Let's talk about Leo (AM)

If you asked me my favourite Hollywood hunks I could give you a pretty extensive list. Ewan, Marky Mark, everyone that was a Miss Soft Crab Hunk of the Month, Joaquin Phoenix (why wasn’t he a hunk of the Month I wondered to myself recently), Christian Bale. In fact if you’ve read this blog a few times you wouldn’t bother asking, you’d know all my favourite hunks. But you know who I wouldn’t put on that list? Leonardo DiCaprio. And yet…

When I was young Leonardo was truly a hunk of our times and Romeo + Juliet was really the pinnacle of that. He was so beautiful. And that movie was so great.





And Leonardo was so cool. And the way he’d cry all the time. Shit, what was an 18-year-old girl to do? Get a real life? Oh, no, not the Misses Soft Crab, the only thing for it was to fall totes in love with Leo. I loved him. But I grew up. Got a life? Oh no, just my fancies changed, Ewan came along. Leonardo got a little puffy. And I guess that model injuring his face in 2005 when she hit him over the head with a broken bottle at a Hollywood party didn’t help. (God, not the face you crazy bitch). 

There's no denying that Leonardo is not the pretty boy of his youth but it's like Zoolander once said, maybe there's more to life than being really really really really good looking. The thing about Leonardo is that he's always really great in stuff. Plus, all that environmentalism... cool. I mean, he's just so cool. You know some guys would serial date models and it would come off as gross, but with Leo it's just kind of great. Like he don't give a fuck.

When Leonardo won the Oscar last week K sent me a text message.

Boy was she right. Have you seen that guy in a tux?! I have to say I was happy he won.

Oh sure, I would have been happy if Cranston won, because I just think he is a pretty effing great actor. And I would have been happy if Matt Damon won, because I really love that guy. And I would have been happy if Fassbender won, because, although I don't love him the way K does, well the guy is alright by me. And Eddie Remayne, meh, anyone can win an Oscar for playing a genius in a wheelchair or the original transgender. But Leonardo, the way he got up there all earnest and cool. You guys...

I guess the easiest way to understand this it to think about Some Kind of Wonderful. You know how Eric Stoltz thinks he's in love with Leah Thompson and then right at the end he realises that he's really been in love with his best friend Mary Stuart Masterson all along? There she was, right in front of him and she's the one he should be looking at. I guess I'm starting to realise Leonardo is kind of like Mary Stuart Masterson. He's not all shiny and new, but he's dependable and great and why aren't I paying him more attention!?

The crazy thing is that the clues have been here all along. If you’ve read this blog regularly you may even know my own heart better than my own. Reading past MSC posts about Leonardo it is so clear I love him. I'm always talking about how he has something special. I mean, I'm basically always saying I love him but it's like I'm not even listening to myself. It's because I don't really think of him as a hunk. He's handsome, for sure. And he stirs up feelings in me, no doubt. But I just don't know how to classify these feelings. Leonardo, I don't know what this is, but I know it's something and I know it's special.

What are you doing with your life? (AM)

Since Newbie was born I haven't been out much, you know out at night, like a grown up and without children. Sure I saw Justin Timberlake. And lord knows I saw Damon Albarn.

But other than the very odd night you can pretty much bet you'll find me home any night of the week. On Friday night I went out and when Miguel, Legsly and David picked me up it was pretty clear that we were a bunch of parents, all exhausted and giggling with the heady anticipation of seeing music and drinking beer sans enfants. It was retarded.

Two Bright Lakes were putting on a farewell gig after 8 years of putting out records and putting on parties and generally showing Melbourne a good time. These guys have some really good bands on their list. Had 'em anyway. Music to sway to, music to dance to. Boy do they have some music to dance to. And right in the middle of the dance floor on  Friday night dancing to Collarbones I remembered how effing good dancing is. I mean, I know how good it is, I know I love it, I do it in my living room and sometimes I do it in other people's living room but doing it on a dance floor - that my friends is truly one of life's great joys. And I had to ask myself, "Why the eff don't you do this more?!?"  I love dancing, really a lot and I started to really think about how I could get it into my life more and why I don't do it more and why I don't prioritise things that are my favourite things. And I started to question other things in my life too, like why aren't I in a band. Oh sure, David, Miguel and I sought to solve this problem by forming a band on Friday night but we've been forming bands on Friday nights for the last 15 years so I doubt this is going to change things.

I don't want to complain about my life, my sons and boyfriend are great, my life is nice but seriously, what am I doing with my life that I don't dance more. And if I'm doing that wrong what else am I doing wrong?!

Also, how can I fit more dancing in while also fitting more sleeping in? More productivity as well as more relaxation. And when will I earn enough money to hire a cleaning lady? I guess at a time when I am actually earning some money. Baby thinks I love cleaning because he basically sees me doing it constantly. He has actually told me that. Seriously, what am I doing with my life? I wanna dance!

Clothes: where to from here (AM)

I've been going through something of a crisis of confidence clotheswise. That is to say that any time I wear anything other than my jeans and sweater uniform I basically come out a hot mess. This is worsened by the fact that most of my jeans have ripped knees so even in my jeans I'm pretty much a disaster. My poor fat knees looking for freedom. I turned one pair of torn jeans into shorts, like I'm living in some past millennium. Basically, wardrobe-wise, I'm fucked. 

I've been wondering if the way to remedy this is to throw my current conceptions of my own personal style out the window. In fact I seem to have unwittingly already done this as I seem to have lost all semblance of personal style.  I told K recently I was considering a more femme look for summer, inspired by this lady (from garancedore.com). 

But I don't even know if that's true. 

I want to start wearing skirts but I hate all mine which I've owned for ever and worn to death and bought in a different fashion climate. 

The other day I tried on a pair of leggings. White leggings with blue and purple splatters. I hate the colour purple. But  I loved the leggings. Of course I selfied myself in the mirror and pretty promptly sent the picture to Pickle. And spent the rest of the day looking longingly at the picture. Loving those leggings and wondering what the fuck was happening to me. 

Eventually, as I was staring at the picture, I got a message from Pickle: Do it! They're awesome!

What followed was a pretty exciting text exchange with me saying things like: 

I can't stop looking at them/thinking about them. I think I'm going to get them but I don't know what I'll do with them. 

And:

I'm thinking about turning my whole wardrobe on it's head starting with those leggings. I don't know how to wear my clothes any more I may as well start over. 

And Pickle saying things like:

Fashion has changed more in the last year than it has in about 10 years... Things are really sporty again. Like Aths, not skater. It's like all the things we have considered outrageous are actually what we want to wear right now: socks and sandals, leggings, crop tops... It's Opposite Fashion/Fashion Opposite.

And:

I am very drawn to leopard print. I've tried to embrace it.

My god! I felt so alive, so sure of my fashion future. I knew what had to be done and I knew it would begin with those leggings. I didn't know what would happen next but I felt ready to jump into the abyss. 

And then I went to bed. I guess this is what they mean by 'sleep on it'. Because boy did everything look different the next day. Buy those crazy white leggings? Who do I think I am?! Yeah I want them, but really would I wear them out in the world?

I have been really confused. And I still am. 

On Saturday I went shopping with K and Legsly and while I kept being drawn to sweaters I told them how I felt like I should resist the sweater. How I thought it was time to start anew, but when they asked why I couldn't really say. I hate my clothes but should I really move away from the clothes I'm attracted to. Maybe I love sweaters and jeans because they are awesome. And because they suit me. Maybe I just need to add some skirts to the mix. Maybe I should replace my falling-apart jeans. Maybe these simple steps will make me feel well dressed again. Maybe I can throw those wack leggings somewhere in there too. 

Oh I don't have all the answers but I'm pretty sure this is going to be one crazy summer.