Sounds like my Sunday night (PM)

Strangely, I've been in a pretty positive mood all day, despite the fact that there are baby girls out there called Wyatt. What the eff, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher. What the eff. 

I think my positivity is largely sport related. First, the Dees won yesterday. Against the Cats at Cat park! The most unlikely win ever! And while I take no pleasure in a Cats defeat, I take enormous pleasure in a Dees victory, so here I am feeling cheerful. 

Then I woke to the news that the Matildas won their round of sixteen match against Brazil last night. I love it when women's sport gets news coverage and I love it when women are total champs and this represented both those things. I find it very exciting.

I wish Doggy was still with us though. He was truly a dog for all seasons. There's nothing positive about him not being here. Sorry Mate.  

Take me out to the ball game (PM)

Ugh I find cricket so boring, I can only imagine I would find baseball equally unbearable. Though I guess baseball has a few things going for it that cricket doesn't.

1. It's from America, therefore exotic

2. I know nothing about it, therefore mysterious

3. It would give me a chance to say "Hey,  batter batter batter sa-wing batter", therefore satisfying my love of saying things I've heard in movies

4. People watch it in movies all the time, therefore satisfying my love of doing things people do in movies

Ipso facto, no wonder it's a fun day out!

Take me out to the ball game (AM)

On Sunday, Appleheart and I went to the ball game—the New York Mets vs the Chicago Cubs.
We decided to see the Mets because eveyone always goes and sees the Yankees, which makes the Mets kind of like the underdogs. Also, John Stewart barracks for the Mets and Appleheard is a real John Stewart fan boy. Also, their mascot is great—a guy with baseball for a head called Mr Met.

I know nothing about baseball.  It seems that watching A League of Their Own a lot as a kid does not prepare you for this game.

It's played on a field that looks like the wifi symbol.

There are 9 innings. It's a pretty slow game. It feels like it should be fast and full of razzle dazzle, but it is kind of slow. I mean, it's slower than cricket. Every time a batter hits a ball he has to run. Even if he (or she, in A League of Their Own) knows (s)he is not doing to make it. So people knew they're going to be out when they start running.  What's exciting about that? Nothing, if you ask me.

In between innings they try a few things out to spruce up the game. At one point, they gave an American flag to a guy who served in Iraq. At another point, Mr Met came out and threw a bunch of tshirts into the crowd. At another point, they got three kids out of the crowd to play a round of Simon Says with the Dunkin Donuts mascot, a giant cup called Cuppy. No kidding.

It's like they know the game isn't interesting enough on its own.

Half way through the game only one home run had been scored. Even nerdy teenagers probably get more home runs than than in this day and age. I didn't, but others would. For sure.

In the end, the Cubs won with a score  of 2 home runs to the Mets 0. Apparently the home team has won every time these two  teams have played this year, until today. More evidence to support my sneaking suspicion that my barracking for a team constitutes the kiss of death.

Regardless, it was actually a super fun day. I've got some photos of it to share with you all, but they' are on Appleheart's camera and he is having a nap right now. You know how sitting in the sun all day can really take it out of you. I'll try to update the post with photos later. 

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Wednesday night reflections

Oooh. Ah. Eeee. Netball. 

Demanding use of latent

Muscles that now ache

Oh geez Lance Armstrong

You seem like a fucking jerk

That is all on that 

At the days end: bed

Every night, delight: bed

How I love thee: bed  

Adidas, I just can't quit you (PM)

J is going to blow a gasket when she sees this picture I found off Stefan Edberg these days...

Warm, dry and still committed to Adidas. Pretty much her favourite things. I guess she really knows how to pick them.

Just some stuff I thought about (PM)

I am absolutely the wrong person to ask about what one can and can not say regarding the Paralympics. 

I can't even talk about the most benign of topics without saying something questionable, so this is kind of a minefield for me. I'm just going to stick to the facts.

a) It is a fact that simply reading about the lack of punchlines in the Mooney/Pang/Zwar paralympic commentary makes my comedy balls ache so much I feel like I am going to have to watch some internet comedy before I can continue with this day. 

b) It is also a fact that a member of the wider Miss Soft Crab community is ON THE AUSTRALIAN PARALYMPIC TEAM IN CAPITAL LETTERS!

It's true!

This is her. She is a friend of Midbro and Lady Midbro. She is a swimmer and is short-statured which I am delighted to advise is the approved term. Apparently she competes in the next few days and is a dead-set medal chance. 

That's all guys. Nothing to see here. 

Just some stuff I thought about (AM)

Have you watched any of the Paralympics? Um... it's awesome. Even though I had access to a 3D TV during the regular Olympics, I actually hardly watched any of it. A bit of diving, some marathon, gymnastics (floor routines) but all that probably added up to about 45 minutes for the whole thing. And what I did watch I mostly watched in 2D. Boring. Maybe that was the problem.

I think I am already at the 45-minute mark for the Paralympics and it's only a few days in. I guess it's because anyone can swim 50m, and you can watch that on TV pretty much any time, but have you ever seen someone swim the length of a pool without arms?!? Or THREE pool lengths with half arms? I am not a great swimmer, and swimming 150m non-stop is tiring for me - I mean exhausting. Last night I watched an Australian swimmer swim 150m and brother only had half arms and legs. Can I say that? I don't know what I am allowed to say or not about the Paralympians. Shit, I don't know.

You know what is weird though? ABC have this nightly show of the day's highlights with a panel of comedians: Lawrence Mooney; Sam Pang; Adam Zwar; a sports reporter called Stephanie Brantz who I guess is the straight guy.  I think it is meant to bring a bit of levity to the whole affair. And probably to attract more viewers. But on Saturday night I saw a bit of it and Lawrence Mooney was talking about some chick who was crushed by a horse, her dad just died of cancer, some other bad shit, none of it funny, right? And yet, it seemed so bad and unlikely and coming from the mouth of a comedian, I was basically just waiting for the punch line. There wasn't one. So basically it's just hours of comedy blue balls of the worst kind. Constant unintended set ups with no punch lines about Paralympians. Is it just me or is that kind of... weird?

The highlights (PM)

Truth be told, readers, I was a wingman on most of those things J talked about in the AM, except instead of napping on her beanbag, I went home and napped on my couch. I agree about all those highlights, but would like to add the bit where the Dees beat the Gold Coast Suns for their third victory of the season as another highlight.

They can't believe it either!

And news just in!

Guess which favourite son of Miss Soft Crab finally beat Roger Federer to win a gold medal in the tennis?!

Atta boy, Andy Murray.

Great weekend all round readers!

Haiku Thursday (PM)

Synchronised Diving

"A sport so damned nice

They get folks to do it twice."

Said no one, ever. 

 Australian Swimmers

I

It seems like the pools

Of London are filled with your

Tears. Cheer up you guys!

II

I know I'll never

Get sick of hearing your name. 

Emily Seebohm.

An open letter to Andy Murray (PM or PS)

Oh, hi Andy Murray.

Yeah, I'm really sorry about the other day. That sucks.

But like K said, Roger is probably the best tennis player to have ever lived, so really you should not feel bad. Even though Roger is definitely not at his peak and people probably thought you could beat him, the truth is that he his Roger Federer and the guy has the psychological edge over you. You have to toughen up Andy. I mean, you have beaten him a bunch of times but something happens to you in the Grand Slam finals.

Where's this guy when you need him?

I'm not saying this to be mean. I like you, Andy Murray  You have that Scottish accent. Seriously! The other day I heard this Scottish doctor talking on the radio and I thought he would have to be handsome so I googled him. But he wasn't handsome. That is how powerful the Scottish accent is, Andy Murray. Maybe you could somehow learn to harness its power? I don't know, I'm just putting ideas out there. They aren't really thought through.

Anyway, every time you open your mouth I fall a little bit in love with you. I want you to win, that's why I'm saying these things to you. I want you to win a Grand Slam. Also because I don't want to see you cry anymore Andy Murray. You should be happy. You play tennis really, really well. And I bet I'm not the only girl falling a bit in love with you when you talk. I mean, I know you have a girlfriend, but that's gotta make you feel good about yourself.

So, Andy Murray, good luck to you. I  hope you win a Grand Slam one day, I really do.

Love
J

An open letter to Andy Murray (AM)

Dear Andy Murray, 

I'm really sorry about the Wimbledon thing the other night. You really are a very good tennis player but you seem to find it extremely difficult to win grand slam finals, especially those that are against Roger. 

Roger. 

I bet you sometimes wish you hadn't been born at the same time as Roger. Wish you didn't have to see that perfect ball placement. Wish you didn't have to bear witness to his power and his grace. Because it must be said, Andy Murray, if it weren't for Roger, Rafa probably wouldn't be Rafa, Djokovic wouldn't be Djokovic and you Andy Murray - you would probably be number one. But instead, fate had you born and born with a gift for tennis in the same era as the Roger, the best tennis player that ever has been and ever will be. It's a tough break Andy Murray, and I feel for you. But check it out, Andy Murray: to hep you get through this difficult time, I have prepared a list of things that I think you are better at than Roger. Perhaps you will look at it from time to time, and perhaps it will provide some consolation to you during these times. 

1. Having a lovely accent.

Andy Murray, You have a really nice accent. I actually have no interest in hearing Roger speak, but I could listen to you all night long. Everyone loves a Scottish accent and that's exactly what yours is: Scottish. It must be nice to sound so nice, Andy Murray. Don't bother asking the Roger what it feels like - he wouldn't have a clue!

2. Looking really handsome when you smile

It's the elephant in the room, but I'm going to come out and say it. Roger looks a bit weird when he smiles. Does he have a slight underbite or something maybe? 

It's weird. right?

I'm not sure what the problem is, but there's something a but wrong with it I think. Not you, Andy Murray. You look really handsome when you smile. See?

Just jokes. 

There you go, Andy Murray. Nice and handsome. Roger wishes he looked like that when he smiles (maybe he does, I'm not sure). 

3. Being lanky

Andy Murray, as a young Scottish man, you are very lanky and that's quite nice.

Roger can not look lanky to save his life. 

Nothing lanky about that, am I right?

But you, Andy Murray, you nail  it, my lanky brother!

Having said that, you don't look terribly lanky in that picture, but I have it in my mind that you are lanky, so lets just go with that shall we.

Speaking of my mind, it doesn't seem to want to recall further areas where you perform better than Roger.
But I'm sure there are heaps and heaps. These are just three. And three out of four ain't bad! Its actually quite good, because Meatloaf tells us that two out of three ain't bad, so the logical next verse would be and "three out of four is quite good".

Good luck at the Olympics!

Love from K

Maybe just go see the film

I went to see the Ayrton Senna documentary on the weekend. Do you know this film? It's about the life and times of Brazilian formula one racing champ Ayrton Senna who died tragically at the age of 34.
Let me assure you I have zero interest in formula one racing. I think cars that go really fast are really boring. But I love a good sporting documentary and I had a vague idea that perhaps Ayrton Senna was a hunk, so I went along to see it.
Before I go in to detail about just how much of a hunk Ayrton Senna was, let me quickly say that it is a very enjoyable film and you should all go and see it. I personally love stories about preternaturally gifted people who work extremely hard to achieve something, sometimes against the odds. Remember 8 Mile?! Haha, just kidding. (Not really). This film is not like 8 mile at all. But it is awesome, because Ayrton seems so awesome. In the film, his dedication to winning races seems so pure, it is impossible not to like him. So go and see it guys!
Now lets talk about what a top shelf hunk Ayrton Senna was.
First, some pictorial evidence.

As you can see, in this picture Ayrton is looking very serious. This is a look that works very well for many hunks, and is working quite well for Ayrton here. But is in fact not Ayrton's best aspect. You see, in the film, Ayrton is always smiling. He barely stops. This is something you don't see a lot of in sporting documentaries and is another reason why the Ayrton Senna film is so enjoyable - because its protagonist smiles all the time and therefore seems like such a delight. Try this on for size:

 
I just love it when hunks smile a lot. And I also love a snaggle tooth. The snaggleyness of Ayrton's tooth is not super obvious here, but it is very obvious in the film because of all the smiling. It is full of archival footage you see, and lots of it is Ayrton hanging out in Brazil smiling the heck out of it all the time.

Look guys, the more I think about this, the more I feel you should just see the film. It's a really interesting story and while Miss Soft Crab is usually more than capable of conveying hunkyness within its pages, I think in this case you should all see it for yourselves.