Haiku Thursday (AM)

Winter

I like how you have

Thrown some mild days in the mix.

Keep that up, please, k?

Masterchef

There's so much running

On this show. They should call it

MasterRace. Oh, wait. 

It's called a fucking EGGPLANT!

EGGPLANT! Ok!?!

Too far, Masterchef, too far!!

So the other day I was talking to one of my favourite colleagues, Handsome Stan, and he told me something that totally blew my mind. Just so you guys can picture the scene though, let me tell you a bit about Handsome Stan. Pretty much everyone at work has a special place in their hearts for Handsome Stan. This is mainly because he is really handsome and nice and has a slight lisp. Also because he has the piercing blue eyes of a Siberian husky, smiles all the time and on a personal level, laughs at all my jokes. One time I was waiting for the lift and when the door opened, Handsome Stan was in there looking in the mirror and fixing his hair. I said "Like what you see Handsome Stan?" to which he replied "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" extremely nervously and then blushed and ran past me.
He is super adorable.
And, in particularly good form at the moment because his lady friend just had a baby. (Don't judge me guys, having a baby and being in a solid relationship does not change anything about your general level of attractiveness, and you know what it's like in the workplace!!!)
Anyway, I was chatting to Handsome Stan about his new baby the other day and he pulled out his phone to show me some photos. He scrolled through a few pictures and I nodded and smiled and said all the right things until we happened upon a picture of one of his other kids in his local football uniform, which was BRIGHT PURPLE. At this point I started laughing and said "Oh gee Handsome Stan, that is an unfortunate colour scheme. What do they call them, the Brunswick Bruises? hahaha".
"No", he said, "all the other kids call them the aubergines."
"WTF?" I asked. "Don't you mean the violet crumbles?"
"No."
"Not even eggplants?"
"No, aubergines. That's what they call them. It's because of Masterchef."
Can you believe that shit?

Good riddance MasterChef

Scando hunks are a one of the best kind of hunks! Rene from NOMA was sure a darling. Thank God too, because the rest of the MasterChef finale was a total dud.

Basically I agree with everything you said. None of the contestants elicited much feeling. The series generally was boring. The challenges were ridiculous. Ok, you may not have said those things but they are all true. I mean, I watched a fair bit of MasterChef this season, but I was not happy about it. The first two years were great. But now it has lost it's shine. It got too self aware and confident and stupid. MasterChef it's over between us. FOREVER.

Let's remember Stefan Edberg to make us all feel better.

Goodbye Masterchef

I went to a Masterchef party last night. I baked this.
I love a bit of novelty baking.

When I arrived, Scampy (hostess) said "I think we all know what's going to happen here. Michael is going to cook really well, but the judges will choose Kate because she has extremely cute kids and will sell a lot of cookbooks." We knew she was right, and I wanted to feel angry that the fix was in but the truth is, I don't really care. Unlike previous years, I couldn't muster much interest in Masterchef this time around. I know I made a Masterchef cake, which indicates I do care, but it's just eating cake that I care about, not the show.

I guess I just couldn't be bothered with it this year. I didn't particularly like or dislike anyone. (though Sun does seem very annoying). My feelings for George, Matt and Gary haven't changed. That is, except for the fact that I now know Gary's name whereas I used to refer to him as the other guy. It just never really called to me, and I only ever watched it if I happened to be sitting in front of a TV at the time it was on. Unlike Offspring, which I make a point of sitting in front of a TV to see. Just kidding! (Not really. Sometimes I would.)

Now it's all over, and we all know that Kate won, and I still I don't really care.
But I'll tell you what I do care about.
That total peach of a guest chef they had on to issue the snowman challenge. He was so delightful!
For those of you who didn't see the show, his name is Rene Redzepi and he owns the restaurant Noma in Copenhagen which is apparently the world's best. He is 33. Check out this photo of him. As soon as I can take my eyes off that giant wheel of cheese, I am pretty sure I am going to like what I see.

Until then, here he is enjoying a coffee while at the fish shop with Matt Preston:

Here is he is frolicking in a field:

Here he is thinking some thoughts:

What's for dinner Rene? Just kidding, it's not dinner time yet, I just had breakfast!
Anyway, he was my favourite thing about Masterchef 2011. On last night's show, he walked around the kitchen calmly and gracefully, providing comments on the contestants' snowmen in his adorable Scandinavian accent. At one point, Kate realised she hadn't made enough carrot puree but said she didn't have time to make any more. Rene said "Of course not. That would be impossible."
Hahahaha.
Why are Scandinavian men such massive hunks?
What? You know, I found that picture on the interweb and it's caption was "Vampire Eric looking totally fly".
HAHAHAHA.
Goodbye Masterchef.

The things that keep me up at night

I suppose if you just got home from a month in the Americas, watching Master Chef may not be the first thing you do. But me, I watch me quite a lot of Master Chef. Now I don't know if it is because I just cooked the shit out of ... my kitchen(?) this weekend, or simply because I watch a lot of Master Chef, but every time I woke up last night I thought about how I would have addressed last night's challenge if I was on that show.

Now I kind of know one of the people on Master Chef this season. He's the friend of a friend. A nice guy. And the only person I've known to be on a reality TV show, so obviously I am going for him.

Let me set the scene for last nights show. The contestants were told it was an invention test with a Spanish theme. They could chose one of three pairs of ingredients: lamb and anchovies; sherry and oranges; and choritzo and squid. The guy I am barracking for, let's call him Emo, chose one of the meaty pairs and then filled his basket from the pantry and claimed that he had never chosen a pantry basket so well. Then the judges swapped everyone's baskets and poor Emo got a sherry and oranges basket full of dessert ingredients. But he is not a dessert man. And moreover, he is lactose intolerant (all this I know from the show last night, not personal experience). He did really badly in the challenge and the judges were mean to him (I think Gary hates him, and George really stuck the boot in last night). AND the person who got Emo's basket won the challenge, didn't even acknowledge his awesome ingredients gathering.

Anyways all night I kept waking up thinking, man if I had got the basket Emo got I would have made a dessert sharing plate. I'd have made a custard, then split it in half, turning one part into an orange custard and the other into cinnamon chocolate ice-cream. I would have made a toffee for show and churros, but if they didn't work out well (I've tried them before, they are easy to make ok because they are fried and I rolled them in sugar and cinnamon which all adds up to yum, but they were not mind-blowing) I would just make some sort of biscuit. Seriously I was tossing and turning with these thoughts. But I guess I have a couple advantages. Firstly, as mentioned I just baked the shit out of shit this weekend.


And secondly, I am not on Master Chef. And I never would be on Master Chef. I cook ok, and that's it. I don't sit around thinking about what I would cook if I were going to audition for it. It's not like Australian Idol which I really did want to audition for because it would have been hilarious. (And FYI I would have sung 'Nothing Compares to You' - the Prince version obviously.)

But on that note I am going to share a recipe. Yesterday I pretty much ate all day, but at dinner time I still wanted to eat something yummy and easy. And from nowhere I remembered this thing I used to make when I was alone and hung over and hungry and at home with not much food. It's basically what I imagine is the vegetarian version of a meatball sandwich. In fact I'm pretty sure I invented it after watching an episode of Friends where Joey keeps eating a meatball sandwich. I really wanted to eat a meatball sandwich.

Serves 1

1 long roll or portion of baguette
1/2 small onion, chopped
1-2 cloves garlic, sliced fine
1 long chilli (I like a pickled one) chopped
Olive oil
Sugo - a nice amount to make a juicy sandwich (1/2 a cup?)
Salt
Pepper
Paprika or dried chilli.
1 large field mushroom or a few buttons, sliced
Some cheese, (cheddar or Swiss or whatevs really) sliced - enough to fill your sandwich.

Preheat the oven to about 180.
Fry onion for a couple of minutes in the olive oil. Add the garlic then the chilli. Fry for a couple of minutes then add the sugo. Warm through. Season with some salt, pepper and paprika or dried chilli. Slice the roll in half, spread tomato sauce then put on the mushies, then the cheese. Wrap in foil then put in oven for 10 or so minutes. Just till the cheese is melted and the mushies are softened.

Now that's some good eating.