Demonstrated abilities (AM)

There has been some job application writing going on in this house and it's not really fun for anyone. To an extent, you have to be yourself, but really you can't be yourself. If I could be totally honest in a job application I think I'd sound a lot more convincing, I could really demonstrate some of my best qualities and those desired by employers.

If I gave my best answers to the kinds of questions often included in selection criteria or asked in interviews I think I could be quite winning.

Demonstrated ability it solve problems.
I am a critical thinker and believe that gathering as much information as possible and exploring a problem from all angles is the key to solving a problem. One example of this was when I was about to holiday in Newcastle as a teenager and, as this was at the height of what one could call an infatuation* with silverchair and particularly the lead singer, Daniel Johns, I felt positive that I could figure out where he lived if only I looked at the problem the right way. I knew the suburb in which he lived but this wasn't enough of course to find a house. I had seen a sort of documentary where the very front door of his house was shown and in which his neighbour was interviewed. Of course it was only a matter of looking up this neighbour's name in the white pages, as it was, finding that address and checking out the house next door. This was successful and Johns' house was found. Of course it seems so obvious as I say it now, but in fact seeing a full picture is not as easy before the puzzle as been put together.

A demonstrated record of achievement.
By far my greatest achievement at work was winning the Christmas pod decorating competition. For years this competition had been won by the marketing department, who was the only department with unlimited access to the colour printer, they could print whatever they liked and their excess always won the trophy, but one particularly slow Christmas I took victory with my installation, Snowflake Assault. For it, I cut hundreds of snowflakes from paper printed on both sides and ready for recycling and hung them around the pod and stuck them to the walls. Not only did I create a visual masterpiece but I did so in an environmentally conscious way and finally got my name engraved on that trophy.

Demonstrated ability to write clear, engaging communication for a specific audience.
Having written a blog for four years I have honed my writing skills. My audience is very specific, it is my mum, my sister and a few close friends. Positive feedback I have received includes: "Ha! Great post!" and "Your post made me LOL." My copy can also speak to a wider audience, for example Miss Soft Crab's  2012 Oscar coverage garnered international acclaim with a message board on IMDb where several Christian Bale fans exalted our work with such comments as "You have to read this, it's hilarious" and "HAHAHA."

Oh, shit. Now I see my "skills" and "achievements" in writing I see it's not really that convincing at all. Back to the drawing board I guess.

*Others may call it obsession.

Apollo Thirteens (AM)

This post was going to be about baking these biscuits as christmas gifts for Chambo, Lil and AB, who I am having dinner with tonight.

They look so good on the interwebsite of David Lebovitz...

They're called Baci di dama. Should their fancy name have served as a warning to me? Maybe. 

Something went wrong along the way. 

Was it how I roasted the hazelnuts, then skinned them like some latter day furrier?

Hazelnuts to the left, their skins to the right.

I don't think so. 

Was it how I used my coffee grinder instead of a food processes to grind the nuts?

Probably. Whatever it was, when it came time to roll out the dough it just was not happening. It kept crumbling and seemed like it was game over. 

This was disappointing because baking failures cut so deep. Also because I wouldn't have presents for my friends. And also because I would have to tell you guys about the failure because I hadn't prepared anything else to post about today. Despite my disappointment I went ahead with the remaining steps in the recipe because I am a TROOPER. 

I put the dough in the freezer as instructed and left if there for 20 minutes.
When I took it out and started rolling it in to little balls, it seemed to be holding together quite well. Like, exactly how it was meant to.

Things had taken an unexpected turn.

Then I baked them and shit you guys, they totally worked.

These are the actual biscuits I baked. I know, right? 

I guess I shouldn't have been so hasty to dismiss them. And lucky I followed through, because I really almost didn't. And if I hadn't I wouldn't know how thoroughly effing delicious taste, truly like the kisses of a lady (which is what Baci di dama translates to), if the lady who is kissing you is made out of biscuit.

But you know, because I touched the void a little during the moments when I thought they hadn't worked, I am going to call them Apollo Thirteens after the famous failed moon landing brought to life by Tom Hanks and Gary Sinise in the movie Apollo Thirteen. Because like the Apollo Thirteen voyage which was unsuccessful because they didn't land on the moon but successful because they didn't die, I feel like these biccies both did and didn't work.
You can get the recipe here. Don't give up when the dough appears to lack integrity!

Merry Christmas Lil, AB and Chambo. 

A day in Horsham (PM)

WOW! Horsham!

I bet there are people out there thinking, "Pah, a night at the Horsham Motor Inn, how very unimpressive." But did you see all those facilities?!?!

My house doesn't have even half that stuff!

A queen size bed. That is where my facilities list ends. Oh, and I have a remote colour TV. Not that remote, I mean it is still in my living room. And not far from my couch. But if they mean remote controlled I do have one of those.

That place has Horsham's finest accommodation! TWO BEDROOM SUITES! A disabled persons unit! (Is that place also a hospital?) And an indoor pool! Just the other day LB and I were talking about how we always thought that an indoor pool meant you had really made it. Like your house is so goddamned big you can fit a POOL in it. Horsham Motor Inn, you have made it!