of money at the vet some time after such an occasion and that is uncool. No vet bills when you just read about dogs on the internet though!

 

Wanna know something about the Hungarian Vizsla? Ok, know this:

"They quickly form close bonds with their owners, including children. Often they are referred to as 'velcro' dogs because of their loyalty and affection. They are quiet dogs, only barking if necessary or provoked. Sometimes when these dogs feel neglected or want something, they will cry."

 

Close bonds? Loyalty and affection? Crying when they feel neglected? Get out of town with those super super cute attributes, Hungarian Vizslas! This breed actually gets researched a lot in this household, mostly because there is an HV that gets taken for walks in my neighbourhood and despite the goofy gait of the one pictured above, it is the most beautiful elegant little doggy. 

You can bet I got pretty excited when I read this about the Boston Terrier:

"Their usually sensible attitude towards barking makes them excellent choices for apartment dwellers."

 

Nothing about that little guy on the right makes me think that s/he has a sensible approach to anything but nevertheless you guys, the BT is an excellent choice for apartment dwellers which is exactly what I am!

Poodles are my first doggy love, because I grew up with them. First we had Biff, then Wilbur, and now my parents have Alby and Ned. Just because I  have lived with several, doesn't mean I don't want to read about them on the internet sometimes, which is how I discovered this: 

"All of the Poodle's ancestors were acknowledged to be good swimmers, although one member of the family, the truffle dog (which may have been of Toy or Miniature size), it is said, never went near the water."

Cute!

I wish I could close this post by telling you guys that after all this research I have decided to get a dog but goddamn it, I just can't. Home alone all day guys. In a tiny apartment. 

That would make anyone cry. 

Maybe I should move!