The hell mouth

Before we had kids LB would often spend a week or two of the summer in Sydney. Sometimes working up there, sometimes just chilling with his fam l, a holiday for which I didn't want to use my annual leave. But it was good. I'd just live my life in Melbourne and watch a few seasons of Buffy. God I miss that luxury. 

During one such period I was at my uncle's place for some family gathering when my then 10-year-old cousin convinced me and Russeth and Chickpea to go across the road to a race track that had carnival rides set up at Christmas time for office parties and would give free passes to neighbouring residents to appease their response to the constant noise. By the time she dragged us along my lil' cuz had spent so much time there she bee-lined straight for her favourite ride, a sickening-looking one that had small capsules that spun around while sitting atop a circle that also spun around and was possibly in another circle spinning around. I can't remember the details but there was a fuckload of spinning and seconds after it began I just wished it would end. It seemed to last for ever, though it could only have been minutes. The whole time Russeth was sitting beside me making these kind of heaving noises which were a self soothing technique for him but really made my experience much worse. And the whole time, the minutes that felt like hours, I just kept wondering if somehow all that Buffy I'd been watching had somehow brought the hell mouth to Moonee Ponds and if that ride had sent me through that hellmouth into a hell dimension. And when I say that's what I thought I don't mean I was thinking of Buffy as a metaphor I mean I really started to wonder if a Buffy was real and I was in hell. That ride was awful and it was messing with my mind. 

I was reminded of it the other day when we went to Adventure Park and Baby went by himself on a ride that went fast around in circles and high in the air. Basically the ride pictured above. I could see his cute little face, teeth clenched, eyes shut tight. I could really feel his terror and sickness and I asked myself why hadn't I warned him properly. Why did I let him do it. When the ride finished he came off and told me he'd been terrified but by he end he'd loved it. By the end of the day he'd been on that ride ten times at least and I know that he hadn't been in the hellmouth. He loved it. 

I don't even like swinging on a park swing, I find it mildly nauseating. Being a kid is so different to being an adult. I used to love doing underwater somersaults for that sick feeling. Now I can't even bring myself to do one to see what it's like. Why is a kids fun an adults hell mouth? Life, ay?

Aaaaaarghhhh (AM)

It was LB's birthday yesterday. And what better way to celebrate than take the day off work and just relax. So that is exactly what I did. LB didn't. He went to work as usual. He has an exam today so he wasn't really in the mood or position to celebrate. Me, I just felt like I needed a day to take care of some shit.

Last Wednesday I had a really annoying day at work, compounded by the fact that I had all these extra things to do: call a lawyer, call a bank, post some letters, clean the house, do a bunch of freelance work I've committed to doing, go to the city to buy some shu uemura face wash, get some blood tests, repot some plants, massively clean and overhaul the backyard, do all the serious house cleaning things like clean windows and pantry and a million more things, think of a birthday present for LB, be a loving and present mother to my children.

Frankly it was too much. And on top of that I've developed a twitch in my eye which periodically reminds me that I'm quite stressed. Just in case my brain decides to forget about the stress momentarily my body will remind me. Thanks body.  So I decided I'd take yesterday off work to get a jump on things. I felt really effing good about my decision. But then the list of things I wanted to do with my day off became unmanageable. The vital things included: getting my shu uemura face wash (yes, I could buy it online but why would I want to pay shipping for a product I could buy so close to my house?!?), cleaning the house, make dinner while everyone was out, freelance work, enjoy a coffee by myself. Then the list started growing: do serious house cleaning of all the second tier jobs, get a manicure or maybe a facial something real nice like that, a spot of shopping would be nice, get the blood test, get my legs waxed, my eyebrows done.

The list got so out of hand it became as stressful as my everyday life, it became practically paralysing. I started trying to plan my day but I found it impossible to prioritise the boring stuff like cleaning and work over the nice stuff like shopping and grooming, but because I knew that the boring stuff would help make my life overall better I couldn't really commit to just doing the nice stuff so basically I just ended up doing a half arsed version of everything. I looked in a few shops, I finally bought my face wash and I got my legs waxed too. And my eyebrows done. I cleaned the house in a regular way, but didn't even get around to doing the bedrooms. I still didn't get all the freelance work done and the garden is a mess, but all of my boring phone calls have been made. I don't know when I will ever get a blood test.

Apparently I am fucking rubbish at being an adult and actually need to dedicate my working week just to doing the things that constitute functioning as a human in this modern world. So just when I thought I was alright at it, turns out I'm not.

Oh well. At least I got to include a picture of Leonardo in this post. Why? Because it's (half) my blog I'll do whatever the hell I want!!! Just jokes, because it was his birthday yesterday too (or today, given timezone differences) and I thought we should celebrate by remembering a simpler time when all I had to worry about was movies and unrequited crushes. Sigh.

I love clothes (PM)

I'm not sure if it's what J intended, but I read the title of this post as though Goldmember was saying it, like "I love clooooooooooooooooooooooothes". 

Ha!

But seriously, I love clothes too in a way that is healthy and normal and because they don't cry all afternoon despite you doing everything you can think of to make them happy. Ha!

But seriously. I also love the shot in the arm one's wardrobe gets after hand washing after months of avoiding it.

 

This little number has been in the dirty clothes for months but today's post inspired me. 

I love clooooooooooooothes!