Ten

Well, I got to tell you when I went to look at Miss Soft Crab last week I was not really expecting to find a post from K. I was expecting to see the Kravitz-Bonets looking at me with their beautiful faces but instead I saw this little ray of sunshine. Congratulations Tugboat and K - the big oh-one!

Having a baby - it's the biz. But of course not everyone gets to do that or wants to that so forget about it - there is so much great shit in the world and having a baby is just one thing.

Anyway, I was recently reminiscing about  the day Baby was born because he turned the big one-oh a couple of weeks ago. TEN! Sometimes (always) on my kids birthdays I like to recall their birth and make them listen to the details. They love it. When Pickle and Minderbinder dropped past on Baby's birthday they asked "It must be his birthday right around now, wasn't he born around now?" to which I answered, "In about an hour. Now would be around the time that I would have been screaming 'Turn off the drip!! IT'S TOO MUCH!!! PLEASE TURN OF THE DRIP!!!'"

Later he was born and whoa - what a delight. And then I had the best shower of my life. I couldn't leave. Though you know when I really couldn't leave the shower - DURING labour with Newbie. But that's another story.

Haiku Thursday (PM)

Notes on proximity

The proximity

To my due date makes me long

For pregnancy's end

Back pain, tiredness

Mass irritability 

Fuck this fucking shit

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Wednesday night reflections

Oooh. Ah. Eeee. Netball. 

Demanding use of latent

Muscles that now ache

Oh geez Lance Armstrong

You seem like a fucking jerk

That is all on that 

At the days end: bed

Every night, delight: bed

How I love thee: bed  

Terrific Tuesday (AM)

I feel like having another Terrific Tuesday. No idea what I'm talking about? Read this you guys. It will make as much sense as can be made from within these crabby pages. I guess wanting to have another Terrific Tuesday is code for here I am in front of the computer on a Tuesday morning and I can't think what to write because I am too busy thinking about things I am going to do with my day.
Which, of course, are things I think will make this Tuesday terrific. Which is why I'm telling you about them. Two birds: one stone, people. (Hello to all our duck hunting readers this morning! I believe your season opened on the weekend.)

Ok enough of the small talk. Here is some of the terrific stuff in store for me today.

Drinking a bunch of coffee
It's a Terrific Tuesday tradition, so I might have even more than usual. I can tell you for sure that as soon as I finish writing this I am going to pick one up to drink on the tram on the way to work. Serve it up, lets go!

Experiment with wearing shorts to work. 
It's a risky move, the shorts at work look. But is it as risky if you wear stockings underneath them and a blazer? Or is it just slightly muddled? I'm going to find out today.

Diagnose my knee complaint with the help of the internet. 
We all love the internet. And we especially love it when the internet can be our Doctor. Well today, I am going to ask the internet why my right knee hurts so much when I bend it, particularly on the outer perimeter of the right side. I'm not going to stop until it tells me there's nothing wrong and if I give it a few days rest I can go back to dragging myself around Princes Park like a wounded duck in a wetland in March.
Wish me luck, readers.

Real cool and not too costly (PM)

Hey! Miguel told me a great story about Frosty Fruits the other day. It went like this: I ate this delicious thing the other day. Frosty Fruit have put out this new lemon, lime and bitters flavour. That’s what I ate.

Hang on, I guess that story wasn’t that great. But it did make me want to eat a lemon, lime and bitters Frosty Fruit, even though I think original is probably the best. The watermelon and pineapple one sounded promising but it is not as good as the OG. That ad for FF also made me want to eat a Frosty Fruit. They really just do not make ‘em like they used to.

Mostly though, I just want the heat to break. This morning while I was getting my  coffee everyone in the shop was so heat-spaced that I think I somehow caught their spaced outedness. I think that because as soon as I walked out with my coffee I fell off the kerb and stepped on my own toe really painfully. Who knew that was even possible.

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Life and death

Zoo animals live

Museum animals died

There's something in that

The wrong bite

Teeth and cheeks, listen,

Keep out of each other's way,

No one need get hurt

How times change

March: want all the knits 

Up to July: enjoy knits

August: No more knits!

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Reflections on a run

 I

Running leggings on

I feel buffer already

This is a good start

II

First run a mile. 

Easy, so run another.

Then quit while ahead.

III

Feel great after that.

Feel good the next day. Till noon.

Legs are fucking sore.

An open letter to Andy Murray (AM)

Dear Andy Murray, 

I'm really sorry about the Wimbledon thing the other night. You really are a very good tennis player but you seem to find it extremely difficult to win grand slam finals, especially those that are against Roger. 

Roger. 

I bet you sometimes wish you hadn't been born at the same time as Roger. Wish you didn't have to see that perfect ball placement. Wish you didn't have to bear witness to his power and his grace. Because it must be said, Andy Murray, if it weren't for Roger, Rafa probably wouldn't be Rafa, Djokovic wouldn't be Djokovic and you Andy Murray - you would probably be number one. But instead, fate had you born and born with a gift for tennis in the same era as the Roger, the best tennis player that ever has been and ever will be. It's a tough break Andy Murray, and I feel for you. But check it out, Andy Murray: to hep you get through this difficult time, I have prepared a list of things that I think you are better at than Roger. Perhaps you will look at it from time to time, and perhaps it will provide some consolation to you during these times. 

1. Having a lovely accent.

Andy Murray, You have a really nice accent. I actually have no interest in hearing Roger speak, but I could listen to you all night long. Everyone loves a Scottish accent and that's exactly what yours is: Scottish. It must be nice to sound so nice, Andy Murray. Don't bother asking the Roger what it feels like - he wouldn't have a clue!

2. Looking really handsome when you smile

It's the elephant in the room, but I'm going to come out and say it. Roger looks a bit weird when he smiles. Does he have a slight underbite or something maybe? 

It's weird. right?

I'm not sure what the problem is, but there's something a but wrong with it I think. Not you, Andy Murray. You look really handsome when you smile. See?

Just jokes. 

There you go, Andy Murray. Nice and handsome. Roger wishes he looked like that when he smiles (maybe he does, I'm not sure). 

3. Being lanky

Andy Murray, as a young Scottish man, you are very lanky and that's quite nice.

Roger can not look lanky to save his life. 

Nothing lanky about that, am I right?

But you, Andy Murray, you nail  it, my lanky brother!

Having said that, you don't look terribly lanky in that picture, but I have it in my mind that you are lanky, so lets just go with that shall we.

Speaking of my mind, it doesn't seem to want to recall further areas where you perform better than Roger.
But I'm sure there are heaps and heaps. These are just three. And three out of four ain't bad! Its actually quite good, because Meatloaf tells us that two out of three ain't bad, so the logical next verse would be and "three out of four is quite good".

Good luck at the Olympics!

Love from K

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Sisyphus
I feel you, brother 
Dishes, washing, vacuuming
It's just like your rock


For David

Human flew at me

Sore nose, bloody snot, sinus 

Pain. Coincidence?

Hunk of the Month Club
That time of the month
Tomorrow it's back again 
A strange, special hunk

Haiku Thursday (PM)

Winter is definitely coming

Girl at train station
In track suit pants looking warm
Curse my dignity

Gets through my jacket
Gets through my jumper too. Cold.
You powerful thing

It's as if you start
In May, last till September
Make room for others!

Winter in my heart
Because my skin is too thin
Winter's all over

Damn, train,that sweet heat
Is sweet relief, makes me hate
Metro a bit less*

*Brunswick to Flinders
Street, waiting and travel took
One hour. Hate's back.

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Winter is coming

I

Don't think I haven't

Noticed you, Winter. You, and

Your friends, wind and rain. 

II

What did you do with

The sun, Winterboy? With the 

Leaves and with the birds? 

III

Homeostasis 

Is so much harder when you are

Are around. I find

IV

You're just so goddamned

Inhospitable, Winter. 

Get hospitable!

Happy Mondays (PM)

Way to evolve, Mate!

I'm sorry your hand is hurting so much now, but the thing that strikes me about that post is that even with a bandaid on, you have really nice hands. Elegant, like. 

Mine are not so nice. They just look functional. Like ears or something. Not to say that my hands look like ears, just that they have that we're here to do a job kind of quality, like ears do. 

See?

Unmistakably the hand of a person who is descended from a long line of washerwomen or perhaps potato gleaners.

But back to the topic at hand. ha!

I sometimes cut myself up in the kitchen. And even though these cuts sometimes bleed a lot and hurt a lot, they never seem to leave any scars.

Except, of course, for the scar that was left behind when I was making pavlova for my grandmother's birthday, and when putting the metal beater attachments in the hand held beater, turned it on before I had fully extracted my hand. I was eleven or twelve at the time, and a pretty big spazz, I think its fair to say. The beaters started beating, slicing in to my middle finger and abruptly stopped when it hit the bone. It turned out to be a nice clean cut and so after a few stitches, it healed up good and proper.  All that's left now is a very very faint horizontal scar that you can't really see in the photo below.

Sorry guys. 

Happy Mondays (AM)

LB bought me some Global knives for Christmas. After a lifetime of mediocre knives I was not really prepared for their super sharpness. I'd used them before, Global knives, but somehow having them in my own kitchen made it different. I was too relaxed, I guess, and the first time I used them, while chopping some green thing, I sliced off a small piece of the tip of my left pointer finger. Not the tip, exactly, a small piece from the very top right corner of the finger. It started bleeding hard and fast and through the bleeding I couldn't see exactly the damage that had been done. And I couldn't look at it. I wrapped the finger in paper towel and eventually when the sick feeling went away I looked and I guess it wasn't so bad. When it healed it left that part of my finger a little flatter than before.

I was pretty careful after that. Yes siree. But yesterday in a hurry, chopping chives, I sliced the tip of my finger off again. Not the tip, exactly, a small piece from the very top right corner of the finger. It didn't bleed at all and it didn't hurt. I just found the the piece of missing finger on the side of the knife. I still haven't looked at the wound but presumably after a a few more slices that part of my finger that keeps getting in the way of the knife won't exist anymore so that tip can't get in the way. I can't wait for that day! Oh yeah, and it hurts like a motherfucker now.

What does it look like under that bandage?!

Happy Monday everyone!