New Crab City (AM)

We're back you guys!
As you all know, the Misses Soft Crab have had a sweet hiatus so J,  LB, Baby and Newbie could spend some QT getting to know the new baby. But we also got up to other things.  Especially me. Well, not really. I mean, I don't want to create the impression that I've been doing lots of fun stuff, it's just that I have had more free time than J because I don't have a new baby.
But now that I've managed your expectations re: the awesome stuff I've been doing, let me fill you in on what has been going down lately in the K-niverse. And let me do so in the style of so many bloggers: with a list of happenings. You know the ones. Lots of boring shit details about bloggers lives under too many headings. I'm taking my inspiration from this blog  which I started reading when KB was born because it's written by someone who had a baby at pretty much the same time. She has a much more positive outlook than I do and eats extremely good look food all the time and far fewer Doritos than I do, so seems equal parts admirable and annoying.
Here goes!

Doing: Well geez, that's a bit of a plot spoiler, is it not? But alright then. I've been wiping snot from KB's nose a lot and wondering whether the presence of snot means I can't go visit J who has a new baby that she's trying to keep germ free.

Hearing:  Gosh. What am I hearing? The fridge's mechanical whir? The sound of the toy drum that KB plays all the time, especially when his parents need to get shit done? Yes, readers, all of those things. I've also been enjoying the My Dad Wrote a Porno podcast, because it's as if Alan Partridge has written erotic fiction. Which is to say, hilarious and gross.

Drinking: Yes please.

Eating and cooking: Doritos and things that include Doritos, like Nachos. I also cooked the Lamb Shwarma from Jerusalem the other day and some wholemeal scones that had been in the freezer for god knows how long because we had some cream in the house and I felt like I should eat it with something other than a spoon that goes into my mouth all the time.

Wanting:  Eh, what do I need? Apart from a better functioning pelvic floor, amirite ladies?

Playing: A really swell game called Who's a Naked Baby? which basically involves stripping a baby (mine) before bathtime and then singing "who's a naked baby?" over and over again. Brings the house down. In those moments, I am Madonna circa Blonde Ambition tour.

Deciding: How to live a moral life in an amoral world, like everyone. Sheesh.

Enjoying: The idea that this list will end soon.

Looking: Ahead to see how many more headings there are. Nine! For chrissake!

Loving: Brevity.

Buying: Time.

Planning: To make this end as soon as possible.

Watching: The clock. Also, I'm excited to start watching the QEII series on Netflix. I'll be writing a letter if they don't effectively capture the majesty of Monarchrome.

Savouring: Things that know how not to be too long.

Wearing: The same old shit.

Reading: Words.

Craving: GOD, SHUT UP!

Feeling: Immense relief.







 

The summer list (PM)

Yeah! Who doesn't love a summer list?! I know I do! Because: a) it gives me pause to reflect about things, which I don't do much; and b) it gives me some hot tips about things I should be doing.

So what have I been doing this summer? Mmmmm...

Making: Icy poles. Or as the Americans call them, popsicles. I love to make ice-cream, but who has the time!? I also love to eat it. You know who else loves to? My kids. They're freakin' coo-coo for the stuff. They love it out of a bowl, they love it on a stick. And who am I to stop them from enjoying one of life's greatest gifts. But you know, I don't want them or me to get fat or unhealthy so I basically blend up some fruit (berries! bananas! mango!) with something creamy (yoghurt! coconut milk!) and freeze it in a popsicle tray. Da bomb!

Cooking: I don't know. Not vegetti, that's for sure. I can't say I'm in a great cooking zone but I guess on the best days whatever I'm cooking includes coconut milk. Soup! Curry! Rice! Just add coconut milk. I flipping love that stuff.

Reading: I'm pretty busy during the day and tired at night so I don't read as much as I'd like to but at the moment I'm reading and really enjoying A Spool of Blue Thread by Anne Tyler. You know one night I was lying in bed thinking "I wish I could read The Accidental Tourist for the first time. I really feel like reading that." And you know Anne Tyler wrote that. And the next day I walked into the bookshop and the first book I saw was A Spool of Blue Thread and it seemed like a total sign.

Listening to: Not much, mainly if there is silence I like to enjoy it not fill it.

Thinking: About all the boring things on my to-do list that have been there for months and don't seem to be going anywhere.

Wanting: A personal assistant to complete my to-do list.

Enjoying: Not travelling to my office job in Clayton. But more specifically today the Oscars coverage on my Instagram feed.

Needing: A cleaner to complement my imaginary personal assistant.

Feeling: Fine, thanks for asking.

The summer list (AM)

A couple of the blogs I read have posted 'summer lists' in the last few weeks. They are basically brief accounts of what the authors have been up to under different headings like doing, reading, eating, wondering, enjoying, etc. I quite like them because they are rich with content to feed whatever the underlying need for reading that blog is, such as annoyance (GOOP), inspiration for stuff I might want to cook (Smitten Kitchen), etc. Not that either of those blogs have summer lists, but still.They are interesting and annoying in equal measure, and that sort of thing is right up my alley.

I thought it was about time Miss Soft Crab did a summer list. You guys have been dying to find out what we've been obsessing over this summer, right? Right! Sit back and enjoy, readers. But note that I have left out some frequently used categories such as 'drinking', because surely no one cares (a range of alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages, of course).

Making: Ooh. That's going to be a tough one. I haven't been making anything at all, really. Apart from dinner and stuff. I was thinking I would sew some cute bibs for KB but then I realised that I couldn't be bothered. I made a nice banana cake yesterday, so that's something.

Cooking: Well, like I said, I made the banana cake yesterday. I've also been using my vegetti a lot. What's a vegetti, you ask? I'm glad you ask. Only this super great kitchen gizmo that I bought from the post shop at Northland not long after KB was born. You can turn zucchini into thin ribbons and use them like noodles. Appleheart thought I had a bit of post-natal madness but the jokes on him, because now we both get to eat "delicious pasta without the carbs".

 

Reading: Ooh. Yes. Well, that's a hard one too. Mostly I just listen to podcasts and try not to google information about babies' development.

 

Listening to:  LIKE I SAID...podcasts. Jeepers. I like the same ones as everyone. Fresh Air. This American Life. RadioLab. I also like All in the Mind from Radio National and Inside Health from the BBC because the presenters have nice voices.  I also listen to the playlist called "KB's Bedtime" which really really makes me want to sleep but makes KB want to party.When it gets to "Falling" by Julee Cruise I'm pretty much out for the count.

Thinking: About childcare and Donald Trump. They both make me shudder a little.

Wanting: Look, I have an Apple Watch and a Harry Potter wand that functions as a remote control for my TV. Ask someone else, I want for absolutely nothing. 

Enjoying: Not having to wear a puffer jacket every time I leave the house. And knowing that I have a puffer jacket to wear when I leave the house in winter. 

Needing: Well gee, like I said before, nothing really. Things are pretty great, thank you!

Feeling: Glad to be back in the 3072. And the vibrations of my Apple Watch when I get a text message, or when it thinks I should stand up for a minute to meet my activity goal of standing up for one minute each hour during the day. I love you apple watch! 

Favourites list - 2012 (AM)

Oh shit! This year is almost over. And if there is one thing I like to do at the end of the year it is get drunk. And if there is another thing I like to do at the end of the year it is reflect on what I have loved that year. Am I right? So here is my 2012 favourites list. Some of these things are long time favourites, some are new. Some will continue to be favourites, others will probably also continue to be favourites. 

Bed. Seriously, is there ever a night that you get into bed and think, ‘Nah, this is not that good’? Lying down when you are really tired and you got that doona all up on you, there are really few things I love more. 

An appropriate amount of spread.  In this age of excess nothing is safe. Vendors of Smith Street, hear me now, a cinnamon and raisin bagel needs just a schmear of cream cheese. It just gives it a little tang and moistness, by no means does it need spoonfuls. And Vegemite, and this is coming from a salt freak, a girl whose own sister can not tolerate the amount of Vegemite I put on toast, Café Rosamond, I like you a lot, but chill the fuck out on the Vegemite.

Brevity. Lately Baby has gotten in to kids movies. There are some really good ones out there and you know what one of their best qualities is? Brevity. A kids movie goes for 80, maybe 90 minutes. Now that is a movie length. An adults movie should go for maybe 100 minutes, max! Two hours if it's really good or there’s something special to say. Hollywood, take note: more than that is too long, so chill the fuck out!

Jesse Pinkman.  From the first episode of Breaking Bad I pretty much loved Jesse. Dude was a skanky meth-cooking, meth-smoking skank in those days, but he was so adorable. Sweet and vulnerable and kind of caring. The guy goes through a lot of shit and has to do some shitty things but he is just this fucking sweetheart. A while ago I said to K, ‘I love Jesse Pinkman. I love him!’ And she laughed at me. About 2 weeks later, after she had caught up on a bit more BB K said to me, ‘I love Jesse Pinkman. I love him!’  Between Vince Gilligan and Aaron Paul I think they have created genius. Jesse Pinkman is a work of genius. And I love him

Coconut lotion SPF30+. I’ll reapply you every four hours!