It's the pits when TV series end. And when you can't figure out what to sing when you're inside a karaoke phone app with Jesse Pinkman inside a dream. But I love that that's what you dream about, Mate. Inception would have been a much much better film if you had made it.
The other night I dreamt that I was having breakfast with Matthew Pavlich. He was telling me that he feels so lacklustre now that the season is over, and also that he bought a new Mercedes to go with his BWM. It made him seem really pathetic. But now that I see those car names side by side I realise that my subconscious has not really moved past the 1980s when it comes to luxury vehicles, so perhaps I am the pathetic one. But the main point is that yeah, it's sad and confusing when things end. Like TV series and footy seasons. And my subconscious thinks I need Matthew Pavlich to tell me. Idiot.
I didn't put off watching the last episode of Breaking Bad exactly. I
just wanted conditions to be right. I didn't want to be too tired.
Didn't want LB to be too talkative. I just wanted things to be right.
Then last Wednesday they were. Don't worry, this won't have any BB
spoilers. This is all about me. As usual.
After watching 4 seasons in one month last year, having to watch the last
season in a serial form meant I wasn't quite as absorbed as I had been.
My feelings for Jesse had tempered. It wasn't all I thought about.
Still the end of anything brings certain... feelings, doesn't it?
I feel a little ambivalent sharing this but I feel I have no choice.*
The night I watched the last episode of BB I had a dream that merged
Breaking Bad and Harry Potter. There were heaps of ghosts. Intense
chases on horses. And a moment when I had to say goodbye to Walt. I
hugged him for what felt like minutes, sobbing with tears and snot
streaming down my face. Yeah.
The next night things were a little more light hearted. I dreamed that
by playing some app on a phone I was transported into a karaoke show
more like a Jimmy Fallon lip-sync-off where I was teamed with Aaron
Paul. But suddenly we couldn't remember any songs and had no idea what
we should sing. We were running around trying to figure out what to do.
It was also a little intense, but enjoyable. Obviously.
It was about this time that I started listening to this Miley Cyrus song
a lot. I guess it's safe to say that things were rough all over and I
didn't know how to deal with it. I know. Yep, things were pretty bad. But I
guess turning to pop music in times of sadness is nothing new. But Miley Cyrus, unsurprisingly, did not help. I just could not stop thinking about Breaking Bad. Characters' motivations, what they were doing now. Sure, socialising has helped keep my mind of it, but to be honest, I'm still a little wrapped up in it. I haven't had any more dreams about Walt or Jesse, so I guess I'm making progress. Right?
I guess at least I can be grateful that shows this good and intense don't come along very often. Yeah, maybe it's time to be grateful for all the shit TV.
*That's a lie. I chose to share. I just want you to know I feel weird about it.
Like the actor Aaron Paul, from the smash hit series Breaking Bad, my surname is a common first name. And like Aaron Paul my surname is common for people of my sex. As such
sometimes
people that get an email from me or have a file on me or something call me by my
surname. I wonder if that happens to Aaron Paul. Who knows? Turns out he
has an actual different surname and Paul was originally his middle
name. So if it does happen to him, I have no sympathy. Anyway, sometimes I
correct
people. You know, if I am going to have some kind of relationship with
them. Or if it is convenient. Or if they seem like an idiot and I feel
like highlighting that fact. But sometimes I just let it go. You know?
Like if I'm never going to see then again or if I can't be bothered. I
mean, who gives a shit. I know who I am!
You know what's awkward though? If someone calls you the wrong name and
you don't correct them and then they keep calling you that. Sometimes, if it
happens a couple of times I decide I have to correct them, but now and again it
gets out of hand, too far and you just can't correct them anymore. And
sometimes it is physically impossible.
Like the dentist I started seeing recently (in a strictly professional sense) called me by my surname recently, let's say I'm Aaron Paul and she thought I was a man named "Paul". I've seen this dentist a few times in the last few months getting some muffffillings done and the way my name comes up on her computer screen is surname, first name. I assume it is the same for everyone. In the past it hasn't been a problem, she read it right, called me J, or, for consistency, "Aaron". But last week I go in, settle into the chair, she says, "Ok Paul, open your mouth." I figure it's a one time thing and that I'll correct her when I have the chance or she'll figure it out. Then she anaesthetises my gums sticks in her instruments and doesn't remove them for 20 minutes, saying things at frequent intervals like, "How you going Paul?", "You're doing really well, Paul", "Not long now Paul." WTF? How can I say anything? Literally!? What made it even more awkward was that her assistant, who was in the room, had called me on the phone just minutes before I arrived because I was a little late and had called me by my actual name! So there we all were, the dentist with her hands in my gob calling me by my surname as if it was my first name, me unable to correct her, the assistant unwilling. Awkward, you guys, real awkward.
Eventually I thought, well, this dentist is a real name user so after this filling nightmare is over she will no doubt call me the wrong name again and I will set her straight, laugh it off, tell her it happens all the time. But IT NEVER HAPPENED! Once my teeth were filled she didn't call me anything. Just said goodbye and hustled me out the door like some dime store hooker.* And I couldn't just take it upon myself to tell her, apropos of nothing (except the preceding 20 minutes), that my name was J, or Aaron**. Do you know what it's like when you've got a numb face, have just spent 20 minutes with someone drilling, and fumbling in your wide open mouth while calling you the wrong name, and then have to walk out into the cold dark night? Degrading guys! It's effing degrading. So I just let the charade linger. Awkward you guys! Awkward!
*That's not a thing is it?
**This pseudonym thing is confusing.
Well, guys, this is it. Our last daily post. I mean the other posts will be on days. Just not everyday. We had an overwhelming response to the question of what days we should keep posting.Yes, overwhelming. Four actual comments and one email to our Miss Soft Crab email address. The first ever email that was not sent automatically by Twitter or by a misguided publicity person. HA!
So thanks "Miss Dizzy", "Sarah", "MC", "Nicole","TJ" and "KA", if those are your real names (they are, mostly). Your opinion is appreciated. Monday was undoubtedly the most popular day, although "Nicole" thought quality may be better if we gave up Monday for Tuesday. But don't worry, we promise we won't compromise on quality. No sirree. So, thanks to or faithful readers we have decided that from next week we will have a new post every Monday and every Thursday. And I'm pretty sure they are gonna be good.
But what does it all mean? Does this mean no more Terrific Tuesday, WTF Wednesday or Friday Favourites? Who knows, the future is unwritten, yo. Maybe they'll be back in the future. But for now, let the past be the past.
But they were some great days. Last night while reminiscing I
started reading over some of those good ol' days, and I don't want this
post to be like an episode of Friends where they all sit around talking about something just so they can show a bunch of clips and not make a real new episode, but...well...it's going to be. Like, do you remember that time K may have accidentally eaten dog shit for dinner? Yeah, what a great WTF Wednesday that was!!! Read here, then here to relive those treasured memories.
As for Terrific Tuesday, how can you pick a favourite? I mean, it's terrific. But, ok, seeing as you asked (what?) I gotta say I loved the first the best, because: a)It was the invention of a thing where all you have to do is decide your day is going to be terrific and then it is (seriously guys, have you tried it? It effing works!); and b) Jesse Pinkman was mentioned in it. And I really miss Pinkman.
So I guess that brings me to Friday Favourites. They're all good, natch, I mean they talk about our favourite things. I loved Friday Favourite: Flamingos. Because God, I love Flamingos. I loved Friday Favourites:Barbra Streisand, because I will never get over K's love of Babs. But I guess, when it comes down to it I love Friday Favourites: Prince. Because Prince is one of my favourite people/things in the whole world.
Man, these days gave us some great ways to explore the world. Maybe they'll be back. But for now, see you on Monday and Thursday.
I completely agree about bed. That's going to be a favourite of mine until they put me in a bed in the ground. Also Pinkman and getting drunk at the end of the year.
But here are some others.
My garden. I love my garden so much that sometimes, when I look at it, it makes my heart swell up in my chest a little bit.
This year, I put some astro-turf down and got some new plants, like hydrangeas and a gardenia. Of course, I like to eat a lot.
Oops! Of what I grow. That sentence was meant to say I like to eat a lot of what I grow. This year, I have planted capsicum, strawberries, jalapenos and of course, tomatoes which have begun to fruit. From the first, this tomato plant has been my favourite.
It's such a bonnie boy. I love all my plants of course, but this one. This one is my pride and it is my joy.
Coconut and chocolate butter. The other day, I was at that organic shop on Lygon Street getting some eggs and flour, when I happened upon this product.
I didn't know what I was going to do with it, but I knew I wanted it. I bought it then and there and since then, have been eating it out of the jar with a spoon because I still don't really know what to do with it but I know I want it in my mouth.
Running. Exercise has never been my favourite thing, but running has traditionally been my least favourite of all the exercisey things. But then, things changed. I got sick of trying to avoid running wherever possible. I started doing it a little on the treadmill at the gym. Then doing that more. Then doing more still. Then I started feeling kind of good for ages afterwards. I guess it would be fair to say I started liking it.
The other night, Pickle and I went for a run around Princes Park. I know that's something you guys probably do all the time, but not this crablet. Until Tuesday, I had never once run around Princes Park. But now I've done it and once Pickle makes me that mix tape of running songs she told me about, and once we get Miguel to make us both a new mix tape of running songs, I am going to do the shit out of it again.
The time we went to Hobart. At the moment, I have a pretty big crush on Tasmania. Perhaps this is making me see the world through apple-coloured glasses, but I feel like the time that Chickpea, J and Baby went to Hobart belongs on this list of favourite things for 2012. Eating and drinking and gazing at beautiful things with my favourite people was perhaps the loveliest time I had this year. Is it not the loveliest time one can have? I think it is, and may it always be.
Oh shit! This year is almost over. And if there is one thing I like to do at the end of the year it is get drunk. And if there is another thing I like to do at the end of the year it is reflect on what I have loved that year. Am I right? So here is my 2012 favourites list. Some of these things are long time favourites, some are new. Some will continue to be favourites, others will probably also continue to be favourites.
Bed. Seriously,
is there ever a night that you get into bed and think, ‘Nah, this is not that
good’? Lying down when you are really tired and you got that doona all up on
you, there are really few things I love more.
Brevity. Lately
Baby has gotten in to kids movies. There are some really good ones out there
and you know what one of their best qualities is? Brevity. A kids movie goes for
80, maybe 90 minutes. Now that is a movie length. An adults movie should go for
maybe 100 minutes, max! Two hours if it's really good or there’s something special to
say. Hollywood, take note: more than that is too long, so chill the fuck out!
Jesse Pinkman.From the first episode of Breaking Bad Ipretty much loved Jesse. Dude was a skanky meth-cooking, meth-smoking skank in those days, but he was so adorable. Sweet and vulnerable and
kind of caring. The guy goes through a lot of shit and has to do some shitty things but he is just this fucking sweetheart. A while ago I said
to K, ‘I love Jesse Pinkman. I love him!’ And she laughed at me. About 2 weeks
later, after she had caught up on a bit more BB K said to me, ‘I love Jesse
Pinkman. I love him!’Between Vince
Gilligan and Aaron Paul I think they have created genius. Jesse Pinkman is a
work of genius. And I love him
Coconut lotion SPF30+. I’ll reapply you every four hours!
You know I haven't really watched The Sopranos before either. I watched one episode with Pickle once. But in that episode I think Tony Soprano went to the old country which makes me confuse it with The Godfather. You know, when Michael goes to the old country? Let alone the flash backs in TGFPII. Do those things even happen? I love mafia movies but i just am not across The Godfather.
Anyway, I really need a new show to watch. I can't just sit around not watching anything for the next few months until the final season of Breaking Bad starts while Aaron Paul tweets pictures of scripts that look like this:
Perhaps The Sopranos is the show for me? They say Homeland is good. It's time for me to diversify. Yeah, diversify bitch!
Anyway, I guess maybe that hippy waxer just thinks that this is a world free from judgement and she can say whatever she wants to whoever she wants. Or maybe she doesn't care about judgement. Who knows. Alls I know is that there is a time for sharing and a time for not sharing. Like this one time at my old work this girl started. In fact I used to go to school with her. It was weird. And she started at my work and then, in the kitchenette she told my friend (whom she had just met) that her boyfriend had been sick "down there" and gestured at her thrust out groin. THE KITCHENETTE ON A TEA BREAK! That is neither the time nor place to tell a stranger about your boyfriends cock probs. Oh, hang on there is no such time or place unless the stranger is some kind of doctor and you are in their office.
But shit! Why the eff am I telling you all this when I could be talking about my favourite meth head who is also one of my all-time favourite characters. For real. Jesse Pinkman has a long history of smoking crystal meth and I effing love that guy! And if I didn't have a boyfriend and a child and Jesse Pinkman was not fictional and didn't wear all those horrible t-shirts...
...and live in ABQ while I live all the way over in MEL I would totally want to date him. But I am pretty aware I'm not really skanky enough. Sigh.
But Jesse doesn't have much of a temper like that waxer's boyfriend so I think he would be a much better guy with a long history of smoking meth to date.
Check it out you guys! I just invented a new thing. You know how K really loves alliteration? (Well she does.) So I thought, hey what goes with Tuesday? And then I thought 'TERRIFIC'. And now I just feel terrific. Seriously! Yesterday afternoon I was feeling kind of POed. After work I ran for the tram. Made it too. Except it closed it's goddamned doors on my umbrella and left without me. Also my jeans were so tight. And I was wearing too many clothes cause it was so cold yesterday morning. Also my This American Life app is so effing buggy so I couldn't listen to it. And iOs6 requires you to have a fucking podcast app to stream podcasts from iTunes. UGH. So you can see that I was pretty glad when Muthafucking Monday was over. Oh, sure, I know that Muthafucking Monday wasn't so bad, just a series of minor annoyances made worse by my uncomfortable outfit. But it was, you know, annoying.
And when I say I invented a new thing I really mean I think we should
all implement this in our real lives every week. If you have a good
Monday well word up to you. But lets get serious. At best they are
usually fine. But if we just try and make Tuesday terrific think how
good every week would be!!!
And he we are! Terrific Tuesday! Here is what I am going to do to make this Tuesday rule!
All my washing. Plus I'll hang it in the sunshine!
Spend time in the sunshine.
Drink 2 coffees.
Eat some delicious bircher muesli in about 2 minutes.
Paint my nails.
Try really hard to stop thinking about how much I love Jesse Pinkman,
about how I hope he is going to be ok, and get over my Breaking Bad
withdrawals. In truth I think this is key to making my Terrific Tuesday.
Here goes you guys, let's go and have the best damn Tuesday ever!
