Get your hand off it! (PM)

Ugh! Get your hand off it so much, Kiehl's.

Firstly, I think that Kiehl's and I have a pretty different understanding of the term 'success'. I, for example, would consider a successful website one that had both high traffic and the ability to deal with all that traffic. Kiehl's on the other hand seem to think a successful website is one that crashes when it has lots of traffic. Weird. Maybe that's cause they speak American English.

But that's just semantics right? The real point here is that, ugh, Kiehl's, your website is in Australia now. We are a people that do not give standing ovations at the drop of a hat. We are a people that believe that success is something you could largely keep to yourself. And until recently we were a people that were not overly gushy. I can't help but think that the advent of excessive gushiness may have come from USA. USA, I love you, but qualities that are charming in you are not charming over here. Like how baby farts are cute but adult ones aren't you, know.

So Kiehl's, instead of telling us your website is useless cause you are so great maybe just say something make like 'Sorry we suck.' And we'll get along just fine.

Picture from a friend

Your mum is funny! Interesting how in relation to, say, a baby windy bop sounds adorable. In relation to a sixteen year old boy, absolutely not adorable. But word up to your mother for going ahead and using that term in all contexts. Right now I am sitting next to Doggy who is doing plenty of "windy bops" and I can assure you that name does nothing to help.

Speaking of delightful communiques, here is something I got from friend and MSC reader, Toni. (Thanks Toni, I hope you don't mind me posting this. I can't wait for the sculpture.)


Familiar?

An email from Mum

Mum sent me the following hilarious email after she arrived home in Australia.

Hi Darling,
Thanks for phoning to say you had arrived in Mexico safely. I hope you have a great time in the beautiful temperature there.
Dad said to tell you that the 4 remaining in the dead cert* are still going as we all chose Collingwood. Dad is leading the footy tipping by 1 point on 51, you are on 45, Midbro is on 46 and I am on 41. We looked after Baby A yesterday for about 3 hours. She really has "matured" in the time we have been away, you will see a big difference.
No news to relate from here.
Speak to you soon.
"Have fun"
Love Mum xxx

ps...I watched a few more episodes of "the office" on the way home, if you have not already seen the double episode of the birth of the baby, make sure you watch it as I thought it was hysterical!!!
The 16year old guy sitting beside me made smelly windy bops** all the way from LA to Melbourne, gee I was glad to see the back of him.
(the " back of him" does not relate to where the smells were coming from, it was just a figure of speech), he also snored quite loudly which made me feel guilty for how I treated you***.
bye bye

* My Dad runs the footy tipping competition at his bowling club. Not satisfied with a regular comp, he created a parallel competition called the Dead Cert. In addition to choosing the 8 winning teams each round, participants in the Dead Cert comp must also choose a single team that they 100% for sure think will win that round. This is the dead cert. It's a sudden death comp, so if your dead cert loses, you're out. The four people left are my dad, my mum, my brother and me. I know.

**My Mum calls farts windy bops. No one knows why.

***My Mum is a snorer. But I didn't mind - I had ear plugs. She was so worried that her snoring was bothering me, and wouldn't listen when I told her it was no problem. Seriously Mum, it was fine. Better snores that windy bops!