It's so boring

It is so exciting that the E class team is hitting the #86 route. I far prefer the tram to the train but that D class makes pram-tram travel so unpleasant I've basically given up on the tram. But I'm looking forward to reuniting with, it E-class style! 

Now, I know I promised on Tuesday that I'd get out of the house so that I had something to write about, but in fact for today's post I've only managed to get out of my head, which is in fact what I was really talking about on Tuesday, just in metaphor, so mission accomplished I guess. 

This week I've watched a couple of episodes of The Crown. When I first heard about this series and how Netflix spent really big bucks on it I felt kind of surprised. I mean I love QEII but her life just seemed like a kind of boring premise for a TV series. 

Of course one pleasure of watching it is that QEII, Prince Phillip, everyone is turned into people. Elizabeth is more than just a monochrome dream. I watch documentaries about the Queen and the  running of the palace at every opportunity and although I've seen QEII driving herself around in her Land Rover and Phil tending to his farm I have never really gotten a sense of them as people and so I guess that's why Netflix put so much filthy lucre into this show, we all just want to see that human queenie. But you've got to view biopics as fiction, I always think. Sure the events may be fact but everything else is just someone's interpretation, at best based on someones' memory, but mostly probably on a wish or an idea. So watching The Crown we're all just fooling ourselves. But I'm cool with that. 

But really, I was right. It is kind of boring. And yet I'm thoroughly enjoying watching it. All those long shots of grand rooms, all the outfits which are yet to become monochrome. All the silent meaningful looks from the staid British characters. The show is kind of like QEII - a comforting presence I enjoy despite myself. Long live the Queen.

E is for about time

I catch the #86 tram to work which is always an interesting experience. It's a bit of a slow coach, especially compared to the glorious #96, the queen of trams, which I used to catch when I lived in the 3056. The #86 lurches and stumbles while the #96 glides with elegance and grace. This is partly because of the swish E class trams that they use on the #96 which can only glide with elegance and grace, while the #86 has those D class trams that have stairs and narrow doorways and are very unfriendly to people with prams or mobility aids.  The #86 has a gazillion stops and lots of twists and turns while the #96 shoots down Nicholson street like and arrow and gets you where you're going in no time. I loved the #96 for its efficiency but I have to say, I have come to love the #86 for its rough and ready quality. It's an unpretentious piece of transport, mostly very frequent and very reliable and always full of people which shows it is a much needed transport route. It's the bastard John Snow while the #96 is one of those right born Starks who are good and all, but just not as interesting. 

And guess what you guys. As of this week, they are introducing E class trams to the #86! That's like giving Jon Snow a valerian steel sword! I'm writing this from the #86, and thought it's just an old D class this morning I know that next time, maybe next time it could be a E class. Hooray! Winter is coming!

Belfast, I'm in you (AM)

Appleheart and I landed in Belfast yesterday. I have to confess that all I know about Belfast,  I learnt from movies about 'the troubles' in the 80s and 90s, which is a narrow view to say the least. I'm sure Belfast has lots more going on than just being the site of sectarian violence borne of political struggle, but what that is I couldn't tell you, that's why "Belfast, I'm in you!" is all I could think of to say after Appleheart and I alighted at George Best airport on Saturday.
It's quite a nice position to be in, not knowing anything about a city apart from who its favourite sons are.

Yep. This guy. And also this guy, who I only know is from Belfast because the airport is named after him:  

It's soccer champion George Best! I remember the news coverage of his death included an amusing quote he made at some point, about how he'd earned piles and piles of money through soccer but had little to show for it. "Most I spent on booze and women", he said, "and the rest I wasted." Or something like that. Ha!

Anyway, Belfast. Because I know so little about it, and because several people had recommended it to us, against our better judgement we took one of those city sightseeing bus tours around the city. You know, the ones on the double decker buses. 

I really should have trusted my instincts on this one. Now I know this about Belfast: they built the Titanic here, and as far as Belfast is concerned, it was fine when it left so they've got nothing to do with what happened.  

I can also tell you where Belfast's smallest house is, where Belfast's oldest dual carriageway is and what it feels like to drive along it on top of an open double decker bus in the rain (shit), and the location of the public sculpture known as the Salmon of Knowledge. Ha!

But it's only my first day. I am sure I will come to know and love it. 

But if anyone knows of fun things to do here, please tell me. I am very very open to your suggestions, friends. 

Haiku Thursday (PM)

 I

It's twenty minutes

Between Upfields, no matter

The day or the time.

II

I loved a pen once.

It was my favourite pen.

Where is that pen now.

III

ACCIDENTAL CAPS

WHOA THERE! I THINK WE ALL NEED

TO CALM DOWN A BIT

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Some best things

Real life giraffes

So much better than cartoon

Approximations

Two bucks, five hours

Zoo parking treats you so right

Look and learn, PT

At home faux facial

With mostly Aesop samples

What a god damn treat

An afternoon nap

With winter sun on your face

Is the best, best thing

Things I don't like in a dude (AM)

I don't want to sound creepy or anything, but when I am on the tram, I spend a lot of time looking at dudes. I can't help it. The dudes are everywhere - all up in my business. Sometimes the dudes are adorable and I kind of fall in love with them. This is likely to happen if the dude is tall, if he is wearing a jumper, if he is a smiley type and if he is quite fair, but pulls up just short of being pasty. I also like the ones that are not fair, but are dark and vaguely swarthy and look a little bit like Jesus. I also like the ones with a touch of red. It's not a science, I just like what I like.

Anyway, with the good, also comes the bad. I mean, this is public transport people. There is no quality control. So while there are lots of dudes that I fall in love with, there are also lots of dudes that I most definitely do not fall in love with. Do you want to know why? Of course you do, why else are you here, readers?!

Before I tell you, I should acknowlege that the following list applies to dudes I see on the tram and never speak to, so by its nature it contains some very superficial things. These dudes who I judge so harshly may be wonderful, lovely people. I hope they are! But gee, you've got to pass judegement somehow, because there are a lot of dudes on the tram and one can't fall in love with all of them if one wants to be a functional member of the community. So, without further ado, please enjoy my top three things that I dislike in dudes I see on the tram.

Long nails. You think I'm creepy for looking at dudes all tram ride? Forget about it, dudes with long nails are the real creeps. Dudes, you are not Gary Oldman in Dracula, and the jury is still out on whether even he could pull it off. Nails that have a lot of the white bit and that extend beyond the fleshy finger pads do not belong on the hands of a dude. I see them, and I get a shiver, like I have just heard the sound of those very nails scraping down a blackboard. Cut your nails dudes!

Short nails. Dudes! Stop chewing your god damn nails all the way down to the nub. They look so vulnerable and like all your finger tips have been amputated leaving behind little fleshy stumps. Eww! Dudes, as a clumsy person, take it from me: evolution gave us all a really big break when it gave us nails. Enjoy it!

Please note that because it is such a gross thing, I am not including a photo of it here. You're welcome, readers.

Failing to cover one's mouth when yawning. Oh baby. I HATE it when people fail to cover their mouths when yawning. We are not lions and we are not on a savannah. If we were, I would welcome yawning because who doesn't love a sleepy lion? Nobody doesn't love a sleepy lion. But the yawns of a fully grown human are much much less endearing. When humans yawn, it's all distorted faces and hyper-extension of the mouth. Gross! I get that you are tired. Heck, we're all tired. But dudes, we are not animals.  Cover it up!

Cute!

That's all for now.