Haiku Thursday

Sick

Functioning ok

I guess. But fading hour

By painful hour

Nightfall. Body aches

Bone sore. Throat, chest...all the pain

Sick be gone you fiend

The snot cycle begins

Last year Newbie started childcare and the winter was awash with snot and tears and pain and I'd hoped that his immunity would be boosted and this winter would a drier, healthier season.

Early signs suggest I was dreaming. The months that lie ahead of me promise constant nose wiping, childcare days missed, money wasted, work left undone, snot. I'm enjoying wearing jumpers but I am not looking forward to the snot.

Where to take this

I hope K feels better soon. 

As autumn really settles into being autumn, with rain and cold days I've really been thinking about my winter wardrobe in earnest. And by winter I mean autumn, because of course when winter comes around I'm just going to be in jeans and woollen jumpers constantly. And by cold days I'm not talking about this week which is forecast to be in the mid-20s all week. But I think we know what I mean, right? Right. By February I'm already thinking about my winter wardrobe because I way prefer cold weather clothes and by now I'm bloody gagging to get my skin all covered up. Oh, yeah.  I feel like this season I'd like to do a bit of sartorial exploring, but also set some personal challenges. One of my concepts for my winter dressing this year is 'skivvies under everything.' Whereby I plan to wear skivvies under everything. And rather than just settling on a seasonal look and then trying to dress to it once in a while I'd like to set myself the challenge of dressing in that look everyday for a week, thereby actually seeing if I can do it and if it is a good look for me and hopefully, if everything goes well, just committing to it better because I have the lived experience of it.

Another thing I want to do this season is just fucking go for it. I have this tweed vest in my cupboard I think about wearing but never do, but not any more. This season I'm just going to fucking go for it!

Monochrome! Natch. Autumn is the perfect time for monochrome dressing, and this season I'm going to do it everyday for a week. And then a bunch of other times.

I'm excited about these dressing experiments guys! I can't wait to do them! And then tell you about them! But right now I'm just excited about getting my jeans on!

Winter doona

On Saturday Chickpea had a birthday party doona and I told anyone who would listen that I was super excited that I was going to take off my summer doona and put the winter doona on the bed that night. On the way home I told LB that I’d told everyone about our winter doona and he suggested I was boring. But I don't even care because when I got under the winter doona that night I was so gdamn happy I wanted to tell the world about it. I'm in love with my winter doona and I don't care who knows!

I don't get it (AM)

Yesterday I was driving through South Yarra and I saw a young couple taking their pet lab for a walk. They were very well groomed, very South Yarra  and looked like they might, in a different time and place, have been friends with Patrick Bateman (obviously that time and place is the land of make believe). The thing that struck me about them was that they were both wearing sleeveless puffer jackets - in itself not unusual but effing baffling to me. 

I can not for the life of me understand puffer vests. I can not see how a cold that drives one to warm their core with puffer would not also require a warming of the arms. I don't know how people can find peace in a sleeveless puffer. Aren't they forever yearning for the arms? 

I don't get it. I don't get it at all. 

I'm pretty sure this couple couldn't have told me because they looked  like the types to make all sorts of decisions based on style rather than comfort. Perhaps I'm wrong about them but when you're making judgements based on a two second glimpse out a car window, you tend to draw on stereotypes. Anyway, if style is their motivation them I guess that's fine but as someone who looks to puffer for survival, an armless one just looks like a bastardisation of all that is good about puffer. Down with sleeveless! 

This is not a paid advertisement (AM)

Last winter, I stopped by J's house for a cup of tea one afternoon. I suspect it was during the brief period of time between when I'd finished work, but KB had not yet arrived and therefore the dream of seeing Blur was still alive. Not that that has anything to do with what I'm saying now, but it's as useful a way as any of marking time. Anyway, back to J's place. It was a cold winter's day, and we were sitting in her warm living room enjoying coffee and tv and trying hard to stay warm. J's living room is cosy, but you know what it's like in winter without central heating. As soon as you step into the corridor you're freezing you're beetlebum off. When J was walking me out she was clearly uncomfortable and lamented the fact that she was only wearing socks. "They're thick, woolly socks but it's not enough to keep you warm. Socks are not enough". She said it casually enough but we both realized she had touched on something that we have all tried to deny. When it comes to warm feet in winter, socks are not enough. 

The trouble with this is that ever since I went to my first Scandinavian country I've preferred going shoeless in the house. It just seems like one of those things the Scandanavians have got a better handle on than us, like interior design, lighting and the use of cardamom. It feels like it encourages a feeling of warmth and cosines in the the house, and in those countries where they know about heating, it really does. But of course in winter in Melbourne it is the opposite of that.

That's where the ugg boot comes in and Damon knows we at MSC love an ugg boot. But the truth is, sometimes I don't want to be wearing ugg boots either. The ugg boot is basically an incredibly warm and comfortable shoe. It's got a hard bottom and when you curl up on the couch in your uggies it doesn't matter that they are warm and comfortable, you're basically wearing shoes on the couch. 

So what the eff are we supposed to do, readers? Go shod or go cold? There has to be a better way. 

The end. 

Just jokes! Of course there's a better way and I've found it and I'm going to tell you about it. 

It's the Bonds women's knit bootie and it rules. You slip them on over your socks and kablammo, your feet are warm as toast. They warmth of ugg boots and the comfort of socks.

Obviously I never intended to buy an adult bootie, and I wasn't proud of myself for doing it. But I never intended the buy the vegetti either but I did and now I have zoodles for dinner once a week. The results of adult booties speak for themselves. What are you waiting for, readers? 

Things I've done this week (AM)

Our first week in London was sacrificed on the alter of jetlag. 

This week we've been feeling a bit more normal so have been venturing out for miniature adventures. 

One of the best aspects of this is getting to dress KB up in a variety of adorable winter outfits. I constantly have to resist the urge to squeeze the kid very firmly when he is all dressed up for winter outings. 

This is his most tasteful ensemble. It's a race against time keeping it vomit free, but i enjoy the 20 mins or so we get to do that. 

This one alarms me because he looks so grown up in it. 

'Grown up' might not be the right term but you know what I mean. Adults are not kidding when they say kids grow up so fast.

We catch the tube wherever we go, and KB is strapped to my front in a carrier. People practically leap out of their seats to offer them to us. That simply does not happen on the #86 tram. 

We've been to the V&A and Harrods. Usually for a short time, because I don't want to push KB too far. But yesterday we went to the British museum (mainly because it is near a good coffee shop) and stayed all afternoon. It was great. 

Obviously, one can't visit the British Museum without feeling pretty uncomfortable about how all the stuff that is there really shouldn't be there. But 

it's such a beautiful building, so a pretty great place  in which to ponder Britian's history of pillaging. 

We saw the Rosetta Stone and the genuine imitation Rosetta Stone they used to have on display before the rolled out the real thing. Here is the side view of the fake.

'Captured' is a strong statement for something that can't really get away, isn't it? 

Anyway, the rest of the week is going to follow a similar pattern, but with more decent coffee I hope. 

Surviving the Antarctic vortex (PM)

The last couple of days have been pretty cold, and I expect that it will continue for the rest of the week. That expectation being based on the BOM website. But as K pointed out it IS LITERALLY THE MIDDLE OF WINTER! LITERALLY! So, nut the eff up everyone. Or, as my computer just auto-corrected that to, nut the Jeff up! HA.

Winter, should be cold. That is its whole raison d'être! From memory last winter was pretty mild, and frankly I feel a little ripped off when you don't have at least a few good cold days. Don't get me wrong, I don't want winter to be lost to an entire 3 months in the Antarctic vortex but I do like an excuse to rug up a bit and wear some of what can only be described as a surplus of coats, given what global warming is doing to the seasons. Plus today I am working in a library with a jumper on and a view of nude trees, it's classic winter and I love it.

This brings us to the more important issue of the media. I am not lying when I say that barely a day goes by that I don't lament the work of the media. They are truly such fear mongers. If they are not trying to work us into a fear of an Antarctic vortex they are telling us that we should be worried a terrorist attack is imminent and just to be safe we should probably be scared of anyone with brown skin. Also anyone that decides to catch a boat here is probably evil. And wants to steal our jobs. Of which there are hardly any anyway. Also if you are a woman you better watch out when you walk down the street. Also if you are a bloke too because you may get king hit. But even though men actually are in more danger of violence in the street than women you still don't need to be as scared as women. You know, because... women. Also be scared of ice. The drug, not the stuff from the Antarctic vortex.

Seriously media, I live in this city, and sure I spend my time mainly in the relatively affluent areas but I just think maybe we all need to chill the Jeff out. Which should be easy given the Antarctic blast.

Surviving the Antarctic vortex (AM)

When the news started going on about the Antarctic vortex weather pattern that was coming our way this past weekend, I responded in two ways.
First, I freaked out because I tend to run pretty cold and the words Antarctic and Vortex sound very very cold to me. I wondered how the eff I would manage to stay warm and comfortable in an Antarctic vortex when I have about five items of clothing that I still fit into and only one of them would be anywhere near appropriate for an Antarctic vortex.
Then, perhaps as evidence of my growing maturity (or my difficulty giving a shit about anything that doesn't relate to my current life-stage) I thought hang on a second...how cold are we talking here? When I looked at the forecast my attitude changed from fearful to smug. The Antarctic vortex was going to bring weather of between 5 and 13 degrees.
Sure, that's effing cold. But it's also the kind of rubbish Melbourne weather we get every single winter. It lasts a few days, then it gets better. Perhaps we have two or three waves of it, then it gets better.
So what we're dealing with here is Melbourne media's tendency to go apeshit over a little bit of entirely season-appropriate weather. It really cheeses me off, the way they do that. Getting through winter is no picnic. It is literally, no picnic. And being told that some terrifyingly named weather patter is in its way just makes it harder.
So shut-up media. We're all doing the best we can, and you're not helping.
But on a positive note, last night's ABC news kept showing footage of a samoyed running in the snow and very clearly loving life, which was very nice to see. It's the perfect weather for those guys!

Here it is (PM)

It's true, I believe there is a porridge for all seasons. Sometimes if I am out for breakfast and there is no porridge on the menu I basically don't know what to do. If there is a Bircher I'm ok. But only just. 

Having said that though I also believe that winter is really porridge's time to shine. I didn't have porridge this morning cause I felt kind of sick and I didn't want to taint the porridge experience. 

But insofar as there's more to life than porridge, so to winter. Tonight I'm going to eat brassica soup for dinner, probably with some blue cheese. And if that is not one of winter's joys, I don't know what is. 

Here it is (AM)

You guys! Porridge season begins today! 

Though J would say porridge ain't got no season because it's not a fruit/vegetable  and she would be technically right. But it's a true fact that porridge has no greater friend than winter, and winter begins today. When I got up it was 2 degrees. Winter! It's warmed up a little since then. 

I'm feeling strangely positive about winter this morning, which is strange, because last week I totally spat the dummy when I had to go in to the ice cold laundry to get clean underwear from the washing basket. I got all apocalyptic and feared  I wouldn't be able survive months of doing that. Today, I feel kind of good about it. The porridge. The hearty slow cooking. The electric blankets. I'm excited! 

And I should really get this porridge on the stove, so if you'll excuse me...

Here it comes (PM)

The cold weather sure is here. Even though it's sunny and beautiful outside right now there's a chill in the air. It's truly autumn at its finest right now, but it's only gonna get colder. Well first it's gonna get hotter with the BOM forecasting 29 degrees for next Wednesday, but in the grand scheme of things it's only gonna get colder. Yesterday I changed from the summer doona on my bed to my winter doona. Fancy! I'm like a goddamn Kennedy with my seasonal doonas. Getting into bed last night was a real joy, especially after eating lasagna and red wine for dinner and watching Netflix on my TV using my new Google Chromecast. Hells yeah, I know how to do cold weather right!

I am missing out on that Accuweather app but I plan on downloading that ASAP. I check the BOM website about five times a day. I think I'm overly dependent on it and probably expect too much of it. If I have some things to do at non-specified time during the week I look at BOM to see what's coming weather-wise to plan my week out. If I have actual plans I check BOM so I can start thinking about what I might wear to said plans. All normal enough I guess but sometimes I think about checking BOM for plans way too far into the future, like weeks or months ahead though I know they can't forecast that far accurately. Sometimes I have a split second thought that BOM may be able to forecast other things too, like who is going to be somewhere or what someone may be thinking about doing for there birthday, as if BOM is not a bureau of meteorology but rather a bureau of fortune telling . I would probably become similarly dependent on Accuweather, probably more so given its time- and location-specific predictions but whatever the future is now so I better have all the apps possible to help negotiate it. 

A box of Miss Soft Crab assorted (PM)

Hunks and grey sweaters are two of my favourite things! So much so that in NYC last year I bought this postcard.

And in cyberspace last week I bought this jumper. 

Those Sartorialist images touched me too and I'd already been coveting this grey jumper. Now it's mine! Oh sure, the sleeve is not that big and I won't wear it under everything. Just a coat or two. Probably not at the same time though. 

Hey, while we're on random things does anyone else thing it's total fucking ridiculous that Blogger has a phone app, as if that would be useful, but that you can't do things like add links or format or schedule your posts. Yeah, just saying.*

*Sorry this post started beig text centred. Stupid fucking Blogger app. 

Happy medium (PM)

I’ve gotta be honest with you, I was out of town from Friday night until this morning so I only know about this heatwave theoretically. At least it wasn’t 4 days above 40, right? Am I right. Still, almost 30 degrees before sun up, that is some crazy kind of bullshit right there. And, theoretically I feel your pain, Mate, and Melbourne more broadly. Plus I’ve seen the forecast for the next week and I’m not happy about it. I mean, I can’t keep skipping town every time I don’t like the weather.

I’m a big fan of happy mediums. Not all the time, I kind of like extremes too. But in weather I totally dig on the happy medium.

But mate, think about this: in two short months you will be the hell out of here, sure so will the superheat no doubt (please Nature). But we’ll all be hurtling headlong into winter and you will be heading to sweet summer. Oh sure, according to one website, “Summer is a great time to visit Cardiff as it is at its sunniest and hottest. June to August sees an average temperature of 15ºC.”! Oh, that sounds just about the same as a Melbourne winter, but you cannot deny it also sounds like a happy medium.

WAIT! That is the average temperature, but the average maximum temperature is more like 20ºC. And that really does sound like a happy medium. Oh, sure, it sounds like a bullshit summer, but a pretty good way to spend a winter, ay. Just look forward everyone and we’ll all get a good night’s sleep soon.

Hard truths (AM)

It dawned on me this morning that it's almost the end of winter. There are just a few short days to go. 

Seriously, the days are getting longer, so there's literally only a few short days to go. When I realised this I immediately thought gee, winter wasn't so bad. Sure, there were some super cold days, but it hasn't been a daily battle for survival like some winters are. 

I started to think that perhaps I'm getting tougher, but had this nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. Like the 6 weeks I spent drinking beer and swimming in lakes in a northern summer while winter was sinking its icy cold fangs in to my home town.  So no, I'm not getting tougher. I'm just basically half way through winter. 

But you know what you guys? Though I'm not getting tougher, nor am I getting (more) stupid. Even though winter is technically over, believe me when I tell you that September is a cold and inhospitable month, and the month when the real damage gets done. You think it's going to get warmer and it doesn't and so you feel both cold AND betrayed by nature. It's a rough time. So at the risk of sounding like a negative nelly, don't believe the BOM when they say it's going to be 19 and mostly sunny today. And most of this week. 

The hell it is. 

Best things (AM)

Yesterday I was lamenting the fact that Miss Soft Crab doesn’t celebrate best things anymore. Or at least I had the feeling we didn’t it. It turns out we do it all the time. Condiments! Warm things! Ewan! You know what I love about best things? It can be anything. Yesterday as I was thinking this, I was on my lunch break eating a lentil wrap at The Social Studio. It’s not like it was amazing or anything (what is?) but I was just really enjoying it. It was basically a warm lentil, vegetabley curry thing wrapped in pita bread and toasted. But the cafe was so warm and the crunch of pita so nice and the spicy salty mush of the lentils so tasty and comforting I just thought, ‘BEST THING!’ In some ways it wasn’t at all, and in other ways it was exactly a best thing. Just a happy-making surprise lunch.

I guess I was primed to really enjoy my lunch, having finally found a pair of tracksuit pants that were both fleecy and not super ugly and not too overpriced thanks to a 40% sale at TSL.  Of course, I was also hating on the world a bit because the pants are men’s pants, with Bonds still refusing to bring out a fleece pant for ladies, as if women don’t want to be warm. Are you imbeciles? Have you ever spoken to a man or a woman, Bonds? Men notoriously run hotter than women. We need the fleece! WE need the fleece! Anyway, I guess the promise of getting wrapped in fleece last night helped keep my hatred of the patriarchy at bay and I could just think about much I loved best things.

Then last night when I got home and put those tracksuit pants on I knew I really did have another best thing. You can call me crazy but I think these tracksuit pants are cute. Of course we always think what we love is cute though, I guess. They are warm and grey and great, and without a doubt they are best things, but what I am just really loving is best things. You know, if you just think about how good things are you really feel good about stuff, 'cause, you know, things are good. Especially once you trackie prayers are answered.

Winter warmers (AM)

Last winter (or was it the winter before?) I remember K wanting to buy some pyjamas. I all but scoffed at her. Where the hell is the joy in pyjamas? In winter, it's tracksuit pants you want, fleecy and snug, this is where real joy comes from. I was vehement in my brain if not in my derision of her quest for jarmies. I know she found some and I know they brought her great joy. A joy I did not believe was real. Fleece track suit pants was the only way to find winter peace.

Well that is all well and good when one owns a good pair of tracksuit pants. Dare to dream, I used to say. Also, I used to own joy-bringing pants, a fleecy, warm pair. But time wearies all things of beauty, so too these pants and we had to part. Last year I was on a mission to find what I like to call BSMs, or Bella Swan maternity pants, the pants Kristen Stewart wears during Bella's entire pregnancy in Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1.

Here are Bella and Sparkleface enjoying at tender moment as they await the birth of their vampiric progeny

They are sort of fitted, yet tracksuity and I thought they would answer my tracksuit prayers. But lo, like vampires, such a pant seems not to exist outside of the realm of fantasy. I found a poor approximation but they pilled to all git out, which really negated any softness and comfort they had, and they too had to go.

This year I started my search early but my usual go to, Bonds, do not even have a fleecy tracksuit pant in their range! The best they offer  is a terry loop, and where is the joy in that! There is none. American Apparel have fleece pants but I find it difficult to part with the kind of money they want for such an unflattering item.

Guys, I've been despondent. And then, last week it hit me: flannel pyjamas. Sure I felt a traitor to myself, but once it came to me I could think of nothing else. I left work on a lunch break and returned with the most joy bringing pyjamas.

Mate, I'm sorry I scoffed at your love of pyjamas. I know happiness and I know flannel can bring it.

Some things never change (AM)

In my early twenties I lived in a great flat with Miguel and David. In those heady days of Playstation 2, Nintendo 64, instant mee goreng,  driving around aimlessly, drinking, and working part time I could do what I want. Go to bed when I wanted. Wake up when I wanted, I guess. What a sweet life. I'd go to bed late for all sorts of great reasons, like Tony Delroy's quiz was a really good one or someone came home with a bottle of vodka or we had a really competitive game of Tekken going on. But without doubt the thing that kept me up most was my aversion to that time in between leaving my usual post in front if the heater and getting into bed. Teeth brushing time. Don't get me wrong. I love brushing my teeth. In fact back in those days I even wrote a song about it.  I guess this is really just a winter thing, but the memory is strong. I'd be lying in front of the heater and be so tired I'd just want to be in bed. But if there was one thing I can not do, it is go to bed without brushing my teeth. Ughhhh. But I would be so warm and comfy I would not, for love nor money*, be able to rouse myself to go to bed, because the cold bathroom and time between floor and bed were so repellent. Eventually I'd get to bed, teeth clean, but it was so hard. Until I was doing it, really it was fine then. And after the teeth, I would be in a warm bed and I'd be the happiest I'd been all night. 

Perhaps the memory is so vivid because I felt the exact same way last night. Lying in front of the heater, warm and sleepy and a cold bathroom between me and bed, but now it's even harder because there is a smart phone to keep me company. Well last night, as every night, I got up to go brush my teeth and go to bed. And of course, it was fine. It's always the pulling away from the heater that is hardest. But I couldn't help look back over my life, at all the nights I didn't want to walk that bridge from warm room to bed and wondered why the fuck I can't just get a warm house?!


*lie

Haiku Thursday (PM)

The joys of winter

I

Winter gets hated

Me, I'm a hardcore hater

But it has a role

II

See, without winter

There's no joy of fleece trackies

No joy of doona

III

Without winter, see 

There's no joy of its ending

No joy of spring's start

Haiku Thursday (PM)

Chris Judd Haiku

I

Just because it sounds

Yum, doesn't make it cool you

Chicken wing tackler. 

II

Stop pretending and 

Just punch people in the face

Like the thug you are. 

RE: Afternoon naps with the winter sun on your face

My new work desk has 

A window and privacy.

Opportunity.