Thursday's post (AM)

On Monday I had my baby and who forgot to do their blog post!? Not me, K! To be fair she did hit send on my post so I guess I can't say she did nothing to fulfill her MSC obligations but sheesh. My baby is a little girl and I love her. Having a baby is truly a best thing and going through labour is truly a worst thing. All I kept thinking was how the fuck do we get through this. I mean sure we all do it differently with varying degrees of intervention and tolerance and I'd chose labour over Caesar. But what a fucking a-hole it is. Having a tiny baby in he house is totally adorable though, if challenging and accompanied by an onslaught of hormones and attendant mood swings. So excuse me while I go burst into tears or stare at my baby adoringly or sit under a shower for a perverse amount of time.

Here we go again (AM)

I know that spring is the most fickle of mistresses. And I know that the forecast for tomorrow suggests there'll be 40mm of rain. But it's weeks like these you understand why people stick around with  fickle mistresses. I mean all the promise and delight spring makes you feel. Even though you know that after tomorrow this kind of sunshine and warmth may disappear for weeks on end, the sweet floral scents may be nothing but a tease of a promise on a cold wind, right now all you can think about is spring's beauty and how good it makes you feel when it's around. Sheesh. Love's hard. 

Lessons learned (AM)

Ugh. Yesterday I was jus feeling flat. You know those days. I have a bit of  a cold and I have all this annoying work to do, not just normal work but annoying. And all this stuff in my near future I need to sort out. And a dirty house. So I thought I'd ask the Internet how to make this day better. And do you know what it showed me? A bunch of stupid memes. It just made my day worse. There was a bunch of cute puppies and dumb jokes and although I love puppies the way they were memes just annoyed me. Them and all the stupid unfunny annoying stuff turned into just made my day feel worse. Except for this.

Which made me go "Ha," and then move on. It wasn't really that beneficial to my day. I guess I was hoping for some advice from the Internet not a bunch of memes. Fucking memes. It's like the Internet gave the go ahead for everyone to make their own "Just hang in there" posters.

But I guess if I want my day to get better IRL I need to do something about it IRL, not just look to the Internet to solve my problems.

And I have to say that the IRL solutions were much better than what the Internet had to offer. I got a bunch of work done and cleaned the house to a reasonable extent and Baby came home from a two-day sleepover at my Mum and Dad's house and by the end of the day I was feeling ok. And to top it off the Internet came good in the evening when I saw this on Instagram:

• "theroyalfamilyA flotilla of traditional Thames rowing skiffs, manned by Swan Uppers in scarlet rowing shirts and headed by The Queen’s Swan Marker, wearing a hat with a white swan’s feather, row their way steadily up the Thames. ‘All up!’ they cry as a family of swans and cygnets is spotted, and the Swan Uppers carefully position their boats around the swans, lift them from the water and check their health. The Queen's Swan Marker’s iconic five-day journey upriver has been an annual ceremony for hundreds of years, and today it has two clear goals: conservation and education."

  
  
  Isn't that adorable?! I know I'm meant to be down on the monarchy but there is a lot of charm there. I wonder how the Queen voted in the Brexit referendum...oh, I just read that she isn't even allowed to vote because she has to remain politically neutral. 
  
  
  So I guess I learned an important lesson today, cygnets are adorable! Just jokes, I learned that the Internet can't fix everything, which is important to remember. 
  
  

I'm looking forward to...(PM)

Wow. The prospect of having three meals a day catered for fills me with so much emotion. Mainly delight. Not because I don’t like cooking. I think we all know I love it! But I hate having to decide what to eat three times a day. (And that’s not even counting snacks!) Sure breakfast is a no-brainer because I will eat porridge whenever I can, but the rest of the meals… ugh. Planning them is the worst(/best)! I’m personally looking really forward to a holiday next month that will start in Queensland but mainly take place in the mid-north coast of NSW and while looking for hotels for the QLD I decided I am totally going to add the overpriced breakfast to my room because that seems like such a wonderful luxury. And I won’t have to think about that one meal for a whole TWO days! Oh god, I can’t wait!

But enough about breakfast, what about water pressure?! This is one of the most important things that you face on a daily basis. And if you are at home with satisfying water pressure then there is no problem but when you are taken out of that comfort zone…disaster. Or rather…unpleasantness!

We have been trying to fix up our bathroom which has many nice new features but also has the scuzzy shower head and taps left over from the old bathroom. These are fine, just old and scuzzy and we think about changing them all the time but are in fear of losing our excellent water pressure. We tried out a new shower head a little while ago but the water pressure was so unsatisfying, like a cold limp handshake, we had to go back to ‘Ol Scuzz after one shower.

As you may know LB’s family own a beach house and even though that whole place has been old and scuzzy for a long time I can’t recommend finding a boyfriend with a beach house highly enough. The place has been having some renovations lately, the bathroom was the first to go, now the kitchen is underway. Although these spaces are much more shiny and comfortable now, the water pressure has truly gone to shit. Before leaving for the beach this past Saturday I had a shower and LB remarked “I’m not going to have one down there so I guess I’ll have one now too.” Truly, this is our new life. So woeful is the shower power down there we will avoid is at all costs. It takes about 30 seconds to fill a glass with water, the kitchen sink pressure is so low. Still I won’t complain (anymore). I mean the beach house privilege is a pretty good one. I should just suck up the new pressure.

Moving (PM)

There is both nothing worse and nothing better than moving house.*  The packing, the sorting, the deciding what comes and what's trash. The lifting, the carrying, the more lifting and more carrying. The cleaning. And that's just for the good moves. Once when moving house in the pouring rain, the heretofore perfectly fine bathroom roof leaked and flooded the bathroom. Not our problem. But really it was. In that move LB and I didn't even have a real house to move to, we just had to get out of that shoebox and away from our crazy landlord who lived next door. That night at a party at Miguel and Legsly's, very tired and very drunk LB and I had a terrible fight, then slept on our mattress which was on a pile of our belongings in the back of the car out the front of Miguel and Legsly's place. Another time when we were moving house in the pouring rain I drove a car load of stuff and 2-month-old Baby to our new home while LB drove a truckload of stuff plus our mattress strapped to the top of the truck. This is one of those stories where it is worth noting that at the start I mentioned the pouring rain. Somehow the mattress fell off the top of the truck in peak Punt Road traffic and was by this stage so waterlogged all LB could manage was dragging it to the side of the road before driving away hoping no one took down his plates. I guess that mattress would have been good for nothing anyway after the amount of water it took in.

But, when the moving is all done and you are in your new place there is so much promise, promise of a new lovely space to organise and beautify, not yet overwhelmed by the debris of everyday life, promise of all the good times you will have. Last year when I moved house right about now I was so happy. The move was smooth and it didn't rain at all. Everything arrived at the new place in tact. The space was clean and fresh and, back then, fit all our stuff. When the house you move to is good and it's a new year and exciting things are gonna happen and all your walls are white, that, that is pretty, pretty, pretty good.



*Not an actual fact. Actually it is absolutely untrue, so many things are worse than moving house and many things are better, but you didn't come here for facts right?

The Most Five (AM)

I've said it before and I'll say it again: how the hell does the space-time continuum work? Let me also say that I am dying a little bit inside because I used a hyphen in 'space-time continuum' because my laptop has died and I don't know how to do an en-dash on the iPad. In fact by the end of this post I will probably be completely dead inside because this is my last post for the year and the formatting is going to be completely wackadoo because Blogger and Apple can't seem to get together to make an easy blogging platform with nice formatting. Sorry, what I was saying is how the hell when you're a kid a year goes so slow and when you're an adult it seems to take about 15 minutes. I mean this time in two weeks its going to be 2015. Say what?!? So let's take a look back at the year that was with my Most Five List. Some bests, some worsts, all the mosts.

1. Blur. Not exactly, but I was just looking at last year's Most Five List and number one was Blur. The pleasure of buying tickets to see them, the pain of them cancelling their Big Day Out show and the fear I'd never get to see them. Well I still haven't, but given I just saw Damon play last week, which was absolutely a highlight of the year I thought, what the hell, Blur can top my Most 5 List. I loved the shit out of Damon's gig and I'd be happy if Blur could make it on my list for wonderful reasons every year. #hereshoping While we are on the rock and roll I don't want to forget how much I loved Bruce all the way back in February. I guess I don't get out much.

2. Newbie meets Baby. Obviously even more exciting that Damon was the arrival of Newbie. This kid is out of sight adorable. I mean, Baby was and is effing cute and it was hard to imagine meeting a kid quite as nice, but Newbie fits the bill! That smiley little head, his ability to develop just like a baby should. I effing love this kid and Baby is a pretty great big bro too. It's real nice having a little family of awesome dudes. But it's not all beer an skittles. Although a healthy little chubber now, Newbie wasn't always so healthy, it was stressful yo and definitely the source of some of this year's bests and worsts. Not to take away from Baby, that kid started kinder this year and is so goddamn delightful to watch continue to grow. I love these guys!!!   

3. Moving house. There were lots of great things about living at my Mum and Dad's house for 3 years: the views, the extra adult companionship when LB was away, the easy-access babysitting, but moving into our own (rental) house has really been great. The space is so nice, the white walls, all our books out of boxes and on shelves. Finally I'm starting to shed the feeling of regression, finally the feeling of inertia is leaving.  

4. Simple pleasures. One of the plus sides of being a stay-at-home mother that spends 70% of her time with people under 5 is that it does not take a lot to make me happy. Like I said before I really do not get out a lot, especially sans bebes and when I do I feel like I'm the luckiest person alive. A couple of months ago I was at Leglsly and Miguel's for dinner, there were a few other peeps there and it was very impromptu and we ate Lebanese pizza and my children were at home and I just felt so goddamn great. When other people have demands on all your time, any time alone or with a friend is really the dreamiest, and it's pretty great finding joy in such a simple thing. 

5. New steps, new steps. Ballet, yeah, that's been fun but doing something new has been great too. Here's to more of that!!

Hey, everyone, have a really great holiday period and new year, I can't wait to see you on here on the flipside! 

Worst things (AM)

Are you aware that there is a tv show called 'Dating Naked'? A guy goes on a couple of dates with a couple of ladies. And then a different lady goes on dates with a couple of dudes. And by dates I mean they meet in a rain forest somewhere and they are naked. It's so they can truly get to know each other. Or something. Then the man and the lady choose the person they preferred and they go off together into the forest, naked.

I can barely believe it is real but I've watched it and it is. I can barely believe I watched it. But I did. Only 10 minutes but that was enough to make me hate myself and the world. 

Lucky it's a public holiday tomorrow or this would be a terrible way to start the week. Let's make Wednesday a great start the week instead, 'k?

2013 - The Most Five (AM)

Woot! It's here y'all. Holiday time. I am on holidays. And soon, I hope, K will be too. And today is our MSC break up day. YEAH! You know lots of blogs and newspapers and magazines and radio shows and television shows like to round up the year with top five lists. Best moments, worst moments, that kind of jazz. And here at MSC HQ we like to reflect on the year too. But something occurred to me while looking back on the year. First really, how the eff would I do any kind of top list? I mean, what do you base your answer on. And second, so many of my highs were somehow entwined with the lows. So for you I have my five most list. Just a bunch of things that made me most laugh, cry, and fall in love all over again. In no particular order.

1. Blur. Well, I've said it before, but how can I not say it again. Definitely one of the best moments of the year was when the Big Day Out announced Blur were playing. ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF THE YEAR! And without a doubt that moment when my heart was ripped out and fell, like so many bloody lumps on the butcher's floor, barely beating to the floor... well that was one of the worst.

2. Baby is so lingual. And it is awesome. He is also really inquisitive. Which is also great, of course. But gee, having to answer 50,000 "why?" questions a day can be rough. Real rough. But his ever increasing vocabulary is generally a real joy. The other night as he was getting ready for bed he was looking at a book and I said, "Is that the book you want to read tonight." And he replied by saying, "No, I want a different book tonight, you fucko!" I had to leave the room I needed to laugh so much and when I tried to tell LB the story I was in tears and could not get the words out past the laughter. Still, he said it a little aggressively and I certainly don't want him calling people fucko. Most best and most worst. Again.

3. Visiting Mondonna in LA and then the Big Apple! What fun, what laughs. But gee it was tiring. And a bit hard. But I went to the motherflipping desert. And that was really the most. And best. That whole trip was great, but the California desert. WHOA! 

4. Hair and nails! Remember how I got a manicure in New York and then I was all "Hey! I'm gonna get manicures all the time!" And then I got one in Melbourne and it was chipped within 3 days. Remember how I got that haircut I hated (of course you do! I have barely spoken of anything else since.) I feel like I have been on some crazy journeys with these keratin filled biomaterials. And I haven't necessarily liked it. But hey, that is what is great about the year's end! You get to put all the shit from that year in the past and move on. Oh sure, time - it's just some theoretical concept, but what isn't!

5. Babies! I've met some rad babies this year produced by some of the finest people I know. And next year I'll meet some more rad babies. The most!

I hope K has some great mosts.

And I hope everyone is about to have some great holidays and festivities.

See you on the flip side!

Oh! Ewan! James! I'm so glad you could drop by today! Sure, you can bring your friend Chiwetel.

The five stages of grief (AM)

 
Yesterday I was doing some house painting. You know the kind of work, something that requires some attention but does leave a lot of your brain free to think about things. It can be quite enjoyable. I had my iPod on shuffle, it's better, I think, than just listening to an album when you are doing this kind of work cause it gives you more direction for your brain journey. Like, I wondered about why I find the song by Biggie, 'Big booty hos' quite offensive, while NWA's 'She swallowed it' barely offends me at all. I guess it depends what you grow up with, right? I thought about how seeing Prince live was not life changing, but in many ways it was kind of life defining. I thought about how I can't believe I'm going to get to see Blur at the Big Day Out. About how it was such a long-time dream. About how I would do anything to be up the front see Damon right there. About how it was too good to be true.

And then, maybe an hour later I got this message from K.

I knew instantly what it meant. I hadn't known anything and when I saw the message I knew Blur had cancelled the BDO shows. Of course I googled it right away and it was just one of those times when being right sucks the most.

And then, well then I spent the rest of the day on the Kubler-Ross journey.

First, denial. I could not fucking believe it. Even though I knew as soon as I saw K's text that it was happening, I could not fucking believe it.

Then anger. Fuck you BDO organisers for "shifting goalposts and [creating] challenging conditions" and fuck you Blur for cancelling. Fuck you all. (I love you Blur. I love you.)

I pretty much skipped bargaining because I'm not an idiot and I know I can't do anything to change things. 

Then depression.

Finally, acceptance. A depressed kind of acceptance. I guess it's possible that I'm not over the depression. I guess grief wasn't processed in a day.

I know how you feel, Damon. I know how you feel

About last night (AM)

I've been thinking about Led Zeppelin a lot lately. I guess it is because Robert Plant is touring soon so there has been some exposure and then that old thing of exposure begetting more exposure... You know how it goes.

Also there is the fact that Led Zeppelin are one of the best bands of all time and I love them and every time I hear any of their songs I think, "WOW! This is the best song. I love Led Zeppelin! Why don't I listen to them more?!" When I was abut 18 I used to listen to them all the time. Actually it was exactly when I was 18. I know this because I know exactly why I started listening to them. But more on that another time.

So last night, I was watching a program about gay conversion therapy in the US. Possibly one of the most depressing and angering topics a program can be about and Baby was asleep on the couch. Towards the end he woke up, at least he opened his eyes and stirred and Zeppelin's 'Going to California' was playing. What a great song. I love this song.* So the show ended, we turned off the TV and Baby was still stirring, I gazed into his eyes, brushed his hair from his sweaty brow and sang to him, beautifully, lovingly, 'Someone told me there's a girl out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair' and Baby looked at me and cried, literally CRIED "STOP! STOP SINGING!"

Philistine.

*If I were, say, an editor, if I ever, ever saw a word italicised for emphasis I would get infuriated, curse the author and always, always change it to roman. LOL! Seriously, I know how to read, deebags!

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Wind

I hate you so much

I can't even write a good

Haiku about you.

You're only good for

Making deserted beaches 

Look more desolate. 

You give howling a 

Bad name. Those poor wolves should sue

For defamation. 

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Best things

You know what I dig?

Sun, when you get on my face.

All warm and stuff. Mmmm.

Worst things

You know who you are

Dog owners of Collingwood

Pick up your dog shit

Winterchut (PM)

No one has ever, ever called me the responsible one out of me and K. So no, I did not take a photo of Welly's (DELICIOUS) rhubarb pie. But it looked great readers. This nice long rectangle with with a lattice lid.

You know the worst thing about the Winter Chutney? There were so many leftovers. I had left over croissants I had to eat for breakfast the next day. There were donuts and macarons from Biggie Little and Little Wonders, rhubarb pie from Welly. And of course had I had to eat them yesterday while there was still some freshness in them. I still feel like I have a sugar coating over my mouth. Ugh.

I had a wonderful time at CC on Saturday too. And all the food was actually mind-bendingly delicious.  But oh. Oh the sugar. I don't think Baby ate anything of healthfulness all day. He just passed out when we got home. I thought I should eat some vegetables so I did. Then I lay in a bean bag until I could move again. Hours, readers, it took hours.

Now excuse me, I need to go brush my teeth again.

WTF Wednesday (AM)

You guys, I just did a little Google search and it turns out that blogs all over the cyberspace are running days called WTF Wednesday! But if my brief perusal of said WTF Wednesday's was representative you'll definitely get your best WTF Wednesdays right here!

This really brown blog I looked at mentioned the words 'tarantula hawk' and I thought WTF?!?!?! I would have just thought it was a hawk that ate tarantulas but they made it clear that this was not a bird. (FYI the WTF moment of this post was that a bird built a nest in this blogger's garden and that bird must have been an idiot because the blogger has German pointers, which are bird-hunting dogs. Yes, that was their WTF. You see how much better off you are here, readers?)

But no. Tarantula hawks are not tarantula-eating hawks. They are tarantula-eating mother flipping WASPS! Wasps that eat tarantulas! Holy mother effing moly! The thought of a huge wasp wrestling a tarantula is one of the most terrifying things I have ever imagined.

The wasp is up to 5cm long and it looks like this:

I'm sorry you had to see that.

Also, the wasp belongs to the family of wasps called 'spider wasps'. Oh god, it just keeps getting more terrifying. They live in South America and according to wikipedia in some parts of Venulzuela and Columbia they are called 'matacaballos' which means HORSE KILLER.

I can't believe there are tarantula-eating, horse-killing wasps out there. 

Let's all look at a picture of a Damon Albarn to make us all feel better.

= Destination reached!

Psychic TV (PM)

If I knew what watching Psychic TV was like, say because my friend had emailed me at 11pm or so and said:
"Ps. I hope your night is as good as mine. Watching psychic tv" with a picture something like this:

and then I had tuned in to see what the future was going to be like, I would completely support J's reflections that psychics seem to be frustrated decorators. One of the middle-aged ladies kept telling everyone to de-clutter their homes so that their dreams could come true. And she said that people should choose key colours to decorate their homes, for example purple and white, like she has chosen for her home. HAHAHAHAHAHHA. Purple and white. 

Psychic TV (AM)

Have you ever watched Psychic TV? No me neither. A live show on Saturday night where people call or text a 1900 number to ask psychics on TV to tell them their future. Of course I haven't watched it. A show so idiotic and boring it somehow lulls you into watching it endlessly. Maybe. With it's Rage-like addiction. No ads, no end in sight. "I'll just see what the next reading is." Maybe. Maybe that's what happens when you watch it. I wouldn't know.

I understand that there is a host. In fact there are 2 hosts, they alternate, or something, and they sit with a psychic and read out the texts. You know, and generally host. And they seem quite convinced about the psychicness and call everyone darling. I imagine.

And the psychics rotate every half hour or so. I would guess. So you may get a guy who just sees the future. "I really see a Daniel around you. Yes, I'm seeing a Daniel." Or a woman that loves purple and is a Feng Shui expert that considers herself a great manifester, just tells everyone to declutter and turn on a lamp in the part of the room that symbolises the part of the life they want to activate. Basically I think she wants to be a decorator but decided to go niche. That's how I would imagine a person like that anyway.

Then there may be a woman dressed in pink, middle-aged, plumpish, calls herself a medium, reads angel cards without seeming to have any idea what the fuck they mean (who does? And what the fuck are angel cards?) Pulls a card and says it looks like Christian Grey from 50 Shades of Grey. Giggles hysterically when someone called Jacob sends a text asking his future, because she associates him with Twilight. Says things like "Riaoooow, you hunk".

It's almost as if the fact that everyone on the show is completely unappealing and all the requests for readings are the same and basically all the readings are the same, this is the reason it's such compelling viewing. Or rather it's so much like being asleep that going to bed seems pointless.

I think that's what watching Psychic TV until 1am on a Sunday morning would be like. But of course I have no idea. 

Haiku Thursday (PM)

Love

Well hells yeah, coffee

You turn my frown upside down

An undying love

Discretion

Break-ups and beatings

From my dining neighbours' lives

Perhaps pipe down, yeah?

Confusion

Olympic events 

Under way, but the games not

Open yet.  Confused.

Haiku Thursday (AM)

Beautiful birds

As if for years

I was blind to your beauty

Eyes are open now

No relief

Rainy winter brings

Frizzy hair. Sweaty summer brings

Frizzy hair. Shit.

Avocado
Damn, avocado!
Why you gotta taste so good?
Wanna eat you up!

Things I don't like in a dude (PM)

Eeeeewwwwww. Long nails on a dude! I also find this incredibly offputting.

I understand that this is a ridiculous double standard; why can chicks have long nails and not dudes? But that's just how I feel. In fact, just last night I was looking at The Sartorialist coverage of the Burberry menswear show and thinking to myself, "Some chicks' looks just don't work on men." Specifically in this case metallic clutches.

Thanks for the picture The Sartorialis

I don't like tits on my dudes either, you gonna give me a hard time about that?

Anyways, as I am neither in nor on the market I probs don't spend as much time as K checking out the dudes on the tram. Not that I don't spend any time doing that. Usually if I see a handsome man on a tram I think, what a shame this guy is on my tram and not the 96 (K's tramline). But I guess it takes more than the same tramline and respectable nail length to fall in love.

The country life (AM)

I don't know what you all did this weekend but I know that I spent 24 hours in the country and if I didn't feel so damned tired from having such a wonderful time I'd be feeling really refreshed and wonderful! What a great time! When I left on Saturday morning I felt normal, fine, you know, normal. By the time we got where we were going and people were asking, "How are you?" I was beaming and saying ,"YEAH! Really good!" And that was just after the drive!

LB, Baby and I went to a little place outside of Daylesford on Saturday for a delightful stayover with Chickpea, Strawberry, Lala, D-Digs, the Harnesenator and E&J. It was a NYE reunion. Chickers organised it and after her initial email attempt to organise the weekend had got no response, she repackaged it like this:

  Mother Gaia WORSHIP WEEKEND 

 Celebrate the WINTER SOLSTICE!!!!!! 

  Realign your CHAKRAS !!!!!!!!!!! 

 Balance your SPIRITUAL MERIDIANS!!!!!! 

 Awaken your KUNDALINI!!!!!! 

You can bet everyone got on board pretty much immediately! There were even going to be workshops.

Lala: A guided mushroom experience

Strawberry: Phatbeatz

Chickpea: Fluoro art

J: Menstruation

D-Digs: Aesthetic Enlightenment: Natural fibre's and their relationship to purification and  harmony and Go-Go for Gaia

Harnsenator: Areola reading

E&J: Sweat lodge construction & levitation

As you can see, it promised to be a pretty wonderful and enlightening weekend. And boy, the mudbrick house we stayed in really came to the Gaia party, check out this "art" that was on the wall. 

It's like a giant, metal, my family sticker! And that is just one of many. It was everywhere. In the house, around the property. My eyes got so full of ironwork art. *Shudder* There was the most hideous cat metal art on the wall. I tried to photograph it but my camera rebelled and the photo didn't work out.

It turns out, in fact, that ironwork art is really big in the Hepburn area. Why they wanna ruin the natural beauty of that place I don't understand. 

And in case you are interested in what my bedroom looked like, here is the chenille bedspread. It really lifted the room.

The only "workshop" I experienced was some impromptu go-go (for Gaia) before dinner. Sadly I was putting Baby to bed during the levitation workshop. I could hear the squeals of delight as "light as a feather, stif as a board" was performed with success.

I did partake in a pretty wonderful and feminist game of scrabble. If you ask me I got the best and most appropriate word. I wonder if you can tell which one it is.

Yesterday I had the skinniest sandwich in Daylesford I have ever seen.

But the nature guys! The nature!