Friday, May 27, 2011

Shut up Wikipedia

Your compression tights sound fantastic and I want some for myself. I say YES to human performance, multiplied. Who wouldn't want that? Other kinds of performance I would not like to see multiplied however, such as cockroach performance or spider performance. Lets hope they never make a pair of compression tights with eight leg holes for spiders, because those little a-holes are scary enough without multiplied performance. Even though the idea of tiny tiny eight legged compression tights does sound cute. But not that cute.
So now that I have confirmed that I want the compression tights, I am going to do some internet research to find out what they are and how they work.
****Time lapse*****
Oh, interesting. According to the internets, compression sportswear keeps muscles nice and warm so as to prevent muscle strain and fatigue, and enhances athletic performance.
They sound like super great things!
Wikipedia also advises that they are also used as a way to keep the male genitalia in place. Whether this is all the time or just when exercising, I do not know.
Wikipedia totally lost me at this point because it started talking about how jockstraps have fallen out of favor because of their embarrassing looks, and how women also wear compression sportswear when playing sports that involve wearing skirts or kilts. Really? Kilts? WTF kind of sport involves wearing a kilt?
At any rate, hooray for compression tights and hooray for multiplied human performance.

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