A new beginning

GET OUT OF TOWN!* We're back!!

Oh my god you guys! Can you believe we're back here?!?

You know, when Miss Soft Crab went on indefinite hiatus a couple of years ago we thought we may see you back here one day. As K said at the time, "I'm sure there will be things that happen to us, with us, to all of us, that we'll need to come here to discuss.  Maybe when we go to Jamface.  Maybe when you/we dye your/our hair blonde.  Definitely when QEII, well, you know." Thank god QEII has not, well, you know. And we never got to Jamface. And I haven't gone blonde. Although K kinda did. I think it's safe to say that we did not imagine that a global pandemic that was changing the way we all live was going to be the thing that ended this hiatus. But it is. 

I mean, these are crazy times. Today AWOL emailed to say he had pneumonia and not coronavirus as he at first suspected, and I responded "Great news!" I mean the guy has pneumonia FFS!

A lot of other unforeseeable things happened too. Casey Affleck, a much loved MSC hunk, seen below in our last post, was revealed as a sex pest :( Ewan McGregor left his wife for another woman, so did Jimmy Bartel. Let's just say the Miss Soft Crab hunks have disappointed us. But let's just hope that in these crazy times, we don't forget to appreciate hunks. I mean, I don't think any of us could have imagined the winning combo of Brad and Leo gracig our screens and basically all media non-stop for about three months last year. And I for one couldn't be happier about that development. 

Another MSC favourite, QEII, has had a lot going on too.  Prince Harry married Meghan Markle and essentially left the royal fold, and there's the whole Prince Andrew thing. Ugh. But I feel like she's really embracing these difficult time. I mean look at this amazing outfit. 

So, here we are. Yes, we're going to talk about this weird fucking thing that is going on in the world. But we're also going to talk about all the things you've come to love us for. Hunks! Clothes! Food! Our hair. And a bunch of other stuff we thought about. 

We're back. And it feels pretty bloody good!

*Obviously you can't actually get out of town

What's happening?

I would never rarely give someone a hard time for thinking someone was a hunk. Especially a pretty boy. I LOVE them pretty. I mean I thought Paul Walker was a hunk after seeing Skulls. RIP PW. 

Sure I have a couple of issues with K's crush. Like, I don't really think he's that pretty. His eyes are too small for his big lips and all his features are squashed into the centre of his big face. Or maybe it's something about the nose. But having said that I've never seen him in anything and we all know a hunk animated is completely different to a 2D image of some guy. I mean I've barely even seen this guys face in any other guise than his Star Trek character and who the fuck knows why or when I've even seen that. Secondly I don't know if I'm imagining it but I feel like there is some kind of visual similarity between him and his Australian politician namesake. I know there isn't really but maybe something about the eyes. Or maybe it's my imagination. 

Either way that guy is not for me. So says I now. It would probably be a completely different story if I'd seen Hell or High Water. 

But who can think about hunks when what happened in America yesterday happened. You know that thing about how people say Americans are idiots and then you say well come on you can't make generalisations like that about entire nations and look at all the great things that came out of America. I mean, there really are heaps of great things. Like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Shake Shack.

And yet...

K and I had a pretty insightful discussion about the Trump issue via text message yesterday. So instead of me rehashing it here I'll just let you read our text conversation. 

 

Printed pants (PM)

God, I don't know which way is up or down when it comes to printed pants, but Instagram's got nothing to do with it. I just can't seem to tell what's good any more.
I spent about 15 minutes in Kookai the other day, trying on a top that basically made me look like Melanie Griffiths in Working Girl. Kookai! Melanie Griffiths! I just couldn't tell.

I know I am captivated by these.

These pants are from Scanlan and Theodore and cost a million dollars, natch. 

But I'm pretty sure I only like them because I am watching a lot of Twin Peaks at the moment and these  pants are kind of Twin Peaksy. Or perhaps what I imagine David Lynch's pyjama pants would look like. I can't stop staring at them.

If J wasn't in a constant state of discomfort due to advanced pregnancy, I would suggest we go for one of our shopping trips where we try on only the wackest shit on the racks. If you haven't done it, readers, you really should. Typically, you laugh and laugh at how wack you look, then talk for days about how much you loved one or more of the things you tried on, and how you kind of want to buy it.
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll fall in love all over again.
And there's no way you'd have ambiguous feelings about printed pants afterwards.

No (AM)

I thought I'd seen it all when the other day, Country Road sent me an email telling me that these jeggings are a 'must have'.

Honestly, Country Road. Get real.

They are jeggings. And they are shiny. 

The only thing that 'must be had' in this scenario is a good hard look at yourselves, Country Road. 

 

I hadn't seen anything yet, however. 

 

When browsing the interwebs for swimsuits I might like to buy for when I GO TO ICELAND NEXT MONTH in order to BATHE IN THE BLUE LAGOON with THESE ADORABLE GOONS I found this.

A pair of bathers adorned with that most practical of swimsuit materials: METAL. 

Its manufacturers ask you to: 

"Indulge yourself with the distinguished glamour of this showgirl inspired piece. The dramatic embellishments and gold hardware give this one-piece swimsuit the ultimate high impact shine."

"Gold hardware". 

"High impact shine". 

Said like these are actual things. 

How do such things get made? So many people would have had to have given this the OK, for it to find its way to the marketplace. But nothing about these bathers are OK! It looks like Brynne Edelston's version of a burkini. 

And you'll never guess how much it costs. Seriously, you couldn't possibly guess this, so don't even try. 

$599. 

I just...I can't even.