You make me want to GOOP

Oh, Mate. Can I just say that today has been such an annoying day and GOOP and Jay-Z have done nothing to help. NOTHING! Why they gotta be so annoying? GROAN times infinity. Mate, I guess Jay-Z may well be a dickhead. Just because he sounds dope and his wife has that beautiful charming smile, I guess maybe it doesn't mean what we would like it to mean. It feels bad though, doesn't it? With GOOP at least you know what you are getting. This annoying little princess. I, as you know am only a casual GOOP reader. It's the difference between you and me. You will subject yourself to films like Eat, Love, Pray, whereas I'd rather stick hot blacksmith tools, pokers I mean, in my eyes. So I only read GOOP occasionally, rather than subscribe. But I guess when I do read it I get some sort of sick enjoyment out of it. So perhaps I am finally beginning to understand you.

So this is what is ridiculous about that GOOP post. She is GOOP, for god sakes! GOOP! Why she gotta tell the world, "ooh, I'm besties with Jay Z." Is that what she thinks we wanna hear? We know who you are GOOP. Keep it to yourself.

You know the other day I was on Amazon and Amazon is always all, "Hey buy these cookbooks you little cookbook buyer." And I was all, "Chut up Amazon, let me just casually browse your cyberpages." Until Amazon told me I might like this. And I thought, "No I wouldn't, but K might." And I was totally about to buy it for you until I read about it and it was all, "cooking with and for your family, blah blah, goop goop, it's so great, I'm mother earth." And I thought maybe it was insensitive to buy such a book for a single lady and I wished Beyonce would write a cookbook. BAM.