Ten

Well, I got to tell you when I went to look at Miss Soft Crab last week I was not really expecting to find a post from K. I was expecting to see the Kravitz-Bonets looking at me with their beautiful faces but instead I saw this little ray of sunshine. Congratulations Tugboat and K - the big oh-one!

Having a baby - it's the biz. But of course not everyone gets to do that or wants to that so forget about it - there is so much great shit in the world and having a baby is just one thing.

Anyway, I was recently reminiscing about  the day Baby was born because he turned the big one-oh a couple of weeks ago. TEN! Sometimes (always) on my kids birthdays I like to recall their birth and make them listen to the details. They love it. When Pickle and Minderbinder dropped past on Baby's birthday they asked "It must be his birthday right around now, wasn't he born around now?" to which I answered, "In about an hour. Now would be around the time that I would have been screaming 'Turn off the drip!! IT'S TOO MUCH!!! PLEASE TURN OF THE DRIP!!!'"

Later he was born and whoa - what a delight. And then I had the best shower of my life. I couldn't leave. Though you know when I really couldn't leave the shower - DURING labour with Newbie. But that's another story.

One

I went away on the weekend and gee it was nice. 

So much of that sweet autumn sun and those beautiful autumn leaves. And because of all the rain, green grass to set it off so nicely. Does Autumn feel particularly lush this year? 

***time lapse***

I just went looking for J's last post about how great autumn is to reference here, and in the process I realised it's winter now. Oopsadaisy. But only just. It's that part of winter that actually feels like fully-fledged autumn, unlike the start, which really feels like leftover summer. Look, it's beautiful outside at the moment. Do we need to apply labels to it? 

Anyhoo, it's Tugboat's birthday in a few weeks.  He will be 1. I can't believe it's been a year (almost) since the day he was born. It was a great day. I bought some new ugg boots, then went to hospital to be induced.  There was a terrible storm, and after a while they said little Tugboat was not doing so well so how did I feel about a cesarean. I said super, thanks for asking.

Half an hour later I was lying in theatre, trembling like a leaf, so the anaesthetist put a hose under the sheet I was lying under, and it blew warm air all over me. I loved him for that. I don't remember much after the warm air, except a massive amount of pressure being applied to my belly as someone pushed Tugboat down from on top while my doctor pulled him out from below. I'm sure it was legit.  The next thing I remember was everyone in the room laughing because Tugs had grabbed onto a piece of cord  holding up the sheet, and he wouldn't let go for love nor money.

 I had many questions, like "Is my baby OK?" and "Seriously, is my baby OK?" but there was so much laughter I had to wait for a break before I could be heard. Eventually they prised his hand from the cord and put him on my chest and I'm sure you all know the rest. Cuddles and tears, on for young and old. I didn't know he was a boy so I found that out. The people in the room asked what his name would be and Appleheart said "tell em!!" so I said "Tugboat!" and everyone cheered. I guess it was pretty much the best day of my life, along with when KB was born and some other really choice days. 

It's weird that it was almost a year ago. And also weird that there was a time before Tugboat. 

I miss you '90s

I have to say I'm disappointed but not surprised by K's assessment of the television show High Fidelity. I also loved the book and the movie, which I rewatched not that long ago and fully enjoyed. And why doesn't John Cusack work more. He is great. And so is Joan.

I read a review of the TV show a while ago before I knew it was going to be on iView and though the review was a little mixed I was still excited about the prospect because of my love of previous High Fidelities and because I am also intrigued by Zoe Kravitz. I saw her in a Fantastic Beasts movie and enjoyed her well enough but I thin kwe all know that you can't really get a good read of someone in Harry Potter universe so I want to see more of her. I mean, she is everywhere and people love her and I listened to the song Flowers for Zoe hundreds or thousands of times in the '90s so I want to know more.

Anyway, when I saw HF was on iView I suggested watching it to LB but he was about as enthusiastic about it as Appleheart was about MJ by the sounds of things, so I haven't watched it yet. But I guess there were some alarm bells. Like once I saw the ads I could tell it might be a bit earnest. I am all for turning white men into black women. I need another TV show about a white man like I need a punch in the face. But there is the concern that by doing that a show may be on a bit of a mission which they take a bit seriously and really want to send a message. You know what I'm saying. Also when male characters are turned into women they often become that stereotype damaged woman, not interested in love, probably because she's been hurt too many times. But the right man just needs to come along to show her that she too can love too. Is that what's happening here? I don't know. I mean, really I'm just talking a bunch of bullshit and should probably just go watch an episode of the show.

In other news it was Lenny Kravitz's birthday yesterday. Still is on the other side of the world. Happy birthday Lenny.

Dreams of the 90s

Thanks for the wrap-up of The Last Dance, Mate. I suggested it as a night time viewing option the other night but Appleheart said he has no interest in basketball and kyboshed it. I was surprised by this, especially given his enthusiasm for the mini basketball ring we rigged up to the top bunk the other day. But I figured I'd just watch it by myself once RuPaul's Drag Race season 12 is over next week (go Crystal Methyd!!). 

Speaking of the 90s and beautiful people - High Fidelity. 

I watched the first episode of this show really wanting to like it. I loved the book and I loved the movie - seriously, John Cusack does not work enough, nor does Joan Cusack for that matter. 

I remember the movie being playful and fun but with definite pathos, just like the 90s. John Cusack's Rob was fun and appealing and also a bit of a d-bag, just like dudes in the 90s! Jokes. Those qualities are timeless. But seriously. I had high hopes for High Fidelity. And I was looking forward to seeing more of Zoe Kravitz. I haven't really seen anything else she's been in, but the fact of Zoe Kravitz's existence in a place where we can see her pleases me. I mean, that woman is like the personification of pre-teen dreams for me. Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz were a couple before we hit puberty but something told me that what they had going on was exactly the kind of thing you hit puberty for. I mean look at these guys. 

Anyway, I could barely sit through the first episode of High Fidelity and I should have known why. It's not the 90s anymore! Playful and poignant isn't a thing these days. It was so damned earnest, except for when it wasn't, and then it was trying so hard for laughs that I couldn't even muster a giggle. And rather than develop some of the other characters or develop the main character more, it seems to be playing it just like the movie,only over multiple episodes instead of 90 enjoyable minutes. At least, I think that's what's happening. I can't tell, I couldn't watch more than ten mins into the second ep. 

Still, at least it got me thinking about John Cusack, and young Lenny and Lisa. What a pair of dreamboats. 

The Last Dance

Have you been watching The Last Dance, the Michael Jordan doco on Netflix?  It's very enjoyable and I guess there are a number of reasons. Firstly, watching Michael Jordan play basketball is very familiar. It's not that I watched heaps of bball in the 90s, though I did watch some. But I think he was so omnipresent that the way he moved is just in the brain of a 90s teenager and was roused by watching all that footage, like a memory jogged by a smell.

Second, he was so handsome. I had forgotten how handsome he was and the first few episodes, I had to really stop my self from exclaiming to LB every time the young Jordan came onto the screen - which was basically constantly.

Which brings me to the third point, which is that he really seems to be an arsehole and there is something quite disjointing about seeing an adorable smiling face evidently be such a d-bag which is supported by the now older Michael Jordan interviews. The present-day Jordan just looks like an old ex-athlete that thinks he is top shit and thinks his dbag behaviour was totally justified. Let me also make it clear that footage of the young Jordan also make it look like he was a dbag. There's no question he was a dick, but I guess there is just something weird about seeing this man across the ages. Also, it is basically not until the end of episode 8 that you can really see anything human about him. Maybe that's what is so disconcerting. The final three episodes he does seem more human, which is also sort of enjoyable. Also it's very disconcerting that even though you think you aren't identifying with Jordan, because he's such a douche, as you watch footage of the basketball games you still really want the Bulls to win.

I also very much enjoyed seeing the other '90s basketball stars. Like, as a kid I always just thought that Scottie Pippen was just a funny-looking second fiddle to Jordan. But now I kind of love him. He, like Jordan, could be a bit of a baby, but he has this nice calm demeanour, his team mates loved him, and now I think he was actually quite handsome too?! Whatever, he is certainly kind of adorable.

And how about Dennis Rodman?! In the '90s I just wrote him off as a show-pony with dumb hair, but now I see his importance as a player and the troubled soul that led to that classic bad-boy behaviour.

Also - watching basketball! As a person that really only watches a bit of tennis and AFL,  getting familiar with basketball was thoroughly enjoyable. Was it because I was only watching the peak teams of a peak bball period? Maybe but who cares, I loved it.

All in all, I give this show several out of some stars.

What happened last week

Mate! You’re here! It’s great to see you on the webs. Especially because I can’t see you in real life. And my front-facing camera doesn’t work on my phone so FaceTime is out of the question. So here we are! Though I confess K’s reappearance totally made me drop the ball last week. Apologies Crab fans.

So let’s do a little recap of the week that was. Hahahhahahahaha. Just kidding. Who the eff knows what happened last week? I mean who the eff knows what happened yesterday!?

Ok. A quick scroll through my phone photos reminds me that three things of note happened last week.

1) I was reintroduced to the magic of kite flying. On one of the windy days LB suggested we go kite flying, which we hadn't done in ages. Probably a year or two at least so I took the kids to the park with out kites and up they went. Yes, there was a small issue of constant fighting cause I have three kids and two kites, but at times it was just magical. Kites really are cool. And passers by would stop to watch them, even though they are the most simple kites imaginable. A little kid named Billy (probably about 3 years old) joined us and chased the kites for ages. It was delightful. And so goddamn wholesome.

2) I made eggplant subs for dinner. Actually I made everyone else in the house meatball subs, but for me, I made double-crumbed eggplant subs, with two kinds of cheese. And yes, it was delicious.

3) I found this Leonardo GIF.

You're welcome!

Hello again too

I still feel a fair amount of hate for the people who are catching up on Netflix, if I'm honest. I agree with everything J says about the little pockets of time that crop up in the course of the day. They are truly delightful. In fact, today's moment of delight is likely to be  a lunchtime bath, which is a privilege afforded to me by the fact that Appleheart looks after the children on Fridays. I mean, what a great life. A lunchtime bath. Not to mention Appleheart. Not to mention children. But there's still this little fire of hate burning in my heart that I can't quite put out. Hate is too strong a word, it's more like a deeply unimpressed vibe. I think it's the fact that Mum had the stroke around the same time this started and so fear and dread are still lurking around for me, like a label that hasn't quite come off a jar. And even though Mum is doing super well (never knows what day it is, but that's OK) and Australia's Covid 19 deaths are comparatively so few, I feel deeply unimpressed with people banging on in social media about the quieter and more 'back to basics' life they're living. But that's probably just because social media brings out the worst in me. 

I'm sorry I haven't been here like I promised. Thanks to Baby for cutting me some slack but I should just be following through, dark times or not. As Justin Langer said on Barrie Cassidy's One on One the other night, if you talk excellence and deliver mediocrity, you're nothing but a common liar. 

Christ knows how I have the time for Barrie Cassidy's One on One, and why I am taking advice from someone who I thought sounded like a pretty massive d-bag and who I actually disagree with but here I go anyway. And why does Barrie Cassidy spell Barrie with an 'ie'. Isn't that weird? I'd never thought about it before but it's weird. But good on him.It's his name, he should spell it however he wants! Fuck me and my bullshit naming standards. 

As you can see, I'm kind of having some weird moods and thoughts at the moment. But I feel 100 per cent sure of my feelings about J's dinner from the Thursday post. Fucking yum!

Hi again

Despite assurances from K a couple of weeks ago that she was still here, the truth of this seems in doubt. I know she is still somewhere, but I'm not so sure about here. But that's cool. As Baby keeps reminding me, we're living in dark times, give a co-blogger a break!

In some ways it has felt like dark times. First there was the fear that someone I knew and loved would get sick with the dreaded CV. Then there were the more general fears about a society full of people out of work and suffering. Then there was the anxiety of working from home with children bothering me. And while the first of those fears has greatly lessened, the second adequately pushed under a rug, and third somewhat made peace with, technically I guess you could say I've been feeling better about things.

Due to a number of very first world problems like too much work, a bathroom renovation and three healthy children that are essentially in my care constantly now, I feel busier now more than ever and what with having to be in the same physical space all the time with the same people my brain feels jammed packed. At first when I'd hear people on the radio talking about all the Netflix they could catch up on and projects they could undertake my blood would boil. Fuck you and your Netflix. But I have realised, despite having no extra time for Netflix or personal projects, I do have time for small moments and they are pretty nice.

Without the commute to work I get home from work at 5PM. That is, I walk from my bedroom, where I work, to the family room where everyone else is and I'm done for the day. And then I have time to hang out with my darlings AND cook a nice dinner. Yesterday morning I went for an early walk with Little Bean before I had to start work. Usually there's no time for stuff like that. I can't tell you what a drain on my normal mornings making school lunches is. I love not making them in the morning. I love it. And Baby talks to me all the time about funny stuff. That kid is going to be ten in a month - if you can believe that - and he basically has a teenager's lack of desire to talk too his parents already. But now that he has no one to talk to anymore I'm really reaping the benefits. So I'm not going to hate people for watching lots of Netflix anymore.

Coronavirus - The Crown style

A few weeks ago when Boris Johnson was in ICU with coronavirus, Prince Charles had been recently diagnosed with it and QEII had just given her coronavirus address I couldn’t help thinking about the episode of The Crown this would result in.

It opens at the bustling Wuhan fish market. A cold, frosty morning. Fishmongers pull fish from a truck, cold air rises from from large dead fish. A man coughs. A week later: the streets of Wuhan. People in masks, coughing. Full hospitals. Chinese officials around boardroom tables speaking frantically. Cut to QE II in the parlour where she always watches TV, a news caster reports on a deadly new virus spreading through China. “Oh dear,” says the queen.

Cut to opening credits.

The episode is all phone calls with Boris, debates over whether the UK should start shutting things down or stand strong, questions over where the royals should all be and who should be with the, Then Charles tests positive. “I see,” the queen says into a telephone receiver. (I wonder if the queen uses a mobile phone? Will the 2020 episodes still have QEII holding a land line to her face?) There’ll be discussions over whether she should address the nation. “At a time like this they need you, ma’am,” someone will tell her. Boris will get sick of course, go into hospital, end up in ICU.  Lizzie will have that strained, torn look on her face as she hears the news. Then he survives (same torn look on her face when she hears probably). She’ll be upset about missing her Easter duties but will give her touching  Easter address.  I guess eventually the numbers will start to get better too. Fewer people will die. Everyone will be cautiously optimistic. Perhaps the Queen will have to stay isolated for longer. Forever?

The episode will have that heavy feeling of the London smog episode or mining town landslide episode. Shit, a lot of bad stuff happens over 60 odd years does’t it? Ever since I started seeing COVID-19 as an episode of The Crown all news out of England appears to me as a part of the episode - it really is delightful. But I also started to think about the Crown episodes that the past decade would inspire. Terrorist attacks in London, Brexit, the Scottish referendum perhaps, Harry and Megan (can't wait for that one), some personal ones I could not foresee. Ugh. I hope this period of self isolation is giving her maj a well earned break. Girlfriend turned 94 on Tuesday, lockdown is probably the nicest thing that could have happened to her. Happy birthday QEII, stay safe.

Thanks, COVID-19

Back in the mid 00s K and I used to very much enjoy a blog called Go Fug Yourself. I dare say it was one of the inspirations for this very blog here. It was just a couple of gals talking about the clothes that celebrities wore. It was a magnificent time, Lady Gaga was reaching her height and so were her outfits. The internet wasn't saturated by, well, everything and Instagram didn't even exist!  It was a really funny blog and a great opportunity to look at all kinds of outfits, good and bad. It still exists in a much fancier form now and I haven't looked at it in years (except earlier today to verify this claim about its existence). When it started getting big and the original authors weren't the only writers anymore (and I'm not just talking about delegating to Intern George)* I think I can safely say that K and I both stopped reading it. It just lost that certain je ne sais quoi. But in its hey day it really was very good. There were a couple of particular things that the writers really did not like, fashionwise, and mostly I was in tune with them. If someone wore shorts or a skirt that was too short, the post would carry the tag 'look into pants', a person wearing leggings would get 'leggings aren't pants' (or something similar - sheesh it was more than a decade ago, I can't remember all the details) and these were all sentiments I could get behind. But as one working from home day rolls into the next I think it's safe to say my position on leggings has changed. Drastically.

I do have several pairs of leggings because I like to run in them (I mean I used to run in them, but for years now I have only fanticised about running in them) and I like to do yoga in them but other than that I rarely wear them. Oh occasionally I'll wear them around the house but they're not really a default. I am just pretty comfortable in jeans most of the time but working from home calls for something else. I do not like to work in too-comfortable clothes, I need something more constricting than pyjamas or tracksuit pants to get my mind in the right framework, but jeans can be uncomfortable for hours of sitting. Moreover, I may be stuck at home but I still want to mix it up a bit. Sheesh, girlfriend still likes to think about and wear sweet outfits. And I gotta tell ya, leggings really are the perfect pal for this scenario. The slight constriction of a good pair of leggings is just the right level of discomfort for WFH, while the flexibility gives just the right amount of comfort. And when you bother to put the outfit together, I feel like you can come up with something pretty sweet. This is what I'm wearing today - a red jumper with a nice shape, red socks to pull it all together - I'm enjoying it on a comfort and aesthetic level.

**

From where I sit now I could actually imagine wearing this in the real world. So I'd like to thank COVID-19 and the forced isolation for opening my eyes to this new possibility of leggings as pants. Although when the doors to the outside world open I may well find this is just like when you're holidaying in a country where the fashion sense is just slightly different and your removal from your life makes you think that you love and could wear the clothes people wear in that country. And then you buy clothes, bring them home to your natural habitat and realise there is no fucking way you'd wear those things. Oh well, only time will tell I guess.   

*You feel me GFY fans.
**Looking at this I realise I'm just wearing a really normal selection of items people would wear in their own house and maybe this doesn't warrant a photo, let alone a blog post. Oh well - too late now! 

It’s working

I think that even if your plan isn’t working, the overall scheme is.

I say that as someone who isn’t home-schooling kiddos, so it’s possible that I have no idea what I’m talking about. But I think that rolling with the heretofore inconceivable concept of working and home schooling AT THE SAME TIME (noting that you’re on leave this week Mate, but still) sounds like a noteworthy achievement. I mean, that is a totally bonkers concept that no one would have dreamed into existence just a few months ago.  Kids have got to be learning a shit load about problem solving and adaptability through this exercise. Or something. Will just fucking rolling with it be the fourth R for this generation of school kids? Perhaps. 

I had a plan about what I was going to write today too, but alas. I spent the entire day with a teething baby and a four and a half year old who sure does like to ask a lot of questions. It’s not a very inspirational scenario, and  It’s only at the end of the day that I’m getting to put finger to keyboard. 

All I feel like saying now is how much I like this corner of my bedroom. I don’t know where to put that Kusama poster, but in the meantime I like looking  at it here. 

I had a plan

I had in my head the post that I wanted to write today but as I think we all know, planning some writing in your head is not the same as writing that thing. What I should have done was write it last night, once the kids were in bed and my brain was still halfway working. But like a fool I didn't do that, expecting - for some reason - that I'd be able to write it today. You see, I took a few days off work this week, and not working has meant that I haven't felt quite as bled dry as I had been previously. But today 'school' started. Needless to say, at only 11:30am I feel completely bled dry. But it's recess now so I'm writing this different post. As this is as far as I can remove my brain from the day, (ie. not at all).

I sort of had high hopes for school starting. That it would add structure to the day and tasks for the kids to complete. But with Newbie in grade 1 he needs a fair bit of help and with Baby generally being a child that lacks motivation, is easily distracted and doesn't want to do stuff, he needs basically constant monitoring. So my hopes have sunk somewhat. But it is only day one and I guess the only way is up. Although I guess down is also a possibility if I'm honest.

Still here

Hi there. I just want to say that Mate, I’m still here and I have lots of things to talk about but due to generally being bled totally dry I am just putting this placeholder post here with a list of the things that I have to talk to you about. In no particular order:

How annoyed I am at everything all the time too

My neck

Autumn/winter wardrobe things, including how great your fair isle menswear jumper from country road, season, like, 2012 is. 

What normal will look like when everything goes back to ‘normal’

That the only thing better than having a dishwasher is have a dishwasher located directly opposite the drawer where most of the dishes go. 

There’s other things too, but these are a start.I plan to post about one of these each week. 

WFH Wednesday

Mate, I can see why you and your brother and your dad are worried in varying degrees about your mum.* But I think the fact that she had a stroke and now, due to extenuating circumstances, she can not leave the house (except for exercise, grocery shopping or medical care) gives her a pretty goddamned good excuse not to get out of bed before 11:30 or get out of her pyjamas after that. I haven't even had a stroke and look at what I'm wearing:

New world order, mate, we write out own rules now.

Although I'm now also a bit worried about K's mum, isn't it nice to talk about something other than You Know Who? I mean You Know What? On this point I've actually got a few concerns about myself, and I'm not just talking about my outfit. Last night Chickpea told me she had just had a non-You-Know-What-related conversation with her friend about some relationship troubles (the friend's not Chickpea's) and I remembered that I had met this person's partner just a year ago but can't remember that person at all. I remember a general impression that they seemed nice. But not their name or their face or anything else. I mean, isn't that kind of fucked? Also I'm pretty sure isolation is turning me into a total bitch. I mean, I don't feel changed. Maybe I've always been a total bitch, but I've noticed things. Like this morning when two friends said they didn't like feijoas, I implied there was something wrong with them. And I'm getting very annoyed by people at work. I was infuriated by an academic writing an open letter to the faculty about how hard working at home is for an academic if they have kids. As if it's not also hard for non-academic staff. But why I gotta be so angry about her exclusiveness. I mean, she's an academic, if she only wants to write about her people that's her business. Still, no harm being a bit more inclusive - am I right? Who knows. I have no idea about anything anymore. Maybe I'm just hungry. Again.

*Also thanks for that picture of the baby Strokes mate. I really enjoyed that step back into simpler times.

Worries

I spoke to my Mum today and she told me that she was just about to get out of bed. It was 11:30am, and it was the first thing she said to me.

“Hi darling, I’m just getting out of bed”. 

This is strange because it’s a strange way to start a conversation, and it’s also strange because my Mum would typically have done a whole bunch of stuff by 11:30am. But since she had the stroke, she’s been different and the tricky thing is figuring out what’s a difference to worry about and what’s just different because she is in fact, different. 

At first, after the stroke, she was very very tired and would stay in bed and sleep a lot more. This is very normal and reflects that fact that her brain has been damaged. After a few weeks her energy levels picked up and she would stay in bed, but read her book or “do things on the iPad”. I think that meant read the news and read emails and maybe look at photos of the kids. When she did get up, she may or may not get out of her PJs and that was somewhat alarming to everyone because my Mum loves to look groomed. She does not look groomed in her PJs. 

But heck, the woman was recovering from a stroke and so we all figured as she got better she would be more motivated to get her groom on. 

It’s been a month and a half now, so still not that far out from when it happened, but I think my dad and my brother are a bit concerned by her ongoing interest in staying in bed and not getting dressed. I’m not sure how worried I should be. Maybe she’s just finally wise to the fact that lying around in PJs all day is actually pretty great, and she’s finally, at 75, letting herself do it. I mean, that sounds about right, doesn’t it? 

I think my Dad and brother are put out by it because it’s a visual reminder of the fact that she’s changed, she’s not as invincible as she once was, she’s vulnerable and not the person who is effectively keeping our whole family safe and cared for. 

But we’re all adults. We can take care of ourselves now, more or less. Doesn’t she deserve to lie around? 

I think so. 

The new work order

K, you are right on sister. The new work environment is pretty weird. My work is using a lot of Slack and a lot of Zoom. I have a Zoom meeting basically every day and they are barely about work. I was asked to attend a weekly meeting on my day off, as if just because I'm at home I have nothing better to do than dial into a meeting that has nothing to do with me. I missed the first one and apparently all I actually missed was the director complaining about working at home and how his daughter is sick and he and his wife have to sleep in different beds. Yikes!

I did go to last week's meeting though and spent 55 minutes listening to the directorate talk about things that have absolutely nothing to do with me or the rest of my team. I thought about turning my camera off and walking away but was worried someone may ask me something. Unlikely as that was. Although at minute 55 the director thought he had to justify my team's presence and asked us how we were going. We each spoke about our home office set up for one minute. Most of my team work at our dining table or in the bedroom. Most of the directorate have a dedicated study or the pick of many rooms in their big houses. Needless to say I told my manager I would not be coming to that meeting again.

Slack is something else again. We have a a team channel and a channel for everyone in the research institute where I work, where professors log on and say things like "Good morning peeps 😎" It's pretty weird. People share pictures of the meals they made last night, there wedding photos from years ago. It's weird how these internet relationships bring a new kind of intimacy. Or maybe it's not. I mean, I guess my email relationships with people are different to my face-to-face relationships. But now there's only online relationships. With people we know but won't see for months. Let's hope things don't get too weird.😬

One week down

Apologies for being three days late with this post. We've all got quite a lot going on, right?

I suspect a lot of people's ability to multitask is really being tested this week. Not mine, because as we all know I'm a unitasker and have no expectations of myself with regards to multitasking. It's good to know that about yourself. 
Appleheart took most of the week off and has been looking after kids while I get used to being back at work. 

Mostly things are the same, but now we all communicate on Teams, and no one sends emails, and it's perfectly normal to respond to messages from the CEO with an emoji. It's not just normal, it's encouraged. 

I feel about this the way I feel about young men wearing trousers without socks. Remember how all of a sudden, about 10 years ago, young gentlemen started wearing, like, stovepipe trouser with shoes and no socks, so their ankles were on display for everyone to see?

It was very surprising and for a while I would feel a little startled every time I saw an ankle but now, I'm used to it. I'm very adaptable like that. I suspect I'll soon be replying with winky faces.

Anyway, It's been a good first week. I mean, it's no sitting around watching RuPaul's Drag Race while I cuddle a sleeping baby, but we all knew that had to come to an end. 

I hope y'all have had good weeks too.

Thank god for autumn 💓

I see you out there autumn 

Since Miss Soft Crab went on indefinite hiatus a few things have changed. Not many, but a couple. I don't freelance anymore, I work at a university now. I mean right now I work for a uni at my house. Obvs. But a couple of weeks ago, when I was still at the uni I was taking a (very) little walk with a friend. We go get a coffee in the afternoon and weather and workloads permitting, we walk from the cafe to the library stand for a minute in the sun and return to work. We were talking about the beautiful autumn sunshine and I told her that I used to write a blog and every autumn I would end up writing a post about my love for autumn. I did not know that in a matter of weeks that blog would be resurrected and I would be able to once again be able to sing out my love for autumn in blog post form.

But here we are, on a blog in the midst of autumn. The weather has been truly beautiful.Warm days, sunshine, crisp mornings, doona-requiring nights. Everything beautiful about autumn. Occasional rain, calling for pasta and red wine. Oh, autumn. And I remember the days, just weeks ago, walking from the cafe to the library with colleagues, reveling in all of autumn's beauty. Autumn really is magnificent. But this confinement is not showing autumn in its best light (despite the beautiful light).

Sure I go outside, but not in the same random way as real life takes you outside. Not at all times of day. And only, mostly to my backyard. When I was recalling my love letters to autumn, they were soaring, and heartfelt. Can you even have soaring feelings when you are housebound? I'm yet to discover if this is possible but I'm hopeful that the answer will be yes.

Into the fog

Today, I go back to work after a year of maternity leave. 

I’m dressed in business attire and my hair is brushed. I’ve got shoes on. I had a shower!

It’s a lot of prep to just go downstairs and work in the garage, but I’ve got to make a good first impression. 

In Sweden, when they cheers, they say ‘in i dimman’. It means ‘Into the fog’. I really like it. It’s how I feel about this day and these times. 

Gosh, so serious. 

The COVID conflict

Mate, I'm glad your subconscious thinks I'll be happy as a blonde. I'll definitely take that into consideration.

Like K, I have received a lot of emails from business about snap sales and great new work from home outfits I could be buying. Though none so ridiculous as that Scanlon and Theodore one. I need a sequin halter top to swan around my house like I need a hole in the head.

I have really conflicting feelings about shopping. I do want to support the businesses I like, it'd suck if an SOB like COVID 19 took them down. But also, I do not need new clothes right now. I have basically been wearing the same clothes for three days straight. And the beauty of this home confinement is that all the clothes I'm not wearing while stuck inside will feel like a new wardrobe when the doors are finally open. But on the flipside, I do love stuff! I imagined that being confined to the house I'd be rolling in money. I'm not spending money on petrol or parking at work. Not spending on swimming lessons. About to get a partial refund on poor Baby's school camp that got cancelled. And yet I somehow I'm just as broke as ever.

I do very much want a new pair of pyjamas though. And I feel like that is a legit purchase. Not that I'm a person who hangs out in pyjamas. Ewww. No I get up in the morning and get dressed thank you very much. But if the only thing to mark the transition from day to night is changing from home clothes to pyjamas, then I want that transition to be pretty bloody enjoyable. Winter is coming. And I need some new flannel. And like that I'm convinced. Excuse me. I gotta do some online shopping. I mean, get back to work.

Reading the mood

Hey Mate, I had a dream you went blonde and you were really happy with it. Maybe it’s something to look forward to for the other side.

Meanwhile, I woke up to the news that EFFING PRINCE CHARLES has covid-19. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised because the brother has to interact with a lot of people and the footage I saw on ABC news breakfast this morning suggests he’s had a hard time shifting from handshakes to elbow-taps. I’m assuming he has no shortage of locations in which to self-isolate, and he’ll no doubt be fine. But maybe he won’t be.  He’s no spring chicken. He could die. He could give it to his mother and she could die. 

Let’s move on. 

I’m assuming your inboxes are all stuffed full of messages about temporary closures, changes to opening hours, snap sales and what not. Poor retail business-owning folk. Poor folk who work in retail and cafes and schools and, like, everywhere that things are super messed up. So, like, everywhere. 

Most of these emails express confusion and uncertainty,  and some of them have a touch of optimism which I’m finding extremely lovely. 

Not sure Scanlan and Theodore are really capturing the mood with the email they sent me this week, subject “Luxe Statements”.  

Is the current mood really “understated luxury”? 

That sequin halter top better made out of tiny stock cubes because if not, NO THANKS. 

Hair we go

I expect to look something like this post-lock down 

So it's Wednesday today and I guess K is going to the hairdresser. Lucky Scotty's new random restrictions aren't shutting down hairdressers but only a bunch of other non-essential services, like nail parlours and beauticians, that we were told two days ago would stay open. It didn't make sense then and it doesn't make sense now. Nothing does - am I right?!

But I'm so glad K brought us to this inevitable point so quickly. Hair. It was always just going to be a matter of days before we got to hair. As it turns out it was really just a matter of day.

As I started reflecting on staying inside for months on end, I tried to focus on the positives. I'm not really happy with my hair right now, but maybe if I treat it right I'll emerge in a few months with long flowing locks! I won't have to put sunscreen on everyday, I'll never wear make up, have time to apply lovely skin care. Maybe I'll emerge with beautiful skin too. These are my dreams of course, but it's possible I'll emerge sallow, after months inside and little exercise. After the amount of toast I ate yesterday it's likely I'll also emerge fatter than I am now - will online yoga really be able to compete with all the toast. Perhaps bread will become increasingly unavailable releasing me from this particular problem. But heck you guys, let's focus on the positives.

It also occurred to me that now would be the perfect time to go blonde. I could do it, stay inside, no one would know, if it looks good I can keep it, if it looks bad it would have just been a failed experiment and I'd go back to brown, just my little secret. But going blonde would require a trip to the hairdresser and I don't know if I should do that. I mean K already had an appointment, it's one thing to keep an appointment in these trying times, it's another thing to make one! Plus, do I want to increase the trauma to my children? Things are unsettled enough, going blonde may just push them over the edge. Of course, it's only day two of serious restrictions and all the kids at home, in a couple of months I'll probably be platinum blonde from a box and crying into my morning gin.

Some of what I’d like to discuss

(Some enjoyable MSC fan art I discovered the other day)

It’s pretty good to be back, you guys, and I’ll tell you why. 

My Mum had a stroke a few weeks ago*. My Dad fell over on his way to Woolworths last Friday and broke a rib**. I’m going back to work on Monday and my little baby, Tugboat, is starting childcare three days a week***. Also, global pandemic. 

Fair is foul and foul is fair!

But what I really want to focus on today is whether my hair appointment will go ahead on Wednesday and I’m not sure I’d have the space to do that if it weren’t for MSC.

As J advised, I kind of went blonde for a while there between June 2018 and June 2019, but then returned to my beloved brunette before Tugboat was born because it felt wrong to birth a child while harboring blonde highlights. 

But that was nine months ago and girl, you look at my hair and you can tell. 

I walked past a salon in the new neighbourhood the other day and thought ‘that’s it, I’m making an appointment before it’s too late’. I made an appointment for Wednesday.

And though Scott, our Prime Minister who has the nerve to be named SCOTT during a national crisis, has not closed hairdressers, I kind of think it will be irresponsible of me to go. BUT I do love supporting a small business. And they only have one client at a time in the salon, and have committed through social media to maintaining the highest standards of hygiene. But social distancing! Infection control!

What am I going to do?****

*She’s doing really well, thanks for asking

**He’ll be fine in a little while, thanks for asking

***He’s been to multiple orientations and is settling in nicely, thanks for asking.

****LOL, we all know I’m going, this is just a therapeutic exercise.

A new beginning

GET OUT OF TOWN!* We're back!!

Oh my god you guys! Can you believe we're back here?!?

You know, when Miss Soft Crab went on indefinite hiatus a couple of years ago we thought we may see you back here one day. As K said at the time, "I'm sure there will be things that happen to us, with us, to all of us, that we'll need to come here to discuss.  Maybe when we go to Jamface.  Maybe when you/we dye your/our hair blonde.  Definitely when QEII, well, you know." Thank god QEII has not, well, you know. And we never got to Jamface. And I haven't gone blonde. Although K kinda did. I think it's safe to say that we did not imagine that a global pandemic that was changing the way we all live was going to be the thing that ended this hiatus. But it is. 

I mean, these are crazy times. Today AWOL emailed to say he had pneumonia and not coronavirus as he at first suspected, and I responded "Great news!" I mean the guy has pneumonia FFS!

A lot of other unforeseeable things happened too. Casey Affleck, a much loved MSC hunk, seen below in our last post, was revealed as a sex pest :( Ewan McGregor left his wife for another woman, so did Jimmy Bartel. Let's just say the Miss Soft Crab hunks have disappointed us. But let's just hope that in these crazy times, we don't forget to appreciate hunks. I mean, I don't think any of us could have imagined the winning combo of Brad and Leo gracig our screens and basically all media non-stop for about three months last year. And I for one couldn't be happier about that development. 

Another MSC favourite, QEII, has had a lot going on too.  Prince Harry married Meghan Markle and essentially left the royal fold, and there's the whole Prince Andrew thing. Ugh. But I feel like she's really embracing these difficult time. I mean look at this amazing outfit. 

So, here we are. Yes, we're going to talk about this weird fucking thing that is going on in the world. But we're also going to talk about all the things you've come to love us for. Hunks! Clothes! Food! Our hair. And a bunch of other stuff we thought about. 

We're back. And it feels pretty bloody good!

*Obviously you can't actually get out of town