What I'm doing right now (AM)

Hi guys. Guess what I'm doing right now? I'm making hedgehog to take to the office tomozz.
Here in Belfast they have things called 'tray bakes' which are like what we would call slice. On a few occasions, people have brought them in to the office to share, only they've been those dreadful pre-packaged store bought numbers that aren't worth the margarine and corn syrup they're made from. I thought I'd make some proper hedgehog to share so i'm mixing butter and cocoa and crushing Marie biscuits as we speak.
Working Girl is on TV in the background.
I keep catching glimpses of Melanie Griffiths' hair and fur coats out of the corner of my eye and thinking that surely this movie marked the end of the 1980s.

Was anything ever as 80s as this again? I don't think it was. 

Understanding McCarthyism (PM)

This is what I texted J on Sunday morning, after I discovered she had tweeted "I'm beginning to think the movie Mannequin doesn't make any sense" at about 10pm the night before:

You see, my brothers and I used to watch Weekend at Bernie's and Look Who's Talking all the time when we were little. We taped them off the tele and though everything else we recorded we eventually taped over,  for some reason, WaB and LWT endured. I think because of this, perhaps I ruined myself for McCarthy. And babies. Just kidding! I love babies, especially Baby and Niecey and Little Nut. But I can't watch McCarthy. Every time I see him now I think 'ewww', and also 'Andrew McCarthy looks a little like Ethan Hawke when he smiles. Eww'.  You just can't watch WaB as many times as I have and think anything else.

Understanding McCarthyism (AM)

I realised something about myself this weekend. A few things in fact. First, even though Mannequin is a classic, important film for my generation, I’ve never seen the whole thing. Oh maybe I did once years ago, but it hasn't stuck with me. I’ve seen bits of it on TV a bunch of times, but maybe never the start, always the end. And for a girl like me, that’s a strange, confronting thing to admit. The second thing I realised was that even though Andrew McCarthy has never played a character I’ve loved I can’t help but feel something for him when he is on the screen. 




I want to make it clear that I am not now, nor have I ever been, in love with Andrew McCarthy. Certainly not as Blane McDonnagh in Pretty in Pink. I mean his best friend is that d-bag Steff. I know that people love a young James Spader, and in many ways, although a right a-hole, Steff is kind of more appealing than the wet Blane. Ugh, with his sensitivity and his affection for Molly Ringwald despite the fact he is rich and she is poor. You can’t love Blane. Also, did I mention his name is Blane? But he is the romantic lead, so, if I'm being honest with myself, you can't entirely ignore him either.

 

I did not love Andrew McCarthy as Kevin in St Elmo’s fire. How could I when he was playing next to a young, reckless Rob Lowe? And yet, I guess all that pathetic pining for Ally Sheedy makes you feel a little something. Pity, becomes affection becomes some subconscious attraction. 

Probably the same thing is happening in Pretty in Pink on some level too. Though it happens on no level at all in Weekend at Bernie's. That I know for sure.

But as I watched the end of Mannequin on Saturday night (only the end – I still haven’t seen the whole thing), watched Andrew McCarthy scramble up a conveyor belt to save his inanimate mannequin love before she is eaten by the giant mannequin disposal unit that no doubt exists in the basement of all department stores, I was struck by a little shimmer of affection. Even though in my actual brain all I was thinking was “What? I’m meant to care about the romance between a man and a mannequin.”

I know that the mannequin is not always inanimate and their love is based on the times when she becomes Kim Cattrall, still I was having trouble buying it. Or I thought I was, until, inexplicably I felt something when Andrew McCarthy saved the mannequin before she was ground into so much polystyrene. She becomes Kim Cattrall, they kiss, I micro-swooned.

I thought that maybe this is to do with my age. That I am unable to resist the McCarth because in my youth he was everywhere and I guess he was something of a heartthrob. Or something. In fact he was a heartthrob before heartthrobs were really on my radar (yes, I realise that it is hard to believe there was a time when heartthrobs weren’t on my radar but it’s true!) His prime had passed by the time I was interested in hunks. (No seriously, there was a time before I was interested in hunks.) But it’s like I am so attuned to the films of the eighties I have to find him attractive.  Or that's what I thought. K sent me a text on Sunday which indicated I was the only Crab to have these feelings about McCarthy. So while I think that age is a factor, that I have to find the hunks of the films of my youth somewhat attractive (or something - I use the term very loosely). I think it is also just me. I think I am just a sucker for a romantic hero. Idiot.

Get off, LaBeouf

I'm afraid I have seen that pile of crap film, and not only that, I saw it at the cinema. I knew it would be crap but I did it anyway. Why did I do that? What a terrible life choice!
I remember almost nothing about it, except that Harrison Ford looked very very old. Were they looking for something in a giant warehouse at some point? Are there aliens? Don't bother answering because I really don't care.

I really loved Raiders of the Lost Ark though. My brothers and I watched it over and over when we were little. I also loved Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, mainly because River Phoenix was the young Indiana and I loved River Phoenix very very much when I was a teenager.

But back to your point about the 1980s being a time where a ridiculous premise was no impediment to films being made, and being awesome. I think you're on to something mate.
I mean, do we all remember Labyrinth?
It's basically a musical about kidnapping, but with Muppets and David Bowie.
I just don't think a studio would back that up these days. I don't even know who the contemporary equivalent of David Bowie would be. Maybe Beck?
Anyway, I love Labyrinth and I'm extremely glad it was made. But geez, keep your crazy ideas in the 1980s people. And Shia LaBeouf, you are not now and never will be a Miss Soft Crab hunk. Get off our blog loser.

And now, Magic Dance!!

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Poo

Have you seen the fourth Indiana Jones movie? Indiana Jones at Castle Greyskull or something like that. Me neither. Well not really.

It was on TV the other night and I saw a few minutes of it. The best thing I can say about it is that this post just started writing itself in my head pretty much immediately and I was reminded of this hilarious thing I read about Shia LaBeouf a while ago. This article summed up everything I "feel" about that guy if this could be called "feelings".

What a freaking ridiculous movie! So it got me thinking about the other IJ movies. I have not seen those movies in a long time. It is hard to say if it is because I was a kid when I saw them but they did not seem ridiculous in the same way as IJ4. Watching even a few minutes of this latest film kind of angered me. The earlier films, though, I liked a lot. I know they are ridiculous in a way, but a much more acceptable way. I don't know if it is because of the age I was when I saw them or because they were made in the 80s. Ridiculousness worked so much better then. A time when Weekend at Bernie's seemed like not just a reasonable premise for one movie, but also for a sequel. So no wonder the Indiana Jones movies seemed ok.

As I'm sure most normal people haven't seen IJ4, let me tell you some of the stupidest shit that happened in the 10 minutes I saw. Shia LaBeouf appeared on the screen heaps. As if that wasn't bad enough he conducted some sort of sword fight with the villain, Cate Blanchett, straddled over two cars. Yes. She is standing atop one car and his party is driving next to her in another car so he is standing with one leg on each car. And they are driving through a jungle of course. So he keeps getting hit in the nuts by foliage so you see he has to cup his hand over them while he is fighting. WHAT THE EFF?

A little bit later Indiana Jones is fighting a Nazi who he punches down. The Nazi hits the ground and is then carried off by a swarm of giant ants into their anthill. No doubt to be devoured. I am not making this shit up! I wish I was. Then maybe someone would give me shitloads of money to make an awful film.

I know that in previous movies one guy dies when another man sticks his heart through his chest and rips out his heart. In another a Nazi's face melts off. But this death by ants is something else all together.

This latest film does mimic the rhythm of the earlier films very well. That was actually a bit speci... no I'm sorry I tried to be generous. I can't.