This post is not about McConaughey (AM)

I've been thinking a bit about Matthew McConaughey lately. You know, because the recent McConaissance has had him up in everyone's grill. He's been a bit of a joke for a pretty long while. All those romantic comedies. The constant toplessness. Didn't he get arrested once for being high and playing the bongos on a beach while topless? I seem to recall that he did, but also,  I generally think of him as a kind of cashed-up American hippy so I might just be making up the bongos thing because it sounds like a cashed-up American hippy's Friday night.

I don't make a habit of thinking about him, but when I do, there's the slightest bit of affection there because of the film Dazed and Confused.
I love that film. I love him in it. I love everyone in in, but I think I particularly love him in it.

I love it when he says "High school girls. I keep getting older but they stay the same age. Yes they do."
I kind of love it that to this day, he looks pretty much exactly like he did in that film. You know, apart from the recent weight loss.

I don't love that the baby looks like it could be high, but I do love how cute it is.

But enough about McConaughey, this post is not about McConaughey. No it's not. It's about Wiley Wiggins.
One of the things that the McConaissance has led to is renewed focus on his earlier films, including Dazed and Confused, and that's OK by me. It's great to think and read about that film again.
But what's not so great is to see how the years have been a little cruel to Wiley Wiggins, the chap who played Mitch Kramer.

In D&C he was a baby-faced addidas loving awkward teen, which is to say, totally J's type.
And while McConaughey look exactly like he did in his D&C days, this is what Wiley looks like now:

No shit, they're the same guy. Can you believe it? I can hardly believe it. And I don't know what to say about it. I mean, we all look different now, apart from McConaughey. I can't judge the man for looking older because he is older, and so am I and so are you and so is that guy. But this kind of breaks my heart a little. D&C was all about how being a teenager is hard and high school is hard and Ben Affleck is a horrible bully with fluffy hair and bad teeth and all the rest of it. But at the end of the film, there's some hope for Mitchey Kramer. And now this. It's hard to take, you know?
Still, he's probably happy enough, combining acting with working in software.
Oh geez.

Life Lessons (PM)

Lil'Sis is still young, that's her fault, there's so much she has to go through. 
But I guess it's true. Middle aged men of the silver screen are all the same to a teenage girl.
As if we would ever have differentiated between, say James Caan and George Segal when we were little. No way no how.

 

Just quickly, I wish James Caan spelled his name Jame Carn'. That would be great!


Of course, all bets are off when it comes to these guys.
I don't care when a lady comes of age. That these men are hunks is as plain as the nose on your face.

#creepysexyforlife

When Miss Soft Crab went to see Prince play a couple of weeks ago we discussed a little phenomenon we like to call creepy sexy. We tried to figure out why, how, at 54, Prince can not just be so totally awesome, but somehow really attractive. Yes, he writes what is arguably some of the best music of all time. No denying that. And that is a huge part of the appeal, but does that keep others going? Usually no. But what if a guy is creepy sexy? Well that is something else altogether. How can age take away what was never about youth and beauty in the first place? It can't! CREEPYSEXY! If a man is so overtly sexual it would usually be sickeningly repulsive, but somehow is hot, can anyone take that away? NO! CREEPYSEXY!

J: So mate, I think it's time we talked about creepy sexy. I did see Prince again last night, after all.

K:  You're right, it's time. OK, lets workshop this. Mate, what do we mean by creepy sexy.

J:  Great question. I guess it means someone who is kind of overtly sexual in a creepy, yet somehow awesome way. Not just someone is both a hunk but also a bit creepy (see: Christian Bale, Casey Affleck).

K:  Yes, creepy sexy is more than just a hunk who is a little creepy. In fact, creepy sexy people typically aren't hunks.That's what's so surprising about them.

J:  Exactly. Like, for example Prince. Look I'm just going to come out and say it. I want to talk about Prince a lot, but I'm happy to talk about other people too. OK, so Prince, now he is not your typical hunk. And usually I would find overt sexuality pretty repulsive but Prince is so creepily overt it is kind of irresistible.

K:  Seeing Prince has brought this creepy sexy issue to the fore for me too. Here are some feelings I have been feeling since seeing him: Revulsion. Desire. Admiration. Phwoar.

J:  YES! YES! I feel exactly the same. But actually, when it comes to revulsion I mostly think that is something I should feel but absolutely do not.

K:  Mate, is Prince in your top ten?

J:  Kind of. Like, in a way he is the number one. ICHI BAN! But not in a real way. It's hard to explain. He is so awesome. Like a beautiful angel. But mate, we are getting off topic. We are talking creepy sexy. Not top 10. Do you want to tell the people who else you think is creepy sexy?

K:  Sure, I'll tell the people who else is creepy sexy. I think Bonnie Prince Billy is creepy sexy. He is extremely, extremely sexual and creepual. Don't you think?

J:  Let's see what the readers think?

  

Is this man creepy sexy?

K:  Oh come on mate. Now I look like the creepy one.

J:  Yeah, that wasn't fair. This is what he normally looks like:

He's creepy something

 K:  Oh for goodness sake. Stop it at once! 

Look, I know J doesn't agree with me on this one, but BPB walks a similar path to Prince. He makes super great music. That music is overtly sexual. On paper, he shouldn't be attractive at all but he is, readers. He is! 

Just like Prince!

J:  OK, here is a picture of BPB singing his very beautiful music:

 

And it is true, his music is awesome and it is overtly sexual, and far from making it and him repulsive it makes them both attractive. I guess the problem is, for me, next to Prince, nothing compares.

K:  Well yes, there is that. But like you said, this chat is about creepy sexy, not just Prince, and we owe it to all the other creepy sexy babies out there to give them some time to shine. 

OK, this next one is going to do nothing to dissuade the readers from thinking that I am indeed creepy. But I have to say what I feel, and I feel that this man is creepy sexy.

J:  Look... Gee... Um... Look... 

I am not going to get into a debate about the attractiveness of RdN but, creepy sexy? You are right, this definitely says more about you then him. Go on defend it.

  

K:  Well, OK, sure, I will do that. I  mean, I could if I wanted to. Any time. Easily! I just don't feel like it right now. 

Jokies! You really must see Godfather part 2 to understand creepy sexy RdN.

K:  Now cop a look at that, would you? Obviously he is a handsome devil. But when I first saw him, around the Cape Fear era, he was less handsome and just more out and out compelling. Like you know you should be repelled or something, but you're not mate. You're not.

J:  Sure. I understand what you are saying. Creepy compelling sexy. I can dig it. And definitely I would say de Niro has that.

Look I think that Bobby and Bonnie both have special creepy hotness, but for me they are not in the same category as Prince. And I don't just mean he is so far above them (though I think that too). What I mean is that they actually inhabit different categories of special hunk.

K:  Interesting. Go on.

J:  So either a) creepy sexy means different things to you and me; or b) you crazy girlfriend!

K:  Both are possible. Is there anyone else you think is creepy sexy?

J:  Ummmmm. Ummmmmmmmmmmm. Well....

  

K:  Mate, is this post not really about creepy sexy at all?

J:  Shit!

Shit. I thought it was. I thought it was about creepy sexy. But it's just about Prince. I love him. I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

K:  Shit mate, you really love him. It's cool.You wanna show the readers some more pictures?

J:  I thought you'd never ask!

But seriously folks. I want to say one more thing about why Prince is so awesome. Two. Two things.

Have you seen the way he dances? HOT

K:  You're right. it's really hot.

  

J:  Also, he always seems to be having such an awesome time. And everything is kind of a joke. He is not earnest about all that sexuality. HOT!

K:  Totally good point. Dude is always having a great time. And  that's something that you certainly can't say about BPB and RdN. Creepy sexy though they are.

J:  Exactly! (To the first point, second point remains unconfirmed.) And that is why Prince is KING OF CREEPY SEXY! #creepysexyforlife

Hunk of the Month Club: Viggo Mortensen

Today, Miss Soft Crab is delighted to introduce our greatest innovation since Haiku Thursday: the Miss Soft Crab Hunk of the Month Club, or HotMC. 

From now on, the last Friday of the month is going to be devoted to a very special hunk that Miss Soft Crab wants to spend a little time thinking about. You see, life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look around every once in a while, you could miss it. That goes double for hunks. 

Who wants that? Not us. 

Welcome to the very first HotMC. And who better to pop our Hunk of the Month cherry than Viggo Mortensen, truly a hunk for all seasons. 

Fundamentals of this Hunk.

Viggo Mortensen is a 54-year-old hunk who, according to Wikipedia, had an American mother and a Danish Father. In addition to being an actor, Wikipedia advises that Viggo is also a poet, musician, photographer and painter. Where do you find the time, Viggo?

Times when you may have noticed what a hunk this hunk is.

Viggo was a baby-faced hunk in the film Witness with Harrison Ford. He is one of the amish guys who helped raise that barn in that great scene where they raise the barn!

He was then in a whole bunch of films that no one has seen, including Young Guns II and something called Black Velvet Pantsuit where he played the character of "worthless junkie". I feel weird about that. Some folks might have seen him in Portrait of a Lady, but I'm not one of them because that film seemed kind of annoying  to me so I never saw it. Hopefully you didn't see him in 28 Days with Sandra Bullock and McNulty, because that was a terrible film. But Viggo sure did look like a hunk in it.

Of course, we all saw him break the hunk mould in Lord of the Rings where he played Aragorn, rightful heir to the throne of hunks, I mean, Gondor.

Open discussion

Viggo in 28 Days. Don't watch it, it's terrible. 

J: Viggo is a top hunk! I love that guy. I have seen Portrait of a Lady but somehow I did not notice Viggo. WTF?! Also I have see Young Guns II but that was in the early nineties when I was too busy paying all my attention to Christian Slater - talk about misspent youth. Misspent on the wrong hunk!

Of course I have also seen 28 Days. I hate that film but have seen it about a million times, thanks to the Foxtel of K's youth and the lure of Viggo. Watched it on TV just the other night in fact. Didn't want to, but could not resist the lure of Viggo

But I think it is fair to say that for me, Viggo really came into his own/my top 20 in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Hells yeah. If he hadn't been there maybe I would of gone gaga for Orlando. I did dig on his Legolas, but that kid didn't stand a chance next to Strider. 

K: I know, poor Orlando. Such a pretty little elf, but so useless in the face of Strider/Aragorn/Viggo.

Remember that bit in Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring when the fellowship are taking a little break and hobbits are capering about and then Viggo laughs? 

I remember that bit where Viggo laughs better than I remember entire years of my life.

I also think Viggo's recent collaborations with David Cronenberg have really consolidated his hunkiness. Take A History of Violence, where he combines extreme handsomeness with extreme creepiness for one of the headiest brews of hunkiness going around. Eastern Promises, where he is covered in tattoos and goes to the bathhouse for some naked knife fighting! Come here and do that, guy!

J: I think Orlando is doing fine without us on his side.

And SHIT! I hadn't thought about Aragorn laughing in god knows how long! Too long! I love that bit. I mean a brooding hunk is hot but a laughing hunk! Get the eff outta here!

And I totally agree about Cronenberg and Mortensen making totally beautiful music together. Both those movies are great. And Viggo, I especially love him as that fucked up Russian.

So what is it that makes Viggo such a boner bona fide hunk? Our first HotMC hunk?! Is it something like face+brooding+slight creepiness+rugged=megahunk ?

K:  I think you've heat the nail on the head there mate. Viggo is off the charts hunky because he is an handsome, slightly creepy, super masculine (but in that good way) megahunk. 


Another dimension of his appeal is the fact that he looks like a mature hunk. Viggo is not a young man. In fact, there is a 5 in his age and it's right there at the front. And he doesn't disguise it, nor try to look like a younger man. He just goes around looking like a really really hot middle aged man. 


J: I know; sometimes I feel a little conflicted about finding a man of 54 so attractive. Will a time come when I know longer find Viggo attractive? It's hard to imagine. I keep expecting to not find him attractive, you know. Same goes for Liam Neeson. You know we are in fact closer in age to Taylor Lautner.


K: #ohshit
    #ohwell


I also like how he seems like the type who would like animals and probably has a dog. Don't you think?

J: I bet Viggo loves dogs! 

Hot!

HOT!