Happy Birthday Miss Soft Crab Haiku Thursday! (PM)

Miss Soft Crab turns TWO!

Wisdom beyond her years

Beauty of her youth

Haha just kidding

If only Lady Crab could

Boast these great features

Happy Birthday Miss Soft Crab Haiku Thursday! (AM)

Today this becomes

A two year old chronicle 

Of this crabby life. 

Two years of thanks to

All you who bear witness to

Crab frivolity. 

Wanna be startin' something (PM)

Don't worry Mate, after the amount of food we put away last night, I'm not expecting you to be inventive. 

Today is the day they call Tuesday

I checked and it's definitely Tuesday. 

This day's going slower

Than watching grass grower

Or listening to songs by Mike Buble. 

Wanna be startin' something (AM)

Started the week with the best of intentions

Then at Seder ate too much to mention

This week celebrates Easter 

And the birth of my sister

And your expecting from me something like invention?!

Haiku Thursday (PM)

The Diamond Jubilee celebrations continue!

Its question time, Queen. 

Pop Quiz: how would Corgis like

Apartment living? 

This one would love it I reckon!

Seriously, though. 

Those cute stubby legs they have?

I think they'd love it!

Maybe not the three 

Corgis pictured below. They

Seem like sporty types. 

I found this on a website called "The Inspiration Room". Hahahahaha. 

Special Anniversary Edition

Even the champagne is excited!

You know, Miss Soft Crab turned 1 on Wednesday. In its first year Miss Soft Crab published 459 posts and had about 27500 page views. And only a small portion of those were from spam sites! YEAH!

The top 5 most read posts were:

1. Ewan McGregor: an MSC tribute
2. Good for you, Monday (AM)
3. The Oscars 2012 (or Thank You Christian Bale or Innocence Lost)
4. It's a wonderful night for Oscar (AM)
5. What happened this weekend? (AM)

And the top 10 search terms bringing you our way were:

1. Ewan McGregor Trainspotting
2. Miss Soft Crab
3. Trainspotting
4. Trainspotting Ewan McGregor
5. Michelle Williams yellow dress
6. Cloud
7. Neil Patrick Harris
8. What happened to Seal's face
9. Jedward
10. Picture of an iceberg

Seriously, I love Ewan too, people, but move on.

But what are these but statistics. Just numbers. They don't tell the whole story. They don't tell you that people have found their way here by searching "fucking eggplant", "ass dick and brioche" or "cute puffin." They don't tell you how much delight a bunch of Christian Bale fans got from our Oscars post as testified by a imdb.com message board. No, statistics are just the numbers.

Let K and me tell you the whole story.

J: So, mate. Miss Soft Crab turned one this week! Happy Birthday! How do you feel?

K: Happy birthday Miss Soft Crab! I feel great! How do you feel? Great, right? What a year it's been. Eating, seeing stuff, thinking about stuff. For a whole year!

J: I KNOW! A whole year! Do you remember how this thing started?

K: Actually, no, I've totally forgotten. Please remind me!

J: Well, I think we were lamenting the fact that all our favourite blogs had gotten shit so we thought we should write our own. And then 2 weeks later we did! Can you believe that of all the plans we've had and things we said we'd do, we finally did one?!

Perhaps I shouldn't share that story, 'cause when the readers decide this blog has gone shit they will be all 'haha!' Oh well.

K: But amusing our readers is exactly what we're here for, Mate! And, unlike other blogs, we're not at risk of going shit because we go a bit shit regularly. But then we bounce back! It's the beauty of Miss Soft Crab!

Speaking of the beauty of Miss Soft Crab, perhaps now is a good time to tell the readers why we are called what we are called. I don't know about you, but if I had a dollar for every time someone asked me why Miss Soft Crab is called Miss Soft Crab, I would have about $7.

J: Probably I'd have about $3. Cause you are much more friendly than me and people don't like to ask me questions. But yes, go ahead, tell the people. Or should we show them?

K: Lets get Debbie to tell them! (Sorry, guys, embedding restrictions mean you have to acutally go to youtube to see this clip.)


As you can probably tell, that's a clip from Hairspray, we don't actually know Debbie Harry. Hairspray came out in 1988, the same year J and I met and when we were little crabs, we used to watch it all the time. Loved the shit out of it. Still do. When we decided to write this blog, we wanted to find a name that came from the early days of us seeing, eating and thinking about stuff together. Our thoughts turned to Hairspray and Miss Soft Crab was born!

J: Yep, that's how we got the name. So after about 460 posts, mate, have you got a favourite?

K: I pretty much have a new favourite every week. But highlights include:

• Your original Marky Mark post
• Cock on a tenner
• Twilight haiku
• All the haiku, really

What about you?

J: Those are all great, GREAT posts. I especially love the original Marky Mark and Twilight haiku posts. But some of my other favourites include:

• Your Ira Glass post
• the If I were GOOP/Jay Z posts
• and absolutely without a doubt Multi-faith Haiku Thursday.

But there are so many winners! I mean out of 460 posts I can assure the world there are more than just the eight good ones listed here.

How about tags? Do you have favourite tags. Personally, I like caution, dates initiated by parents that will come to nothing, Germans, signs of success, i love you guys, sorry readers i think I may be hysterical and apes. I am not saying these are the best posts, but they are great tags, some of which should definitely be used more! Which ones do you like?

K: There are so many tags we should use more! For example, 'marscapone'. It was used once last year, but never again. Why, I'd like to know, when marscapone is so absolutely delicious.

Other tags I have enjoyed are: UGH, nutting up, bullshit and Fassbender. That last one I like because I like Fassbender and everything he stands for. Or sits for. Ha!

Speaking of Fassbender sitting, one of my favourite things about this past year of Miss Soft Crab has been reviewing the search terms people use to find us. We've written about it a few times but honestly, the ones you guys have heard about are just the tip of the iceberg.

J: Yeah, search terms can be great. Recent highlights include Ryan Gosling hair, superman sign with a k instead (Mate, did you search for this?) and Aragorn WTF face! WTF?

K: In addition to hilarious search terms, there have been some pretty hilarious comments too.
The most amusing relate to Jennifer Grey's nose job. You guys might not know this, but there is a pretty significant pro-nose job lobby out there, and they get pissed when you express a preference for original noses.

J: Yeah, those Jennifer Grey comments were weird. But I am pretty sure they were spam. I have to say my favourite comment came from someone called MC, but in truth I question the reality of that person too

K: Oh yes, the famous MC. Possible boyfriend of Miss Dizzy.

J: Possible boyfriend of Miss Dizzy! Yes! We have touched so many hearts and minds. But so many hearts and minds and faces have touched us too. Everyone we know and love and also don't know and love have been great in allowing us to immortalise them here!

K: That is so true. The people we know and love are the best - letting us talk about them like we do and posing for photos from behind all the time. I love those guys. And you guys, readers, YOU GUYS! We effing love you! We are so happy you guys come to to Miss Soft Crab and let us tell you about the things we eat, see and think about. For serious - we love it. How can we repay you? If we could we would give you the world, but that is not possible so, Mate, what do you say get Prince to show the people how much we love him. THEM! Shit. I mean them.

J: Yeah, Prince probably said it best. Thanks everyone!

HAPPY MOTHER FLIPPING BIRTHDAY MISS SOFT CRAB!!! (PM)

Poor J, being sick is a total bummer. And today, of all days, Miss Soft Crab's motherflipping first birthday, the day we were each going to fulfil (my) childhood dream by each making a whole cake for ourselves!

Oh well. Happily, I can advise that I did indeed make a birthday cake for Miss Soft Crab, and I'm even happier to report that though I made it up, it worked out pretty darn well. 

Here it is, readers. 

I call it Peaches and Cream. 

It's a vanilla sponge layer cake with peach flavoured ricotta cream, and peach frosting.  Nothing but the best for MSC, right? 

I wont bore you with details of making the cake. I mean, you guys know how it goes. You make a cake. You divide it in between two pans. You bake it. 

The frosting however, now that really is something else. First, you make a syrup with one cup of sugar, one cup of water and in this case, a few teaspoons of peach juice. You simmer this syrup for quite a while, until it bubbles and boils and gets to a temperature of 230 degrees - that is, you practically turn it in to toffee. Meanwhile, you whip egg whites with a little sugar to soft peaks. Once the syrup is hot enough, you pour it in to the egg whites and beat for 7 minutes (why they only start the clock at this point I don't really understand) and voila, you've got your seven minute frosting. It's really quite delicious, something like a creamy toffee. In order to give mine the kind of peachy flair I was looking for, I added a little peach schnapps and  so it basically tastes like peachy, creamy toffee. Effing delicious!

But back to the mother flipping celebrations!!

I lit some candles and drank a toast to MSC's first year. 

I have all of this peach schnapps now you see. 

Then, because I am only human, I cut myself a slice and put it in my cake hole. What? That's what it's called.  

It was yummy and all, but Mate, I really wished we were hanging out and eating it at your place, with LB drifting in and out of the room acting like he isn't listening to everything we are saying, and Baby frolicking around being cute. I mean, childhood dreams aside, MSC is not about doing solitary things, it's about hanging out on the internet as well as real life. 

I made do though, with a toy Baby left behind last time you guys were here. 

Say hello, Mr Pinky. 

That guy is mad about peach schnapps! Not really. He's not real, I know that.  

Anyway, I guess this just goes to show that real life is not like TV, but it is pretty effing great, right? 

Happy birthday MSC!

HAPPY MOTHER FLIPPING BIRTHDAY MISS SOFT CRAB! (AM)

Yes, yes, y'all, you heard right! Today is Miss Soft Crab's first birthday! We began exactly one year ago today! Can you even believe it?!

In some other world we would be throwing a hot party with guests like Vincent Chase and Serena van der Woodsen. But this is the real world guys and those people don't exist here. So instead K and I decided to bake cakes. By ourselves and for ourselves. WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! It's a celebration bitches!

My cake was to be loosely based on another first birthday cake that I made last year.

That cake was delicious light sponge iced with whipped cream mixed with icing sugar and passion fruit. And if you ask me it was delicious. Miss Soft Crab's first birthday cake was to be a delicious light sponge.

That sponge would be smothered it with lemon curd. 

And that was to be smothered with whipped cream. Then I would decorate it. Kind of like this.

You guys it would be delicious. 

But this is the stupid real world. And I have been so sick all week yesterday I could barely stand for more than 10 minutes. So no cake guys. 

Might as well imagine Miss Soft Crab's birthday party looked like this rather than imagine a non-existent cake.

 

And let's hope that K has had more success celebrating than me.