Shower Power (PM)

Showers are truly great. That's a fact. I don't think there's anything else out there that can make you either warm or cool, and sleepy or alert depending on your specific requirements. Nothing that isn't pharmaceutical grade at least. 

The shower does all of it and more, in that it makes you feel clean at the same time. 

No wonder I have one every day. Pretty much. 

Shower power (AM)

At some point, in my household the phrase 'shower power' came into use. I'm not talking about in the last 3 years in an attempt to coax Baby into the shower, I'm talking about at some point in the last 11 years, closer to earlier part of that period. LB said it once, maybe twice, and it just stuck. Now it's probably a 50-50 split when a person declares they are having a shower as to whether they will state, "I'm having a shower" or "Shower power!". Yeah, who even knows what the fuck it means. Or so I thought.

Everyone is always talking up baths. Me included. I loves me a bath. In the house I'm going to move to soon we will have a bath and I think about that pretty much daily. Baths are relaxing and they fix your aches, they are great.

But let's hear it for the power of shower. Shower is not just relaxing, but it can also fix your aches, plus it is super cleansing. You can just whip in and whip out of it without committing to a tubful of water. When your are hot, you hop in, cool down, feel like a million bucks. When you are cold, you hop in, heat up, feel like a million bucks. When you are tired, you can hop in, get cleansed and sleepy, jump into bed feeling like a million bucks. When you wake up, you hop in the shower, freshen up, feel like a million bucks. I've had every single one of these showers this week and can just feel really awesome about it. If I'd had all these baths this week I'd feel like a total water-wasting, time-wasting lush. Oh sure, I fantasise about baths, but it's the shower that sticks by you.

Holiday Monday!

It's holiday Monday!

Woot!

Thanks for colonising, Britain! This day off is much appreciated!

Love
Crabs

Better out than in (PM)

Oh geez. Readers if you were put off by this morning's inanity then you really should not have come back. If you've spent more than five minutes with this blog you would know that: a) being disappointed with my hair and wanting good hair is my natural state; b) last year I got a terrible hair cut that is still growing out and I am stuck in a similar boat to K, ie. wanting to get this stupid mop styled but wanting to grow it out. Ipso facto hair sucks.

You know mate, sometimes you just have to wash your hair and things feel heaps better. Especially your hair.

Sometimes I wonder if I should try and get hair like this:

But then, that would be prolonging getting to fantasy hair like this:

Not that I will ever have hair like either of those pictures. Me, I guess I'm just gonna be like this forever.

Except without the fact I am Bob Dylan to serve as a distraction.

Better out than in (AM)

Every so often Miss Soft Crab turns her mind to something quite meaningless and fixates on it good and proper, even though she knows it's stupid to be fixating on that thing and there's a strong chance that the only reason she is doing so is because of her old friend menses.

That time is now, readers.  If you're in no mood for inanity, I suggest you come back next week because this post is a doozy. Here's the situation. 

My hair is really really boring but I don't want to get it cut because I am trying to grow it and I'm too lazy to do anything with it.  All I want is for my hair to look really great, and like I don't have to put much work in to it, because I don't want to put any work in to it.  Instead I have a lank, pre-mid length bob coloured bark-brown with a fringe that's way too long and no matter how much I pretend, I know it absolutely does need a fair amount of work to look decent. 

Something like this would be nice:

Or this. 

Instead I have this:

But I don't have Jane's fit rig to serve as a distraction.

Blergh! 

This year (PM)

Hey, yeah, hi everybody! And hi, 2014! I mean sure, we met 20 days ago but I guess I just wanted to publicly say hi and we here at Miss Soft Crab are really excited about you. We've got some big things planned.

Of course it's not going to be all beer and Christian Bale mind you.

 

I have what is essentially a Welsh brother-in-law and he has lived in Australia for more than 10 years and I still have trouble understanding what he is saying half the time. Especially on the phone. So mate, let me advise you to double check everything! Especially in your line of work. But seriously folks, Wales is going to rule!

 

Wales! That's some pretty shit right there.

Me, I’ll just be here in Australia all year. Most likely. But I’m going to do some exciting shit too, you know. First up, move house. Oh yeah it’s been a long time coming but it is actually going to happen in about 3 or maybe 4 weeks.

Scenes from my soon to be new home

And while I’m confident I’ll be able to understand everything being said by my new neighbours moving is not going to be without its challenges. Just this morning I was looking at a pile of shoes that I own and never wear and wondering what the eff to do with them. I mean, I have some great shoes but will I ever wear them again? A pair of black and white striped pointy-toed, kitten-heeled ankle boots I coveted for so long in my early twenties, finally bought and haven’t worn in a decade,  is it time to say goodbye? And all the other things I own like that? I’m not going to have the storage for them anymore. I think 2014 may be the year I have to become an adult and move the fuck on with my life and my belongings. It's time to say goodbye to things. No, I'm not talking about my collection of rare silverchair releases that I never look at. They are coming with me, but other things. You know like shoes and clothes trinkets I was given 15 years ago that sit in the bottom of a drawer. Yeah 2014! I'm going to grow the hell up during you! That is some pretty exciting stuff right there!

Like K I also have some pretty exciting things planned for March, but I am so exhausted after making that resolve to grow up that I'll have to talk about that another day. Gimme a break, it's the first day back at MSC headquarters.

This Year (AM)

Oh, hi everyone.
It has been 2014 for a whole 20 days and so the Misses Soft Crab thought we might as well get this crabby show on the road!
But before I do, I just want to say that I can't believe the year 2000 was 14 years ago. I didn't really take note of that fact until I wrote the above sentence and it blows my mind slightly. The year 2000 used to be the FUTURE and now it's 14 years ago. Wow. But let's not waste any more time like I've wasted most of the last 14 years. Just jokes! I've only wasted some of the last 14 years, and most of the years before that. Just jokes! Kind of. Anyway, let's move on.

So...do we all have exciting 2014s planned? I hope so. The Misses Soft Crab are totally going to make it a year to remember.

First of all, the Misses Soft Crab are going to be JUST FINE this Friday doing things like going to work and participating in the rat race when we should be seeing Blur with Chickpea and Strawberry. We are going to start making it a year to remember by being just fine on Friday, so please don't worry about us.

In a few weeks I will turn 35. That's something to remember (please, you guys). Just jokes! You don't have to acknowledge my birthday. I don't like to make a big deal out of it really. Kind of. It's complicated. But it's definitely happening.

Then the winter olympics will start and all that snow on our TVs will make future heatwaves easier to take. I thought a lot about snow during the heatwave.  I'm looking forward to the winter olympics for some reason. Hey, do you know what they call the winter olympics in Norway? The Olympics. Ha!

But I guess the most memorable thing for me this year will be the bit where I live in Wales for six months. Wales! One of only two countries with a drag on its flag!

But evidently only one of these flag dragons knows that holding a white orb in each claw is going to make it quite hard for them to get from A to B. Catch up, Bhutan!

The country where these people were born:

Also Michael Sheen, who we all enjoyed so much as Wesley Snipes in 30 Rock.
It's pretty exciting, isn't it? I'm going over for work and so every day I will get to sit in meetings where people speak in Welsh accents the whole time. If all goes well, I will leave at the end of March and be home just after Grand Final Day so basically miss the whole 2014 AFL home and away season. But they have the internet now, so I should be OK
I am hoping that I have a...ahem...whale of a time!

But there are other memorable things that are going to happen before then, right Mate? Right?

I will leave it to the PM for J to tell you guys about her rad 2014.

2013 - The Most Five (PM)

Woot! Holidays! Well, technically it's more like a lunchbreak for me at the moment, but holidays are just around the corner, so I no complain.
Great Most Five list Mate. 

Let's take a wander back through the year of K and settle on five of the best bits. It was a year of pretty good bits, so it might be hard to narrow it down, but lets's try.

1. Running 10 kms.
I'm not one to make new year's resolutions, or set goals really. Goals are for sitting in between at the MCG, as far as I'm concerned. Heh. Not really. But kind of. Anyway, this year I decided that I was going to run 10kms in the wild, as opposed to on a treadmill. I have never been a runner you see, so for most of my life such a think seemed quite impossible to me. But then I started running more and more so about this time last year it popped in to my head as something I might be able to. At that point, the most I had run in the wild was a lap of Princess Park. So 10kms seemed like a big deal. And I totally did it. That was pretty rad for me.

2. That sandwich I ate that time. 
I don't know whether many most five lists will contain sandwiches but goddamn it mine does. It totally does. God save that sandwich and long may it reign.

3. Iceland
My whole european holiday ruled. I mean, you saw the kinds of sandwiches I was eating. I saw and did some wonderful things. But the best thing, the very very best thing, was Iceland.

That place imprinted on me the way wolves get imprinted on in Twilight, but everyone wears shirts in Iceland. I loved it and think about it often.

That's the kind of thing you see on the side of the road in Iceland.

4. Baby, Niecey and Little Nut's grasp of language.
When J told me about Baby saying "you fucko!" I was at my desk at work. I had to laugh discretely and doing so was harder than running 10 kms in the wild.  The mouths of babes are the funniest places in the world. And now there are so many babies to say funny things it's only going to get funnier from here on in.

5. This
This year was a year where, thanks to knocking around with Appleheart a lot, coming home to this kind of thing became a possibility.

Those are roasted salted almonds. That guy, I tell you what.
Happy this time of year everybody! See you in 2014!

2013 - The Most Five (AM)

Woot! It's here y'all. Holiday time. I am on holidays. And soon, I hope, K will be too. And today is our MSC break up day. YEAH! You know lots of blogs and newspapers and magazines and radio shows and television shows like to round up the year with top five lists. Best moments, worst moments, that kind of jazz. And here at MSC HQ we like to reflect on the year too. But something occurred to me while looking back on the year. First really, how the eff would I do any kind of top list? I mean, what do you base your answer on. And second, so many of my highs were somehow entwined with the lows. So for you I have my five most list. Just a bunch of things that made me most laugh, cry, and fall in love all over again. In no particular order.

1. Blur. Well, I've said it before, but how can I not say it again. Definitely one of the best moments of the year was when the Big Day Out announced Blur were playing. ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF THE YEAR! And without a doubt that moment when my heart was ripped out and fell, like so many bloody lumps on the butcher's floor, barely beating to the floor... well that was one of the worst.

2. Baby is so lingual. And it is awesome. He is also really inquisitive. Which is also great, of course. But gee, having to answer 50,000 "why?" questions a day can be rough. Real rough. But his ever increasing vocabulary is generally a real joy. The other night as he was getting ready for bed he was looking at a book and I said, "Is that the book you want to read tonight." And he replied by saying, "No, I want a different book tonight, you fucko!" I had to leave the room I needed to laugh so much and when I tried to tell LB the story I was in tears and could not get the words out past the laughter. Still, he said it a little aggressively and I certainly don't want him calling people fucko. Most best and most worst. Again.

3. Visiting Mondonna in LA and then the Big Apple! What fun, what laughs. But gee it was tiring. And a bit hard. But I went to the motherflipping desert. And that was really the most. And best. That whole trip was great, but the California desert. WHOA! 

4. Hair and nails! Remember how I got a manicure in New York and then I was all "Hey! I'm gonna get manicures all the time!" And then I got one in Melbourne and it was chipped within 3 days. Remember how I got that haircut I hated (of course you do! I have barely spoken of anything else since.) I feel like I have been on some crazy journeys with these keratin filled biomaterials. And I haven't necessarily liked it. But hey, that is what is great about the year's end! You get to put all the shit from that year in the past and move on. Oh sure, time - it's just some theoretical concept, but what isn't!

5. Babies! I've met some rad babies this year produced by some of the finest people I know. And next year I'll meet some more rad babies. The most!

I hope K has some great mosts.

And I hope everyone is about to have some great holidays and festivities.

See you on the flip side!

Oh! Ewan! James! I'm so glad you could drop by today! Sure, you can bring your friend Chiwetel.

Upstairs Neighbours (PM)

I used to live in a flat on the first floor which meant I both had upstairs neighbours and was an upstairs neighbour. I actually remember nothing about the upstairs neighbors, I guess they were quiet. Plus, those flats had carpet which I guess helped. I definitely remember the downstairs neighbours, among whom lived a liturgical dancer of soft mannerisms and who, a Google search has led me to believe, may now be a woman, though as my neighbour s/he was a man. Those neighbours, rightly, complained when they found cigarette butts on their balcony. Now, I can't imagine anyone in our flat being so jerky they would throw cigarette butts down from the balcony. I guess it was an accident. Or it was the almost unbearable friends of the almost forgotten flat mate. Or it is the kind of shit which you don't think about when you are 20.

Which may explain the behaviour of the birds, Mate. Just young and careless.

Right now my only upstairs neighbours are possums. Like the birds they seem to  make a noise completely disproportionate to their size. As if they are dragging human bodies around the roof cavity. Just to be on the safe side, I do not fuck with those possums.

Upstairs Neighbours (AM)

My flat is on the top floor, which is good because it means I don't have to deal with the sound of upstairs neighbours. I'm told that this is an issue with ground floor flats, the sound travels down from above and it can be quite disruptive. You hear them walking, you hear them talking, you hear them making love to their boyfriends and girlfriends (eww...making love....J is going to hate reading that...sorry).

I've been pretty lucky really with my top floor life so far. And I guess I should have taken the time to stop and smell the roses so to speak because now a family of birds are nesting on my roof and the party is over, it is OVER.

I first noticed the sounds of gently rummaging a few months ago and thought, oh, how cute, some little birdy is on my roof. Then I would hear a little bit of chirping from time to time and again I thought it was cute.

I pictured something like this was going on:

A couple of little scamps having a nice time up there.

Heh,  here's an amusing aside. When I searched 'rainbow lorikeet' to find that photo, google suggested 'rainbow lorikeet diet'. I wonder whether there is some hot new diet where one eats like a rainbow lorikeet and drops the kilos just in time for summer. Or maybe you eat nothing but rainbow lorikeets and drop five kilos just in time for summer.

Anyway, as the days and weeks have passed, what was once gentle rummaging has turned in to what sounds like a birdy frat house. Those little bastards make a hell of a racket. First of all, there seems to be lots more of them. And they chirp a lot. And they run across the roof a lot and though their talons may be small, they are very noisy.  And what's with all the running. They have wings and the power of flight and it's a real slap in the face to know that they are just throwing it all away.
Also, they are active between the hours of 5 and 9am. They're working 5 to 9 and it is no way to make a living, believe you me.

Now I picture them like this:

And I want them to go away!

Nearly there (PM)

Wow, your boss sounds like a stand-up guy, Mate! My office closes between Christmas and New Year too. But the only day of free leave we get is the 27th, though to be fair to my work there are only 2 other days that aren't public holidays in that period and you are allowed to take 'miscellaneous leave' on those days. A leave kind that can also be used for having your dog put down or the other miscellanies of life. So I guess that's something. Plus, if you work in an organisation that has been in the news due to workplace bullying and suspected espionage I guess you gotta take what you can get right?

This, I've decided, this will be my last week before a whole 2 weeks off too, so I am likewise excited. But I wish Oprah had put a goodies bag under my chair.

Still, I guess holidays are as good as an Oprah goodies bag right. I intend to spend mine pretty much looking like this.*

*In my dreams of course. In reality they will more look like this:

Nearly there (AM)

Last week, at the Christmas party, our new boss announced he would be closing the office at midday on Christmas Eve and not be reopening it until the new year. Everyone was to spend that time with their people, he said. If we had applied for annual leave during that period, it would be credited back to us. The crowd erupted into a round of spontaneous applause and if he had told us to look under our seats for some kind of gift pack a-la Oprah, I wouldn't have been surprised. 

But this means that today begins my last week of work for a while and readers, I'm excited. So excited I'm going to play you a song. The worst song on a playlist I listen to when I exercise, by which I mean  my favourite. It's kind of a Eurovision song and by rights I should hate it but I don't, I really don't. 

I'll leave the rest of the explaining to Tarkan. Please give him a chance. 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2Tu5s1KS9SU&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D2Tu5s1KS9SU

Reflections on hunks (PM)

Consider this

Wow, it feels so right to be thinking and talking about hunks again.

Obviously Hemsworth is the stand out hunk of 2013, if for no other reason than this was the year that he emerged from the "is this a hunk?" chrysalis to become the beautiful hunky butterfly the collective crab-consciousness now knows him to be.   

I think the A- assessment is probably fair, but I also think perhaps he will grow and consolidate his  hunkiness and maybe even one day become a hall-of-famer. The man has a certain something that separates him from the others. It could be the simple fact that he is the only hunk around, but I think it's more thank that. I talked to my Mum on the phone just after she had seen Rush, and she did not ask me a single question about my life, she just wanted to talk about Hemsworth. So who knows where this could go.

The other thing I realised in 2013 is that James McAvoy is continuing his slow hunky burn, and maybe has made an even bigger impression on me than I first realised.
Consider this:
 
The other day I was driving along in my beloved Renault Clio and Appleheart said to me "You know, James McAvoy used to drive a Clio."



As soon as he said it,  the hunk part of my heart went schwing!  and it was quite surprising, and a little bit dangerous because I was driving a car at the time, but mostly surprising. I mean, it's not like a saw a picture of him. I just heard his name.

So I guess I hope a couple of new McAvoy films come out next year so I can learn more.