Haiku Thursday (PM)

This morning's haiku had such a happy ending! 

Will the good times last, readers?

An haiku conversation with my heater

Bear with me heater

As I ask you this one quick

And simple question.

Why the eff is there

No effing heat coming out 

of you, for effs sake?

I am trying not

To panic but you seem to

Be effing broken. 

A heater sans heat.

It's like a jam donut with 

No jam or donut. 

NOW I'M PANICKING
THE NIGHT IS COLD AND SO SO
VERY VERY LONG

Beelzebub has

A devil put aside for

Me for me for me

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Don't fail me now memory

I 

What's that thing where you

Cut apple, batter and fry,

Then dip in toffee?

II

Distant memory

Wait! Chinese toffee apple!

I'm gonna make you

III

Remembering that

Was easy, now remember

Other cool stuff, brain!

Lay-by: You're OK by me! (PM)

Lay-by rules, OK!

Until yesterday I had something on lay-by too! In fact, I could have picked that baby up earlier, but I strung it out a bit just to keep the anticipation alive. You know why? Because that makes me feel alive. Much more so than the empty feeling I get from dropping a few hundred bucks on a piece of clothing that I think is somehow going to bring me happiness and fill a void. More so than chasing the full and satisfying wardrobe that I imagine will substitute for a full and satisfying life.

Shit. Did I say that out loud?

I do love a lay-by and there was a time in my life when I was lay-bying laying-by putting things on lay-by all the time. Not just for financial reasons but because it made me feel better about the whole experience of buying things. It makes a purchase seem more considered and, therefore, more justifiable. And of course, the anticipation. In fact, I may just follow K's lead and put something else on lay-by too! What? I don't know! I don't care! Just so long as I can feel something. Anything!

Lay-by: You're OK by me! (AM)

Recently, due to  financial necessity, I bought something on Lay-by.  
This is not something I normally do. Usually, if I can afford the thing I want, I buy it. If I can't, I don't. I'm a simple woman and I don't like to mess around. (Just kidding, I love messing around).

But seriously. I lay-by so infrequently that I can pretty much remember every time I've done it.


The first ever thing I acquired via Lay-buy was this: 

He was a birthday present from my Mum and Dad when I was a wee crablet. He's a Care Bear Cousin, in case you don't know. The internet thinks he was called Swift-Heart Rabbit, but that kind of grandstanding didn't go down in my family, so I  just called him Robbie Rabbit. 

I'm pretty sure I had been begging my parents to let me have him for ages, but ours was the kind of household where you only got presents if it was your birthday or Christmas. They must have got sick of my begging, because long before my birthday, they took me to the toyshop, let me select Robbie, and then put him on lay-by. 


I had no idea what this lay-by thing was and when I look back on it now, I realise that taking a kid to a toyshop, letting them choose a toy they longed for,  taking the toy out of their mitts and telling them that while it was now theirs, they couldn't collect it for several weeks was one HELL of a gamble. You should have seen how ape-shit Baby went the other day when I took a heavy glass jar full of tea-bags out of his hands because I was worried he would drop it on his cute little baby feet and hurt himself and then J would be disappointed in my because I can't look after her son while she is making me a cup of tea (thanks for the tea, mate). And heavy jars of tea bags aren't even any fun! 

But I digress. The point I am slowly making is that instead of being traumatised when Robbie was taken away from me,  I was super, super excited. While I didn't get to take Robbie with me that day, I took home something else that was maybe even more awesome:  of course I'm talking about anticipation, readers. Anticipation! That delightful gift-with-purchase with every lay-by that makes not getting the thing even better than getting the thing.


Given this extremely positive start to lay-by, I really can't tell you why I haven't done more of it over the years. I guess I have been gorging myself on the instant gratification side of things, like a damned fool.  But those days are over, readers. When I collect my green coat in a week or so, I'm going straight to David Jones to lay-by the boots I have been eyeing off. And after that, who knows, this shit could go on forever. I guess it depends how our thermomix demonstration goes down.


But in summary, let me proclaim: Lay-by is the new way to K-buy!

Sometimes you just know (PM)

No topic better illustrates the differences between the two halves of the crab than this.

As J has gone deeper and deeper into navy (as well she should, it's perfect for her), I've wandered aimlessly through all the shades like a demented Rainbow Brite looking for a colour that will give me just some of what J has with navy blue.

And I never get any closer.

I feel like the little bird in Are you my mother? looking for my colour in all the wrong places and finding nothing but a bunch of adorable illustrated animals (goddamn that book is adorable, I feel like reading it right now - go read it if you haven't already!). Sure, I have a rich colourful wardrobe life, but I want that deep connection that comes when you build a life with a single colour.

Where are you colour? Will I ever find you?

: (

Sometimes you just know (AM)

When LB and I started going out I thought we were onto something pretty good. Obviously I was all falling in love and shit, so maybe it doesn't mean much, but at the time, after the initial early-relationship anxiety ,I felt pretty confident we would stay together for a while. Then there came a point when I realised that we could stay together forever. Now, 9 and a half years is not forever, by any stretch of the imagination, but you gotta start somewhere, right?

Recently, I have been starting to feel the same way about navy.

Blue has always been a favourite colour and I have always worn quite a lot of it. My eyes are blues, so I guess it suits me based on that, but is it a chicken and egg scenario? Do my eyes like it because I look good in it, or do I look good in it... nah, I guess that doesn't really work. Who knows, I just like blue in a whole bunch of shades, but lately I just can't get me enough navy. 

In my wardrobe I want everything to be navy. All my fashion fantasies are based in navy. Is that because it is so hot right now? I don't know, but I worry about it. 

Anyway, on the weekend I saw this girl wearing a pair of red Converse Chuck Taylor All Stars with a pair of jeans and this red and navy top. The look was really cute and I wondered if I shouldn't get myself a pair of navy All Stars given I don't have a simple runner at the moment and I often long for one. 

 Of course I should get these.

But the thought did raise the question, "Has this navy obsession gone too far?" And the other question "Will all this navy one day sit in my closet like so many forgotten things that sit in my closet forgotten?" And when I really started to ask the questions I felt that I was seeing things clearly for the first time!

Navy, you are the blue for me! There will always be place in my heart and wardrobe for all the blues, but navy, boy, when I look at you, all other blues just fall away. I love you, navy, and I think it's going to last. You and me navy. We can make it!

My new fake boyfriend is not as nice as my old fake boyfriend (PM)

Um, Mate, it is a little awkward for me to have to say this out loud and on the Internet, in front of everyone, but I don't think that guy is your new boyfriend. I'm sorry.

As you seem to be having trouble seeing clearly, I am going to hold a mirror up to your post and show you the problem. Remember this thing you said 4 hours ago "we used to always run in to this one guy who came to be known as my boyfriend...he would smile at me but totally ignore J, which is why we dubbed him my boyfriend and not J's"?

And then remember this other thing you said 4 hours ago "instead of smiling at me and looking all eager and  excited like the first fake boyfriend, this one always looks kind of irritated"?!

Ipso facto, that guy you keep seeing around is just some guy you keep seeing around. I think it may be important to learn the difference.

It's like Aussie Male. He wasn't anyone's boyfriend. You see, readers, before K's boyfriend came along we used to see this other guy around. All the time. For a long time he didn't have a name and then, weirdly, K and I were seeing a play and this guy, who we'd been seeing everywhere for months was sitting RIGHT NEXT TO US! At intermission he left his coat on his chair and out of curiosity we looked at the label. The brand was Aussie Male. And after that, so was he. Anyway, the point is, he wasn't a boyfriend he was just that ubiquitous guy, Aussie Male. 

In LB's family there is a story about one of his brothers who once asked their mum "How do you know when you are going out with someone?" People like to laugh at the adorable naivete of this, but you know he has a girlfriend now and I think there is no confusion about the girlfriend/boyfriend thing.  Sure, the blurry line may be different in fake relationships, but, if you like, I can give you LB's mum's number.

My new fake boyfriend is not as nice as my old fake boyfriend (AM)

Back when J and I were young single crabs, going out drinking several nights of the week,  we used to always run in to this one guy who came to be known as my boyfriend. He wasn't my actual boyfriend of course. That's just what we called him, because pretty much every time we went out, he would be there.   Whenever he saw us, he would smile at me but totally ignore J, which is why we dubbed him my boyfriend and not J's. While I would like the say that he looked like this:

...in fact he looked more like this:

I'm not passing judgement on that, I'm just letting you guys know so you can form a picture in your lovely minds as I continue.

We never ever spoke to this guy. I guess we thought it was way funnier to speculate about where he might turn up next and then snigger a lot when we saw him. If we talked to him, we probably would have become friends and there's no fun in speculating about where your actual friend might pop up. No, we preferred to maintain the fake boyfriend scenario, and we maintained it very well if I do say so myself. It has brought us hours and hours of amusement over the years and  continues to do so, because we still see him around from time to time.

Lately, however, a new dude has landed on the scene, a dude who I see practically everywhere I go in my neighbourhood. My new boyfriend,  I call him, naturellement.  When I first realised I was running in to this guy all over the place, I thought  awesome, a new boyfriend  and pictured a lot of sniggering and general amusement, a la the other guy.  But the reality has been a lot less hilarious than the first time round.  The problem is I keep seeing this dude in all these really mundane settings. There is very little alcohol involved. It's usually daylight. J is not with me to share in the sniggering. And instead of smiling at me and looking all eager and  excited like the first fake boyfriend, this one always looks kind of irritated and like seeing me is really ruining his buzz.

Par example, during a recent weekend, when I did the following things:

• have a drink with Scampy at Mr Wilkinson
• get some pizza from Mankoushe
• go for a walk because I feel so full from eating the mankoushe 
• get a coffee from the East Brunswick Project
• some other stuff that I can't remember now 

I saw my new fake boyfriend at ALL OF THE THINGS except for the last one. Every time I saw him I would smile and give him an it's you again!  kind of look. Dude just looks away in a hurry! It's proving to be a very dissatisfying fake relationship.

Obviously if this was a romantic comedy, dude's negative attitude would be hiding something deep and awesome, and after a series of miscommunications we would fall in love and probably get married. But this is real life guys and things do not go down that way. I think his negative attitude might be something to do with being a douchebee, and maybe he has never had a fake relationship before so doesn't realise how enjoyable they can be. That, and the fact that he looks like Ricky Ponting, which is fine if you like that sort of thing (I don't), is making me really wistful for the original guy.

The Great Gatsby 2012 (PM)

Shit you guys, I love Baz too, but that trailer worries the shit out of me.

Leonardo kind of looks handsome though. Perhaps The Great Gatsby will be the movie that will put him back on the map. By which I mean, my own personal hunk map, which he has been off since he got puffy around 2002.

Good grief.

I understand he has remained on other people's map this whole time but not mine, readers, not mine. And just quickly, I thought Inception sucked. Except for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

I do like that Carey Mulligan quite a lot. I think she'll make a fine Daisy. Hey, What did I see her in recently? Oh, that's right. 

Fassbender, how did you get here?

Shame. She was in Shame. Which I thought was great but may not be everyone's cup of tea, so I will just link to the trailer rather than embed it. But Carey Mulligan was great in it. And she was great in Never Let Me Go. I think she is quite great. 

Of course I will go see The Great Gatsby, but now that I've seen that trailer I guess I will go hoping it will be good, not thinking it will be good. But go ahead and prove me wrong Baz! I would love to love this film, as I have loved all your others, including Australia. Please make that happen!

The Great Gatsby 2012 (AM)

 

Do you know what film I love? Baz Luhrmann's! All of them. Yep, even Australia. I know it got a bad wrap, but I loved it. I loved the Wizard of Oz thing it had going on. That Technicolour styling. And you know what else? It made me feel things. When Drover was running around thinking Nicole was dead after Darwin was bombed...I really felt it. So sue me.

I like Australia a lot. But in fact Strictly Ballroom and Romeo + Juliet are actually two of my favourite films.

And Moulin Rouge! Of course I effing love that film. The singing! The dancing! The drama! The Ewan! Spectacular, spectacular!

 
I think Baz makes fucking great films. I think they are beautiful, but not without substance. That is to say I think they have substance. I respond to them on all sorts of levels and that is exactly what I want from a film and rarely what I get. Sure, they are not super deep but who wants that in all the films? Not me. Some films, yes. All the films, no

It is fair to say that I am pretty damn excited about The Great Gatsby. And not just because I love Baz, but because I also effing love that book. What a goddamn beautiful marriage! Not to mention the beautiful reuniting of DiCaprio and Luhrmann. Yeah, I am excited.

So, a few weeks ago, I saw the trailer on the news. I have to say I felt a little concerned. Yeah it had the energy and beauty I expected from Baz but that party scene, presumably Gatsby's first party, it looked so much like the R+J party.

Gatsby's party

The Capulet's party

See?

Maybe Baz is just being super self-referential, but I couldn't help feeling a little worried that maybe it would be a rehash of old turf.

But then, well, I watched it again.

 

The hedonism, the tortured lovers, the pain, the joy, yeah, it kind of is a rehash. A rehash of all the stuff Baz does best! Like the genius he is! I can't fucking wait!

Haiku Thursday (PM)

The next week
15 and 16
Shower or two. Week's outlook,
Well, you could be worse

That's life
If it's not one thing
It's usually another
This is how it goes

The wrong direction

Grooming on my mind

Won't make me rich or pretty

Must refocus brain

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Just one today readers. 

Flannelette Pyjamas

It's because of you

Cosy is in out up down

And all around me.

Just some stuff I ate and saw and thought about (PM)

Hey, guess who's hands those are in that picture of Barbie Edward Cullen? Mine. I really should have exited the frame but I couldn't stop staring.

My hands are here too, holding the new Sow What When? calendar I just got from the Diggers Club.

It tells me what plants I should sow, and when, so I can have a verdant balcony garden. I've been looking at it a lot lately. Right now my balcony looks like this:

Semi-verdant

It's got a long way to go.

When it comes to what I have eaten lately, look no further than this.

It's the salted caramel spread I made on the weekend, ostensibly to audition it for chutney club but really, so I can put it all in my mouth. I planned to make some banana pancakes to serve it with, but I made the mistake of tasting a little bit first and since then, I have just been eating it out of the jar with a spoon. I never made the pancakes. I did drizzle (dollop) some on a banana at one point. Delicious.

Just some stuff I ate and saw and thought about (AM)

So, I don't know if you guys have ever noticed, but basically this blog is just some stuff we ate and saw and thought about. Sure sometimes that stuff comes from our brains. But sometimes, when we are lucky, that stuff gets caught on camera.

So I thought you may be interested in seeing some of the stuff I've eaten, seen, and thought about lately. Here goes.

First, some things I ate:

Jokies, I didn't eat a pigeon. I just saw this pigeon drinking some water in the city and thought it looked really cute.

I did eat this pie though. After it was cooked of course. When it looked like this:

It had a delicious buttery pastry and a filling of chilli beans, corn and potato. When it was cooked the eggs were a little runny. And yes, it was DELICIOUS! Couldn't eat that in summer, no sirree.

You know what else I ate recently? Some delicious carrots and beetroot.

Maybe it doesn't look so appetising, but it does look like a found cock! HAHA!

But seriously folks, recently  I was at the zoo and I saw so many mind blowing things, including some green frogs that sat really flat on leaves and had adorable peaceful smiles. They were to small to photograph well, but these iguanas weren't! Iguanas are awesome!

 Oh, and did you know I saw Prince recently?

 Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Just like I couldn't resist taking a photo of these Twilight Edition Barbies K and I saw recently. Yes, that is Bella Barbie and Sparkleface Barbie. WTF?! Look at their faces? They look nothing like Bella and Sparkleface. Mattel just think they can just stick a Barbie in a box with packaging telling you they are Twilight Barbie and people will buy it?! In fact I'm pretty sure that Sparkleface Barbie is just a Chuck Bass Barbie repackaged. What? Why wouldn't they have Gossip Girl Barbie? Crazy times people! Anything is possible.