The Welsh Cakes Post (PM)

The first time I heard about Welsh cakes was in an email from K. All she said was 'Those things are delicious. Like a pikelet and a hot cross bun fell in love and had little babies.' I asked her to send a picture and it took days for her to come up with the goods. I think that the delay further piqued my curiosity. I was telling everyone about them. I was so intrigued by them. How the eff could HCBs and pikelets have babies? What was the texture like? I could imagine the flavour. I thought. When I Googled the recipe and found that they were made from a dough rather than a batter my mind was even more boggled. Griddle pan fry a dough. What?!?!?! Also when I Googled them I came across a Welsh onion cake. Of course we all know about Welsh rarebit. I starting wondering why the Welsh felt the need to put 'Welsh' in front of all their foodstuffs. Is it lack of imagination? A desperation to claim things as their own? It really made me wonder about the Welsh psyche.

Anyway you know what happened next. I made Russeth make them for me. And they were delicious!!! As you know from reading K's post they are full of butter. Now I don't know if the one's we made were authentico, as they say in Wales, but they were kind of crumbly cakes like a super moist not-dense scone. Also they were delicious. But they were first timers, you know? I gotsta make them again. Luckily this postcard arrived from K this very day!

Hello weekend Welsh cakes!

The Welsh Cakes Post (AM)

One of the first things I did when I got to Wales was eat a Welsh Cake, then another, and another and another and another.

I then frequently  referred to Welsh Cakes on Miss Soft Crab, but only in passing, promising I would one day write a proper post giving them the attention they deserve. 

This is that post!

And this is what Welsh Cakes look like sitting atop a piece of Welsh slate:

Oh Welsh cakes. 

Never before has a cake looked so very bland and tasted so very wonderful. 

When I first saw them at my local deli I thought they looked like a thin scone or a fat pikelet and neither option was terribly interesting to me. But I with so many sweet treats that don't look terribly interesting, I was drawn to them in their blandness, just in case my first impression was wrong. And finally I have all the encouragement I need to continue trying things that don't look terribly interesting, because when it comes to Welsh Cakes, I was wrong my readers, I was completely wrong. 

Those first Welsh cakes I tasted had the spice of a hot cross bun, but a rich butteriness making them more akin to croissant than scones. I loved them straight away. Some I heated in the oven and they were delicious. Some I ate as they were, and they were delicious. When I finished the pack from the fancy deli, I bought others. From bakeries, from supermarkets, from any damn place I could get my mitts on them.   They were all delicious. Most I ate with Welsh butter and it made the already delicious even more delicious.

 It turns out that Welsh cakes are made with dough, not batter, and are traditionally cooked on a Welsh bakestone, which is a stone for baking in Wales. 

I bought a cookbook called Welsh Bake-stone cookery so I could make my very own Welsh cakes. 

I'm yet to do it, but I will readers, I will. And in case you want to get to it before me, here is Bobby Freeman's recipe for Welsh cakes. 

225 grams of self-raising flour

1/2 teaspoon of baking powder 

125 grams of butter (cut into cubes)

75 grams of sugar

75 grams of currants

1 large egg and a little milk

A good pinch of mixed spice and an extra pinch of nutmeg

Add the spice to the flour, and rub in the butter.  Add the sugar and  the currants. Beat the egg with a little milk, then add to the flour mix until it forms a stiffish paste akin to shortcrust but a little softer.

Roll out on a floured board to 1/4 inch thick, then cut into 2 1/2 inch rounds and bake on a greased, moderately hot bakestone for 3-5 minutes each side until mottled with golden brown. 

Obviously none of us have Welsh bakestones, so cook on a griddle or heavy based frypan instead. Bobby Freeman says you can also cook them in a dutch oven which produces cakes that "are firm on the outside, soft and melting within." I don't have a problem with that. 

Haiku Thursday (PM)

Haiku responses to spring in Cardiff.

(Not taken in Cardiff)

Flannel is so great. 

Something else that's also great 

Is double glazing.

I love Sunday lunch.

With a pint and then pudding.

But I miss blue sky.

What I know and like (AM)

Can you believe it's almost time for me to leave Wales? Me neither. This time next week I'll be packing my bags and getting ready to say "nos da, Cymru", which is Welsh for "goodnight Wales" which is not technically accurate because I'm flying out in the afternoon, but I don't know the Welsh for goodbye. 

I feel funny about leaving, because I feel like I haven't got to know the place in the way I thought I would, back when I was going to be here for six months. I'm leaving to do some great things, like spend six weeks in Belfast and Dublin, then a month each in Londan and Scotland and a month of summer holiday, so it's not a problem per se. But I thought I'd know Wales better, and instead I just know it a little bit, and because I like everything I know I feel like heck, I wouldn't mind knowing more. But let's focus on what's in this half full glass. One of the things  I know about Wales is that they have lots of rain, which gives them lots of green grasses, which makes the dairy food really excellent.

That's a very happy cow I encountered in North Wales last week. I don't think I ate it's dairy, but I ate some of it's cousins' dairy. The butter is the best thing since sliced bread and obviously goes beautifully with sliced bread. The cheese is off the charts, especially this cheese we found called snowdonia red dog cheese that has chilli in it and every bite has this excellent blend of heat and creaminess. The milk begs to be gulped from the carton every time one passes the fridge. 

The sheep are really cute. I know that too.

 

I know and like that sandwiches are always served with little lettuce garnish and a side of crisps. I'm going to miss that actually. But, happily I've developed a welsh ploughman's concept that will keep the trend alive. 

Oh, sheesh guys, my dinner's ready so I gotta go. I have to say, I kind of like how I am in a different timezone and get to write this at 7:30pm on Wednesday night and send it to you in the future! But that's not very Welsh, I just like it is all. 

Bye for now. 

A business idea (AM)

I've just spent the weekend in the Brecon Beacons and while there, I had a great business idea.
FYI, the Brecon Beacons is a lovely national park in South Wales with lots of nice waterfalls and lots of nice walking to be done. If you find yourself in Wales, you should totally go because it's very nice.

As we were driving there, we passed by some pretty lame tourist attractions, such as the Wales Ape and Monkey Sanctuary* and a bunch of other lame looking parks. It reminded me of  the lame things we used to drive past when we were on family holidays in Victoria in the 1980s,  and how no matter how lame these things seemed, my brothers and I would still beg our parents to let us go to them. This got me thinking, thinking about how lameness isn't something we really cared about when we were growing up, we just wanted to go to all the things and we would whinge and moan until our very tired parents gave way.
That's how we made it to Wobbie's World and I'm sure that's how we would have made it to Gumbaya Park if my parents hadn't gone one up on all of us and built a pool in our back yard which silenced our pleas forever, pretty much.

I started thinking that if that's what we were like as children, then surely that's what the kids of today are like too. And on top of that, the kids of the 1980s, the Wobbie's World generation, are parents themselves now. They are the ones having to endure the relentless pleas of their children, pleas to take them this place and that, pleas that they try to ignore but will have to give in to at some point. Or at least, give in to one in four, or something like that.

Then it hit me like a tonne of those crappy coloured plastic balls that they have at Ikea and stuff. What do those parents and children need to break the deadlock? I'll tell you what they need.

Pop-up Pissweak World, my business idea.

Pop-up Pissweak World will combine shitty attractions for the kids with the fun of nostalgia for the parents (both amusement park nostalgia and The Late Show nostalgia) in a very 21st century format.
It's perfect! Kids will want to go and parents will want to take them there.
All we need is a property about 45 minutes from Melbourne and some crappy stuff for them to play on. We should also make sure there is some good good coffee to drink because Wales does not care about that and it's killing me, readers, it's killing me.

Who's with me?!



*We didn't go to the Wales Ape and Monkey Sanctuary so it could have been great and if so, I'm sorry.

Welsh Delights (PM)

I spent one day in Wales 20 years ago. I went with my folks and checked out a castle then Russeth and I made Dad drive through Pontypridd, Tom Jones' home town, because... well I'm sure no explanation is needed. So I guess I'm not so intimate with Wales and its delight but I know a thing or two (literally a thing, maybe two) about Wales' delights.

For example, there is a place in Wales called Snowdonia! Snowdonia! It's like something from a children's fantasy novel. I was so happy when I learned about Snowdonia. I thought, "How delightful!"

Also, as previously mentioned I have (essentially) a Welsh brother-in-law and he is pretty delightful. He is funny and a good cook and is covered in old sailor-style tattoos. Sure, a borderline (?) alcoholic but I understand that is pretty much par for the course in his home town.

And, as previously mentioned, Tom Jones!

Oh and let's not forget this guy!

Welsh Delights (AM)

There are lots of delightful things about Wales. The accent, first and foremost. It's like living in a musical which obviously I have aspired to do for a very long time.  The more I hear it the more I love it, I do. 

Oh, there's the way people say "I do" or "I am" at the end of statements. It is really delightful. It's  way of affirming what they've just said, not pleading as it might be when non-Welsh people say it.

For example, at about midday people say "I'm getting hungry, I am" then at 12:30pm they upgrade to say "I'm famished, I am" and start complaining about feeling light headed a few moments later and all disappear to eat something. Of course, they say all of this in Welsh accents. 

There's these, which might not be a Welsh thing, but it took a trip to Wales for me to discover them. 

I found a gym to join which has been truly delightful. It's not just any gym, readers. It's basically the Welsh equivalent of the Australian Institute of Sport. It's called the Sport Wales National Centre and it claims to be a place where regular punters like me can train alongside elite sportspeople. It's very exciting. So far the only elite sportspeople I've come across are a photograph of a cyclist in the foyer and some members of what appear to be a teenage gymnastics team who look like tiny stick insects on the  gym equipment. I get the feeling that maybe that's as professional as it gets at the WIS. 

I also find Welsh words pretty great. So many consonants. My favourite is 'cwtch', which means cuddle. But it's pronounced 'kutch', obviously. Apparently the Welsh word for microwave is 'popty ping' which means 'oven that goes ping' but I don't believe it because it sounds like something Kevin Costner would say in Waterworld, I mean, Dances With Wolves. 

The weather is even kind of delightful at the moment. Sunny and 13 degrees every day this week. 

So delightful. 

What happens on a weekend (WE*)

Yesterday, J asked me in an email what happens in a Welsh weekend. Instead of answering her, I ignored her email and decided to write this instead. Here's what happens Matey!

My first weekend in Wales I went to two farmers markets and bought a bunch of cheese, bacon, some duck, some sausages some vegetables and naturally, some Welsh Cakes.

Don't know what Welsh cakes are? Don't worry, they will get their very own post in due course. All that stuff is long gone now, consumed during the course of the week. It was a great weekend, but it belongs to history. Now, let's focus on this weekend.

On Saturday morning we awoke early in order to catch the train to nearby Chepstow. We heard they have a farmers market and also a castle so we thought what the heck, let's go go Chepstow. It's only half an hour away on the train. In Wales, that's like going to Ballarat or something.

Turns out their farmers market is just three stalls in the car park of a senior citizens centre. So going to Ballarat might have been better. Until we saw their castle. Oh my goodness their castle is the real deal. It was built 1000 years ago and is in ruin now but heck you guys, castles be impressive. If a little chilly.

After wandering around the castle for a while we went to The Boat Inn for a pint and a lunch. I got the venison burger with Stilton and Appleheart got the fish and chips, and jolly good they both were.
It was very cold and we were feeling very tired so we caught the train home and had a cup of tea, some chocolate digestive biscuits then a little nap. In the evening we were still full from lunch so we just had more tea and digestives for dinner, watched grand designs and went to bed.

Then Sunday rolled around. I woke up early because I'd basically been sleeping since  4pm the day before. It was a beautiful crisp but sunny morning. Unbelievable! The mornings are grey here you see . I went for a jog along the river Taff then felt smug for the rest of the morning. Our only plan for the day was to go to a pub called Y Mochyn Du for Sunday lunch. I love how they have Sunday lunch here even though I can't pronounce the names of the pubs where they have it. Well, I can't pronounce Y Mochyn Du. 

We ate Sunday roast, drank a pint and watched Liverpool beat Manchester City which was is something Appleheart likes to do. It was lovely, but it was cold and we were very tired, so when we got home we had a cup of tea and  some chocolate digestive biscuits. One thing led to another and before you know it, we were napping. A nap from which I have just woken up, and woken to discover an email from J asking what Welsh weekends are like. Like this! Like this.

*Welsh edit. I was going to call it 'welsh edition' but then I thought of Welsh edit would be funnier because it's something GOOP would say and she is so annoying.

Happy medium (PM)

I’ve gotta be honest with you, I was out of town from Friday night until this morning so I only know about this heatwave theoretically. At least it wasn’t 4 days above 40, right? Am I right. Still, almost 30 degrees before sun up, that is some crazy kind of bullshit right there. And, theoretically I feel your pain, Mate, and Melbourne more broadly. Plus I’ve seen the forecast for the next week and I’m not happy about it. I mean, I can’t keep skipping town every time I don’t like the weather.

I’m a big fan of happy mediums. Not all the time, I kind of like extremes too. But in weather I totally dig on the happy medium.

But mate, think about this: in two short months you will be the hell out of here, sure so will the superheat no doubt (please Nature). But we’ll all be hurtling headlong into winter and you will be heading to sweet summer. Oh sure, according to one website, “Summer is a great time to visit Cardiff as it is at its sunniest and hottest. June to August sees an average temperature of 15ºC.”! Oh, that sounds just about the same as a Melbourne winter, but you cannot deny it also sounds like a happy medium.

WAIT! That is the average temperature, but the average maximum temperature is more like 20ºC. And that really does sound like a happy medium. Oh, sure, it sounds like a bullshit summer, but a pretty good way to spend a winter, ay. Just look forward everyone and we’ll all get a good night’s sleep soon.

Happy medium (AM)

I don't like to whinge about the weather too much because it's very very boring for everyone. But gee you guys, it is warm out there, and it's kind of preoccupying. When I got up this morning, it was still dark, but already 28 degrees. 

Stars in the sky and a sweat on my brow. And check out the rest of the week. So consistent. I guess consistency is the hot new look in Melbourne this summer. 

You know what else is consistent? The weather in Cardiff. 

Consistently a bit shit. But to be fair, it is winter. And at least you can get a decent night's sleep in that weather, unlike here at the moment. In fact, a range of 4 degrees and 8 degrees is perfect weather for sleeping. I'm going to do heaps of that in Wales. But right now, 

what i'm interested in is a happy medium between Cardiff in winter and Melbourne in summer. So basically, Autumn. I think I want autumn now. 

 

This year (PM)

Hey, yeah, hi everybody! And hi, 2014! I mean sure, we met 20 days ago but I guess I just wanted to publicly say hi and we here at Miss Soft Crab are really excited about you. We've got some big things planned.

Of course it's not going to be all beer and Christian Bale mind you.

 

I have what is essentially a Welsh brother-in-law and he has lived in Australia for more than 10 years and I still have trouble understanding what he is saying half the time. Especially on the phone. So mate, let me advise you to double check everything! Especially in your line of work. But seriously folks, Wales is going to rule!

 

Wales! That's some pretty shit right there.

Me, I’ll just be here in Australia all year. Most likely. But I’m going to do some exciting shit too, you know. First up, move house. Oh yeah it’s been a long time coming but it is actually going to happen in about 3 or maybe 4 weeks.

Scenes from my soon to be new home

And while I’m confident I’ll be able to understand everything being said by my new neighbours moving is not going to be without its challenges. Just this morning I was looking at a pile of shoes that I own and never wear and wondering what the eff to do with them. I mean, I have some great shoes but will I ever wear them again? A pair of black and white striped pointy-toed, kitten-heeled ankle boots I coveted for so long in my early twenties, finally bought and haven’t worn in a decade,  is it time to say goodbye? And all the other things I own like that? I’m not going to have the storage for them anymore. I think 2014 may be the year I have to become an adult and move the fuck on with my life and my belongings. It's time to say goodbye to things. No, I'm not talking about my collection of rare silverchair releases that I never look at. They are coming with me, but other things. You know like shoes and clothes trinkets I was given 15 years ago that sit in the bottom of a drawer. Yeah 2014! I'm going to grow the hell up during you! That is some pretty exciting stuff right there!

Like K I also have some pretty exciting things planned for March, but I am so exhausted after making that resolve to grow up that I'll have to talk about that another day. Gimme a break, it's the first day back at MSC headquarters.

This Year (AM)

Oh, hi everyone.
It has been 2014 for a whole 20 days and so the Misses Soft Crab thought we might as well get this crabby show on the road!
But before I do, I just want to say that I can't believe the year 2000 was 14 years ago. I didn't really take note of that fact until I wrote the above sentence and it blows my mind slightly. The year 2000 used to be the FUTURE and now it's 14 years ago. Wow. But let's not waste any more time like I've wasted most of the last 14 years. Just jokes! I've only wasted some of the last 14 years, and most of the years before that. Just jokes! Kind of. Anyway, let's move on.

So...do we all have exciting 2014s planned? I hope so. The Misses Soft Crab are totally going to make it a year to remember.

First of all, the Misses Soft Crab are going to be JUST FINE this Friday doing things like going to work and participating in the rat race when we should be seeing Blur with Chickpea and Strawberry. We are going to start making it a year to remember by being just fine on Friday, so please don't worry about us.

In a few weeks I will turn 35. That's something to remember (please, you guys). Just jokes! You don't have to acknowledge my birthday. I don't like to make a big deal out of it really. Kind of. It's complicated. But it's definitely happening.

Then the winter olympics will start and all that snow on our TVs will make future heatwaves easier to take. I thought a lot about snow during the heatwave.  I'm looking forward to the winter olympics for some reason. Hey, do you know what they call the winter olympics in Norway? The Olympics. Ha!

But I guess the most memorable thing for me this year will be the bit where I live in Wales for six months. Wales! One of only two countries with a drag on its flag!

But evidently only one of these flag dragons knows that holding a white orb in each claw is going to make it quite hard for them to get from A to B. Catch up, Bhutan!

The country where these people were born:

Also Michael Sheen, who we all enjoyed so much as Wesley Snipes in 30 Rock.
It's pretty exciting, isn't it? I'm going over for work and so every day I will get to sit in meetings where people speak in Welsh accents the whole time. If all goes well, I will leave at the end of March and be home just after Grand Final Day so basically miss the whole 2014 AFL home and away season. But they have the internet now, so I should be OK
I am hoping that I have a...ahem...whale of a time!

But there are other memorable things that are going to happen before then, right Mate? Right?

I will leave it to the PM for J to tell you guys about her rad 2014.