New friends (AM)

I've been thinking lately about how it's good to make new friends. Other than the self-evidence of the statement, there are actual reasons too, like when you hang out with people other than the people you've been hanging out with for the last 20 or 30 years you get a new perspective on things. You talk about different things or the same things in new ways and you learn things and it's great. I can't recommend it highly enough. Except I rarely do it. The last friend I probably made was Pickle* and that was at least 8 years ago and is highly embarrassing because she has probably made about 45 friends since then. A year.  

"Why doesn't J make new friends?" You may wonder? "She seems so terribly amusing, if a little too obsessed with her hair," you're probably thinking. But it's not my hair obsession that's the problem, it's a bunch of other things. Like I'm pretty shy and I tend to think that people don't have room in their lives for new friends. And I kind of feel that I don't have room anyway.  Although I see people making new friends all around me, so I guess the latter is not true for them. So if I face the truth, it's probably just the stupid shit I tend to say to people that puts them off.

The other day I told a woman I barely know how great things had been at home because Baby had finally gotten into Harry Potter and I love Harry Potter. I mean, it's kinda cool. I guess. Whatever. I had to backtrack somewhat cause she looked at me as if that statement was totally kookoo. That is to say she seemed to think I was a total loser. 

A few weeks earlier I'd found myself having lunch with a bunch of complete strangers and after remarking on what an enjoyable show The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt was someone asked "Do you guys like Amy Schumer?" But his emphasis was weird and I thought he'd pronounced a word funny, so I repeated what I'd heard "Amish humour?" At which  we all laughed, them thinking I'd made some funny joke and me wondering  what the fuck was going on, until the conversation carried on and I realised what had happened and that we weren't talking about Amish humour at all.  

That same day, like some stalker, I'd asked another complete stranger what street in Brunswick she lived. Not because I'm a stalker but because I am curious. But it did come across pretty weird.  

So how do I know that making new friends is cool? Well I don't but Kimmy Schmidt seemed to enjoy making friends on that TV show so I guess it is. 

*Not an actual true fact. But not far off.

Big Easy Eating (PM)

It's lucky for me I don't eat dead land animals because I would be totally jealous of all that good eating in New Orleans. As it is I'm pretty jealous of the jazz and Mississippi and I'm not even into jazz. Lucky for me also that I can imagine just what that Bacchanal restaurant is like because it looks just like a restaurant at Disneyland but instead of eating by the Mississippi you eat by the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Most lucky for me though is that Chutney Club happened this weekend down at Flinders and instead of the usual 4 or so hours of eating with my BFFs I got to eat for 24 hours with them with ocean views (K's absence not withstanding).

This 24-hour Chutney Club made me so relaxed I forgot to take any pictures. Except of the view. 

Luckily Pickle was acting as official club photographer though. We had a roaring fire and sat in a wood-panelled sitting room and, as everyone knows, that's the best way to enjoy beachside living in winter. 

We ate: preserved lemons that Blizzie had made and cooked into some delicious baked beans served with Persian feta on toast. And it was the effing bomb!

Then: rice paper rolls with the pickled pineapple David made. 

And: my apple jelly. First served on a failed brioche I made which, although it did not turn out as brioche, did turn out some weird dense buttery bread-like thing which was a perfect host for apple jelly, and then on crackers with blue cheese. 

Next: Pickle's pickled mushrooms with a generous serve of Meredith goats feta on toast. 

And finally: Legsly and Miguel's rhubarb and apple jam on toast. Actually that wasn't the final chut but more on that later. 

The fact that it was a sleep over meant there was no rushing through the food or gorging on cheese. In fact the grazing cheese platter wasn't even brought out until after the official Chutney Club proceedings were over. The suggestion of fish and chips was brought out not long after that. Cray cray you say say? I thought it was crazy too but I wasn't going to say no and I have to say that it wasn't the worst way to end the day. Well, F,Cs and a game of Danish Bowl. 

You may have noticed (as if!)  that a chutney was missing from the afternoon event  and that's because Biggie Little made marmalade to be served with pancakes on Sunday morning. Those guys didn't even stay over! They just left marmalade and pancake batter! What guests!!! These were enjoyed with some bacon and scrambled eggs that Biz served up and I think you can tell that a wonderful time was had by all. 

Chutney Club's first weekender made me ask my self two questions. Why haven't we done this before?!? And, when can we do it again?!?

Call for friendship (PM)

If my pretty uninformed understanding of Facebook is anything to go on young people make "friends" like its going out of style. Basically anyone under 30 that I am Facebook friends with has a minimum of 300 friends, it follows that if they find a phone they would put their number in there to be friends. It's just what young people do. I guess.

I lock my phone, 'cause I don't like the idea of people perviing at my business. Also because I don't want to find out that a person finding my phone wouldn't want to be my friend. If a stranger looked through my photos all they would think was that I was some kind of mother in love with her son with a side interest in flowers and food. Oh, sure, there may be a few aspects of my life they are envious of.

But on the whole any lady finding my phone in an airport toilet would just hand it over and then she'd be the one scurrying off. Not least because she would have inevitably found it in Jetstar rather than Qantas toilets and she'd probably figure I wasn't even good for a Gloria Jean cake.

Found (0(k goes global

Hi guys, you know I wouldn't usually start the week off with something like FC, but let's look at the facts.

1. FC is a winner every time.

2. In the very recent past K just stepped off a plane after a real long flight. Do we want her to worry about responding to a post? Hell no! So we are giving girlfriend the day off! (Unless you want to chime in, Matey. Always welcome on your own blog.)

3. I have some excellent FC that I think really pay homage to K's trip. Because I have cock from close to home and far flung cock and I just thought it would be timely to look at it today. So let's get into it. Shall we?

Soon, we will look at some international FC, but first I want to celebrate the gifted cocks from friends closer to home. We all remember the time a penis-like eggplant turned up on my phone from an unknown number, right? Of course we do. Well, being a great brother, Russeth did not end there. One night I got a delightful message with this in it.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! This time I had a reasonable idea who it was from. At least I could narrow it down to a few of Russeth's freinds. And guys, there is nothing that warms the cockles of your hear like the receipt of hilarious cock in your inbox. The next night I got this:

 

I can only assume that the giant phallus behind that footy player's head is a symbol of the Fremantle Dockers ground. It's dockers guys, with an 'o'! Idiots.

Obviously, FC has really touched the hearts and minds of many. In the early days of FC all the way over in the US of A, Mondonna and her friends had a field day with it. And things got real creative.

 

Great work, guys!

Here's a picture CarLovers sent me from the city of food and romance, gay Paris. Onc!

Courgette

But by far the most exotic cock is this one, simple and classic, found in Valparaiso by Toni. Thanks Toni! FC in Chile! Nice!

It just shows you can find cock anywhere in anything. But let's finish off closer to home. This delight was found by K herself. Mate, let's hope your travels are full of fun and FC!

Eeeww, chewy!

The hits just keep on coming (PM)

Kick is a really great album. And I’m pretty sure bloatingis something that yoghurt and vitamin companies have made up. Like how Listerine made up halitosis. I’m pretty sure that the yoghurt companies just thought they could capitalise on that feeling people get where they feel fat. I’m pretty sure that bloating is just a euphemism for fat and like 80% of the products in the world the yoghurt companies are trying to make us think (falsely) they will cure the feeling of being fat.

Well eff you yoghurt companies. Then again I guess you just proved one more time why K and I are BFFs.* So thanks yoghurt companies, tearing women down just to build them back up again.

*I know that Frandonna is 24, so I guess K and I have been friends for almost that long. And still learning new things about each other to this day. That’s love, you guys!

Thanks Easter (PM)

The gift of a four-day weekend is a truly great thing. Each day fills you with this feeling that anything is possible and if you eff up this day there is another one just around the corner with which you can right the wrongs of the previous day. Luckily I pretty much nailed every one of the last four days. Also, I confirmed some things too!

Nature is a delight and walking through it is the best!

Despite its somewhat off-putting name, fish pie really is delicious!

Puppies are adorable!

Thanks Easter! And thanks to all the Easter miracles that made for a great weekend!

Thanks Easter (AM)

The gift of a four day weekend is a precious, precious thing.  Thanks to Easter, I had time to confirm that:

slow cooking a lamb for five hours is the best way to eat lamb.

Pickle knows how to spilt and toast hot cross buns real nice

reviewing the yield from an easter egg hunt is enjoyable

riding the Capital City trail is ace, exhausting fun. 

Thanks Easter. Important lessons to learn, I think. 

The Easter limerick (PM)

It's great JC got resurrected
Though I suspect he was quite affected
His BF's betrayal
Must have hurt more than nails
The wounds from which were probably infected

Pickle is back! (PM)

YEAH! Pickle is back! And what better way to celebrate than with some pickles?! What a great night. The food! The laffs! The delicious complimentary gum they give you at the end of a meal at Rumi.


It's true, there was one dish K did not mention that I loved. It was a pilaf. Rice with dill and broad beans.

It was so damn good. The dill I guess. It's my heritage. I also loved the zucchini dish but for me that was all about the chickpeas, chilli oil and crispy pita chips. The zucchini was kind of redundant if you ask me.

Oh and although at the end of the meal we all said, 'We are so full, we aren't getting dessert.' We got this:



A trio of ice-cream served on a bed of seeds. Pistachio, chocolate halva and cinnamon. Does the phrase 'fucking yum' mean anything to you? These were so creamy and flavourful and delicious. And if you ever thought that coriander seeds and cumin seeds did not belong on a plate of ice-cream, um you were soooooo wrong!


Anyway, it was so great seeing Nikki and I am looking forward to spending the weekend with her and then the rest of our lives. You know, not every day, but regularly for the rest of our lives.

Pickle is back! (AM)

Yesterday, one of Miss Soft Crab's favourite daughters, Pickle, returned to us from England where she had been living for 18 months or so. 

We went to Rumi to celebrate. Me, Legsley, J and Pickle - (back) together at last.  

The first highlight came early in the evening, when we watched as Pickle walked straight past the restaurant because even though she knew it was at Rumi, her brain interpreted this as Bar Idda. 

It had a been a long flight, apparently with a lot of turbulence. 

Legsley ran down the street to get her and brought her back. 

We laid a lot of questions on her as soon as she sat down, but you know how it is when you've just returned from overseas. It's hard to summarise the experience, however much people might want you to.  And there is always so much other stuff to talk about. Who's pregnant (pretty much everyone), who's doing what, where everyone is living, things we've eaten lately. Before you know it, it's the end of the night. Anyway, it was so great to see Pickle. She looked great, and it was great to see her.  

It was also great to see the actual pickles we ordered. And all the other things. Lets go through it, shall we?

Ok, pickled vegetables and giant olives as big as your thumb (if you have a small thumb). You can imagine how long they lasted. The only thing that preserved their lives was the arrival of these school prawns. 

I was going to say that the only time I stopped talking about myself all night was when these babies arrived but no, I'm pretty sure I kept talking while I ate most of them. 

Next, a curly haloumi salad. No really, that's what it was called.

Utterly delicious. Those mint leaves and that pickled onion can get down with my curly haloumi any time they want. 

Here we have zucchini with chickpeas and almonds and a yoghurty sauce, as you can see.

This was my favourite dish. Hands down. 

Here are all the things on a table with pitta. 

There's one other dish we had (before dessert) which I haven't mentioned because J loved it so much, I think she may want to talk about it herself. 

Over to you, Mate.

We went climbing (PM)

Let me say straight up that I only agreed to go rock climbing because I have a hard time saying no to Chickpea when she has been asking me to do something over a period of several months. When the requests come over a period of days and weeks I am all "aww, thanks but no thanks girl" and "no way, girl". But after months I reach breaking point, and before I know it I am wearing some nasty-assed shoes and getting taught the ropes literally! (ha!) by a baby-faced Leonardo look alike (or something).

Of course, we only got photos of the shoes, not baby faced Leo, so we will all just have to keep wondering.

Despite only participating because I can't say no to Chickpea, I had a surprisingly enjoyable time climbing the walls. Even though I didn't so much scale as awkwardly clamber.

Note my proximity to people on the ground. I didn't get much further.
I also enjoyed referring to the karabiner (which is this thing):

The karabiner is an important part of climbing. It hooks you on to ropes and stuff and that's how we all stay safe. 

as a caribou.  Ha! Caribou. That's not a Caribou. THIS is a Caribou:

It was a little bit deliberate, and a little bit because I couldn't quite commit the word karabiner to memory. There are a lot of things you have to remember to do in rock climbing you see, and I felt that applying my limited mental capacity to learning the correct technique rather that the correct name for a karabiner was the right call.
But the joke was on me, because at the end of my last climb, I couldn't undo the caribou and liberate myself from the rope. Everyone tried, but we couldn't get it undone.

White knuckled attempt to liberate me

They plugged away for ages but in the end, we had to get a staff member to get me out, using a special professional tool* they have for when people get stuck in a caribou lock. So apart from that slight embarrassment, it was a swell time.




*Her hands.

We went climbing (AM)

 

After months and months of begging, Chickpea finally got me to go "rock climbing". You know, where you climb up a wall in a gym. Really she got K to agree to go and then she organised it, so I went. And by "begging me" I mean suggesting to me. It's not that I didn't want to go, it's just I'm bad at commitment. Until a thing is organised. Then I'm right on board. FOMO.

Strawberry, K and I were all first timers at this joint so we had to be inducted. That is, to learn the ropes. Literally. HA!

We got worded up by a young hipsterish dude that K thought had a young Leonardo thing going on. Frankly, I didn't quite think he was Leonardo, but he was something. K suggested a young Damon Albarn. I thought he was more a young Hamish Blake but the lower part of his face was a little young Brad Pitt. I don't know what the hell he was. I guess we were on some kind of pre-adrenalin high. In fact I'm sure we were because at the time everything he said seemed really funny but now it just seems like regular words. He instructed us how, as a climber, we should hook our harnesses to the ropes and, more importantly, as a belayer, how to belay. This is the important bit, because you are totally in charge of another person's safety and, therefore, life. Which is why I kept wondering when I looked at Chickpea why she was doing everything opposite to how the instructor told us to. I guess she was just being a helpful how-not-to guide. Thanks Chickpea.

Before we were let lose on the climbing gym we had to get some more intimate instruction from a delightful lady called Christina. She was super helpful, even if she did tell me I counted one pair of rope in a knot twice. Thanks Christina, but I have been counting to five for a really long time and I almost never count a thing twice.

See all the rope pairs in that figure 8 know. Five pairs.

But seriously folks. She was good and we all conquered that little wall pretty easily.K was the first to climb, and looking back on it her hysteria when being belayed down after her climb pretty well supports my pre-adrenalin high theory. So we moved to a harder wall. I scaled the heck out of it. See?

But enough about me. Let's hear what K thought this afternoon.

Get out of my head tweeps (PM)

#ohshit

Just when I think I am an independent woman with my own brain, I read Miss Soft Crab and realise that in fact somehow, my brain and J's brain are the same brain. Not just that we think the same thoughts, but that our brain is the same.  

This morning, as I lay in bed dozing, I had a really vivid dream where J and I were walking through an airport with wheelie suitcases and spotted Mindy Kaling in a duty free shop. I said to J "This is our chance to tell Mindy Kaling that we think she's great and to tell her to follow Miss Soft Crab". 

We approached her, and she smiled and looked very encouraging because she seems like a top bird. 

Then it all went to shit!

I tripped and fell over right in front of Mindy Kaling, but went ahead and told her that she should read Miss Soft Crab. Then J got annoyed that I had stuffed up our one chance with Mindy Kaling, and we had a fight. Then I stormed off to look at a duty free shop and J stormed off to look a different duty free shop and we basically stood around sulking while we waited for LB to bring the car around.

Then I woke up!

I swear on the lives of those that I love - all of this is a true fact. I don't know what to make of it, other than maybe I should start following Fassbender on Twitter so that perhaps I will meet him as Carl Jung in a dream and we can workshop it.

Northern (de)Lights (PM)

I can barely believe that neither Legsley nor Miguel referred to that dinner as Northern (de)Lights. Or Biz. All of them were key candidates for that kind of pun. Weird.

Don't worry guys! Here is a picture of K's pretzels plated up:

See that butter looking thing in the background? Anchovy and egg butter K made! Yum, people. Effing yum

I'm not going to take you on a step by step journey of my preparations, let me just tell you a little about the night.

We decided that in the ancient Nordic tradition we should eat smörgåsbord. Before people arrived with their food and the hot food hit the table, it looked like this.




By the time we sat down it looked like this:

From top right: pretzels (K), honey-glazed ham (K), cheese platter - jarlsberg, pickled sardines, crackers and pear (Blizzie), celeriac remoulade (K), hasselback potatoes (me), oysters (K), sides platter - egg white, egg yolk, cucumber, lemon, dill, pickles, capers (me), beetroot relish (guilty), Swedish meatballs (Miguel), gravlax and gravlax sauce (David), rye bread (Blizzie), Jansen's temptation (Russeth).

Oh, you wanna get a little up close and personal with some of that? I'm not surprised. David made TWO kinds of gravlax. One aniseedy one, the details of which I did not hear, but I know it included pernot.  The second one used the ancient tradition of pine needles from Fitzroy gardens. Needles(s) to say both were delicious!

Here are some hasselhoffback potatoes I made. Yep, as good as they look.

Everything was delicious. Personal highlights for me were (in no particular order) Jansen's temptation, hasselback potatoes, anchovy butter, gravlax - both kinds. But it was really the entire smörgåsbord that brought it all together.
Then it was time to retire to the sitting room for dessert and digestifs.

What are these you ask? Ice-cream sandwiches of gingerbread with honey and nutmeg ice-cream. Just a little something I whipped up. And yes, they are snowflake shaped. \

Oh, and there were these kanelbullar:

Swedish cinnamon buns

Just a little something Miguel whipped up. And in case you are interested, yes, you can have them with coffee in the morning and still respect yourself.

So what else happened at Northern (de)Lights? I got hysterical no less than 3 times, everyone got super full and we discovered that Ikea has an alcohol that tastes just like alcoholic Ribena. Basically it was success all round, I'd say! 

A tribute to Neville (PM)

There kind of is a similarity between Neville and Lily Tomlin. It's not that they look the same exactly but there is a certain je ne sais quoi.

I've loved and lost colleagues too mate, and I feel for you. First there was L-Bomb who quit to move to London for love. She's married now. Pickle, who left because she hated the job so much. She's in London now. Blephanie left. Then Legsley. I've worked with some of my besties and it's sad to see them go. But mate, Neville is just on maternity leave! SHE'LL BE BACK! You don't know what real loss is!

Also, you can't blame Neville for digging on Ben Cousins. She's from the Perth, she probably can't help it.

Have a great baby, Neville!

The country life (AM)

I don't know what you all did this weekend but I know that I spent 24 hours in the country and if I didn't feel so damned tired from having such a wonderful time I'd be feeling really refreshed and wonderful! What a great time! When I left on Saturday morning I felt normal, fine, you know, normal. By the time we got where we were going and people were asking, "How are you?" I was beaming and saying ,"YEAH! Really good!" And that was just after the drive!

LB, Baby and I went to a little place outside of Daylesford on Saturday for a delightful stayover with Chickpea, Strawberry, Lala, D-Digs, the Harnesenator and E&J. It was a NYE reunion. Chickers organised it and after her initial email attempt to organise the weekend had got no response, she repackaged it like this:

  Mother Gaia WORSHIP WEEKEND 

 Celebrate the WINTER SOLSTICE!!!!!! 

  Realign your CHAKRAS !!!!!!!!!!! 

 Balance your SPIRITUAL MERIDIANS!!!!!! 

 Awaken your KUNDALINI!!!!!! 

You can bet everyone got on board pretty much immediately! There were even going to be workshops.

Lala: A guided mushroom experience

Strawberry: Phatbeatz

Chickpea: Fluoro art

J: Menstruation

D-Digs: Aesthetic Enlightenment: Natural fibre's and their relationship to purification and  harmony and Go-Go for Gaia

Harnsenator: Areola reading

E&J: Sweat lodge construction & levitation

As you can see, it promised to be a pretty wonderful and enlightening weekend. And boy, the mudbrick house we stayed in really came to the Gaia party, check out this "art" that was on the wall. 

It's like a giant, metal, my family sticker! And that is just one of many. It was everywhere. In the house, around the property. My eyes got so full of ironwork art. *Shudder* There was the most hideous cat metal art on the wall. I tried to photograph it but my camera rebelled and the photo didn't work out.

It turns out, in fact, that ironwork art is really big in the Hepburn area. Why they wanna ruin the natural beauty of that place I don't understand. 

And in case you are interested in what my bedroom looked like, here is the chenille bedspread. It really lifted the room.

The only "workshop" I experienced was some impromptu go-go (for Gaia) before dinner. Sadly I was putting Baby to bed during the levitation workshop. I could hear the squeals of delight as "light as a feather, stif as a board" was performed with success.

I did partake in a pretty wonderful and feminist game of scrabble. If you ask me I got the best and most appropriate word. I wonder if you can tell which one it is.

Yesterday I had the skinniest sandwich in Daylesford I have ever seen.

But the nature guys! The nature!