A better yesterday

K was so right yesterday,  a sunny day really makes life seem great. I love the way thinking about Margaret and David made her feel happy rather than miserable that they we're no longer with us. You know on TV. The way thinking about all the great Hong Kong cinema made her happy rather than sad that we never watch it any more. Or eat as much Cantonese food as we did that year we studied HK cinema. Good weather is really the world's best upper. Not, as some people may suggest, cocaine.

Yesterday afternoon we went to Fitzroy pool and then our neighbours joined us and Housemaid had the most excellent idea to bring a bottle of wine and have UberEats deliver us some pizza and after dinner we basically had the whole (kids) pool to ourselves and there I was back in that idyllic Australia. 

And although today is warm the overcast sky and wind is really bringing it down. But not as much as the fact that I have to start my Christmas shopping today. As soon as I've written this post I'm going to head to the city to buy some KK presents and some kids presents or at least that's the plan. I kind of love Christmas shopping when I know what I'm buying but today I don't and I'm pretty sure that the day will result in me wandering around the city from shop to shop thinking I have a plan and direction only to find at the end of the day that I haven't bought any presents but somehow managed to spend $200 on beauty products for myself. You'd think that given I can predict the disastrous outcome of today I should have come up with a plan to prevent this, like maybe had some ideas for presents and developing the self discipline not to buy beauty products, but sheesh, I'm only human!

A festive season list

If I wasn't excited about Christmas already, J's Memento/Fifty First Dates/The Santa Clause dream certainly did the trick. I keep chuckling at the thought of all the drama and tension and confusion over why the wrong brother showed up. I guess it's been a pretty big year for everyone and J's subconscious is the first to say it's time for a break.

I'm pretty excited about Christmas, I have to say. KB was to little to care about Christmas last year, though we did try to get him in the festive mood.
This year he is more into stuff. Right now, he is having a great time putting the TV remote control in his nappy bag and then taking it out again. So I feel like we can have more fun with him this christmas.

And I'm excited about Christmas because I am hoping to acquire some of the cookbooks I've been eyeing off all year. Here's my wish list.

First, Classic German Baking by a lady who writes a nice blog called The Wednesday Chef.

It's baking and it's classic and I like it.

Next, Small Victories.

It seems like one of those good books full of practical tasty stuff to make for dinner during the week. Like, a repertoire expander rather than a mind blower.

This one might be a mind blower. Or just have its hand on it.

It's the cookbook of the kitchen of the studio of Olafur Eliasson, the artist, in case you hadn't caught on. It looks annoying and tasty.

There are several others but KB is getting bored with the remote control caper, so I'd better save them for another post.

Something stinks (PM)

Oh wow. Perfume ads really stink, don't they?! There's one on TV at the moment where Gisele Bundchen drives around crying and laughing or some shit. I don't know. I know that I kind of enjoy it 'cause Baz Lurhmann directed it but I also know it feels like a poor man's Gatsby.

Why are perfume ads always trying to tell a story about some rebel woman? The day I believe Julia Roberts is an inspiration is the day I cut off my hands. Which is to say that will never happen because I am very attached to my hands. They're so useful. And the day I believe I need to free myself from the diamond shackles of my life is the day I cut off my dick.

For me the pick of this morning's viewings was the Invictus ad. Hahaha. That made me laugh and laugh. The way that guy walks around and then turns the rugby players to stone and blows them up by the flick of the hands. Hahahs. What a fucking idiot. But if that wasn't enough he walks into a change room full of nearly nude beautiful women who lose there sheet fabric covering once he walks in. Hahahaa. Seriously, WTF Paco Rabanne. 

Sadly for me I misread the last paragraph as "Hemsworth is in this ad" rather than "a Hemsowth" and just spent the whole last ad thinking "THIS IS THE WRONG HEMSWORTH!"  Not even the wolf could salvage it for me. But I could tell through my disappointment that it was another stupid fucking ad. And what about the shape of that stupid Diesel male perfume bottle. Get a real bottle Diesel.

Needless to say, I don't wear perfume and thanks to these idiot advertisers I probably never will.

I will look at this picture of Christmas Thor though to help me get over the disappointment of this morning.

Christmas List (PM)

Oh boy. End of year malaise. It's as predictable as inconsistent hot weather throughout the Melbourne summer. I know that I previously spoke about how being on leave and having very few social commitments means I am going to nail Christmas this year, but I'm starting to think that was wishful thinking. I have a pile of Christmas cards that I plan to write and send, but whenever I have an opportunity to write them (i.e. when KB is napping), I find myself fucking around on instagram or some such thing. Today, the sun was out for the first time in ages, and when I caught my reflection in the mirror I realised that I have not been able to see my face properly for three weeks. I've basically been in soft focus for weeks and didn't realise it. So I took today's nap time as an opportunity to properly inspect my face. You know, take a good long look at myself and shit you guys, girl is looking old. Anyway, I'm not really nailing Christmas the way I wanted to. Though I can advise that KB is going to look VERY cute on Christmas day due to a very nifty novelty outfit I bought for him.

Christmas list (AM)

Guys, I'm just going to tell it how it is. Here are all the things I feel this time of year, every year:

1. Tired and like I need a motherflipping break.
2. Over it and like I need to motherflipping party.
3. In need of a gin and tonic. Then another. Then a beer.
4. A burning desire to shop and buy new things. Presents, yes, but just as much stuff for me. Clothes, things for the house, lovely stuff. The consumerism in the air touches me deeply and strongly. 
5. Like I really want to cook all the things.
6. That I need a clean house. Not just clean, superclean. Everything washed, things in place, dust-free surfaces. Clean and organised.  
7. A burning desire to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer (when I saw it's on Presto last night I nearly had a heart attack with delight). 
8. A middling desire to watch Elf with my babies.
9. That I just want to eat fruit salad for dinner. 
10. In need of another gun and tonic.

That is all.

New opportunities (PM)

So this morning I was listening to the song Parklife and I don’t want to give away any spoilers for when K and I do our annual best of/worst of year round-up but ummmmmmm… the Blur concert was really good. Oh, sorry, that’s not what we’re talking about is it?! Well I hope that show  at the National Theatre that Damon wrote the musicfor is really good.

Meanwhile my December calendar is getting fuller every day. Just when I think I have a free weekend in my sights something gets slotted in there. I mean, all these things will be enjoyable. Hannukah – the Jewish feast of fried foods! A first birthday party – the gang’s feast of food cooked by David! But geez, a girl needs a rest now and again.

And I keep thinking that I should get a jump on things and do my Christmas shopping early, but as each day passes this whole ‘early’ thing becomes ‘timely’ and soon enough it will be ‘late’.

I had a Christmas overseas once. It was in Japan and I think it’s fair to say that Christmas is not a thing there. Sure there are the illuminations (Christmas lights) and a strange tradition of couples going on a date on Christmas eve. On Christmas night LB, Russeth and I went to a bar with some friends, which seemed like someone’s back room and got drunk. So you know, festive but also just like a bunch of other nights.

I think Christmas in the UK would be pretty sweet. There’d be all the recognisable cultural signs of Christmas cheer without all the commitments and pressure of all your family and friends and workplace. Mate, you are going to nail Christmas this year!

2013 - The Most Five (PM)

Woot! Holidays! Well, technically it's more like a lunchbreak for me at the moment, but holidays are just around the corner, so I no complain.
Great Most Five list Mate. 

Let's take a wander back through the year of K and settle on five of the best bits. It was a year of pretty good bits, so it might be hard to narrow it down, but lets's try.

1. Running 10 kms.
I'm not one to make new year's resolutions, or set goals really. Goals are for sitting in between at the MCG, as far as I'm concerned. Heh. Not really. But kind of. Anyway, this year I decided that I was going to run 10kms in the wild, as opposed to on a treadmill. I have never been a runner you see, so for most of my life such a think seemed quite impossible to me. But then I started running more and more so about this time last year it popped in to my head as something I might be able to. At that point, the most I had run in the wild was a lap of Princess Park. So 10kms seemed like a big deal. And I totally did it. That was pretty rad for me.

2. That sandwich I ate that time. 
I don't know whether many most five lists will contain sandwiches but goddamn it mine does. It totally does. God save that sandwich and long may it reign.

3. Iceland
My whole european holiday ruled. I mean, you saw the kinds of sandwiches I was eating. I saw and did some wonderful things. But the best thing, the very very best thing, was Iceland.

That place imprinted on me the way wolves get imprinted on in Twilight, but everyone wears shirts in Iceland. I loved it and think about it often.

That's the kind of thing you see on the side of the road in Iceland.

4. Baby, Niecey and Little Nut's grasp of language.
When J told me about Baby saying "you fucko!" I was at my desk at work. I had to laugh discretely and doing so was harder than running 10 kms in the wild.  The mouths of babes are the funniest places in the world. And now there are so many babies to say funny things it's only going to get funnier from here on in.

5. This
This year was a year where, thanks to knocking around with Appleheart a lot, coming home to this kind of thing became a possibility.

Those are roasted salted almonds. That guy, I tell you what.
Happy this time of year everybody! See you in 2014!

Nearly there (PM)

Wow, your boss sounds like a stand-up guy, Mate! My office closes between Christmas and New Year too. But the only day of free leave we get is the 27th, though to be fair to my work there are only 2 other days that aren't public holidays in that period and you are allowed to take 'miscellaneous leave' on those days. A leave kind that can also be used for having your dog put down or the other miscellanies of life. So I guess that's something. Plus, if you work in an organisation that has been in the news due to workplace bullying and suspected espionage I guess you gotta take what you can get right?

This, I've decided, this will be my last week before a whole 2 weeks off too, so I am likewise excited. But I wish Oprah had put a goodies bag under my chair.

Still, I guess holidays are as good as an Oprah goodies bag right. I intend to spend mine pretty much looking like this.*

*In my dreams of course. In reality they will more look like this:

Nearly there (AM)

Last week, at the Christmas party, our new boss announced he would be closing the office at midday on Christmas Eve and not be reopening it until the new year. Everyone was to spend that time with their people, he said. If we had applied for annual leave during that period, it would be credited back to us. The crowd erupted into a round of spontaneous applause and if he had told us to look under our seats for some kind of gift pack a-la Oprah, I wouldn't have been surprised. 

But this means that today begins my last week of work for a while and readers, I'm excited. So excited I'm going to play you a song. The worst song on a playlist I listen to when I exercise, by which I mean  my favourite. It's kind of a Eurovision song and by rights I should hate it but I don't, I really don't. 

I'll leave the rest of the explaining to Tarkan. Please give him a chance. 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2Tu5s1KS9SU&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D2Tu5s1KS9SU

Project Chocolate Cake - Final Reflections (AM)

I've had a few conversations with people about the chocolate cake project over the last few days, and thought it might be a good idea to summarise what we've learnt and make some final reflections before we all move on with our lives. 

It seems that the chocolate cake project has stirred up a feeling or two in a few of Miss Soft Crab's beloved readers. In summary, it seems that people:

- love, and I mean love, talking to me about chocolate cake at the moment.

-are impressed with the matrix and excited by the opportunities it presents 

-remember top shelf chocolate cakes from when they were little, but have no recipe that they make now that they're sold on

It's making me wonder whether maybe, just maybe, chocolate cake is something that is just better in childhood. I mean, we all had different standards back then, didn't we? We all loved cake, we all loved chocolate, and we all loved icing. Childhood chocolate cakes brought all these things together and didn't give a damn about whether the chocolate flavour came from cocoa or melted chocolate (as if real chocolate came anywhere near childhood chocolate cakes...AS IF), they didn't give a damn about how much sugar was involved, they didn't give a damn about whether the cakes came out flat.  They just showed up and that was enough to make our little kid hearts explode. But now we've been around the block a few times, we've tasted good chocolate, we've tasted good cake, we want more. We're like junkies chasing the thrill of our first taste and I'm not entirely sure it's possible. 

Having said that, I may have had a few more slices of the D.Leb cake and my love for it only grew. I stand by my original comments...it doesn't taste mega-chocolatey in and of itself... but gee whiz readers, I've tasted worse things. You bet I have. I still plan on making the Felicity Cloake recipe at some point, but that's something for down the track. Right now I have to start thinking about christmas baking because I think this is the year I am going to try my hand at a gingerbread house. And mince pies. But the gingerbread house...that shit takes planning, because i'm not talking about some bullshit ikea flat pack gingerbread house (even though I kind of love ikea food) I'm talking about the real thing.

Anyway, I just thought I'd say those things about chocolate cake, because if there's one thing this project has taught me, it's that chocolate cake makes people feel a lot of feelings. 

No idea what I'm talking about? Catch up here, here, here and here. 

2012: The year that was

Well readers, we've finally made it to the end of the year. Not literally. Just according to the Miss Soft Crab calendar. Yesterday,  I finished work for the year (it's me, K by the way...hi you guys) and I can't tell you how great that is.
I'm writing this from bed you know. From bed!

So great. Anyway, it's J's last day today, so soon we will all be on holidays and so its time to share our final crabby words for the year. 


And what better way to end the year than look back over it and talk about it? Heaps of better ways maybe, but we'll never know because we chose this one. Lets begin!





K:  So let’s talk 2012!

J:  Ok! How was it for you?

K:  Um, kind of fast. How was it for you?

J:  Yeah. Real fast. But to be honest I am kind of excited it's over. The first half kind of sucked. And the second half was fine but boring. I'm excited about next year. But this is a retrospective, not a forwospective.

K:  Yeah, it was a perfectly fine year for me too, but I would prefer if 2013 was shit-hotter.But 2012 had some great moments including:

The Blizzie wedding. 
Prince!

J:  It's true. 2012 may have had lowlights, but Prince was a lifetime highlight. LIFETIME! Do you hear what I am saying? It was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I want to make that absolutely clear.

K:  I'm so glad you took the bait Mate, I thought mentioning Prince would fire you up.

J:  Oh, and Blizzie's wedding was great too.

K:  I liked the bit where little Nut was born. That was a pretty big highlight. And the bit where Pickle moved back to Melbs. And Hobart. As discussed last week. I loved Hobart so much.

That reminds me, I saw both Chickpea and Russeth on my way to work yesterday. Chickpea rode past me on Nicholson Street when I was waiting for the tram.Then Russeth got on my tram!

J:  Ha. Small world, uh? 

So yeah, Pickle's return was definitely a highlight.Hobart, of course. That was the best. Seeing how beautiful Hobart was. Eating each meal twice a day. Going on boats. MONA! I loved it. Also, the birth of Thor Friendship was a highlight! Seeing Ira Glass all the way back in January!

K:  Ira! Of course! Thor Friendship! Of course!

Let’s talk food highlights. Did we have any ramjets dinners this year?

J:  NO! Those slackarse ramjets! I don't think the highlights were as amazing this year. No ramjets

No Estelle.  But there were some highlights, right? Anniversary rum baba!

K:  Oh that's for sure. The rum baba we ate at Cumulus Inc. for our Miss Soft Crab anniversary dinner while sipping Prunella Mandorlata

J:  Prunella Mandorlata was a definite highlight

K:  Definitely. We need to start a MSC liquor cabinet...

J:  Hells yeah. HEY! How about those potato on a stick things we had at Golden Plains?! Not classy but delicious. Nordic dinner was good. I think that the food we made was more mind-bending than most of the stuff I ate at restaurants.

K:  Yeah, the Nordic dinner was a triumph. Remember those cinnamon buns Miguel made? And the cinnamon snowflake ice cream sandwiches you made which continue to blow my mind and I don't even like ice cream that much (though maybe I actually do...I seem to be changing...)

J:  Dude, you like ice cream. It’s time to admit it.

K:  Well shit Mate, maybe that's what will go down as the most memorable thing that happened to me in 2012...I opened my heart to ice cream...

J:  Maybe. I mean that is a good thing. So Mate, how about lowlights?

K:  Look, if there have been some lowlights, I don't really know what they are. What have I got to complain about? Nothing, that's what. BUT, if I had to say something, I would say the lack of supply within the hunk pipeline is a growing concern for me.

J:  Definitely! The birth of HotMC should have been a year highlight but it’s highlighted the lack of hunks - and that is a lowlight. So many lights! And how about our disappointing anniversary dinner at Mamasita?!  And theOscars and the hunk lack?! LOWLIGHT!

K:  All of these things have had the lights down low. Also, the lights are literally down low at my house because I think there is some dodgy wiring going on so a bunch of the lights don't work. I've actually been meaning to ask LB to have a look at it - do you think he could help?

J:  Maybe. He could have a look. And what a bummer.

K:  Yeah, it's a bit of a drag.

J:  So, anything else touch you this year?

K:  Hey, at the risk of sounding like someone who would say this, another highlight for me has been watching Baby grow up a little bit and become even more adorable. I'm really digging on that whole thing.

J:  Oh, dude, I didn't want to be the one to say it but you are so right! The kid just gets better and better. Like that time he said to me, "You look beautiful. But some of the other boys don't know it.' So cute, and so true!

K:  Oh my. We've been saying that to one another for years and now the fruit of your loins is saying it to you! It's so much cuter when it comes from the mouths of babes though, right?

But Baby saying it is cute too.

J:  HA!

K:  Nyuck nyuck nyuck

J:  Hey mate did you have an MSC highlight?

K:  Ooh, good question. I liked multi-faith Haiku Thursday. And I'm sure there were some other great moments but I'm still laughing at that thing I said about 'from the mouths of babes' before so I'm a little distracted. What about you?

J:  HAHAHA. Yeah, that was funny what you said two minutes ago. But so was Multi-faith Haiku Thursday. Definitely some of our best work. I also liked the official birth of FC.

K:  How could I forget?!The official birth of FC has been one of the great things about 2012 for sure.

J:  Yeah. It has.

Um... so what do you say mate, should we blow this popsicle stand so that we can hit the Miss Soft Crab Christmas party, or what?

K:  You know it girl! There's a rum baba out there with our names on it!

Merry Christmas and happy new year, crab friends!

 J:  Yeah, have a great one y'all!

Haiku Thursday (PM)

Holiday Haiku

Oh, ciao  ragazzi

Guess what day it is today?

Thursday. Keep up, guys. 

Just jokes amici. 

Today's the last day of work!

Tomoz: holidays. 

To all the green parks

To patches of dappled shade:

I'm coming for you. 

Imaginary Christmas Telemovie Workshop! (PM)

I  cannot wait to see Feliz Navidad. And if it is on at the same time as this bullshit show I'm pitching, I'm totally changing channels.

We Three Kings

Matthew, James and John King are three brothers trying to keep the memory of their father alive, and the farm he left behind viable. As a 10 year drought continues, maintaining the farm is hard, especially for John, a single father. On Christmas eve, the three brothers pay a visit to neighbour, Maryanne. Pregnant to a man who left her, and all alone on Christmas eve, she is happy for the visit. As the four enjoy a merry evening, amazing things start to happen! The Kings are stuck at Maryanne's thanks to a snowstorm, a thing never seen before in these parts. Maryanne goes into labour; and it looks as if love might blossom. All this in just one night? On Christmas, anything is possible!