Miss Soft Crab is bi-doona-curious (PM)

Did you know that Russeth told me the other day that Doona is actually a brand name! Who knew?!
Also, look what I just learned on Wikipedia: "The term "duvet day" is used in some countries to describe an allowance of one or more days a year when employees can simply phone in and say that they are not coming in to work, even though they have no leave booked and are not ill. The provision of this benefit became fashionable in the late 1990s with many larger companies in the UK."

Mind=blown! But my mind's approach to the bi-doona lifestyle is more complicated,
 
When K first mentioned this double doona situation in passing last week I pretty much dismissed it straight away. Ok, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't wonder about it a little, but I thought it would not be for me. You know, the faultline. How do you manage that? Weirdly, my mum who was in a different part of Europe to K but at the same, mentioned to me that they started personalising doonas in Poland where she'd never seen it before. Other parts of Europe, too.  She told me it was great, but this is a lady that's been married for about a million years, maybe she likes sticking to her side of the bed. Maybe  an arm getting cold if she slings it over her partner isn't an issue. But me, that's what I thought about. What if I want to cuddle my boyfriend. Surely I'd risk cold body parts or doubling doona coverage, making excess heat. So many potential problems. But I guess it would be a lie to say I wasn't a little bi-doona curious. I like how when it is cold sharing a doona means there is twice the body heat in there. But I guess I don't like how if your body is running at a differ temperature to your bedfellow it can cause all sorts of coverage issue. I also don't like how if you have a small child in your bed who sleeps between his parents and he seems to get hot he wants to kick all the doona off leaving the tops of his parents cold and frustrated. #justsaying

So I guess right there are a couple of issues the old bi-doona situation could solve. I don't know if I could ever really get leave a single big doona lifestyle, but I wouldn't be afraid to experiment a little. I wouldn't be ashamed of it either.

Miss Soft Crab is bi-doona-curious (AM)

When I was in Iceland, I stayed in a very cute apartment I found on airbnb. It was someone's actual home, and so operated like a proper Scandinavian home,  by which I mean you have to take your shoes off inside and there are individual doonas on the double beds. This is what a Scandinavian bed looks like.

Personalised doonas. His and hers. Or hers and hers. Or his and his. Miss Soft Crab supports everyone's life choices.

From the first, I was pretty sceptical. Sure, it looks pretty. And I like the idea of never having to wake up shivering because a squeeze has thrown the bed covers off because he is too hot, causing me to be exposed to the elements like so much sleepy collateral damage. I like the idea of that.

But how the heck are you supposed to cuddle under there? That line down the middle looked to me like a giant faultline that would surely break apart every time someone rolled over or went for a bit of a nuzzle or whatever people do in their bedrooms (it's up to you guys and I don't ask questions and I support all lifestyles, providing no one is getting hurt). It looked to me like the this situation would lead to a more draughty bedtime, and that's not cool. That's not cool at all.

I climbed in on the first night expecting to hate it.
But  much like taking your shoes off indoors, it all just seems to work. I don't know how or why exactly. I mean, I'm not a scientist. I don't know how two doonas side by side manage to pretty much stay together when you move around, despite the giant faultline that runs down the middle. But I don't know how most things work and it's a state I'm pretty used to. All I know is that I don't think I experienced a single draught while I was there, and for that, I say tusen takk Scandinavia. Tusen takk.

I was trying to explain it to J last night and I'm not sure I convinced her. Let's see what she has to say in the PM, shall we? 

Cinnamon Game Changers (PM)

Chocolate swirl buns I made one time

I have to say that those days when K worked at a prominent bakery franchise were some of my best. She used to close the shop on Mondays* and I would pick her up and take her home even though we no longer lived in the same street, in fact we lived in opposite directions, but she would give me a box of leftovers, you see. Bam, my regular bread, cheese bread, banana bread and donut needs were taken care of for the week. It pretty much ruled. But I never wanted or received scrolls in that bountiful box. No, who would buy a chain bakery scroll?! Not me! The scrolls of St. Cinnamon, however, were a whole different story. They were doughy and delicious and sticky and caramelly and Libbets and I sometimes would catch a train from Elsternwick to the city just to get one. We would get off at Melbourne Central go up the elevator for a scroll then turn around and go home. They were warm and gooey and I could go on about those bad boys all day! I guess what I am saying is that my game did not need changing. My heart is well and truly open to the scroll.

I've made scrolls before, usually they are great straight out of the oven but they suffer later. They tend to be too bready, not eggy and buttery enough - a good scroll needs to be somewhere in between a cake and a bread, that's what I think. Without question the chocolate swirl buns from Smitten Kitchen are the best I've ever made. But my heart belongs to cinnamon and those babies Miguel made for Northern Delights, well, they were something special. When K told me she made them on the weekend I was jealous. And when she dropped it again in yesterday's post my mind was made up! I was going to make them! I have a recipe for a thing called Swedish Cinnamon Butterhorns. Although they are shaped more like a croissant they have the same Swedish names as the other buns, kanelbullar. Plus who wouldn't want to eat a thing called a butterhorn!! But then I realised I had no eggs and I didn't want to go to the shops and well, now I don't have any scrolls. But don't worry guys, the shops are open and I have a whole day ahead of me. Those cinnamon buns will be mine!!!!!!

*Or possibly a different day. It was a long time ago.

Cinnamon Game Changers (AM)

I used to work at a prominent bakery franchise when I was younger. Back when bread was bread, which is to say it was white and square and sliced for either toast or sandwiches. This place also sold morning tea type treats like jam tarts, vanilla slice and of course a shitload of coffee scrolls. I don't know why people bought them. They were always so dry looking, and kind of big and overblown and not like the kind of delicious morsel you might really look forward to at morning tea time.

Anyway, spending time amongst so many unappealing coffee scrolls kind of turned me off the scroll completely. Occasionally I would see one in a recipe book and it would leave me feeling cold and uninspired. As more and more Scandinavian cookbooks came in to my life, so too did more and more scroll recipes. But it was always the same. I felt no interest. 

But then, Miguel brought Scandinavian style cinnamon scrolls to our Northern Delights dinner and everything changed. You should have tasted those babies. Bready in all the right places. Buttery in all the right places. Sugary and cinnamony in places I didn't even know about. Oh brother were they something else. I've thought about them ever since, and when Miguel sent the recipe, I knew it was just a matter of time before I made them mine. And last Sunday, when the weather was just right for proving dough, I made them. 

It was a piece of cake. 

First, you make a dough. 

Twas a very sticky dough. Then, you cover it with a tea towel and leave it in a warm place... 

...til it doubles in size. Then you roll it out flat  to about 80 centimetres. 

Next, you cover that baby with butter, cinnamon and sugar. 

You roll it up...

You turn that roll in to a bunch of scrolls which you let prove again. 

And you bake them until they look golden beauties oozing caramelised sugar and cinnamon. 

Such a piece of cake, right? 

But even if they weren't the taste would justify whatever labour they required. These babies are out of this world delicious. And a real game changer for me, making me think that scrolls are something I want in my life all the time. I hate it when recipes go on about how great your kitchen will smell when you cook something but seriously, these buns make your kitchen smell like heaven's oven, and it's part of what makes them so great. Just make them you guys. See if I'm wrong!

Northern (de)Lights (PM)

I can barely believe that neither Legsley nor Miguel referred to that dinner as Northern (de)Lights. Or Biz. All of them were key candidates for that kind of pun. Weird.

Don't worry guys! Here is a picture of K's pretzels plated up:

See that butter looking thing in the background? Anchovy and egg butter K made! Yum, people. Effing yum

I'm not going to take you on a step by step journey of my preparations, let me just tell you a little about the night.

We decided that in the ancient Nordic tradition we should eat smörgåsbord. Before people arrived with their food and the hot food hit the table, it looked like this.




By the time we sat down it looked like this:

From top right: pretzels (K), honey-glazed ham (K), cheese platter - jarlsberg, pickled sardines, crackers and pear (Blizzie), celeriac remoulade (K), hasselback potatoes (me), oysters (K), sides platter - egg white, egg yolk, cucumber, lemon, dill, pickles, capers (me), beetroot relish (guilty), Swedish meatballs (Miguel), gravlax and gravlax sauce (David), rye bread (Blizzie), Jansen's temptation (Russeth).

Oh, you wanna get a little up close and personal with some of that? I'm not surprised. David made TWO kinds of gravlax. One aniseedy one, the details of which I did not hear, but I know it included pernot.  The second one used the ancient tradition of pine needles from Fitzroy gardens. Needles(s) to say both were delicious!

Here are some hasselhoffback potatoes I made. Yep, as good as they look.

Everything was delicious. Personal highlights for me were (in no particular order) Jansen's temptation, hasselback potatoes, anchovy butter, gravlax - both kinds. But it was really the entire smörgåsbord that brought it all together.
Then it was time to retire to the sitting room for dessert and digestifs.

What are these you ask? Ice-cream sandwiches of gingerbread with honey and nutmeg ice-cream. Just a little something I whipped up. And yes, they are snowflake shaped. \

Oh, and there were these kanelbullar:

Swedish cinnamon buns

Just a little something Miguel whipped up. And in case you are interested, yes, you can have them with coffee in the morning and still respect yourself.

So what else happened at Northern (de)Lights? I got hysterical no less than 3 times, everyone got super full and we discovered that Ikea has an alcohol that tastes just like alcoholic Ribena. Basically it was success all round, I'd say! 

Northern (de)Lights (AM)

On Saturday night, J threw a Nordic themed dinner party. We privately referred to it as Northern (de)Lights, and looked forward to the time that someone else (Legsley) would make that pun. Unfortunately it never happened, but I'm just going to keep calling it that because it pleases me.

This post is not about Northern (de)Lights. Its about how to make pretzels, which was the thing I decided to contribute to the Northern (de)Lights table. Are you ready, readers? Well alrighty then.


First, you combine flour, yeast, sugar, milk, butter and a little chopped dill.

 You knead it...

... until it's nice and smooth.

Then you put it aside and let it prove....how much it wants to become some pretzels!
Not really. You just let it prove.

When it's double the size, you knock it back and divide it up.


Now it's ready to be turned in to pretzels, which involves a few steps.

Step 1: We can have lots of fun by rolling each bit in to long ropes

Step 2: There's so much we can do, but really we should just curve the ropey bits towards us...

...and then fold them over and get ready to tuck them under.

Step 3: It's just you and me and the need to tuck the end bits under.

Step 4: I can give you more, but I'm not going to because there isn't any.
Step 5: Don't you know that the time has arrived to bake your pretzels? It totally has.

Or has it??!!


In fact, there's one more thing to do. Like the bagel, another of life's great breads, pretzels take a little dip in a bath of bi-carbonate soda and water before they are baked.

Now in the oven they go.

OK, so that's how you make pretzels. If you've been following Miss Soft Crab for a while, you'll know that I have a tendency to forget to photograph critical parts of what I'm posting about. Today is no exception. By the time I pulled the pretzels out of the oven, I was in a bit of a rush to get to J's place, and I forgot to take a photo of them all golden brown and piping hot. I'm pretty sure J got one, so let's hope that she can pick up where I left off, and fill you in on some of the things that happened between pretzels and this:

Pity the fool (PM)

Oh, brother. Fool sounds like the worst of the worst. My eyes are sore from my rolling them so much while I was looking at that website.

Get your hand off it, Fool!

Your tagline of Food, Insanity, Brilliance & Love sounds to me like shit, crap, excrement and poo.

And while I am eating something as I write this, it's not because you have inspired me, Fool. It's because I like food, and I like to put it in my mouth where it belongs instead of all gussied up on the pages of your goddamned magazine.

So...wanna know what I'm eating?

This delicious mini-bagel from Aviv. I was just going to get one regular bagel but I got two mini ones so I could spread the joy out a little.
Hooray!

Pity the Fool (AM)

You know, I love food and cooking and talking about those things as much as the next person. Have you even read this blog? Lord knows you could ask any of my friends and all will tell you how I have bored them time and again with "stories" of things I made for dinner last night. (I'm sorry friends, I try to stop myself but I just can't!) But this sensation sweeping the nation, you know of food and cooking worship and wankery, it has got to stop!

The other day I was at a cafe and one of the items on the menu was "twice-shelled broad bean something". Do you know how many times you have to shell a broad bean to make it edible? Two times. And for those of you not mathematically minded that is the same as twice. I guess the kitchen decided that they should advertise this twice-shelled fact to appeal to a certain type of person. They should have called it 'adequately-shelled broad bean whatever'. That, at least would have bean been funny.

In case this wasn't indicative enough that things had gone too far there was no doubt left in my mind when I walked past Books for Cooks recently and had the displeasure of seeing a huge window display for a food magazine called Fool. Oh, not familiar with it? It looks like this:

"Food, insanity, brilliance & love" What? Seriously, what?!?

Enough said, right?

Please! It's enough to put me off my food. Of course I was so repulsed I had Google it immediately. It was then I discovered it was Swedish, which almost made me forgive it the ridiculous cover, stupid name and overall awfulness. I thought I would have to use all my will power to continue hating on it, but then I got to the website. 

Fool, the website tells us, is, "A cutting edge magazine on modern gastronomy and food culture. Fool is different from other 'food magazines' taking inspiration from fashion, design and culture. Visual. Thrilling. Made in Scandinavia."

I don't care if English is their second language, come on dudes, get a little subtlety.

One review, I read which claimed Fool "blew [their] socks off" wrote a whole paragraph about the magazine without actually saying anything about it at all.

Look, this isn't a science, I can't tell you what upset me so much about that magazine. Yes, it's the ridiculous name. The font. Ugh. And definitely, definitely the guy on the cover (Magnus Nilsson - a Swedish chef. He's so hot right now!) All I know is I hate it and it's making me hate food.*










*Not really I could never hate food, I just wanted to end with some drama.

TGIF

TGIF everybody. Though, truth be told, I felt like it should have been Friday yesterday. But at least it is Friday today.

Here are some things that happened this week.

A funny thing
On the tram, on the way to the footy last Sunday I overhead this conversation between two tweens.
Tween1: "What's that really big thing? Is that the MCG?"
Tween2: "OMG, yes! And that's Rod Laver Arena where I saw Taylor Swift!!!
Tween1: "OMG! Is that where Miley Cyrus was too?"
Tween2: (sounding slightly dismissive) "I don't know. My Dad wouldn't let me see her because he thinks she is a skank."
HAHAHAHA

An awesome thing
I paid off my HECS debt at long last! When my next pay cheque comes through, I am totally going to spend the shit out of the extra money! I am going to buy things I want but don't need, like headphones and a stick blender.

Another awesome thing
I finished watching season 3 of True Blood, aka Sexual Vampires. Bill is such a dickhead! Eric Northman forever!

A disappointing thing
I had an awesome dream last night. I woke up from it in the middle of the night thinking that was awesome, I am totally going to blog about this tomorrow but then when my alarm went off this morning, I couldn't remember a thing. I assume it involved food or hunks, but I'm just guessing.

Good riddance MasterChef

Scando hunks are a one of the best kind of hunks! Rene from NOMA was sure a darling. Thank God too, because the rest of the MasterChef finale was a total dud.

Basically I agree with everything you said. None of the contestants elicited much feeling. The series generally was boring. The challenges were ridiculous. Ok, you may not have said those things but they are all true. I mean, I watched a fair bit of MasterChef this season, but I was not happy about it. The first two years were great. But now it has lost it's shine. It got too self aware and confident and stupid. MasterChef it's over between us. FOREVER.

Let's remember Stefan Edberg to make us all feel better.

Goodbye Masterchef

I went to a Masterchef party last night. I baked this.
I love a bit of novelty baking.

When I arrived, Scampy (hostess) said "I think we all know what's going to happen here. Michael is going to cook really well, but the judges will choose Kate because she has extremely cute kids and will sell a lot of cookbooks." We knew she was right, and I wanted to feel angry that the fix was in but the truth is, I don't really care. Unlike previous years, I couldn't muster much interest in Masterchef this time around. I know I made a Masterchef cake, which indicates I do care, but it's just eating cake that I care about, not the show.

I guess I just couldn't be bothered with it this year. I didn't particularly like or dislike anyone. (though Sun does seem very annoying). My feelings for George, Matt and Gary haven't changed. That is, except for the fact that I now know Gary's name whereas I used to refer to him as the other guy. It just never really called to me, and I only ever watched it if I happened to be sitting in front of a TV at the time it was on. Unlike Offspring, which I make a point of sitting in front of a TV to see. Just kidding! (Not really. Sometimes I would.)

Now it's all over, and we all know that Kate won, and I still I don't really care.
But I'll tell you what I do care about.
That total peach of a guest chef they had on to issue the snowman challenge. He was so delightful!
For those of you who didn't see the show, his name is Rene Redzepi and he owns the restaurant Noma in Copenhagen which is apparently the world's best. He is 33. Check out this photo of him. As soon as I can take my eyes off that giant wheel of cheese, I am pretty sure I am going to like what I see.

Until then, here he is enjoying a coffee while at the fish shop with Matt Preston:

Here is he is frolicking in a field:

Here he is thinking some thoughts:

What's for dinner Rene? Just kidding, it's not dinner time yet, I just had breakfast!
Anyway, he was my favourite thing about Masterchef 2011. On last night's show, he walked around the kitchen calmly and gracefully, providing comments on the contestants' snowmen in his adorable Scandinavian accent. At one point, Kate realised she hadn't made enough carrot puree but said she didn't have time to make any more. Rene said "Of course not. That would be impossible."
Hahahaha.
Why are Scandinavian men such massive hunks?
What? You know, I found that picture on the interweb and it's caption was "Vampire Eric looking totally fly".
HAHAHAHA.
Goodbye Masterchef.