Tuesday, May 3, 2011

If I were Jay-Z

I'm afraid that this is the closest I can get to being Jay-Z.
I love your album, BTW.

J: MISS SOFT CRAB is incredible—aesthetically, culturally … When did you get the idea to start it and how long have you been working on it?

K: Great question Mate, what do you base your answer on? Well, as you know, I’ve been spending half my working day emailing you for years now, and I guess I started to feel like it was getting pretty ridiculous, and I should probably start making more of an effort to do more work. But how to do enough work to respect myself while also maintaining the delightful to and fro of ideas that I have enjoyed with you for so long? What happens when I have something to say about foods, about things that have happened, or about gentlemens? What happens when YOU have something to say about these things? It took a pretty long time to figure out that maybe we should write a bloggy, but once we did Miss Soft Crab was born.

J: I love seeing everything through your filter, how do you decide what you are going to cover? How personal is this?

K: I don’t understand this business about my filter. Is a filter a thing that I have, like a gallbladder? If so, I feel weird about people looking at ‘everything’ through it. Get your own filter people! Plus, here at MSC we don’t talk about everything, we just talk about some things. We decide on those things based on the fact that that’s the stuff we talk about all the time. We talk about those things over and over. To say that we talk about everything is really overstating it.

J: As someone who has walked through museums with you, eaten with you, heard music with you, I know firsthand how creativity in all areas lifts your consciousness. Do you feel that as a cultural figure of importance it is part of your responsibility to share what inspires you?

K: Totes. People need to hear about what I have eaten, what is going on with my friends, how I feel about Marky Mark and other hunks. They need to hear about this because I am really special – fact, not opinion. It’s my responsibility to share the specialness, share my thoughts about things. If you expect me to shirk this responsibility then you are going to be majorly disappointed.

J: In one word answers, name someone or something in food, music, art and design, style, and sports that inspires you today and your favorite spot to be leisurely.


  • Food: OASIS BAKERY. I liked it how they knew that even though felafel wraps are a great meal, sometimes you need chips to go with them. But mainly I loved that hot sauce that tasted like what would happen if chilli and vinegar spent a beautiful night together and had a baby.
  • Music: MUPPETS. I like how they sing everything they think and feel. And I like how they move their arms around when they dance. They pretty much have only one dance move, which I relate to.
  • Art: Oh come on Mate, give a girl a break. I like all the stuff I am supposed to like, OK? Lets just leave it at that.
  • Style: WELL DRESSED OLD LADIES. Those well groomed ones you see in groups in the city sometimes. I love those ladies and I want them to teach me how to look nice.
  • Sports: I like these guys.

  • And my favorite spot to be leisurely is everywhere, all the time. Naturally.

J: You are the coolest (wo) man on Earth, how the f did you get like that?

K: I try really hard all the time, and I copy other people who seem like they are cool. That’s how. Oh, and if you want to be cool like me, you should probably have said ‘how the fuck’ instead of ‘how the f’. People think swearing is really cool.

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