Oh life

Do you struggle between the idea that you need to know what's going on in the world but the fact of engaging with the news is so depressing you just want to look away? Sames. 

Do you sometimes think about the things you need to do or want to buy when you have a little more money even though there is no cash flow increase in the foreseeable future? Ugh. I do. 

You know when you plug your phone in to charge in a different room and then you go back a couple of hours later to get it all excited it'll have full charge and then you discover the charger was just sitting next to the power point not actually plugged in? Just did that. So annoying. 

Looks like it's going to have to be a two coffee day today. 

Emojitastic (AM)

I know that the latest update for iPhone's  operating system came out a week ago or something but I was on holidays, OK, with nothing but a 3G internet connection. I couldn't update until I got home on Monday night. And even then there were issues, mainly that my phone was too flat to install it and I couldn't find a charger for, like, an hour but eventually I got that new iOS on my phone and I couldn't be happier! I was pretty much gagging for it by that time. I'd seen the new taco and burrito emojis on Instagram and then Chickpea texted me asking if I'd done the update. She added a bunch of cheese emojis but without the update they just came through as weird little arrows. 

I'm a pretty heavy emoji user and not a week goes by that I don't lament the absence of a certain emoji. Usually facial expressions or hand gestures or cheese, but there are other foodstuffs that I couldn't believe were missing too. Like pancakes and chillies. But this update, you guys!!! This update!! Sure there is still no pancakes but the cheese! The taco! And the chilli!!

But then there are the emojis you didn't even know you wanted! A crab! Scorpion! A patch of grey rainy sky! There's even a Chickpea emoji! But sadly no chickpea emoji. 

After I updated my phone Chickpea and I spent about half an hour texting about the new emojis. The range is so good you guys! You must update immediately! As Chickers and I concluded:

No scrubs (PM)

My hair today, I've been kinda busy and haven't washed it since Sunday, FYI.

Let's not go crazy, my hair did not quite look awesome for my year of no scrubs, but it was pretty good. It was a pretty good time in the life of my hair. And I fully support your move mate. You are nearly through the hardest part! And that's exciting! Just a few more days, a week tops and all those natural oils will be balanced and doing what they should do. Most likely. 

Ironically (or something) I actually wash my hair more than ever these days. If I had the patience to get through the initial hard weeks of a no scrubs campaign maybe I'd run one myself, but when a lady is constantly covered in baby spew and her own breast milk and has to limit her wardrobe to sensible boob-accessible outfits and has no social life to make her bother to look nice, it's the little things like clean hair that help. And my hair looks best these days after a wash. Oh sure it'd probably look good after three weeks of no washing but in these heady times of internet and smart phones who has time for that. Kudos, mate for this slow hair movement you've embraced. 

Notes (AM)

When Newbie wakes up in the middle of the night for a feed I sometimes feel really tired. So that I don't fall asleep on top of him I sometimes turn to my phone for wakespiration but the internet can be so boring with its omnipotence and infiniteness so the other night I turned to my phone notes. There are years worth of notes in there.  It's a real treasure trove of memories. Or it feels that way at 3am.  I use it for all sorts of things like writing blog posts or ideas for posts, I use it for writing shopping lists and for reminding myself of adorable things Baby has said.  Like when I realised that he thought hedgehogs were called hairchogs. I realised this because he said 'Why are they called hair and chogs? Is it because their spikes are like hair?' It is one his adorable mishearings. He calls a knife an ife and cushions pushions and I can't quite bring myself to correct these things. 

The shopping lists in there are pretty boring although I guess I could use them to give me dinner ideas. Though I have no idea what I was cooking when I wrote this list:

I guess I was making some kind of Asian noodle dish but I have no idea what I needed dachshunds for.  

There are also other notes too. Some which were obviously ideas for something and others I have no idea what they were for. 

For example: Can joy be harbinged? Why is it that you only hear about harbingers of doom?

Well I don't know what inspired that note but I know why I wrote it. Because I want I know. 

Or this one:  Blaze. Blaze. Conspiracy theory 9-11. They make some good points. 

What the fuck is this about? Autocorrect?

Or this: 1. Use word achieved 

Maybe I was trying to create a list for manifesting my destiny but I guess I didn't get very far and clearly have not achieved much. 

Maybe I'll never know what these were about or perhaps my failing memory will come good. Either way, thanks iPhone, I don't know what half my notes are about but thanks for having that nifty function, especially now the font is not so fugly.

Call for friendship (PM)

If my pretty uninformed understanding of Facebook is anything to go on young people make "friends" like its going out of style. Basically anyone under 30 that I am Facebook friends with has a minimum of 300 friends, it follows that if they find a phone they would put their number in there to be friends. It's just what young people do. I guess.

I lock my phone, 'cause I don't like the idea of people perviing at my business. Also because I don't want to find out that a person finding my phone wouldn't want to be my friend. If a stranger looked through my photos all they would think was that I was some kind of mother in love with her son with a side interest in flowers and food. Oh, sure, there may be a few aspects of my life they are envious of.

But on the whole any lady finding my phone in an airport toilet would just hand it over and then she'd be the one scurrying off. Not least because she would have inevitably found it in Jetstar rather than Qantas toilets and she'd probably figure I wasn't even good for a Gloria Jean cake.

It's Monday (PM)

Yesterday K showed me how to use iPhone as a magic eight ball. We asked it a few questions but all the answers were pretty inconclusive. Frankly, I’m not sure it works so well. But inspired by her post this morning I decided to ask my iPhone how my day was going to be. I actually have an iPhone 4 but Siri is useless. Useless. Sometimes I ask her stuff but she just says, “Sorry, I don’t understand.” Every time! Bite me, Siri.

So I asked my shuffle if I was going to have a good day. Now due to a series of boring things I have very little music on my phone, I usually use an iPod for listening to music. But I do have a little bit on the phone. Mostly Prince. So I guess I thought it was likely that the result would be pretty positive. So I asked shuffle, “Will I have a good today?” To which it answered with Die Antwoord’s ‘Wat kyk jy?’, which translates to ‘What are you looking at?’   Yikes! Fine, iPhone, I won’t ask you do things beyond your duty. I’m sorry.

The Rules of the Game (PM)

Yeah, I used to play Words with Friends. Obsessively pretty much. I couldn't go to sleep if I hadn't played at least one move. But then, as with all games on my phone, I just stopped. I got distracted one day or I had bad letters in all my games or I had to wait too long for people to make moves and then after a couple of days of waiting and not playing that was it. It was over for me.


Though I won't lie, when I saw that you had the letters TLautne in a game I pretty much wanted to start playing again right away to see if such magic would ever happen to me.

I had to republish this pic cause I love it so much

But I know miracles don't come around that often.

I hate it when people use words you can just tell they were trying their luck on too, mind you if I am playing someone I don't much like, I've been known to do the same thing. Then I don't like myself.

Also, Words with Friends is in American which is pretty annoying.

Maybe jagg is American for jag? Did you look it up on Mini Macquarie on iPhone? That thing knows less words than I do.

Anyway, now I play Draw Something.

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Bubble

You know that feeling,

Like you're living in a strange 

Bubble? Me neither.

Jeans

Legitimately,

How many pairs of jeans can

I own? I want more.

Wind

Sound of wind outside

Sweet in my ears, lulling

Me to sweeter sleep

Apps for iPhone/iPad
Phone games can be so
Addictive for months on end
And then it's over

What's in my bag? (PM)

This seemed like a good idea at the time, right?

It may not surprise y'all that I pretty much have the same stuff in my back that K does.

1. My wallet. Der. 

2. A bag of chocolate someone at work gave me in the name of Christmas. There were more chocolates in it when she gave it to me.

3. Emery boards because I effing hate having broken nails and nothing to file them with. Ugh, just the thought of it makes my skin crawl!

4. Miss Soft Crab notebook. Seriously, I only write down ideas for this very blog in it. It's a god damn goldmine!

5. My phone. I love that guy.

6. My iPod. Cause I am too lazy to put music on my iPhone

7. The headphones LB bought me for my birthday (Beats by Dr. Dre). Well, technically K purchased them but but they were from LB. 

8. My glasses which I rarely wear now that I don't sit in front of a computer for 40 hours a week and don't have the subsequent blurred vision when I leave the office.

9. The Travel Almanac. In case I want to read something on the train. Truth is though that I am pretty much always too busy listening to podcasts to read but after reading this morning that K reads the book in her bag (too many 'reads'?) I read an interview with Bernard Sumner. It was not that interesting and this magazine is pretty annoying.

10. Band-aids. 'Cause I keep making the mistake of thinking a particular pair of shoes are broken in. But they are totally not broken in. 

11. Make-up case to keep all my make-up/toiletries together.

12. Make-up and toiletries I am too lazy to put back in the case.

13. Tape measure.

14. Free comb from Just Cuts that I took from a share house bathroom 8 years ago and never put back.

15. More stuff to make sure I look pretty all the time.

16. A pretty fresh nappy. Usually if they have been in my bag too long they are all weirdly shaped and covered in bag crud.

17. My sunglasses. I bought them on the last day of my NYC holiday, in that time you wander around before having to go to the airport. And I love them.

Wasted space

Because phones have cameras on them it means you can take photos of anything. This is great usually but also my phone photo album is so full of crap that I don't know where or how to begin cleaning it up.

When I see this photo as a thumbnail it does not look appetising. Usually I have no idea what it is.

It is a rye bread and it was delicious but when I see it in my photos I see that it is not as good looking as it tasted, it looks more like the lovechild of an armadillo and some crap (absolutely no disrespect to Mickey "Mikey Doubleword" Blue Eyes, who makes a delicious rye bread and who I hope will continue to allow me to eat his baked goods which I love).

This cock on a tenner seemed hilarious. Especially because it came as change from a middle aged woman in a home wares shop. But do I really need to see it every time I scroll through my pictures?! (Just kidding, I love seeing it every time.)



And speaking of cocks, that sure is why I photographed this bowl of guacamole, but now I just feel hungry whenever I see it.


Why did I take this picture?

This delicious croquette looks like fried white turd and for some reason I photographed it after I'd squeezed the lemon. It's so ugly.



And all these photos:


I really gotta clean my phone out.