I thought I was going to tell you today about all the near misses and dud aspects of my weekend which was a real roller coaster. I was going to tell you about all the disappointing meals I ate and the stories that I thought were going to turn out great but ended up shit (including, but not limited to said disappointing meals). But I'm a lover not a fighter and who needs to start the week off like that. And in fact mostly my weekend was really nice.
On Friday night we went to the pub for Minderbinder's birthday. And it was so nice to go to the pub and see people and eat a yummy burger (though not the disappointing "chips". Ugh. Regrets - I've got a few). And for a gal that doesn't get out much all I need is 2 hours, a few nice people and a beer to feel like I'm doing something. Doesn't hurt that I rounded the night out watching Graham Norton which at first seemed somewhat, though not entirely boring (Kevin Bacon, Jessica Chastain and Dianne Keaton as guests) until Norton brought out a late comer, Michael Fassbender! Who was not only his regular handsome smiling and delightful self but added some break dancing to his visit. THIS was followed by the GORILLAZ and the show ended with DAMON on the couch. Now sure, I'm talking about Graham Norton's couch, not my couch, still, I think as far as TV viewing goes, I couldn't ask for much better. To round this all out Noel Gallagher performed with Gorillaz. On Saturday I excitedly tried to tell LB about Noel and Damon on stage together but he just looked as me as if the nineties had never happened and when I tried to explain the Blur vs. Oasis saga of the heady days of Brit Pop he told me, "Yeah, I know who Oasis is, 'What's the morning, morning glory' right?"
On Saturday I had a really nice day spending some with my children leaving them with my parents and walking the streets of Armadale and Prahran and despite ending up busting and then having to use the worst toilet in Prahran
and another disappointing eating experience all the walking and sunshine and lack of external demands was really invigorating.
Yesterday I took Newbie out for breakfast. Even though I spend bulk time with him, Little Bean is always with us and our schedule revolves around Baby, even in his absence, so it was pretty sweet just to go out together, have a 'cino, read some books, eat an entirely, almost overwhelmingly, satisfying meal (mouth watering thinking about it now - it was the smoked creamed corn at Mixed Business if you're in the market for a great breaky). And after that great meal it almost doesn't matter that I spent most of the day prepping a dinner I expected to be fantastic but was a complete fucking failure (potatoes aside - which barely counts because they are almost unruinable). From mains to dessert it was all a disaster and a pretty disappointing way to end the weekend I guess. But that's life, right? You win some you lose some and I think that the past weekend was basically a metaphor for life.
Last night K and I went out for pizza. We had one with cheese (allegedly - Mate, do you think there was cheese on it? I feel like there wasn't. Not that I care) and the other one had no cheese.
So look, I probably didn't have cheese dreams. But I did have a dream that Ewan McGregor came over for dinner. He was just as handsome in dream reality as he is in the movies.
(PS. When I was searching online for this picture I learned that a hoax report of Ewan's death recently spread like wildfire. Thank Christ I missed that. I was distraught enough at the speculation of Prince Phillip's death yesterday. Hoaxers gonna give sister a heart attack!)
Like most people I've been pretty damn cheesed off about this pathetic excuse for a spring. Maybe it's because all the rain has made life with this bullshit haircut more unbearable than I knew was possible. Maybe it's because I can't fit into my jeans and so have nothing to wear when the it is cold and wet. Maybe it's because it's been cold for the last 8 months and the reviving trip to North American summer only had reviving powers to last 6 to 8 weeks.Whatever it is I'm...cheesed off. I'm not saying this spring has been total bullshit. There have been nice days all over the place, I'll admit it. But there have also been so many bullshit cold wet days it's easy to forget the winners. And yesterday, yesterday was really the first taste of summer. Am I right?
Like first in the morning I had to drive across town and it was hot and uncomfortable and I didn't like it much. But later in the day when I was at the pool I was pretty much loving the shit out of it.
After my swim (relax in the kids pool) I ran into a friend in the change room. She'd just arrived and complained about the heat "It's really hot. You know how you want it but then when it gets here you realise you are not prepared?" she said. I did know what she meant but after two hours in the pool I was pretty removed from that feeling. It wasn't long though until, waiting among a bunch of cu...people to be served some delicious ice cream at Messina I was hot and annoyed and I knew exactly what she meant. Hot hot heat can suck.
Tell that to the me that ate my dinner by the beach though as the sun set and boats sailed in.
Or the me that ate stone fruit salad for dessert.
The me that struggled to get comfortable for sleep due to heat would believe you though.
Summer, it makes you laugh, makes you cry, makes you fall in love all over again.
Fairly recently, I went through a period where I was overwhelmed by the desire to get a dog. You guys remember, I talked about it a fair bit. I very seriously considered getting one, but eventually decided that it wasn't the right time. My house is too small and my hours too variable to give a pooch a good life. I decided to put the dream aside for a while.
During this period I spent a lot of time gazing longingly at the dogs I saw on the street, wondering what it would be like if they were mine. Was it a bit creepy? Sure. You probably wouldn't have wanted to be a dog in Melbourne for a while there, not if you don't like being stared at. But it made me realise a few things.
It made me realise that if you are a resident of the inner north walking a dog in 2012 and that dog is not a staffy, it is probably an Italian Greyhound or a Boston Terrier. They were the must-have pooch of 2012. Every second person had one! I figured that dogs can be on-trend, like single origin coffee and ancient grains. And unlike single origin coffee and ancient grains which I want no part of, it kind of made me realise that when it comes to dog trends, I am totally susceptible. I mean, I've never really known an italian greyhound or a boston terrier personally and yet, I wanted both in 2012.
Anyway, now it's 2013 and I can't help but notice that there's a new on-trend breed on the streets of the inner-north.
These guys:
The Afghan Hound.
I keep seeing them around, and I'm pretty sure I didn't see any during the dog-lust days of 2012. So it must be a new thing. Not for J, I might add. She has always loved the Afghan and if LB wasn't such a big red fan, I'm pretty sure they would have had one to call their own by now.
They're a very impressive looking dog. They move around very gracefully. But sometimes they look very goofy, as this guy so beautifully illustrates...
Hai guyz!
It's an appealing combination. And they also make very cute puppies.
I kind of want one. Or at least, I want to get to know one.
Mate? Are you interested?
PS: We talk about dogs quite a lot on MSC. Why not reacquaint yourselves with all our doggy talk right here. Note that the only dog referred to in some of the posts tagged 'dogs' is Snoop.
Yeah, I don't know much about capsaicin, but I know what I like. And that's foodstuffs that give me a physical sensation beyond taste. Who wants to just chew a bunch of stuff and taste a bunch of flavours when you can also experience the thrill of heat all up in your mouth. And nose, if you're eating hot english mustard or wasabi. It's like you're eating with your whole face and if it's a choice between mouth eating and face eating, make mine face every time!
As for menses, my main PMS symptom is that I become very very clumsy. I drop stuff all the time and I trip over constantly. So I guess you could say that I do become a little unbalanced. LITERALLY! Ha.
Also, my ability to navigate which is meagre at the best of times disappears completely. It's like the bermuda triangle in here (I'm pointing at my head)... all my internal navigational instruments go crazy and if my iphone isn't working, I basically just wander around, following the sun. Sucks to be a chick, as usual.
This week I decided I wanted the answers to questions I had
often pondered. Like “Could this sore throat and snotty nose that totally seems
related to my menstrual cycle really be PMS?” and “Is chilli addictive? 'Cause I
gotsta get me some.”
According to some websites “Yes, peppers are addictive. Peppers contain capsaicin, a natural chemical that sends a burning sensation
from the nerve endings in the mouth to the brain. The body defends itself
against this pain sensation by secreting endorphins, natural painkillers that
cause a physical "rush" - a high that keeps us coming back for more.”
(Statement 1). But according to the Guardian, “Capsaicin, the compound that provides the
mouth-watering punch of chillies, does not seem to have any addictive qualities
whatsoever.” (Statement 2). I guess Statement 2 does not actually contradict Statement 1. It’s
just that the idiot that wrote Statement 1 was an idiot. Chillies probably aren’t
addictive but maybe the body’s response is?
On a side note I actually saw Statement 1 repeated almost
word for word on more than one website. usually with many typos and bad punctuations. So let me make it unmistakably clear that Statement 1 is the viewpoint of a bunch of other people that I do not
necessarily hold to be true. Or not true. Also, the Wikipedia page for ‘chili
pepper’ says nothing about addiction. Andyou know my position, if it’s not on Wikipedia it doesn’t exist. Ipso facto,
I just really like chilli. Wikipedia, does however say that “Psychologist Paul Rozin
suggests that eating chillis is an example of a "constrained risk"
like riding a roller coaster, in which extreme sensations like
pain and fear can be enjoyed because individuals know that these sensations are
not actually harmful. This method lets people experience extreme feelings
without any risk of bodily harm.” The thrill! The addiction of the thrill!!!
As for PMS, the internet was similarly useless on this
point! Although when I typed in the search for "PMS flu-like symptoms", there were
a ton of results, they were all useless. At first, I was delighted that
there were so many results, but nothing really gave me solid answers. Though
thanks to things like the Kotex period forum page I know I’m not alone. Or it
is suggested that I am not alone, because I can’t imagine that anyone but the Kotex
marketing team is writing on that message board. So, I went over to Wikipedia, natch. And I learned that: a) if you don’t have actual emotional symptoms you don’t
have PMS!; and b) there is an increase in probability of attempting suicide
during the menses of 1.68! WHOA! Sucks to be a chick! As usual!
If you've been here before, I don't have to tell you that we have a pretty tenuous grasp on quality writing, and shit you guys it's been over 30 degrees for days now. That means that: a) my house is really hot; and b) I have not done any productive supermarket shopping because I can't figure out what to eat in this heat. Therefore, a+b=I am so hot and hungry. All I can think of is eating and cooling. In the interest of that, I have this for us all:
Just some shades I created using a really great program called Paint. HAHA. I hate you, Paint, but thanks for allowing me these cooling colours. Don't you think it is a little bit mind-bending how visuals can just change your feeling. Although I wish I'd thought about this yesterday when I went for a run in the stupid heat. I think thinking of things like this may have helped:
Who's got two pincers and a high level of excitement about the summer holidays?
This crab.
Heh.
Of course I actually mean this crab:
Those are thumbs, not pincers.
That's right readers, it's almost time for the annual Miss Soft Crab hiatus - where J and I go back to emailing/texting one another everything we want to say instead of writing it here - and we're excited! This will be our last week of regular programming for the year, but I don't want you to worry your pretty little heads for a moment, because we'll be back in late January feeling nice and refreshed and like we've just had a summer holiday because we will have just had a summer holiday.
As I shuffle towards the end of the year, I keep thinking about things I'm going to do this summer. I'm a simple girl, with simple holiday desires to match. Here's what I fancy doing first.
Swim. I am going to swim so damn much. Poolside. Bayside. Oceanside. I'm going to be by all those sides. I'm going to take a towel and bathers everywhere I go in case there are any opportunities for a dip. I'm going to have wet hair and salty skin all the time. I am going to swim so much I will get sick of licking the salt off my skin, which has never happened before.
Cook. I am going to cook a bunch of things I have been thinking about, but haven't got around to yet. Including this pie.
And something J and I talked about the other day, which we've given the working title Gado Gado Chiko Roll because it is a chiko roll only with gado gado inside it instead of chiko.
Get around like this.
Both because I am learning to ride a pushbike and because I love a bit of pants free, though I doubt I'll combine the two. And I would wear a helmet. And I will certainly look less carefree than this lady from The Sartorialist, because learning to ride a pushbike is hard and undignified.
But goodness me it's fun.
Whoa there, that's a double negative, so could be a little confusing. Let me be absolutely clear: we love babes.
Obviously, our first love is hunks, but we can appreciate the heck out of a good babe and have scheduled that appreciation in to our repertoire on a quarterly basis. First, and a tad controversially, it was K-Stew.
Now, it's C.Keen's time, C.Keen being Catherine Keener, the fifty-three year old (fifty-three years old!) American actress who has been in a bunch of great things but really, not enough things.
C.Keen, you are a babe and the time to celebrate you starts NOW! J: Catherine Keener is a total babe! The first time I saw her was inJohnny Suede. An early Brad Pitt movie. And while I admit at the time I was all about B.Pi (HAHAHAHA B.Pi!) I couldn't help but take notice of his babelicious love interest, Catherine Keener.
Come for the B.Pi, stay for the C.Keen
K: Jonny Suede was my first time with her too. It would be a while longer before I knew she was a babe, but I felt feelings of 'like' for her straight away. It's that big smile. While I want to slap that big smile off, say, Julia Roberts' face I want to have a drink with C.Keen and find out why she is smiling so much. J: Sure, I didn't fall in love with her instantly either, I really liked her. As the years went on I liked her more and more. I like how she was married to Dermot Mulroney. I like how she was sometimes photographed hanging out with Brad Pitt, just like they were buddies hanging out. I like how she is really nice looking and she has this kind of low voice and this naturalistic way of talking that no one else in Hollywood has. In short, I kind of love her.
Plus Being John Malkovich! Hello!
K: She does have a thing that no one else in Hollywood has, you're dead right. Natural and easy, which is very charming. And that great voice. I wish I had a signature voice. I really really don't. I sound like 'generic woman'. Sometimes when I get a cold I sound better. Anyway, this is about C-Keen, not me.
Dermot Mulroney is a shit-hot husband to have. And for 17 years, if wikipedia is to be believed. That's a pretty good go. Look at them, all smiley in happier times. Dermot Mulroney should work more.
It's kind of a shame they broke up, but I think it's a shame when anyone breaks up so don't ask me.
Obviously Being John Malkovich blew the whole C-Keen-is-a-babe-and-seemingly-quite-great thing right open. That film is one of the films. And she is so great and so beautiful in it. And though she is in things semi-regularly, I really want her to be in more things. Which may well be one of the reasons she is a BotMC babe. She leaves us wanting more.
Mate, lets talk about her hair.
J: What a hot couple they made! But that's the past. Unlike her hair. Catherine Keener has such beautiful hair. Catherine Keener's hair in The 40- Year-Old Virgin is the reason I grew my hair long. The reason. But my hair is not beautiful and shiny like hers. I think about her hair almost daily!
Great hair and Great (Michael) Scott! ha!
K: Lucky, lucky babe, to have such great hair.
So what's next for C.Keen, I wonder?
*checks IMDB*
Apparently C.Keen has a couple of films coming out over the next little while, one of which is called Maladies and co-stars Franco. Another one is called Nailed and co-stars fellow HotMC alumnus Gyllenhaal.
Hot!
J: Hey that is great news about Keener and Gylenhaal starring in a movie together. HotMC meets BotMC! I love it! I am also happy to tell you that Dermot Mulroney has a few films on the go too and one of them stars Mia Wasikowka and Nicole Kidman. It looks creepy as and Dermot plays a dead man so I'm not holding out that much hope.
K: Sometimes people can play dead people in movies and it works out ok, like SPOILER ALERT Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense so fingers crossed for Dermot.
Dermot is actually quite a massive hunk. I just want to put that out there, even though today is all about Catherine.
J: Sure sometimes the dead guy is the star, like Bobby in The Heavenly Kid, but sadly I watched the trailer for the Mulroney movie and the only shot of him was in a photo on top of a casket, so I'm not holding my breath. Anyway this is about his foxy ex, not Mulroney. C.Keen is a babe that has crossed decades. You sure cant say that everyday. LiLo barely crossed years with her cuteness. Word up CK.
Yesterday, The Age ran an article about how some people (the fun police!) want to put a bunch of possums on birth control because they are "destructive, costly, dirty pests". These people want to get rid of possums and think that birth control is a more humane way of controlling their numbers than wasting them.
Readers: I do not feel good about wasting possums, but I feel even worse about putting them on birth control. Governments absolutely do not belong in the bedrooms of possums. Who are we to interfere with their fuzzy wuzzy reproductive rights? No one, that's who.
I'll tell you what I do like, though.
The picture that ran with the story.
Have you ever seen such a lusty marsupial in your life? This little guy is almost literally gagging for it.
And his/her face perfectly illustrates why putting possums on birth control is a terrible idea. Possums are just going to do what comes naturally to possums, and no 28 day cycle of Brenda or Dianne or whatever they call the possum pill is going to change that. There's always going to be one little possum who forgot to take her pill that morning, or who got a tummy bug after eating some bad Lily Pilly and before you know it, bam! Baby possums. It only takes one time you guys. And that's just how it should be.
Go get em, possums!
It's Friday! The last Friday of the month! And that means one thing around here. Hunk of the Month Club!!!! But check it out you guys, we know you don’t all have the enthusiasm for hunks we do, the enthusiasm most often seen in 13-year-girls. Some of you may have that enthusiasm for babes! And if you generally don’t have enthusiasm for hotties, maybe you should just come back next week.
Anyway, as if we don’t alienate many of you enough, what with our constant chatter of hunks, grooming, clothes, food and emotions, we introduce Hunk of the Month Club. Sorry. So we thought it was time to introduce BABE OF THE MONTH CLUB. Actually, Midbro suggested it to K months back, long enough ago that I think we can now claim it as our own idea. Of course it won’t be monthly, it’s more like, Triannual Babe Day. Anyway welcome to our first ever.
J: So, Mate, our first BotMC and we have chosen K-Stew, perhaps
controversial, among ourselves as much as among the wider community,
but there is just something about her I kind of love. Sure, when I
first saw her, in Panic Room, all I thought was "Is that a girl or a
boy?" When I saw her in Into the Wild I thought "Who is that really
pretty girl hanging out with Emile Hirsch? Bitch" And when I saw her in the first two Twilight movies I
thought "Has there ever been a more annoying, nauseating character in
film before?" But when I saw The Runaways, everything kind of changed
for me.
HOT!
K: Is K-Stew in Into the Wild? I didn't even know that. You're not thinking of that girl who was in Donnie Darko and who's name is a lot like Jenna Moroney, but is something else?
Nope, I just checked IMDB - you're right, K-Stew is in Into the Wild. (As is Jena Malone). Evidently I don't remember that film terribly well. I just remember it being really sad and Emile Hircsh being a real babe.
But enough about me and my memories. Lets talk about me and K-Stew. My introduction to K-Stew came with the first Twilight movie. I have never read the books, so knew nothing about this Bella Swan bird or Sparkleface or that there was a Team Wolf and one day, I would be a card carrying member of that team (it's not a real team).
I was so naive back then, I had no idea what a pile of hilarious BS Twilight was, and how K-Stew's Bella was at the centre of all that steaming BS. It didn't take long though. A few minutes in and I really started to hate on Bella and by default, K-Stew.
And I have to say, I only saw The Runaways because I thought it would be good to hate on K-Stew a little more. But just as you say Mate, the hate stopped pretty quick smart.
J: Yeah,
Emile Hirsch is a total babe in Into the Wild. That guy should work more!
But, back to The Runaways. In the words of Joan Jett I love rock n'
roll. And I love hating on annoying people so I guess that is why saw
the film too, I totally thought I would hate on K-Stew, but I didn't. I
loved her! Firstly, she is really pretty. Secondly, I loved how in every
second scene she was standing up and zipping up her pants cause she was just doing it with someone or pissing on something! I LOVED
THAT! I loved it!
So HOT!
K: She was kind of great, wasn't she? So great that I'm pretty sure I
didn't think of Bella Swan once while watching it. And at some point
after it, I realised that I didn't want to say "UGHHGGHHHHHHH" every
time I saw a picture of her. Things had changed.
J: Yeah, I mean I'm sure Joan Jett has a lot to do with my feelings for
K-stew but that's ok. I also think there may be some Team Wolf
transference. You know affection by association
HOT!!!
K: For me, liking K-Stew requires me to overcome my incredulity that
someone like Jacob could actually like someone like Bella. He is a WOLF
and she is basically a Pomeranian. It's sick and gross and mother nature
would be spewing if she knew about it.
But nevertheless. Seeing The Runaways led to the silence of the
hate, which meant that a few months ago, when you said something to me,
Mate, I was open to hearing it. Do you remember what that this was?
J: Oh, look, I am as opposed to Jacob's obsession with Bella as much as the
next person. Nothing seems more unnatural. I'm just saying I think
there may be some subconscious connection my brain is making and a
transference of affection/attraction.
Anyway, no, I don't remember what I said. Was it something along the lines of "Have you watched the Snowhite and the Huntsman preview yet? It looks freaking awesome and I think I love K-Stew!"?
K: HAHA. No, it wasn't that. But you were right about the preview for Snow White and the Huntsman.
No, it was when you were reading Twilight and you couldn't
comprehend how annoying Bella was. I think I nodded and made some kind
of sound that indicated I agree with you but, knowing I hadn't read the
books, you went further.
"No, Mate," you said, "You don't understand. You know how annoying Bella is in the
movies? Well that's nothing compared to how annoying she is in the
books. The book version of Bella makes the movie version of Bella
seem tolerable. For K-Stew to be able to pull that off makes me think
she must be some kind of wizard."
It was a real lightbulb moment for me.
J: Oh, yeah. I was getting to that. People, Bella Swan in the Twilight
books is truly the most repulsive character I have ever come across
ever. The most repulsive. And I have read all of Bret Easton Ellis's
books. She is the most passive, uncharmingly self-effacing, worst dressed character I
have ever had the displeasure of reading and the fact that K-Stew makes
her even vaguely watchable speaks volumes of the magic of K-Stew.
K: Gosh, I really don't want to read Twilight.
Ok, so lets recap.
watching Twilight makes one hate K-Stew
watching The Runaways silences the hate
reading Twilight makes one respect K-Stew
But there is a missing link here. I don't think we would have
gone from hating on K-Stew so hard to making her our very first Miss
Soft Crab Babe of the Month if it hadn't been for a certain someone who
blew that K-Stew trumpet loudly and consistently from day one: Chickpea.
J : It's true, Chickpea has long been a champion for K-Stew and her
enthusiasm is infectious! No doubt. But you know sometimes you just need
the seed to be sown and true love can bloom!
You know what else I've kind of come to love about her, even though I
hate it on Bella Swan, that little half smile. When she does it as
Bella I think, shit Bella, grow some balls, just smile or don't! But
when I see K-stew do it I think it is kind of adorable! Is there
something wrong with me?!
K: The problem is Bella. She basically ruins
everything for everyone. At least, that's the hypothesis we should test
against when we go see Snow White and the Huntsman next
week. Because the truth is: everyone can see that K-Stew is a
serious babe, but one who's babe-integrity is seriously compromised by
that goddamn whiner Bella Swan.
Choose Jacob you stupid, stupid girl!
J: Imagine if K-Stew didn't play Bella Swan! We'd probs all be
totally in love with her for real. I think that the truth will all be
revealed when we see SWATH next week, you're right. And I can't effing
wait to see it!
So I guess that basically K-Stew is our very first Babe of the Month
because, despite playing the most annoying character in history, she has
captured our imagination. Moreover, that gives her the
repulsive/attractive thing so crucial to so many hunks! It's a classic combo and I guess she's nailed it!
Mate, you've said it all. That book is a dead set Friday Favourite. My copy aint as pretty as yours, but it is definitely full of the same awesomeness, obviously because it is the same book, i.e. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.
Like everyone who has ever read it, at first I hated Mr Darcy's guts until I realised that he was actually the best guy ever and Mr Wickham is the true knob jockey. Now I love Darcy very much, especially when he is also Colin Firth.
Apparently Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle (the lady who played Lizzie in the 1995 BBC version) were doing it in real life when they were making that series. Hot.
