Nearly wordless Monday (PM)

Although I hate the colour purple, I love glitter and I respect Sensei's commitment to flattering accessories.

Nearly wordless Monday (AM)

I saw this on a lamppost the other day and loved the description so much.

I guess she has heeded the advice of stylists everywhere, to use fun accessories to draw the eye away from rotundity. I hope she found her way home.  

Hey! Where'd that mood come from? (PM)

There's something pretty hateful about that Kughesy and Hate poster. I catch a glimpse of it when I'm on the tram and it badly makes me want to look away. The jarring red background (I think it's red). The way they are angled towards the camera like newsreaders (I think that's what they're doing, I try to avoid looking at it so I can't be sure). The handfuls of cash they are holding (this much is clear). Without reading it or properly looking at it, I can tell they want me to listen to their radio show so I can potentially win lots of cash. It doesn't make me angry, it just makes me think:
No.

On a positive note, this is a picture I took looking down from my balcony in to my front yard. That's the cat from next door, with whom I have been trying to develop a relationship for months. Here it is eating the whiskettes I left out for it.

I think we really turned a corner. So my mood is pretty good I guess.

Haiku Thursday (PM)

Dead jonquils on my bedside table

Such pretty babies

When alive. Now, Reminder

Of my laziness.

Dead daphne on my kitchen table

I

Heavenly perfume

Or, the memory of it

Is why I keep you.

II

In addition to 

My being lazy as a 

Cat on a heater. 

Something for everyone (PM)

Well I might as well ask the internet for pictures of animals that look like other things. 

Of course I'm going to make the internet do all the work, by using J's search technique where one starts writing "<<insert animal's name>> that look like...." and then wait to see what google wants to tell me.

May I present, Rabbits that looks like lions:

Long shot, google. 

Dogs that look like pandas:

Nice pair, crazy lady.

And finally, the cats that look like Hitler spin off, cats that look like Kim Jong Il:

This is never going to take off. 

Quite separately, I found this.

I can's stop looking at it.

Hunk of the Month Club: Jimmy Bartel

Greetings, hunk fans!

Can you believe it's already been a whole month since our first hunk of the month? How time flies!  Since then, the days have become shorter and colder and Miss Soft Crab has turned its attention to wintery pleasures: 

Woollen jumpers. 

Pasta. 

Double doonas. 

And of course, Jimmy Bartel. 

Now, we know that not everyone is in to football, and we respect that. In fact, we thought for about two minutes  long and hard about whether Jimmy was a suitable choice for HotMC. The last thing we want is for the Crab community to feel alienated by our choice of hunk. But as J eventually reasoned: 

a) HotMC is not a science, Mate, and I don't think it necessarily has to be the hottest hunk or anything like that;

b) If he is the guy that came up than he is the hunk of the month I say!

c) Celebrate diversity! We should have hunks from all walks of life;

d) Footy season is here, another reason he is an apt HotMC.

e) JIMMY! I effing love that guy

Quite right, Mate. Quite right. 

So lets begin, shall we? I guess because he is a footballer, we should start with some stats.

Jimmy Bartel is a perfect 10! That's the only stat worth knowing.

Just jokes. 

Jimmy is a 28-year-old hunk who grew up in Geelong and has been tearing it up at Cat Park since 2002. In addition to being a Brownlow medalist, Norm Smith medallist and triple premiership player, Jimmy is the most handsome man in the most handsome team in the AFL. Jimmy makes Max Rooke look like a carpet. Jimmy makes Joel Selwood look like an emu. Jimmy makes Tom Hawkins look like a man made from plasticine. In truth, Tom Hawkins is largely to blame for this too. But that Jimmy stands handsome head and handsome shoulders above all these other handsome men really says something about Jimmy. Of course, HotMC isn't just about what I think. Hot MC is a democracy. Take it away, Mate!

J: Geez. Jimmy Bartel. That guy is a really special guy. You can tell because, as you say, he stands out as super handsome in the AFL's handsomest club AND he looks good all the ways!

Like this:

With a beard, running

Like this:

Without a beard, running

Like this:

The original caption on this picture when we found it on the internet was "Some guy kissing Jimmy Bartel". Heh.

K: Whoa there. He sure does look good all the ways.Here is another one:

"Why no, Max, I haven't read Miss Soft Crab today. They said what now? HAHAHAHA. Oh Max. You do look  bit like a carpet".

K: Personally, I love how Jimmy wears the long sleeved jumper. Football players do not seem to understand how good that looks, so few of them do it. Jimmy does it though. Covers those arms right up like he know he should.

J: Yeah, there is something super special about the way Jimmy wears the long sleeved jumper. Leaving a little to the imagination ay, Jimmy? I also like how it suggests that he just wants to be warm and comfy. Man after my own heart. 

K: There's no reason why a man can't be hot and practical. No reason at all! I bet he's got a wardrobe full of jumpers at home. I bet he knows exactly when and how to wear those soft woolly babies like a HotMC man should. 

Here's an interesting Jimmy fact: despite being a Brownlow medalist, despite being a Norm Smith medalist, despite being the most handsome man in the AFL, Jimmy has never won the GFC Best and Fairest. 

Um, you guys, he is the mother flipping fairest of them all!

J: HAHAHA! Yeah he is!

Another thing that is interesting about Jimmy as a hunk is that he is so different to a hunk like, say, Viggo, our inaugural MSC HotMC hunk. Viggo, of course, is a real hunk, a mature and hot man, Jimmy is more of your straight up PHWOAR hunk. And I think it is important to note that we have room in our hearts for every kind of hunk.

You know I spend a fair amount of time in the Geelong area and now and again I see a GFC player. Varcoe, Ling, Ottens, Steve Johnson, and every time I think, "why is it never Jimmy?" But, truth be told, I probably would barely be able to contain myself if I did. 

K: Oh, I'm straight up sure I couldn't contain myself if I saw him in the wild. I got all giggly when I saw Nick Riewoldt at the Coles on Church Street one time, and he couldn't even make it on to the HotMC emergency substitute list. 

Anyway, regardless of whether we ever get to test how apeshit we would go if we saw him in real life,  I'm pretty sure I speak for both of us when I say, Jimmy Bartel, you are a top shelf hunk and I hope that damned girlfriend of yours knows how damned lucky she is goddamn it. 

Haiku Thursday (PM)

Ode to the hair I found in my coffee cup after I finished drinking it

Too short to be mine.
Too discrete to be seen. I
Drank your bath water.

Ode to the cat who lives next door, but likes to hang out on my front door step

We could be friends, guy.

Why do you run away when

I've got tuna here?

Internet, I don't even recognise you anymore (PM)

I found it so impossible to believe that we had not written any hilarious emails to one another on this day that I went and checked over my email records, just in case I had saved some nugget of gold that J had deleted. You guys, J is totally right, there is absolutely nothing in the archive. However, I did come across an email with the subject "Where are you, cat?" and nothing but the following picture in it. Such a good one.



Can you see the cat, guys?